I ᗯᗩKE ᑌᑭ with a new impression of serenity and absoluteness. My face is buried in the bare warmth of the darkling's chest and truthfully, there is nowhere I would rather be. His arms hold me in a closed embrace as if he fears that if he lets go, I will vanish.
The beam of sunlight on his face makes him look so soft; so human. I wish we could lay here forever. Unfortunately, the King and Queen have responsibilities that lie outside of this bed; outside of this calm, quiet room.
I brush a piece of hair away from Aleksander's face. His eyes open slowly and a smile forms on his perfect lips.
"Good morning, milaya." Unlike some men, he has a low, comforting voice that is not overwhelming in the early morning hours.
"Good morning."
He strokes my white hair and stares at me groggily. "Do you regret last night," he asks while continuing to caress my face.
I think about his question for a minute. I feel many things about last night, but regret is not one of them.
"No."
"Good," he smiles before kissing me gently. He pauses and then asks, "do you think Amelia will want to live here? What about her friends at the Little Palace?"
I inhale and say, "she says that Baghra is her only friend at the palace."
"So, she doesn't have friends?"
"Besides me, no."
He pauses before replying, "this wasn't just about protecting her, was it? It was about making her happy as well."
I nuzzle my head into the curve of his neck. "I didn't have many people to protect me when I was her age. I was alone and had to learn to fight for myself. Maybe if I keep Amelia close, she can feel less deserted and like she belongs somewhere. That is what I wished for at her age."
The Darkling sighs. "What a bunch of broken people we are." He rubs circles into my exposed back.
I nod and close my eyes once more.
We lay there for a long time, not caring about the piles of papers growing on our desks. To us, time is frozen outside of this bedroom. The barrier is only broken when we hear a knock at the door, bringing us back to reality. The King and Queen can never rest.
We both slip on our robes and the Darkling answers the continued knocking with an irritated growl. "What is it?"
Of course, it is Ivan at the door. He is not the first person I'd like to see in the morning. When he sees me sitting on the bed, he nervously scratches his arm over his new kefta.
"We've made progress on the... situation." He glances back over at me warily.
It amazes me how Aleksander can change from a gentle, open man to an emotionless King so quickly. His tone is diplomatic and restrained.
"Fine. I will be with you in a minute," he tells Ivan. Then Aleksander promptly shuts the door in his face.
I am tempted to ask what the "situation" is, but I don't want to ruin the decent morning I've had so far by starting another fight with the Darkling. I just hope that I do not come to regret not asking one day.
I say, "I will go to the Little Palace to ask Amelia if she wants to stay here with us."
He walks over to where I am positioned on the bed. The Darkling leans down and kisses me longingly. He rests his chin on my head and mumbles, "be back by this evening."
"I will," I promise him.
He kisses me once more before going to get dressed in his elegant black kefta.
"See you tonight," he says before leaving the room. I sit on the bed for a moment, deep in thought.
It is odd... He is my enemy, yet I have never felt so whole until now. I always got the suspicion that I was meant for more. The Darkling fills the empty hole in my chest that only grew when I was with Mal. I thought he was the right one. Mal always made me feel safe and protected. But with Aleksander, I feel like I do not need protection. I finally believe that I am powerful enough to defend myself. Oddly enough, he is also the one that has compelled me to fear for my safety. To say I am a mess of emotions would be an understatement.
***
I arrive at the Little Palace around mid-morning. The sun is well above the skyline and it shines through the colorful autumn trees. The breeze is brisk, giving a warning that winter is near.
I do not see Amelia in the courtyard or near the lake, so I go inside to look around. I find a clique of older Grisha, I estimate around fifteen or sixteen, chatting with each other. I approach them and ask, "do you know if a little Squaller, Amelia, is around? She has blue eyes and curly blond hair."
The group's eyes widen and they curtsy and bow. "Sol koroleva," one boy says. "Yes, I believe she is in there." He points down the hall to the kitchen.
"Thank you very much," I say pleasantly. Then, I begin to walk down the hall, leaving the group of Grisha in shock. I suppose the previous Queen rarely paid visits to the Little Palace.
In the kitchen, I walk into a troubling situation. I find Amelia, however, she is surrounded by a group of older kids.
"Stop spreading lies that you know the Queen. You just want attention," one child says.
Another kid pipes in and says, "yeah! You will never be anything more than a Keramzin girl." He has red hair and freckles across his nose, as well as a tall and slim structure.
I walk behind the children surrounding her and proclaim, "And what is wrong with a girl from Keramzin?"
They all whip their heads around at once and stare at me in disbelief.
The red-haired kid bumbles, "I-I mean- I meant... I didn't say-"
"I heard what you said," I cut him off. "Keramzin may not be much, but it has produced a Sun Summoner, a Queen, and a very talented, young Squaller." Amelia has broken through the circle of Grisha to take my outstretched hand. She has a proud expression. "Never judge a person by the place that they originated from.
I ask her, "can I speak with you, Miss Amelia?"
"Yes," she replies. We leave the kids with dumbfounded visages.
Was it petty for me to act that way in front of those kids? Maybe. However, they will continue to talk about Keramzin as if anyone from the orphanage is incompetent had I not said anything.
We sit together in the courtyard and Amelia tells me how her day has been. Those older kids come up in the conversation and I take the chance to ask if they have bothered her before.
She replies, "not very much. They are mean to all of the kids, but they think I'm odd because I don't have parents... Am I?"
This breaks my heart. I wrap my arms around her small frame and say, "no, of course not. If anything, it makes you stronger." I sigh and hold her hands in mine. "The world has not been kind to us. But it will take more to knock us down, won't it?"
She nods and her dimpled smile returns. "Amelia, would you like to live at the Grand Palace with me?" Her eyes go wide. "I have already gotten permission from the King."
"You mean live at the place with the best Grisha and princes and princesses and butter garlic rolls?" Her smile grows wider with sparkling eyes.
I laugh. "Well the King and I are the only royalty there, but we do certainly have garlic rolls."
"Well then I'll have to accept," she says exuberantly.
"We can get you a room set up and come back-"
"I'll go get my things!"
Before I can tell her to wait, she has run down the path and into the Little Palace. I let out something in between a sigh and a giggle. Apparently, she is traveling back with me this morning. I am sure the Darkling will not mind her arriving a couple of days earlier.
Amelia reappears with a small bag of items. "Did you get everything?" I question.
"Yes," she says as she carries it to the carriage. It would make sense that she does not have many personal belongings. I try to hide my pained expression. I was the same, having no sentimental items. All I have is scars to remember Mal by. As for Amelia, everything is shared in the orphanage and she was taken to the Little Palace at a young age. I hope that this will change when she has additional freedom at the Grand Palace.
When we arrive, she greets every Grisha and guard that walks past us. They all bow or curtsy and say my title.
"Everyone bows when they are close to you. Am I supposed to when I'm near you too?" she asks troubled. Amelia bends at her waist and continues to walk alongside me in a hunched position.
I laugh and say, "there is no need for you to curtsy." Her head flies up and she walks normally again.
I show her to her room, which is on the same floor as mine. It is not cleaned up yet and there are boxes of items that had occupied the room previously, scattered on the floor. She cautiously walks in and sets her bag on the ground. There is a canopied bed in the corner and a large oak wardrobe. On the immediate wall, a small dressing table with a mirror sits adjacent to the window seat.
The room was not nearly as elegant as the Darkling's, however, I'm sure it is an improvement from her current space.
"It might need some renovating and moving things around to your liking, but I think-"
"I love it," she whispers. I sigh in relief. She likes it here. That's good.
"Well then. I'll leave you to explore." Amelia has forgotten that I am there altogether. She goes deeper into the room and begins to look at the furniture closer. I close the door and leave her to her new, private space.
***
It is late by the time I retire to the bedroom. Usually, the Darkling comes in hours after me, but I am surprised to be met with Aleksander as I open the door. He pulls me inside and shuts us in. The Darkling pushes me up against the wall and kisses every piece of exposed skin that I possess. I am reminded of the night before. Tonight will most likely have the same result if we continue. As hard as I try to remember the monstrous things he has done to me, my mind is blinded by our shared desire.
I hear a tiny sound coming from outside of our door. I just about dismiss it until it occurs again. I realize that it is a knock. The Darkling hears it too. I pull away from him and walk over to open the door. I am met with little Amelia standing at the entrance. She is in a light blue nightdress and slippers.
"Hello, Amelia. What are you doing here?" I inquire. She looks down timidly at her feet and shrugs.
"Having trouble adjusting to the Grand Palace?"
She nods and looks up at me with her large puppy dog eyes. I look behind me at the Darkling, who has migrated to the other side of the room and is sitting on the bed. He gives a disapproving look as he recognizes what I am going to say next.
"Would you like to sleep here tonight?"
She nods again and her lips curve into a grin.
I open the door wider to let her in. She rushes in and jumps up onto the bed alongside the Darkling.
"Just for tonight," the Darkling indicates, scooping her up and placing her under the blankets. She giggles and squirms deeper into the large bed. He gets under the covers beside her.
I take off my kefta and join them, sandwiching Amelia in between me and the Darkling. She scoots closer to me and hugs my core. I hold Amelia close and stroke her curly hair until her eyelids flutter shut. Amelia's breathing gets softer and farther apart. The Darkling has been facing us, watching me the entire time.
When he is sure that Amelia is asleep, he whispers, "she cares for you very much."
I reply, "and I care about her, which is why I will do anything to keep her out of harm's way. The council directly threatened her. She would not be in danger if it wasn't for me."
Amelia whimpers then settles into her slumber again.
"She is like you in many ways. You two were meant to meet."
I look down at the peaceful, sleeping child in my arms. The difference between us is that she is innocent yet. She has not seen the horrors of the world in its entirety. I pray to all saints listening that she will not have to experience the world's ugliness. At least not for a long time.
Eventually, we all succumb to the pull of sleep. 'What a bunch of broken people we are'. The Darkling's words ring true. We are all broken in some way. However, we are all together now, preventing each other from falling apart, keeping us intact like glue. Maybe we were meant for each other. All of us.