45 | Irreparable
"Who are you." I asked the girl in the mirror.
"I'm nobody."
"Where do you belong?"
"Nowhere."
"Who do you have?"
"No one."
"Then why are you still alive?"
"Because she's a fighter." A familiar voice answered on her behalf.
A frown formed on my face and I dashed out of the bathroom. I found him seated on the edge of my bed, palms together and elbows rested on his kness. His eyes were red from crying but his lips were tugged upwards.
"I'm sorry." He said.
My blood boiled and rage flowed into my veins. I was so sick of hearing those two meaningless words.
"You might hate me and you have the right to but-"
"I should hate you. I trusted you more than anyone." I cut him off. "I should hate you all. But I can't. I say it but I just can't mean it. Is that why you all take me for granted?" I screamed.
"Talk softly. They'll know I'm here." He gestured a finger on his lips.
"But they won't see you. You're not real, Mason."
I was panicking on the inside. My mind was playing tricks with me. I knew he wasn't not real. But at this point, I was ready to be called a retard if that meant I could spend a few minutes with him again.
"You need some rest, kiddo." He got up from the bed and sat on the opposite couch so that I could lay down. I stood there stubbornly.
"You never listen to anyone, do you?" He sighed.
"Fine!" I threw my hands up in surrender and laid flat on my back. "Happy?"
"Listen to me carefully now." His voice turned dead serious. "You need to get yourself together and for god sake stop hurting yourself and others. Look I don't like Oliver Rivera at all, but he really cares about you. Don't go punishing others for Rafael's mistake."
Rafael.
That name burnt my heart to ashes. Now when I hear that name, I can only think of fear, humiliation and hurt. That's all my love for him was reduced to.
"Don't cry, Vittoria. He's not worth it." Mason's hallucinated form walked up to me, crouching down next me to.
"I loved him." I sobbed.
"You deserve so much better." He gently caressed my cheek.
"Why do people keep leaving me, Mase? I have no one left now."
"You have your brother. You have your friends Toby and Liam. You can trust them. You still have me. You know I'll always be with you. You've just lost one person."
It was only then did I realize Rafael's loss surpassed every other gain. That's how bad it was.
"Alright now get some sleep." He lightly punched my arm.
"No. You'll go away." I shook my head violently.
"What did I tell you? I'm always with you."
"I'm scared, Mason."
"Of what?"
"The truth. I don't want you to not be my brother. I can't handle this change."
"Nothing has changed, Vittoria. You're still my sister and I still love you as much." He said truthfully.
"Will you stay?"
"I've never left you. Come on now sleep."
"Fine."
"I love you, kiddo." He kissed my forehead, wiping my tears away.
I closed my eyes warily, the fear of being alone never really leaving me. I tried reminding myself that this wasn't real. I knew it wasn't. It scared me, if anything. My mind was becoming my enemy. I was losing control. I needed help.
Terrified, I snapped my eyes open. The darkness of closed eyes made things worse. My frantic eyes scanned the large room thoroughly in search for Mason.
He wasn't there.
He never was.
A worrisome conglomeration of anxiety, anger and dread began to churn inside me like an inferno. It picked up pace with every passing second to the extent that I could no longer stand the strength of it.
Black spots started appearing before me. Then they went away, then returned and again disappeared.
"Vittoria?" A fearful voice called me out. It sounded distant.
"Vittoria! Breathe!"
I could feel my legs giving away and my body collapsing down. I braced myself for the fall but a pair of hands held me firm, rubbing my back in a soothing manner.
"Shh, I got you. It's alright." He cooed in my ears. His strong arms held my trembling body in an assuring embrace.
"I'm going crazy. Please help me. I don't know what's happening to me. Please make this stop." I begged.
"It's okay, Vittoria. It's okay to feel this way. Nothing's wrong with you. Just calm down. Everything's gonna be alright, I promise."
I inhaled a deep breath then exhaled and then repeated the process until my breathing was normal again. I felt alright but it was ephemeral. The anxiety or rather fury kicked in once again when I realized who the person was.
"Don't touch me." I shoved him away with all my strength.
"I'm not going to hurt you." He said, his voice housing a desperate need for me to believe him.
"Do you even hear yourself, Rafael?" I yelled. "Have you lost your vision as well? Don't you see all these bruises on my body? And you have the nerve to tell me you won't hurt me. You know what, Rafael? You can't hurt me anymore even if you want to. I don't feel anything at all. Go ahead, try it if you don't believe me."
"No. No I'll never do it again." He quivered, taking several steps away from me.
"The fuck is happening here?" Oliver bellowed, shooting heated glares at Rafael. "I left her for ten minutes, Rafael. Ten fucking minutes."
"I- I was just here to apologize." He said in his defense.
"You think I'm a fool?" He twisted his face. "Rafael Grayson never apologizes. At least have the balls to tell me you still aren't satisfied with your torture or was all that strength limited to only molesting and assaulting a girl?"
"Stop it. Please stop it Oliver." He begged.
I couldn't hold back a scoff. Look how the tables have turned.
"Did he touch you again?" Oliver asked.
"Just leave me alone. All of you! It's better that way."
"No, you'll hurt yourself again." Rafael reverted immediately.
"You still have the audacity to be here?" Oliver snarled.
"For fuck's sake! Is it so hard to understand? I. Don't. Want. Any. Of. You." I strode over to the drawer of my side table, extracting Mason's painting only to fling it out of the window.
"I don't want him either." I spat while Oliver and Rafael both stared at me, dumbfounded.
"What? He's no different than you all. He promised he'll stay until I wake up."
"Vittoria are you hallucinating?" Oliver asked with a concerned face. I ignored him.
"But he was gone the moment I closed my eyes. They're all liars." I whispered the last sentence, more to myself.
I was being dragged back to the torments of my mind. But at this point, I didn't bother fighting back.
I gave up.
Regret.
Pain.
Anger.
And above all, shame.
What have you done, Rafael?
The sentence rang repeatedly in my head and nothing terrified me more than the answer to the question.
I broke the girl I loved to the point of no repair.
Now I'm afraid they're all saying the truth. Maybe I never really loved her. She was just an obsession. She never felt like an obsession though. She felt like love. But then again, how would I know love?
Monsters only know destruction.
What have you done, Rafael?
No! Shut up!
I was in the safety of my room but these voices didn't seem to leave me here either. Going to her was a mistake. It only made things worse for both of us.
What have you done to her, Rafael?
A sudden hit landed on my jaw and that's when I realized it wasn't a voice in my head. It was Oliver.
"I'm going to fucking kill you." The next one was aimed at my gut, sending me flying into the wall. I was in no condition to fight back. Moreover, I deserved it and I'd never fight my best friend.
"Stop! Please Oliver!" Toby tried holding him back but he was out of control today. "Where the hell is Liam? Call him now!" He ordered a guard who came rushing at the sound of our fight.
"She hates me because of you. My sister hates me, Rafael."
"Get your mind on track, Oliver." Liam entered, hurriedly closing the door behind him. "Lower your voice for god sake. Do you want everyone to know she's your sister? You're pushing her more towards danger." He scolded.
"You don't have the slightest idea about how I'm feeling." He pushed me back roughly, tears starting to pool in his eyes. It means this was bad. Extremely bad!
"I've poured in my blood, sweat and tears to find her and when I did, I saw her getting humiliated, standing half naked in a room full of men with all those scars on her body. That's how I met my sister. None of you will ever understand how that feels because you never had a sister."
I shut my eyes tightly, shaking my head as if doing so will shake away the image he just mentioned. I lost all control and hurt her deliberately. I just couldn't stand her being away from me. That's how intense it was. I should have known and stopped myself right in the beginning itself. This was exactly why I wanted to stay away from her. Because I don't trust myself at all. I knew I would hurt her one day.
The tragedy is that the reason why I thought I'd hurt was still laying idle somewhere. I wonder will happen when she comes to know about that truth. One thing is for sure. I'll never be able to hide it forever.
"Every relation we had is over, Rafael. I call everything off. I don't want my sister anywhere near a sick psychopath like you. You're free. As for our ongoing mission, I'll do it myself. You no longer have an interest in it. I hope you get what I mean." He spat.
I know, which makes me question why he hasn't brought it up until now.
"Oh and I'm taking Vittoria away from here, from you." He declared.
My body went numb. It took me several seconds to sink that in. I couldn't react to it. I looked over at the twins and found them glaring back at me. I was hurting everyone.
"I suggest you be careful, Oliver. He happens to kill everyone who tries taking her away from him." Toby shot me a disgusted look. I've never felt so ashamed of myself.
"You're right Oliver. Take her away from me. I'm toxic for her." I said, feeling so much agony that after a while I couldn't feel anything at all.
Liam laughed, mocking me. "I'm sorry but all this caring shit sounds funny coming from you. Now you want us to believe you've become the good guy?"
"I won't even try doing that, Liam. I know I'm the villain in this story. I know I can't take back the pain I've inflicted but I'll try my best to make things better for her."
"Better? You think she'll get better? Because honestly, I'm so close to giving up on that." He pinched his fingers together.
"She was raped, Rafael! My sister...she...fuck!" He cursed, not being able to say it. "And you made her feel it all again. Couldn't you see how scared she was? Forget that she's my sister. How could you do something so cruel to anyone at all? You claimed to love her apparently." He added the last word after a brief pause.
"That in itself is wrong. I hope you realize that. All this time I thought it was one sided. I guess I really was stupid to not have seen how dark it was turning."
"I never planned on loving Vittoria. You can kill me but I won't deny it. At some point, my love was pure, if not all the time."
There was an irresolute pause. No one knew what to say. All that we knew was that this changed everything. My one mistake had taken away all that was dear to me.
"I'd have forgiven you if you'd killed her. But this, I'm not sure if I'll be able to forgive you even if I want to." Oliver said.
"I understand."
"We're leaving tomorrow morning." He stated, marching out of the room without sparing me a look. The twins followed him.
Here I was, alone and defeated, paying for my sins. This wasn't even half the pain she must be feeling. I slid down the wall, brooding over the same old question.
How could I do that to her?
The answer was my anger. The things it was capable of doing shook me to the core. It terrified me.
She was going tomorrow. The pain in my chest grew larger at the thought. I doubt if I'd be able to see her one last time. But there was something I needed to do before that.
"Travis." I called him out.
"Yes boss."
"Gather all the men in the foyer."
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