CAMILA
I woke up on the sound of the alarm. I staright away went to the washroom and I looked terrible. I can't look like this. Whatever happened yesterday was past. From now, I will just focus on myself. I don't have to sit crying about that.
I have delt with many things much more worse than this. I was still strong. It's just me in my life, I am important to myself if not to anyone else. So I will keep my head high and work.
I took a warm shower and got ready. As soon as I walked out of my room I found Ryan sleeping with a wrinkled eyebrow, like he was having some unpleasant dream. I decided to just walk past him.
After I was done making breakfast, I took a glance at Ryan. My heart ached. I didn't feel good about him suffering so much. Yet, I did feel that he was also somewhere, somewhat, responsible for what happened yesterday.
I have mixed feelings about everything. I can't see Ryan like this.
When I question myself that, "What is his mistake??"
The only answer I come up with is, "Probably nothing."
And when I ask, "What is my mistake ?"
At first, "You should have stepped out of it if you didn't like it." And then, "You shouldn't have trusted that guy wholly."
So at the end. Most is my fault. Maybe it's nobody's mistake. It's just the circumstances. I went up to Ryan. His face looked like a small child, a distressed one, who is in need of lot of care. Who is very innocent. I don't know why I felt so. But I knew he was truly hurt, to see me this way.
I cupped his cheeks and ruffled his jet black hair. He opened his eyes and the first thing he said was, " You okay ?"
"Yes, I am. Am sorry for what I did last night." I said.
He held my hand tightly and said, "Will you please tell me everything? Please."
I narrated the whole incident and suddenly I saw a tint of angry flash in his eyes. But he didn't react. He just held my shoulders and pulled me into a hug. Tears rolled down my cheeks as I buried my face into his chest.
Am okay like this with him. I feel so much better. I love him.
Yes, I do. I never have been able to be transparent with my emotions with anyone. He is my strength. After losing so many people in my life. I was scared to love. But I love him. Very much. More than anything I love him.
I look at his eyes. He wipe off my tears and then said, " Am with you, forever and after."
And then, we leaned into a kiss and it was bliss. It did feel like I was having the most beautiful moment of my life. He kissed me passionately and I let him.
After that neither of us said anything. We just went to the office and that was it. I didn't say anything to my friends. I just worked and waited to go home with Ryan.
I wonder if he loves me or not...
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It's coming to an end. A few more to go. Excited for the end ??
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