*tw//mention of rape and self harm*
"He was raped by the person he loved most."
3rd person's POV
Everything is dead silent. Like the type of silence teachers ask for but never get. Pin drop silence. No one says a word, no one moves and practically no one breathes because raped?
But that silence speaks to Perrie. The look on the boys' faces is not pity, it's hurt, and she can tell that they are hurt because something horrible happened to louis. She still doesnt know why, but she feels like she can trust these four boys, and mind you, Perrie is a good judge of character. She initially wasn't but few circumstances made her one. And she is sure louis wont mind because the way louis has opened up to these boys, he could never with anyone else, hell he couldnt even talk to his own friends and family that were with him from the start. These lot? they were different.
"perrie, hey, shh, it's ok, you don't need to continue, it's fine please don't cry, he's okay now" Zayn is the one to break the silence.
Everyone snaps out of their daze.
"No im- I'm okay, it's just, i still sort of blame myself, i could've stopped it, i could've noticed it. I was too ignorant."
"Pez, we don't know you that well, but we know enough to say that there's no way you could've done anything intentionally, you love louis and anyone can see that." Niall soothes Perrie, rubning her back gently.
"I'm so sorry Perrie, i didnt know something i said would've triggered something like this. I'm so so sorry " Liam sounds guilty as hell. He shouldn't though. Everyone knows that.
"No Li, please don't apologise for something you didn't even know. I'm sure louis knows that too. It's just-"
Perrie stops. She takes a deep breath and wipes her tears.
"It's just that, what you said, it reminded him of his b- the person who hurt him . It's just a bad memory. You couldn't have known." No one misses the slip up , but they all silently agree to not mention it. Then, Perrie gets up and walks near the couch, where Liam is standing, and pulls him in for a hug.
"I- had no idea. I didn't want to hurt him. I could never do that. He's so good. I- I'm sorry" Liam hugs her back just as tight
"I know honey, i know."
And then, everyone joins in the hug.
Except harry.
He's still frozen. Right there. He doesn't move, doesn't react, doesn't listen.
He needs to talk to louis. Right now.
So, he gets up, and walks to louis' door. But a hand on his shoulder stops him.
"Please be careful with him harry. He's built this bad boy and bubbly persona but those are his walls. He's broken haz , he doesnt need someone to remind him of what he lost. Please be careful " Perrie mutters. Her eyes still glossy. He looks at the rest of the boys. They're smiling at him. They know he can do this. How? Harry doesn't know.
"I know Perrie. I won't hurt him. Ever. He's too precious to be hurt" with that, he walks away, leaving Perrie slightly confused but content with his words.
He slides down and sits on the floor, his back facing the door. He can hear jagged breaths and soft sobs from the other side. And it breaks his heart to imagine what louis must've been through. It's not something anyone should ever feel.
He raises his shaky hands and sofltly knocks on the door.
"Hey lou, it's me" His voice isn't loud, but loud enough that only louis can hear him.
"I don't know what's wrong, and I'm not, we're not asking you anything. But everyone's worried out of their minds louis, everyone out here cares for you. Please" He says, and then, closes his eyes and rests his head against the door. As though if he concentrated hard enough, he would magically teleport to the other side of that door.
It's silence. Until he hears shuffling.
Then the door opens, slightly ajar.
And harry knows louis wants him to come in. What he doesn't know is why.
So with one look back at the others, he enters and closes the door behind him.
If the mere thought of louis being hurt broke his heart, he doesn't know what will happen to his heart now.
Now that there's that wonderful, kind, boy, sitting there, with tears still running down his cheeks, looking utterly broken, he wishes he could just pull louis as close to him as possible, and squeeze him until all his pieces were glued back together.
In another world, maybe he would've been allowed to do that, in this one, he's not. So he wordlessly sits down besides louis, and pulls his knees to his chest.
"Please don't ask." Louis rasps.
"I wont"
Then Harry's eyes travel to louis' face, even after crying for hours, he looks beautiful. Ethereal. Harry sometime doubts whether louis is real .
But then he sees them, as his eyes travel down, he sees those scars. Each cut at a distance from the other, blood dried.
Louis must've noticed, because he covers them instantly.
Harry doesn't say a word. Just lifts up his sleeve and removes his wrist bands, then puts his wrist, ever so sofltly on louis' knee.
Louis sits straight. He looks at harry, then at his wrist. He gently lifts up Harry's wrist, with curiosity.
He can see very thin, faded lines, right there, on the delicate, pale skin. So skillfully put there as if they were a work of art, done by an artist, and bound with such emotion.
Louis takes a shaky breath.
"You don't need to hide from me louis. For the past few weeks that I've known you, though it feels like I've known you forever, i know this much, that even with your walls down, you are the strongest person i know. And every part of you is beautiful, even the ones that are a sign of weakness. Those ones are what makes you strong. And i know because i have them I've felt the struggle, the urge to do that to myself." Harry whispers, his eyes stuck on the place where louis' skin makes contact with his.
And that's all it takes the tears to make their way back to louis' face, except, this time, he's sobbing,louder, harder. The tears fall on Harry's wrist.
And harry doesn't think twice before engulfing louis in his arms. He knows he might regret that later, that louis might never come near him again. But he does it, still, and louis hold him for his life, his knuckles turning white from their strong hold on Harry's tshirt.
"I- i loved him so mu- ch why would he do this to me, what d-did i do harry? What did I do to deserve thi-this?" Louis' body rakes with sobs as he hiccups.
"Nothing lou, you did nothing wrong, you weren't wrong for loving him, he was wrong for doing that to you, and he paid for it by losing someone like you." Harry whispers sofltly as his cards his fingers through louis' hair. Has he ever mentioned how soft and smooth louis' hair is? Right, not now.
"I just-" louis stops, takes a deap breath, still holding onto harry.
"I was just 17 back then, he was 19. Perrie introduced us and he used to be amazing to me. We used to go out on dates all the time, sometimes Perrie and my sisters would tag along, he was so good to them" He continues, chuckling at the memory.
His smile vanishes as he thinks back on what happened. How he lost to love.
He pulls back and lays his head on Harry's shoulder, which somehow makes him feel safe enough to let harry in. For some reason, he has always wanted to let harry in, to let him know louis, his demons,his everything.
"The first time he hit me, after 7 months of being together, was because someone casually mentioned me and my friend stan being a thing or not, because stan was a cuddly person. We were to go to a party and i made a joke of it and told Aiden .It was a slap, right on my cheek, it left marks ofcourse, Aiden was a strong person." That's the first time louis has said that name in years. It feels foreign on his tongue, brings back all those bitter memories. Harry tightens his hold on louis' sholder.
"And i forgave him, because i thought he was just being possessive, i forgave him harry."He still remembers everything, it's all crystal clear, in his memory, it's all there.
4 years ago
"Im- I'm so sorry lou i didn't- i never meant to hurt you i- i don't know what came over me I'm so sorry" Aiden was hyperventilating, and apologizing in one breath.
Louis snapped out of his daze, his hand fell from his bruised cheek, and he ran to Aiden and pulled him in his arms.
"Hey, hey, shh, i know baby, i know you never wanted to hurt me, you never could, it's ok, it was a mistake" Louis kept on repeating those words, until Aiden's breathing evened.
Louis felt like he was trying to make himself believe those words.
They didn't go to the party that night, they slept in instead, Aiden glued to his side, louis held him till he fell asleep, his phone buzzing with unanswered messages and calls from his friends. He let sleep take him.
The next day, when Perrie asked him about the purple bruise on his cheek, he thought for a minute, he thought about telling Perrie, but then he would loose Aiden because Perrie would never let this pass, even if it was just a small mistake and Aiden apologized for it. So, he thought better of it and lied.
"Oh nothing, i was opening the cabinet and it's corner hit my cheek, no biggie, it'll be okay " Louis fake smiled, and Perrie looked sceptical for a moment but she seemed to buy it. He turned around and breathed a sigh of relief. He hated lying, but he would lie if that meant he got to keep Aiden .
But it just got worse. Aiden started shoving him, or sometimes holding his wrist so tight, it caused a bruise, 'accidentally' hitting louis' face, again. But, he always apologized for it, and louis always forgave him . They loved eachother,afterall, and no love is perfect.
And louis knew that Perrie never believed him when he made excuses for all those bruises, sometimes, he would claim them to be hickeys, or called himself clumsy and laughed it off. Perrie always knew. She knew louis inside out and she knew that he was hiding something. But she never said a word. And louis was so thankful for that because if Perrie asked him to tell the truth, he would break, he was scared he would believe that Aiden was hurting him, that Aiden was not good for him. He was scared that he'd let Aiden go.
But, on his 18th birthday, Aiden organized a party for him, at his house, with all his friends, Perrie too. And he couldn't have been happier in that moment.
The night was the best night of his life, until it took a turn.
Both him and Aiden were drunk off their asses, giggling and kissing their way to a random bedroom. Louis doesn't know who's it was, his own maybe.
Aiden pushed him down on the bed, and removed his shirt and pants. They never had sex before,it was only making out, blow jobs and hand jobs. That's it. Aiden knew louis wasn't ready. So when Aiden was naked and he tried removing louis' clothes, louis stopped him.
"What- what are you doing?" Louis panted.
Aiden hovered on top of him, "I'm gonna fuck you so good tonight, you'll still feel my dick in you when I'm done." a dark chuckle escaping his lips .
"B-but i already told you Aiden, I'm not ready" Louis asked, confused, with his eyebrows furrowed.
"Oh please" Aiden scoffed "we both know you're dying to have my cock in you, you've been begging for it, now shut the fuck up and let me fuck you baby" He again began fumbling with louis' jeans and pulled them down.
"Stay away from me." Louis kicked his feet and backed away from him. "I already told you Aiden, I'm not ready, please leave me alone i don't want this, not right now." Louis was scared now, he didn't know who was in front of him, because that sure as hell want the man he loved.
"You asked for it. The hard way it is" Aiden sighed and after that, louis remembers screaming for help, he remembers being touched in places he didn't want to be touched . He remembers his voice dying down, he remembers the room being filled with Aiden's filthy moans. He still remembers his tears. The pain. Everything.
He also remembers there being a knock on the door, the door being broken down, he remembers seeing perrie's face, crying, he remembers Stan and Oli beating Aiden up and calling the police. He remembers closing his eyes and falling into a deep slumber.
Harry takes a deap breath. Trying to shove his anger down, trying to stop his tears . He knows he can't do anything about it now, he can only let louis talk, he can only hold him while be breaks.
"When i woke up, i wan in a hospital, my mum and sisters were all there, Perrie was there too and i - i couldn't look at them, i was embarrassed" Louis chuckles, humorless . His head still on Harry's shoulder, his grip on Harry's tshirt still strong.
"No louis, you had nothing to be embarrassed about, that piece of sick fuck should've been embarrassed" Harry snarls.
"Whoa easy there Harold" louis giggles, his eyes closed.
"I'm so sorry that happened to you lou, you didn't deserve that, not from someone you loved and trusted." Harry sighs and he rests his head on top of louis' .
"I know, thank you." that's all louis says, and then soft snores are escaping his lips. Harry looks down and smiles at the sight. Louis looks content, at peace. And that calms harry down.
He stays there for a few minutes. And then, he picks louis up, bridal style, and lays him down on the bed, covers him with the duvet, and before he can think better of it, he kisses louis' forehead. He backs up instantly, but when he sees louis smile a small smile, he sighs and walks out out of the room, not without a last glance towards the boy who has grown to be so important to him in such a shot time.
When he returns , he realises it's been 30 minutes. He walks to the couch, and sees Liam and Niall cuddling, and Perrie staring into space with her head on zayn's shoulders, who is patting her head .
Harry clears his throat and that catches everyones attention.
"How's he now?"
"Is he okay?"
"Is he alright? What did he say?"
"Harry say something!"
he's bombarded with questions
"HE'S FINE " he silences them all.
"He's fine now, a little exhausted so he fell asleep, I've tucked him in, he's okay." He says in one breath.
Everyone releases a sigh of relief.
Harry can hear them all mutter 'thank god' . Yeah, thank God .Liam and niall bit them goodbye and return to their room. With a last smile at harry and a hug for Perrie, Zayn goes back too.
"He told you didn't he?" Perrie asks without looking at him
"Uh yeah, yeah he did." Harry says, looking at her.
"It took him a lot of time to recover harry. He still has those scars, embedded deep in his brain. He has got better ,yes, but not completely fine.he still has nightmares, he still relapses sometimes. I trust him, and if he trusted you enough to tell you this, i trust you too. But i swear to god harry, if you hurt him, or break his trust, i will hunt you down. Belive me when i say it." Perrie sounds scary, and harry can't blame her, she is protective and it's natural to be.
He sighs, "i know you won't belive me when i say that louis is very important to me, but it's true , he is amazing Perrie, and I'm sure you know that, i know its not my job to keep him safe, he is capable of that himself, he is very strong, but i promise you, I'm always going to be there by him side. He's my friend and i care for him. Trust me when i say i couldn't even hurt him in my sleep"
Maybe it's the sincerity in his eyes that makes Perrie believe him.
She gives him a hug and whispers a small thank you' before going back to her's and louis' room. Harry takes a deep breath and walk back to his own.
-
It's 3 am, harry hasn't slept a wink. Thinking back to what louis told him,harry knew louis didn't want a relationship. He needed someone he could trust, he needed a friend right now. And harry knows it will hurt, but he was going to be that friend.
Harry was going to make louis tomlinson so happy, even If it meant living with a broken heart. Harry was going to do it.
With that thought and louis' sleepy smile in mind ,he goes to sleep .
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A/N
I'm not gonna say anything except how sorry i am. I'm so sorry. Really.
Sigh
Well, thoughts?
Love, aashi. x