Word Count: 2,492.
Warnings: None.
I think I'm going to be sick," I muttered, feeling my stomach churn.
"Your father killed my parents." Harry stated and I turned my head to look at him.
"My father killed a lot of people."
"He was my father's best friend and he betrayed them." He looked at me, hurt. "Did you know? Did you know what he did?"
I shook my head, "I knew that he was a friend of your fathers, but I swear I never knew about any of that." I gestured to the pub.
"I don't believe you. You must have known. You're his daughter."
"Did you not hear anything they said?" I asked. "He abandoned me, Harry. Why would I want anything to do with the man that left me?!"
Harry shook his head. "Your father killed my parents. He lied to them. Have you?"
"Have I what Potter?" I asked, breathless.
"Lied to me. You lied about not knowing about our fathers."
"I learned just as much as you did in there."
"I don't believe that. I don't believe you." He walked away, leaving me with my hands on my knees, bracing myself as I breathed heavily, the air seeming to be avoiding my lungs.
I looked to the castle, finding one of the windows of the towers. I had learned more about my father from eavesdropping than I had from the man who raised me. My father was a killer who betrayed three of his friends and abandoned me for Voldemort, and my uncle had defended him.
I was upset at Moony as I ran out of Hogsmeade, headed back to Hogwarts, but the minute I entered the stone walls, sadness no longer washed over me. I was angry. I was so fucking angry.
ᵜᵜᵜᵜᵜ
The corridors were empty of students, the majority of them at Hogsmeade still. No one saw me as I made my way to the teachers' quarters. There was nothing in my way.
Lupin's door was closed, but I didn't take notice of it barging right in. He jumped, holding out his wand at me.
"Merlin, Lyra, knock," he sighed, dropping his wand.
"Why didn't you tell me?" I asked, the anger that had been festering leaving me for a moment.
"Tell you what?" he asked, as if almost tired of the question.
"That my father wasn't just a murderer. That he betrayed Harry's parents and murdered Peter Pettigrew." His face fell.
"Who told you that?" he asked, jaw tensing.
"Does it matter?"
"Where did you hear that?"
"It doesn't matter where I heard it."
"Where did you hear it?" he almost shouted.
"The Minister was talking to some of the Professors at the pub. They were talking about him." I answered, my voice beginning to shake.
Lupin never shouted. Not at me. Of course there were moments where his temper would get the better of him, but he never got angry at me. He noticed his mistake.
Taking a deep breath, he closed his eyes in thought. "That is what the papers wrote, because that is what they believed happened."
"That's probably because it was the truth."
"No, it isn't!" He slammed his hands onto the desk. I jumped. "Your father never killed those people. He didn't betray Lily and Prongs and he did not leave you willingly! How many times do I have to fucking tell you this!"
I had never heard Lupin curse. Moony was a gentle and calm person. He wasn't cruel, and he certainly didn't get angry. It scared me.
"Who told you that? Sirius?" I asked. His head shot up.
"What?" he asked.
"I heard him. Here in your room after the full moon." His face fell. "I heard what you said about him. How he wasn't helping his chances by being a murderer."
"Lyra-"
"I've never heard you say it. Admit it. It was okay when you did, because now I knew it was true and I could work past it and eventually maybe come to an understanding about the things about him." I paused. "But then I heard the real truth."
"Lyra-"
"I learned that my father not only did as I believed he had, but he had betrayed his best friends! And not to mention, now Harry is pissed at me because of the lack of information I knew."
"Harry knows about this?" Lupin's attitude changed suddenly.
"Yeah," I stuttered, "we snuck into the pub together." Lupin moved around me, heading for the door.
"I have to find him," he muttered.
"But we're having a conversation now. Can't he fucking wait?" I told him.
"Yes Lyra, I know that you're upset, and we will talk about this later."
"Will we now?" I asked. "Because it seems to me that you're just avoiding telling me what I want to know."
"Lyra," his hand was on the doorknob.
"I've learned more about my family from people I don't know than I have from the man I actually call my family."
"Lyra, I have to find Harry."
"So he's more important than me? I am breaking here Lupin." My eyes started to tear. "I just found out some shit stuff about my father and I want to talk to you about it," I argued, feeling my anger leave me, "but you're running of to help Harry."
"Lyra, we'll talk about it later, okay? But Harry just found out the wrong information about his father death. He needs me."
"I need you." Lupin froze, turning to look at me. "It wasn't just Harry who learned the truth that you say is wrong. He's not the only one that needs a fucking explanation."
"We'll talk more about this later." Lupin didn't hesitate to reply, opening the door.
"Don't bother," I gulped, "I won't be here to talk to you."
I left the room, placing my feet one in front of the other as I slowly walked down the halls. My mind wandered.
The anger had left me. Anger towards my father for what he did. Towards Harry, for believing that I knew about it. My anger for Moony for never telling me. His avoidance when asked questions.
How he's avoiding the truth. It all left me, and instead, I started to cry.
ᵜᵜᵜᵜᵜ
The only place I found myself going was the closest to the stars I could get. Two times in one day, I had been here. Sitting in the free-standing tower. It was dark now, but what the exact time was, it was impossible to tell.
I was sat against one of the pillars, a change to my usual spot beside the railings. It was cold, really cold, but I had been there so long that it had begun to be less bothering than it should.
I had stopped crying at some point and the tears had dried on my cheeks, the skin tight on my face. I had no energy left.
"Lyra?" he asked, the soles of his feet padding against the ground as he approached. "Back here already?"
"It's the only place that stays quiet." I replied.
Mattheo's face came into view when he sat down beside me. Leaning against the opposite pillar, I watched him wrap a blanket around himself.
"I heard you ran off in Hogsmeade. They've all been looking for you for hours."
"They haven't looked well enough if they haven't found me."
"They thought you would have to be insane to come up here at this hour."
"But you didn't?" I asked, tilting my head.
"I knew the place you would go if you wanted to be alone. It's the same place I've become attached to."
I swallowed, taking a deep breath. The crisp night air ran through my nose, settling into my lungs. It was somewhat, calming. "I think I'm starting to understand why you like the cold so much."
"That was a lie, you know?" I could see him shivering under the blanket. "I told you that so you'd keep the coat I gave you."
I laughed lightly. "What a gentleman." There was a small silence.
"I know we don't pry into each other business, but what happened today?" he asked.
I crossed my arms over my chest, watching my breath turn white in the cold. Looking away from him, I instead focused my gaze on the brightest star in the sky.
"Forget I asked. It's not important," he apologized. His blanket rustled and I watched him from my peripheral vision. He was leaving.
My throat clenched, thinking of being alone again. I didn't want him to leave. Why didn't I want him to leave?
"I learned something new about my father." I blurted. He stopped moving, slowly making his way back to sit down. "It wasn't a good thing. I asked Lupin about it. To explain it, but honestly I just wanted him to tell me something good. Something that didn't make Sirius Black a villain."
"What did he say?" Mattheo asked.
I scoffed, "Well he told me didn't do it. He didn't explain why. Then he told me we'd talk later. Harry needs me." I paused, shaking my head. "It seems that he cares more about Harry Potter, The Chosen One, than he does about the child he raised."
"I'm sure that's not true. Maybe he just doesn't want to explain because it's painful for him."
"There's no need to tell me what I've been hearing my whole life." He didn't reply. "Is it wrong of me? To want to know?"
He shook his head lightly. "No, it's not. I squeezed every detail about mine out of my mother. She complied, unlike Lupin."
"But I never wanted to know before. I always just let it go."
"Everything is different now. He isn't just a name anymore." I knew who Riddle was talking about.
"Is this how you would react?" I countered.
"I'd get really angry and probably hurt myself or someone else. I get angry, not upset." I nodded.
"I fell like hitting something, but I don't think I have the energy."
"You're not a bad person Lyra. I don't think you could willingly hurt someone if you wanted to."
"I don't know whether to be complimented or insulted."
"Complimented. You have a kind soul Black. I don't." I saw his jaw tense and his eyes go blank as he started at the sky aimlessly. I took this as a sign to change the topic.
"I get it." I started. He looked to me. "Why Moony doesn't want to tell me. It can't be easy to talk about the man who betrayed you, but I just found out something that adds to the hate I already have for him." Pausing, I took a breath, "and I just want him to explain, you know? To tell me something that doesn't make me hate him."
"Are you talking about Lupin or your father?" Mattheo asked.
"I don't know." I shook my head.
"Are you mad at him? Your father?"
"I am. But not for the reasons I should be." I thought carefully about my words. "I know he killed people. Now I know that he betrayed a lot more, but I never hated him for that. I never knew him well enough to hate him for it. He's just another one of those Death Eaters." I started to pick at the skin around my nails, looking down at my hands. My throat began to burn.
"I hate him for leaving. I hate him for abandoning me. For never giving me a chance to know him." I took in a shaky breath. "Fudge said that he did what he did to get away from me. That I was an unwanted pregnancy and then an unwanted daughter. He didn't want me, so he did everything in his power to leave me." I felt my voice crack as a tear fell.
"Does that make me a bad person?" I asked, looking up to the boy in front of me.
Mattheo simply shook his head. "No. It doesn't. It makes you human." I cleared the tears from my cheeks.
"You hate him for leaving you because to you, that was worse than killing the people he did. Not that that didn't matter to you, but the fact that he did that, so he didn't have to come home."
I was crying now, the tears falling freely as I sobbed silently. "This is the second time I've cried in front of you. I don't cry in front of people."
"Not even Theo."
"Merlin, Theo," I laughed. "What am I supposed to tell him? I can't tell him this. He would pity me, and I can't stand him pitying me."
"He wouldn't-"
"Don't lie. Please." I begged him. "He would do it without realizing. He supports me and he listens to me, but he doesn't get the pain I've lived through. He has his parents, and he has no reason to hate them. I don't have either."
"You can't tell him, because you don't think he'll understand?"
"No. He would understand. He just doesn't need that shit on his plate. He doesn't need my emotional state."
"What would he say if you told him that?"
I scoffed. "He'd call me a blithering idiot." I mocked his accent.
"Exactly. You may not know this Lyra. But when people tell you they're there for you, that means every shitty thing that's in your brain. Everything you think is too much for their plate. All of it."
I sighed, watching the clouds move across the moon, the light of it shining through onto me. The cold was beginning to get to me, the air starting to prick at my skin. I shivered.
"Some people say you have it easy. Not having parents to order you around." Mattheo spoke, moving closer to me. I jumped slightly when he wrapped one side of the blanket around me.
"My life is anything but easy." I scoffed, the stars looking down on me. The stars were known for telling the future, and looking at the brightest one glaring at me, it seemed as though my path was already chosen.
"Easy is boring, and I hate boring." His voice spoke, whispering in my ear. I turned to him, watching his eyes look at me with an expression I hadn't seen before.
When I turned away, the star that had been judging me had disappeared from view. It must have been blocked by a cloud passing by, but not seeing it in the sky, made everything look less daunting.
I laid my head on his shoulder, sighing. Without hesitation, Riddle pulled me closer to him, the warmth of his body making me realize just how cold it was, but it didn't bother me. For the first time since arriving at Hogwarts, I felt as though I could breathe. It may only be for an hour or a minute, or maybe even a single moment under the stars but, Merlin did it feel good.