»»————- song: ————-««
inochi no namae
(the name of life)
★ joe hisaishi, spirited away ★
❝ something you wouldn't recognize.
it's called love. ❞
- kamaji
♢ ♢ ♢
"I can't wait for my marks," Hermione sighed, bushy hair and robes splayed around her across the grass.
Ron fiddled with a stick, levitating it with a murmured "Wingardium Leviosa" and lazily controlling its path with his wand. "Yeah, well, that makes one of us," he said. "I, for one, am not looking forward to getting screamed at by my mum."
Harry thought about the perfect score Snape had let slip, and held back a smile. He could only hope the rest of his exams had gone as successfully.
"If you had studied a bit more—" Hermione sniffed.
"Yeah? So where were you when I needed your help?" Ron challenged.
Hermione glared at his face, upside down, then turned over onto her stomach with her elbows propping her up. "I was busy," she muttered. "I... well, I have a confession to make."
Ron gave Harry a brief, questioning glance. Harry shrugged. He knew as much as Ron, which was nothing.
"You know how I was taking... a lot more classes than everyone else?" Hermione said, twirling a blade of grass around her fingers.
Harry did indeed vaguely recall how overworked Hermione had been the entire year. But seeing as they were in completely different houses and completely different classes half the time, he hadn't really thought it odd. But Ron was already speaking.
"Yeah, you were driving me nuts this year," he said. "Seriously, Hermione, your timetable was messed up. How was that even possible? You had two classes at once! Were you self-studying or—"
"That's what I wanted to tell you guys," Hermione interrupted. "But you can't tell anyone... Here..." She fumbled with the collar of her robes, and carefully pulled a golden chain from under her shirt. Attached to it was a small hourglass. Harry had no idea what it was, but Ron let out a gasp.
"Is that a Time Turner?" he sputtered.
"A what?" Harry looked between the two of them, and reached out to get a closer look at the hourglass before Hermione slapped his hand out of the way.
"You can't touch it," she said. "It turns back time, you see."
"It... huh?"
Ron grabbed Harry's arm. "A Time Turner, Harry," he said, half excited, half in shock. "It turns back time, see! They're super restricted, and they're tightly regulated by the Ministry."
Harry nodded, thinking about how nice it was to have a friend who knew everything about the wizarding world, but didn't make fun of Harry for not knowing anything. Unlike a certain pureblood someone he knew. Then the significance of the object fully sank in. "Wait wait wait, come again? It turns back time?"
Ron nodded in confirmation, eyes wide.
"So how did you get one?" Harry asked Hermione.
"McGonagall," she said. "She wrote to the Ministry, wrote them all sorts of letters about how I'm a model student and that I deserve to have one to further my studies."
Ron sat back and gave a low whistle, eyes still as wide as saucers. "I didn't even know that was legal."
"I have to go to Dumbledore's office to give it back today," she said. "I'm supposed to get it back next term, but honestly... it was more trouble than it was worth. I was exhausted all the time and I was losing my mind half the time trying to keep track of where and when I was supposed to be and making up excuses for when different people would contradict each other about where I had been a particular time."
She gave a big sigh. "I can't keep this up," she said wearily. "I thought a couple times about giving up, but I decided to hold out until the end of the year, especially after all that trouble McGonagall went through to get this for me. But no more."
Harry gave her a grin. "Good for you," he said.
Hermione raised her eyebrows tiredly. "You think?"
"Yeah," he said. "Sometimes the things you think are best aren't the things that are good for you. You know? You gotta think of yourself sometimes."
Hermione considered this. "Maybe you're right," she said.
"And now maybe you won't walk around looking like a raccoon all the time," Ron chimed in.
Hermione's hands flew up to her face as she shrank back, self-conscious. Harry pinched Ron's arm. "What?" Ron demanded.
"Haven't you heard?" Harry said, pointing to his own eye bags. He hadn't been as tenacious as Hermione, but he'd had his fair share of overnighters. "Raccoon eyes are the latest trend. If you don't have one, it means you're dumb. Want me to get you a mirror, Ron?"
"Hey!" Ron complained, swatting at Harry. "You calling me dumb?"
Hermione, much to Harry's relief, giggled.
They all flopped onto the grass, staring up at the sky. It was a cloudless day, and the sky was such a deep and bottomless blue that it felt as though Harry was falling into it.
"I have a confession, too," Harry said. "You guys can't tell anyone about this either."
"Alright," Hermione and Ron said in union.
"I'm not going back to the Dursley's this summer," Harry said after a moment's hesitation.
Both his friends looked confused.
"Why not?" Ron asked.
Harry's heart began to beat faster. The more he tried to tamp it down, the more it raced. He sat up and squinted out across the Great Lake, trying to find words.
"It wasn't the best place for me," he finally said. "They don't like magic, see... and they don't like me."
Ron looked astonished; Hermione looked profoundly sad. Both these reactions made Harry's stomach turn with embarrassment and shame. He knew Ron had a large family that he complained about often, and probably never even thought about what it would feel like if he didn't have any of them. Hermione was an only child, but spoke fondly of her parents. Neither of them could understand what it was like to live your entire life unwanted and unloved.
"You never told us," Ron protested. "I would've asked you to come to my house every summer if I knew—"
Hermione nudged Ron. "I'm sure Harry was waiting until he was ready to tell us," she said firmly. Harry gave her a shaky, grateful smile.
"So... where are you going?" Ron asked. "Seriously, mate, we'd take you in... what's one more brother?"
Harry gave him a smile. "I appreciate that more than you know, Ron," he said. "Thank you. But... I'm going somewhere else."
"Is it far?" Hermione asked. "Is it like foster care? Or—"
"I can't tell you that," Harry said. "I wasn't even supposed to tell you that I'm not going to be at the Dursley's anymore. I'm sorry."
"Why does it have to be a secret?" Ron demanded. "I'm weirded out, Harry. Are you gonna be alright?"
Harry smiled. "Oh, I'm gonna be alright," he said. "More than alright. But keep addressing the letters to Number 4 Privet Drive, okay? Dumbledore will intercept them and bring them to me."
"Weird," Ron said. "Why can't they just be delivered to you directly?"
"It's a secret," Harry grinned. "Exciting, huh? Like a James Bond movie."
"Bames Jond?" Ron said. "Who?"
"Are you having a stroke? James Bond, Ron!" Hermione said. "Have you never heard of James Bond? The spy?"
Ron shrugged. "Never heard of him."
Hermione rolled her eyes. "Honestly, you wizards. And you call yourselves Englishmen."
Harry and Hermione laughed.
"Anyway, I'll be fine. Promise. And I think I'll be visiting Sirius a couple times this summer."
"Tell him we hope he'll be out soon," Hermione said immediately. Ron nodded vigorously.
"Sure," Harry said. "I'll do that. And I might even be able to meet up with you guys, if you're free and if... if the person I'm staying with lets me. So, what you guys planning to do over the summer?"
Immediately, the three launched into the topic of summer plans, debating where the best place to meet up would be, what they would do...
They were well into the discussion when Harry spotted Cedric Diggory at the bottom of the shallow hill, looking like he had just spotted the trio and intended to turn back. Harry waved at him.
"I'll be right back, guys," he told Ron and Hermione, and jogged over.
Cedric walked to meet him halfway up the hill, and waved at Hermione, who waved back with a smile. Immediately, Ron turned to her with a questioning frown, presumably demanding where and when she knew Cedric from.
"Hi," Harry said, brushing the stray bits of grass out of his cloak. "Well, end of term came quick."
"Hm? Oh, yeah, you're right," Cedric said, sounding like he had let the words out in one big breath. "I... hope you did well on your exams?"
"Hope so," Harry said, "Although I don't know about the essay portion for History of Magic... did you get that? How the hell were we supposed to know about goblin rebellions? That's fourth year stuff!"
Cedric rubbed his neck. "I... read ahead," he admitted. "I have the textbook for next year and thought I'd look ahead... which was super try-hard of me, but reading a history textbook for me is like watching a really good... movie, is it called?"
Harry grinned at him, eyebrows raised in surprise. "Movie, yeah. Hey, if you had to give up Quidditch or history, which one would you give up?"
Cedric gave him a horrified look. "That's the worst question anyone has ever asked me, hands down."
Harry laughed, and Cedric joined in after a bit.
"Oh yeah," Harry said, rifling around his pockets for a quill and parchment, "We said we'd keep in touch over the summer, yeah?'
"Er... yeah, that'd be great," Cedric said. "Hang on, you keep a quill in your pockets? That's a disaster waiting to happen."
"Live life on the edge," Harry responded, scribbling out a hasty 4 Privet Drive, Little Whinging, Surrey, feeling a warmth when he realized it wasn't home anymore. It was just a place, just an address that he didn't have to care about anymore. "When ink explodes in my pocket, I'll let you know. Wait a second, there's got to be an anti-ink stain spell somwhere—"
"Maybe it's called 'Don't keep quills in your pocket?'" Cedric suggested with a smile as he accepted the address.
"Maybe," Harry laughed. "Keep in touch."
Cedric waved as he made his way back down the hill. Harry did the same, then returned to where Ron was lecturing Hermione on the redundancy of her taking Muggle Studies.
"Cedric sure is an awkward bloke," Harry said as he flopped back onto the ground. "Though I'm not one to talk about awkwardness."
"Cedric Diggory? Awkward?" Ron shook his head in disbelief. "You're having me on, mate. He's got girls hanging off his arm at all hours of the day."
"He's very well-spoken," Hermione said seriously. "He raises his hand all the time in class. He has very good debates with the bigoted purebloods in the class. A very nice boy—"
"Cedric? Well-spoken?" Harry said incredulously as Ron gave Hermione a disgusted look. "He stutters every sentence. You sure we're talking about the same guy?"
♢ ♢ ♢
Lupin walked into his house for the first time in ten months. There was a fine layer of dust over everything, and he didn't remember his floorboard being this creaky. But it was warm, and sunny, and the purple flowers of the wolfsbane plant on his kitchen windowsill were in full bloom (In spite of himself, Lupin liked a bit of irony).
Using a vacuum spell to suck away the dust from his favorite (and only) armchair, he sank into it. He wanted to enjoy being home again, back in this small Yorkshire town; no matter how derelict, no matter how tumbledown, it was still home. But he couldn't. He rubbed his hand across his face wearily. His savings from his Hogwarts salary was sizable, but between food and bills and his monthly Wolfsbane Potion, it would be gone in a matter of time.
But the armchair was soft, and the air was comfortably warm, and despite his anxieties, Lupin felt himself nodding off.
A tap on the glass awoke him with a start. "Who..." Lupin mumbled, as he blinked. The light had hardly changed; he must have fallen asleep for just a few minutes. It took him a moment to figure out where the sound was coming from before he noticed an owl tapping impatiently at his kitchen window.
"Coming, coming," Lupin said, as he got himself up from his armchair with some difficulty. He recognized the owl from his occasional trips up to the Owlery at Hogwarts. It was the most unique thing: a black barn owl, as rare as they come. Two cold black eyes shown out from the depths of its red-to-black ombre face.
"I remember you," Lupin said as he struggled to open the window. The bird hopped in, ruffling its feathers importantly. "Yes, yes, come in... mind the wolfsbane, don't touch it..."
The owl regarded Lupin incredulously, as if offended that Lupin thought so little of its intelligence. It reminded Lupin very strongly of someone.
Lupin took the letter from the owl's claw carefully and read aloud the sender. "Severus Snape... Ah, I see. How curious. You know, you two are very similar. Are you Severus' owl?"
The owl hooted indignantly.
"Oh I see," Lupin said. "You belong to no one, am I right?"
If owls had chins, this one would have raised it haughtily in agreement.
"Well," Lupin said, inspecting the envelope, "My point still stands. Thank you very much. Would you like some water before you—"
The owl was already gone in one smooth, silent glide out the window. Lupin smiled. It was clear the owl had picked up some of its mannerisms from a certain Potions master.
His attention turned back to the letter, Lupin rifled through his untidy drawers for a letter opener. What could Severus possibly want to write him a letter for? It was clear he wanted nothing to do with Lupin. He would probably be content with ignoring him for the rest of his life. So what was this, this cream white envelope with Lupin's name written neatly above his address, the contents oddly thick?
Finally finding his letter opener, Lupin sliced through the flap. Reaching in cautiously, he pulled out a sheaf of what looked like medical documents. He flipped through them, confused, before realizing there was one more piece of parchment inside the envelope. This one was handwritten.
Lupin's hands trembled slightly as he read it.
Remus Lupin,
Enclosed is your monthly Wolfsbane Potion prescription. Sign the documents and bring them to the St. Mungo's pharmacy, and your prescription will become valid.
All future costs will be waived.
Severus Snape
a/n: :')
happy thanksgiving y'all!! if you're reading this, stop wasting your time and eat some fucking turkey please (i hate turkey so i'm a hypocrite anyway)
random but i have a 7,000 word draft chapter for this fanfic titled "notes" and it's mostly just a bunch of sentences i came up with in the middle of the night that i sat up for and thought, "i should include that in you raise me up"
i also have like. the plot planned ahead for the rest of the four years lmao so look forward for that
and let me tell you, the sheer terror i feel when i accidentally almost click the "publish" button? massive. i got private shit in here! i got spoilers!
also here's the black barn owl