"Hold him!"
Bloodless Day danced beneath me, skittering to the side, head bowed so it touched his chest, powerful hindquarters balancing him as he rocked back and forth. My arms ached from holding him up and back, my legs burned from staying on, my back hurt so badly it was easy to ignore the pain.
"Can't you see I'm trying?" I shot back, ignoring the smug glance of Lilac as she trotted by on the ever so polite So Far So Good.
A small conference, hissing sounds beneath the blinding orange light the morning covered Piperson Farms with.
Then:
"Try harder!"
I growled. Uncertain, BD missed a beat of his mini tantrum and I hauled the reins back, taking advantage of him to get a hold of the bit and pin his head to my boot. Sensing defeat, the stallion stood and relaxed.
"Nicely done, Anna. Lilac's going to breeze Goodie, then you can trot clockwise up the track then gallop him back."
I shivered in anticipation at Willifred's words, releasing BD's reins. Now over himself, he unconcernedly lowered his head to crop at grass poking through the outside fence. The old trainer looked at us disapprovingly but didn't speak, instead turning his attention towards the edge of the track. Twisting in my saddle, I saw the dark blur that was Lilac and Goodie making their way towards us. Galloping strongly, the sun glinted across Goodie's nearly black coat, striping him with bronze and gold. Lilac stood over his neck, her hands giving every time he asked, taking back when he needed it, letting him fly. They were so in sync.
As Goodie passed the quarter mile pole, Willifred snapped at the stopwatch, allowing a slight smile before he passed it to one of the assistant trainers. She grinned too. I suppressed my slight frown.
Bloodless Day was a great horse. This I knew. But Goodie was running into a class of his own- heart-stoppingly fast, he was slow to tire and didn't waste his energy worrying and rearing and pacing, in the stall and under saddle.
It was so hard to get along with my stallion when he was the evil twin.
Goodie's workout was done, so I touched BD's mouth with the reins and spun him around. We trotted easily up the track, BD toying with the bit and me glowering in the saddle. When we reached the end, I buried my hands in his shortened mane, frustrated with... everything, really. Ever since Goodie had arrived, BD and I had been shoved to the side. BD was oh, that horse and Goodie was a horse of caliber. Words like Triple Crown and Great Things floated around his stall. If anything floated around BD's stall, it was bruised and/or broken.
"You haven't been breezed in weeks," I muttered. BD tipped a glossy ear back at me, confused. I sighed. "I know. You don't care. You just want to run."
With a yell, I spun BD around. He pivoted on his hind legs and before he could properly regain his balance, we were flying.
I stood proudly in the stirrups, fist buried in the dark mane, my other hand giving and giving and giving BD more room. He stretched out gorgeously, low to the ground, tearing water from my eyes. I whooped. This was how to wake up in the morning. Experience had made me selfish - a simple gallop wasn't enough. We had to fly. Would this one day not be enough? I couldn't imagine.
We flashed past the pole. Out of habit, BD began to slow, but he wasn't tiring. I set back in my seat, cooing to the stallion. His ears were permanently facing me, but he listened too, dropping into a collected gallop, falling into a canter, tripping into a trot, sighing into a walk. I turned him back towards the gate where Willifred and his assistant were waiting. Lilac was long gone, but based off the dropped stopwatch and open mouthed expression of the assistant, we'd done well.
Willifred was furious.
"Anna O'Malley! What in blazes were you thinking? I said gallop, not breeze!"
"We haven't breezed in weeks!" I protested.
"You were going to tomorrow!" Willifred roared. BD spooked and spun, but I whirled him back to face the trainer. "And it's not your decision either! If you weren't the only one who could ride that horse, I'd yank you off him in a heartbeat from that little stunt you pulled."
Shame colored my cheeks. At last I realized the levity of what I'd done. Dropping the reins, I let BD stretch into the bit, walking off the gallop with his head lowered. Willifred shot me a disgusted glance and clapped his hat onto his head, stalking off.
The assistant trainer looked at BD with wide eyes. "He broke Goodie's run."
Anyone could've told me that.
*****
Jack was brushing down a filly in the barn, a gentle baby small enough for him to handle from the wheelchair. After a second glance, I recognized the filly as My Girl. Her coat had changed from the damp brown of her dam and into something quizzically shiny, a newly minted penny. She reminded me so much of Shamrock. Throat closing up, I removed my helmet, shaking my hair out as BD paused amiably next to me, tilting his head curiously at the foal.
I caught Jack's eye and nodded towards the filly. "How's she doing?" I asked uncertainly. We hadn't really spoken for the past three weeks, and I really wasn't sure how to even begin apologizing. The more time that stretched between us, the worse it got.
Jack half-shrugged, but he dropped his head. The air was tired and done, so done, and neither of us wanted to fight and neither of us wanted to be the first to apologize.
BD pulled me on, and we walked back to his stall.
Untacking was a quick matter as I rushed, conscious of the fact that Lilac and I had to get to school. BD practically spit out his bit as I unbridled him, noticing sweat stains on his browband and girth. "You'll need a bath later, buddy."
"Later later. Now we have to get to school."
Lilac's eyes glinted as I gave BD a hasty goodbye pat, slithering out of the stall to follow her into the car. Caught up in my own thoughts, reliving my encounter with Jack and Willifred's fury, I didn't notice Lilac was speaking for a few words.
"....so mad, Anna. The last rider that did that got fired instantly. I'll be genuinely surprised if he doesn't pull you off Holly and that black filly."
I snapped out of it. "What?"
Lilac hadn't even started the truck yet. She gestured at me to put on my seatbelt, which I did, and then yanked on her truck's gear, shooting it towards the gate. "Willifred. He's livid. Came up to me while I was washing down Goodie to rant. You can't do that. BD may seem like your horse, but he's Piperson property and what Willifred says, goes."
"I know, " I muttered. "He told me."
Lilac shook her head. "No, not really. You don't know. If you knew, you'd know that he was thinking of entering BD in a very low level maiden race. A short one. And you could ride him, unless we found another jockey. Now? He's probably praying for the other jockey."
It took a few moments for me to realize what she'd said. And then I slammed my head into dashboard.
I blew it.
*****
"One more month and we are out of here!" Lilac cheered, rushing through the door.
"One more week till Derby!" I said, equally as delighted as Lilac. She shot me a playful glare.
"I've corrupted you. You're worse than I am." She said.
We joked back and forth, me much more cheerful after six hours of convincing myself that the breeze hadn't really been that bad. Willifred wasn't that mad. BD was still going to run his race. Things weren't as bad as I thought.
I was right.
They were worse.
BD wasn't in his stall when I got to the barn. Unconcerned, I headed out to his pasture, sure he would be happily grazing in the new spring grass. Halfway down the hill, though, I stopped short.
The pasture gate was swung wide open, the field empty. My heart stopped, and then I whirled and raced back up the hill. Lilac was already running into the shedrow, spooking Holiday as she met me in the middle, long blonde hair streaming behind her. She looked frantic as she grabbed at my hands. "He's at the oval. Willifred-"
I sprinted off, Lilac hot on my heels, heart drumming in my ears. This could not be happening.
There was an explosion on the track. Dust gushed into the air as the rearing body of BD twisted and whirled. If there were people, I could not see them from the dust. I ran harder.
Getting closer to the scene, I could see two people- Willifred, tall and hanging onto the shank, tugging and reeling and coercing Bloodless Day back to earth, and a slim, athletic woman I didn't recognize. Bile rose in my mouth.
"What's this?" I shouted.
Instant silence. BD slammed his front hooves into the ground and didn't move again, except for his flaring nostrils and heaving sides. Willifred let the rein have some slack, and the woman let out a shuddering sigh. Lilac slammed into the fence next to me, restarting the moment.
"Hello," said the woman, stepping away from BD and towards us. "I'm Jessica. Bit new here."
She had a British accent and a hand outstretched for shaking. Lilac accepted the hand but I stared at her, hard, not moving. Slowly, she lowered it.
"You do realize," I said, "that this horse will kill you."
Uncertainty flashed across her face. "I'm a good jockey, kid. I've handled some of the top horses."
"He's not a top horse...." Lilac muttered, but I ignored her.
"He's nearly killed me dozens of times. The only reason I'm alive is because I don't care if I die, okay?" I stopped, though, because that wasn't true anymore. It had been, but now.... I wasn't so sure I needed to get off this earth anytime soon. I had a purpose.
Jessica shook her head. "Don't be difficult." She said, sounding tired. "I've been riding since before you were born. Will, I'll try again." She turned around and strode back to BD, who's eyes were glittering as he watched her approach.
"Things are going to get ugly." I murmured.
"She's not that old," Lilac shot back, scandalized. But she fell silent as Willifred offered Jessica a leg-up. With a cat like grace, the jockey landed lightly in the saddle. BD took a few easy steps forward, encouraging her to relax in the saddle. Then he struck. Powerful muscles bunching, BD launched into the air, cracked his back, and landed whirling. With an oath, Willifred dropped the shank rope.
Jessica had fallen. She lay on the ground, greedy eyes watching as BD raced off, reminding me of the first time I'd seen Jack, bucked off and on the ground as BD disappeared into the mist.
As though my thoughts had summoned him, Jack appeared. Teeth gritted as the chair jolted over rocks, he rolled through the gate and straight up to Jessica, studying her. "What's going on here?"
Was it just my imagination, or did he sound amused?
Willifred straightened indignantly. "We're trying to find a jockey for that horse."
Jessica, having caught her wind, sat up and scootched away from the wheelchair. "What happened to you?"
"Riding accident." Jack's tone was nonchalant, but I flinched at the idea that the event that took Shamrock's life was an 'accident'. Then again, a different event at a different time had also been called an accident. To me, an accident was spilled milk. Burnt cookies. A flat tire.
Jack let the awkward silence that came with talking about wheelchairs and unfortunate events swell between Jessica and Willifred, but Lilac and I were impervious. Finally, as the thin shadow of Bloodless Day came careening around the corner, stirrups and reins flapping, he said, "I already told you I'd be his jockey."
"You can't even ride!" Jessica snapped.
"Watch me." Jack said simply, wheeling to the side as BD caught sight of me and dashed between Willifred and Jessica. I caught his shank and noticed bloody froth pouring from his mouth and onto the leather strip. Lather streaked his sides and he looked exhausted, especially after his earlier breeze. Anger spilled through me and bubbled out.
"Look at him! He's a mess! And you call yourself-"
"Anna!" Jack said sharply. I yanked my fury down into a dark place where I hid secrets and evil thoughts and glared at him for inturrupting my tirade. "Get me on the horse."
"You're injured with a month left to heal and you're not my jockey. Not for this horse." Willifred took a step forwards as though to take BD from me, then seemed to think better of it. I was relieved. Neither of us were ready to fight.
"I've been healing. I was injured and now I'm stronger. I've been- swimming, and aerobics, and wheeling this contraption around gives me more strength. I can do this," Jack countered, then looked at me again. "Anna. Put me on the horse."
My throat was dry as I looked from BD to Lilac to Jack. BD looked tired, Lilac absorbed, and Jack determined. Swallowing, I nodded.
"Thank you." He wheeled over to BD's side. To my surprise, BD didn't spook. He stood quietly, curving his neck to study Jack.
Jack leaned over and began pulling at straps. Releasing himself from the wheelchair, he stood, wavering in place for a moment, testing his leg. Then he began to fall.
Lilac was instantly there, steadying him. Strong arms holding the jockey, she helped push and pull him into the saddle. I held BD still, and inside I'd gone quiet as a mountain in the winter. Immobile. Massive and just a reminder of how tiny I really was.
Jack finally straightened and put his feet in the stirrups. Miraculously, BD remained calm. He nudged me gently with a dripping muzzle, ears forward but not hyper.
"You can let go of me, Anna." Jack said shakily. I looked up at him, perched on BD's back. It was weird seeing someone else on him, but it was easy to tell this was where Jack belonged. His hands took easy dominance of the reins, his legs pressing against the stallion's barrel like he'd grown from his back. I nodded once, slowly, then slowly let out slack in the rope as I stepped back. Jack looked happy, but there was a tightening of the skin around his eyes that indicated pain.
"How'd this happen?" Lilac asked, voice hushed.
"I've had a bit of down time." Jack smiled slightly, letting it fade as he met Lilac's eyes. "I'm sorry. I shouldn't have been such a jerk."
"Apology accepted," Lilac said graciously.
I fumbled with the rope. "I'm sorry.... too. I shouldn't have said that."
Jack shook his head. "No apology needed. I shouldn't have.... I shouldn't have. And um-"
"Anna!" We three- four, counting BD- jerked our heads to look at Willifred. He stared back at us, jaw jutted forwards. Jessica was on her feet and looked pissed off. "You're on that horse for one more month. Then Jack, the ride is yours."