It was the great escape
The prison break
The light of freedom on my face
But you weren't thinkin'
And I was just drinkin'
While he was runnin' after us
I was screamin', "Go, go, go!"
But with three of us, honey, it's a sideshow
And a circus ain't a love story
And now we're both sorry
(We're both sorry)
X marks the spot
Where we fell apart
He poisoned the well
Every man for himself
I knew it from the first
Old Fashioned, we were cursed
It hit you like a shotgun shot to the heart
You were drivin'
The getaway car
We were flyin'
But we'd never get far
Don't pretend it's such a mystery
Think about the place where you first met me
We're ridin'
In a getaway car
There were sirens
In the beat of your heart
Should've known I'd be the first to leave
Think about the place where you first met me
In a getaway car, oh-oh
No, they never get far, oh-oh-ahh
No, nothing good starts
In a getaway car
-
"A dermatologist?" Nayeon snorted with laughter, her lips pressed into a flat line as she tried to hide a smile, "okay, well, that's ... a story."
With an air of nonchalance, her eyes sparkling with amusement as she lounged in her chair, Rosie's mouth twitched at the corners as she smoothed her fingers over the soft leather of the arm.
"Not really. I mean, not the actual decision. It was ... just an idle conversation while getting a skin treatment with Jeon Jungkook. Whenever we were together we'd go and get facials or manicures or massages. We'd catch up on everything since that last time we'd seen each other, and that particular time ... well, I had a lot to complain about I guess. Admittedly, it was more to do with my own unhappiness than Jaehyun. I almost thought we could continue to be friendly - albeit in a passing manner - but I guess ... he just didn't see it that way."
"I think that's safe to say."
Quietly chuckling, Rosie smiled slightly, a tense knot forming in her stomach, a flicker of dread spreading through her as she thought about everything that happened. It was almost a knee- jerk reaction that left her tense and prickling with unease.
"I didn't mean for what happened next to happen, and I guess people had good cause to think that I was a liar and a manipulating bitch. The media had been saying it for years. I played the victim in all of my relationships, I used men, whatever shit they could use to make me seem like a vapid little mean girl. Other celebrities had tried to start some low-balling drama, and I guess Jaehyun was just the cherry on top of a very long, anticipated wait to bring my life crashing down on me. I wish he hadn't taken it so personally; I never even thought he'd be hurt by it. Honestly. I mean ... we weren't actually dating."
-
Autumn quickly gave way to winter, the days of sitting on the roof with Jennie, drinking wine with her jacket around her shoulders as they watched the sunrise giving way to the last stretch of her tour ending in Asia, with the searing heat of their summer and the final show in Thailand, the day before her birthday. She played eighty-five shows in just over six months and there was a sense of relief at it being over, at a chance to rest.
First, she had to make it through the holidays. Her twenty-sixth birthday was uneventful, mostly spent flying back to Chicago, followed by a few days of lurking inside the carriage house on Cornelia Street, catching up on lost sleep and enjoying her own company as she floated in her pool, raided the liquor cabinet and made cocktails to sip out on the balcony, the first dusting of snow making her shiver beneath her layers. She saw Jennie a handful of times before she flew to Scotland for Christmas.
Nestled in a lodge in the wintery Highlands with her parents and Alice, everything blanketed in snow and the quiet emptiness of the resort giving her the space she needed to unwind, Rosie was under no obligations to pretend, except for a few hours on the day that Jaehyun flew in. Displeased by the whole idea of the trip, he was forced into puffy winter clothes for a photo op arranged by Hyeri. Alice was shoved into it too to pad out the validity of the awkward shoot, the three of them standing beside a massive snowman that had been built for them for the charade.
While her mother and Irene sat by the fire in the lounge, and her father drowned his sorrows in whiskey at the bar, the three of them were subjected to the bitter cold for proof that they'd spent the holidays together. Hyeri already had a story lined up with People, as well as the obligated Instagram photos for Rosie and Jaehyun to upload. Sullen and impatient, they were directed around for the best shot, forcing smiles as Alice was caught in the middle of their tense silence with grim amusement, before they were allowed to trek back inside and shed the thick layers of snow gear.
"Stellar guy you've got there," Alice drawled as Jaehyun stalked off ahead, broad-shouldered and tense with annoyance, tearing off the beanie with a little more force than necessary.
"Stop it," Rosie muttered, her voice brittle and surly as she unzipped the coat and walked back to her room.
Jaehyun left soon after that, taking a small private plane down to Glasgow and catching a flight back to Miami. He hadn't even been in the country for ten hours all up, so eager to get back to his sprawling house and the women Rosie knew he was seeing on the side. Nothing serious, of course, but there had been photos on his Snapchat from his shows in Vegas. She couldn't have cared less if she tried to, but it grated on her nerves to see him poke holes in their PR stunt while having the audacity to ask for more.
It was no surprise later that night that Hyeri sent her a clip from his Snapchat account of him waiting at the boarding gate to catch his flight back home, broadcasted to his millions of followers that were supposed to believe they were spending the holidays together. With a derisive snort of laughter, she thought of their looming New Year's Eve plans. She was supposed to be flying to Vegas to watch his show and then attend a party together, just long enough for them to get a shot and a story; at this point, Rosie couldn't be bothered to put in the effort. She knew she'd be forced to go though.
On the night itself, she kept to herself, staying a grand total of two hours as she drank herself into a dark hole. Just long enough for the New Year to hit and a questioning look from Jaehyun as to whether they should kiss or hug, which went ignored. She was back in Chicago a few hours later, the flight a blur as she dozed in an alcohol-induced haze, and was in bed by the time the sun was rising on the new year. The music video for Out Of The Woods had dropped at the same time as the ball, yet Rosie was oblivious to it, passed out from exhaustion, until she woke that evening.
Pouring herself a glass of buckwheat juice, she drained it as she checked her phone and saw a text off Jennie from midnight. Rosie quickly messaged her back, cursing herself for missing it, tagging on an invitation to come over if she wasn't busy, before making her way into the bathroom and standing under the hot water until her skin was flushed pink. Feeling more refreshed than her depleted body should've, the shower invigorating enough to cut through the heavy-limbed exhaustion, her eyes burning and bloodshot, she reached for her phone and saw a reply off Jennie ten minutes ago saying she'd be there shortly.
Donning a silk gown and leaving her short damp hair to curl, fluffy flyaway hairs clinging to her skin, Rosie moved towards the full liquor cabinet and started mixing a cocktail from the ingredients she had on hand. She settled on Sour Cherry Bourbons, mixing the different liquors in the cocktail shaker. Pouring herself one and garnishing with a maraschino cherry and twist of orange, she started on another one for Jennie, the ice clattering inside the mixer as she looked out at the grey, snow-capped city through the window.
Jennie turned up a moment later, ringing the doorbell for the back door, and Rosie set down the shaker to go and let her in. Warmth seeped through her chest, gentle excitement stirring in her stomach at the thought of seeing Jennie again. It was a sense of contentedness, something familiar and peaceful, something that didn't demand anything of her, and she welcomed their quiet nights that stretched through to the dawn more than Jennie could've known. And slowly, but surely, the stinging barb in Rosie's chest eased, soothed by the frequent meetings.
Tearing open the back door, Rosie hugged the edge of it as she smiled at Jennie, the late afternoon sky already darkening behind the silhouette. And then there was the familiar tug in her chest that reminded her of that last boundary that she couldn't cross. For all their delicate tiptoeing around each other, the coy dance they hadn't made a misstep in yet, it was a tenuous thing that could be so easily ruined if one of them slipped up. And Rosie knew it would be her.
"Hi," Jennie said after a beat, her head quirking to the side slightly as she looked, her face in shadows yet her eyes crawling over Rosie's skin, making her flush.
"Happy New Year," Rosie murmured, stepping back to let her in.
Stepping past, smelling of snow and the chill outside, Jennie shivered in the warmth of the house and started unbuttoning the thick woollen coat she was wearing. "You too," she said with a smile, glancing back over her shoulder at Rosie.
Shedding her coat and scarf, she wandered upstairs, and Rosie trailed after her, dawdling as her eyes tracked Jennie's movements, watching the easy way she made herself at home. It was one of Rosie's favourite things about her, how she always seemed so confident in her skin, so unfazed as she moved through the old building.
"I was just making cocktails," Rosie said from behind her as she stepped off the staircase, the floor creaking slightly as she moved towards the liquor cabinet.
"Of course you were," Jennie said with faint amusement, a beige turtleneck snuggly fitted to her as she smoothed out her brunette hair. "Go on, let's have a new year's drink then."
With a faint smile playing on her lips, Rosie moved over to the sweating cocktail shaker and poured it into a coupe glass with a cherry and a twist of orange. Picking up her own glass, she handed one over to Jennie and gently clinked glasses, her eyes dark and intense as she stared at her in the dimness of dusk, the apartment dark and cold enough to make her skin prickle with goosebumps as they stood so close.
"Cheers."
They both took a sip and Rosie's lips puckered slightly at the sour tang of the lemon juice. Jennie coughed slightly, blinking rapidly as her face screwed up, and Rosie quietly laughed as she leant against the wall, sagging against it as she clutched the stem of her glass in her hand, eyeing Jennie from where she stood mere feet away.
"How were your midnight celebrations?"
"I just had a few people over. Krystal and Taehyung were there, and Kim Suho ... a few others you probably know too. How was Vegas?"
With a half-hearted shrug, Rosie looked down into her glass as her mouth thinned, a grim expression clouding her features. "Uneventful. I only stayed for two hours."
"Oh. That bad?"
Sighing, Rosie gave her a wan smile and sipped her bourbon, fishing out the maraschino cherry by the stalk and swirling the twist of orange around absentmindedly. "Well ... it wasn't unbearable, but I would rather have been literally anywhere else."
"I told you, you both could've come to my party and got him to cancel his show," Jennie said, a sympathetic look of amusement colouring her face, "I know you don't like him-"
Rolling her eyes, Rosie gave her a withering look, "it's not that I don't like him; I don't think he likes me. All of our work is undone the second he leaves whatever PR stunt we're pulling off. You know we tried to spin it that we spent Christmas together in Scotland? He was there for a grand total of ten hours and then posted him at the airport, flying back to Miami. Like ... what?"
With a snort of laughter, Jennie slowly moved closer and nudged Rosie's hand with the coupe glass, "drink up. I think you need it."
Making a low sound of agreement at the back of her throat, Rosie drained her glass and chewed on the cherry with a glum look. Jennie reached out and took the empty glass from her and gave her a small smile.
"Let me get you another."
"You better be getting yourself one too."
Waving the hand with the empty glass dismissively, she walked over to the liquor cabinet, head tipped back as she finished off her own, Jennie set the glasses down and peered at the labels of the bottles, picking some up with the quiet clinking of glass as she pursed her lips in thought. Switching on a light, Rosie stayed leaning against the wall, a tender look on her face as she watched Jennie freely pour liquor into the cocktail shaker, glancing back at Rosie and giving her a quick grin, before she poured the drinks.
"Don't ask me what it is," Jennie lightly said as she held out the small measure of alcohol at the bottom of the glass.
Clearly, they wouldn't be getting drunk that night, but it would be enough to take the edge off of Rosie's irritation. She'd already mellowed out since Jennie's arrival as it was, and Rosie hated herself for how much she wanted to just curl up on the sofa with her, the two of them sharing a bottle of wine and talking long into the night. Something just as innocent as that, to feel close to someone on a deeper level than physical. They did talk for a little bit, light teasing and idle catch- ups, but there was so much trapped inside her that she wanted to spill, wanted to vent to Jennie, but didn't know how to do that with the way things were between them. Lisa and Jungkook were her only close confidants, but even then there was a layer separating them.
Raising the glass to her lips, Rosie drained what little was inside it, masking a grimace at the burning mixture that slid down her throat, before she set her glass down and moved towards Jennie. Brushing her hair aside, Rosie peeled down the high neck of Jennie's sweater and let her warm lips graze the underside of her jaw, feeling Jennie swallow thickly as her pulse jumped.
"Drink up," Rosie murmured against her skin, wrapping one arm around her waist to balance them both as she let her nose skim over Jennie's cheek, her lips a tickling touch along the length of Jennie's jaw.
Softly swearing, Jennie knocked back her drink and set the glass down on the counter, before pushing Rosie backwards a few stumbling steps, following after her. Jennie left a path of clothes in her wake and kicked the bedroom door shut behind them, and just for a little while, they shut out the world and basked in the feeling of being together. And just for a little while, it was enough for Rosie.
A little after two in the morning, Jennie snuck out of the garden gate, bundled up against the cold and assuring Rosie that she did really have to go, and Rosie was mute as she watched her leave, her fingers lightly brushing over her chapped lips because this time, Jennie had chastely kissed her. For the first time since they'd come to their arrangement, Jennie had kissed her like it had been second nature, as natural as breathing for her to kiss Rosie goodbye, and it was as if she hadn't even realised what she'd done as she left without looking back. Standing in the doorway, cold air biting at her exposed skin and leaving her shivering violently, Rosie couldn't bring herself to move as she brushed her lips and realised that she wanted Jennie to do that again and again, every day.
And that was the beginning of the end for her. Of everything. That was the first kernel of rebellion that was stoked in Rosie's chest as she shut the door and spent the rest of the night laying in her bed, staring up at the ceiling and imagining a different life for herself. On the first day of the year, she knew it would only be a matter of time before she buckled under the pressure crushing her beneath the expectations weighing heavily on her shoulders. It was only a matter of time before she bucked against what Park Chanyeol and everyone else wanted for her, because it broke her heart a little as she lay there, thin and pale and so painfully alone. Rosie didn't want to be alone forever.
Yet the loneliness ate away at her whenever she was by herself, self-loathing so deeply ingrained in her that she could scarcely stand to look at herself in the mirror as she hated what she'd become. The young, bubbly teenager who'd dreamt of this world wouldn't be able to recognise what she'd become if they were in the same room. The little girl who thought the sparkly lights and the people calling her name were so alluring, who never imagined she'd skip meals to look thinner and would be so scared to love someone that she chose her career.
She'd thought things had been getting easier, and in a way they were, because she could stand to be around Jennie without the gut-wrenching pain of missing her, and she had friends she brunched with every week, had a crowd of people she was always invited to hang out with, and with her tour over, Rosie took every opportunity to be around other people. Dinner parties, drinks, barre and pilates, museums and gallery openings, fashion shows and antique shops. She even managed to sneak into the theatre for Jennie's last performance in McQueen, a huge bouquet waiting for her in her dressing room in congratulations. Lisa was with her nearly everywhere she went, the rumours of them dating running rampant as they explored Chicago together, but Rosie knew even that would become a problem soon enough. Everything was a problem where she was concerned.
Even the Grammy's lost their lustre and allure that year, yet Rosie was obligated to go, presenting for the Best New Artist category and performing Out Of The Woods, along with her seven nominations. Dolled up in an Atelier Versace coral bandeau and lime green skirt with a high slit up the front, with her signature red lips, she had her hair chopped short into a blunt bob and her bangs cut back in. Jaehyun opted to stay in the studio, sure to Snapchat himself there, while Rosie ended up winning three awards, including Album of the Year. She was the first female to win that award twice, the last time being so long ago for Fearless. It was a big night for her career, and she wasn't sure how she felt, up on the stage, accepting the award with the hollow loneliness of someone who should've had it all.
She left the after-party early, winding up at Jennie's apartment in the early hours of the morning, shivering outside as she pressed the buzzer and hoped that she was still awake. A groggy voice sounded through the intercom and Rosie could feel the fragile trembling in her chest as she spoke, before the door unlatched and she stepped into the lobby. A bleary-eyed Jennie stood in the doorway when she made it up to her floor with a question in her eyes that Rosie didn't know how to answer.
Spreading her arms in a helpless manner, Rosie shook her head and let out a shaky laugh, her eyes shining with tears. Beneath the long black overcoat, she still wore the crop top and ridiculous skirt, out of place in the contemporary hallway of the old factory-turned apartment complex, and she gave Jennie a wide smile, false and wavering as she blinked back the prickling behind her eyes.
"Well, I won."
"I was watching," Jennie murmured, a crease between her eyebrows as she appraised Rosie's swaying stance, too much vodka downed with Jungkook and Lisa leaving her unsteady in her heels. "Congratulations."
With a scoff of laughter, wincing slightly at the words, Rosie rubbed at her eyes as she sniffed. "Anyway, this is stupid. I just- I was at the party and I realised you weren't there, and it was ... weird. It was a big night for me and you just- you weren't there and all I could think about was how you weren't there because ... since I met you, you haven't left my mind. And I was talking to my Jungkook and he's English and I was- I was listening to him talk and I was just like ... I missed your accent. Isn't that strange? Seven years. Seven fucking years and you're still in my head. Anyway ... I didn't mean to come here, so ... sorry for waking you up."
Shoulders slumping as a look of understanding softened her sleepy face, Jennie gave her a faint smile as she sighed her name. "Rosie."
Tears flooded Rosie's eyes as she let out a shaky breath, "I just want you to know you're my best friend. That's all. I don't have too many of them and I wish- I wish we could be friends without all ... the rest of it."
"Why don't you come in?" Jennie quietly offered.
"No," Rosie sharply replied, a firmness to the word as her face sharpened and she swayed back a step, "no, no. They'll be mad if they find out."
"It's the middle of the night; who's going to tell them?"
Blinking, Rosie opened and closed her mouth, looking for an objection. The truth was that she wasn't concerned with her team finding out - not by a long shot, seeing as she had Jennie sneaking through her garden gate three times a week for the past few months - but longing had bloomed inside her and she was afraid that with the alcohol in her system and her lowered inhibitions, she would say something to ruin them. She didn't trust herself.
"Let me make us some tea," Jennie gently said, coaxing her in through the open door with a tender look of encouragement, her hand gently resting against the back of Rosie's coat.
Shutting the door behind them and locking it, Jennie shepherded Rosie towards the open living space and ushered her onto a sofa, switching lights on and yawning as she moved towards the kitchen. Filling a kettle, she left it to boil and moved back over to Rosie to crouch before her.
"You look beautiful but would you like something more comfortable to put on?"
Shrugging indifferently as she rubbed at her eyes and mussed her hair, Rosie looked down at her lap with a lump lodged in her throat. Giving her knee a gentle pat, Jennie climbed to her feet and disappeared through to her bedroom, a place Rosie had frequented once or twice in her visits, before reemerging with a bundle of pyjamas. Jennie's hands were warm as she handed the pile over and walked over to the kitchen, pulling out mugs and pottering about while Rosie changed into them.
Pulling off her coat and stepping out of her clothes, the heels abandoned nearby, Rosie pulled on the faded red and white sweatshirt with the name of some sports team embroidered over her heart, and the gently worn sweatpants that might've once been black but had paled in the wash. Curling up on the sofa and hugging her knees to her chest, Rosie breathed in the chill that seeped from the old stone and wood, the green freshness of plants scattered throughout the place and the lingering fragrance of candles that had been lit during the evening. Relaxing into the lime green velvet sofa.
Jennie carried the mugs back over to her with a packet of biscuits wedged under her arm and gave Rosie a lopsided smile as she offered her a shortbread. Sinking into the soft cushions, Rosie smiled tiredly, defeated and quiet, cradling the mug as she nibbled on a biscuit, scattering crumbs everywhere. It was hard to get down, her throat so tight as the pressure in her chest built.
"Hey," Jennie murmured, gently nudging her with her shoulder, "I think about you all the time too."
Bursting into tears, Rosie sloshed tea into her lap as she buried her face in her hand, shoulders shaking as Jennie pressed a palm against her shoulder blade and rubbed soothing circles over her back.
"I'm sorry, I'm sorry," Rosie breathlessly apologised, rubbing at her eyes as she sniffed, her breath hitching in her throat as she tried to stifle the sob that worked its way up her throat. "I just- I don't know what I'm doing anymore. I don't want to do this anymore. I feel trapped and it's so stupid because I should tell them all to fuck off but I- I can't. And no one else knows what it's like except you and I know it's not fair for me to unload all this on you in the middle of the night. Especially after how I treated you. But I feel so alone all the time. I'm so alone that sometimes I open the window ... just to hear the people outside. I thought being home would help, the tour being over would give me ... more time for myself, but I can't be alone with my thoughts because ... I just feel like shit all the time."
Easing the mug of tea from her hand and taking the biscuit from her grasp, grains of sugar and crumbs raining onto the Heriz rug, the pattern woven in light shades of cream, pink and peach as Rosie's eyes roamed over the flowing lines, Jennie set them down on the coffee table beside her own. Putting an arm around Rosie's shoulder, Jennie tried to pull her closer, but Rosie resisted, pulling away with her face turned away from Jennie's confused expression.
"No," she flatly said, drawing in a shuddering breath as she wiped at her pale, tear-stained cheeks. "We don't do that."
"Friends do," Jennie murmured.
"Are we though? We say we are, but it's not really true, is it? Something's going to get fucked up and that'll be it. Done for good."
Arm withdrawing, sliding along the back of the couch and leaving Rosie feeling cold for its absence, Jennie was silent for a moment, drawing patterns on the velvet cushions as she picked her words carefully and was slow to speak them. "Is that ... do you want to stop? Now, before things get worse? I can be your friend, Rosie; I'm not going to just ... leave."
"You've said that one before."
It was a little cruel to bring up, and Rosie didn't see the ripple of pain that flashed across Jennie's face, but she knew she'd hurt her by the long stretch of silence. Sighing, she dug the heels of her palms into her eyes and hunched over.
"I'm such an asshole."
"Don't say that," Jennie softly scolded her.
"I am. It's been ... over two years now since you and I ... in hindsight, I could've handled everything a lot better. I've been ... extremely selfish at times. In so many ways. I wish it had all turned out different."
"What?"
The question was weighted with pointed intention and Rosie quaked before the truth, quickly conceding as her chest deflated. Sitting back, she crossed her arms over her chest, breathing in the smell of the laundry detergent from the place Jennie got her clothes dry cleaned and feeling her stomach tighten as she closed her eyes, feeling her cheeks warm slightly with shame as she replied, dodging the real question.
"All of it. I think ... I could've been happy with a normal life. Not being famous. Maybe I would've been an author; lived in Melbourne with horses and dogs and a couple of kids. And instead ... here I am. I have more money than I know what to do with, more fame that I could possibly want, and I don't think I'll ever get the life I wanted."
"Everyone deserves to be happy."
Shrugging, Rosie opened her eyes and turned to look at her, "but not everyone is. The best I can do now is ... forgive myself. Let my mistakes make me a better person."
Hesitating as she stared at her, a flash of some hidden emotion in her eyes, a muscle twitched in Jennie's jaw before she replied, the effort it took to keep her voice gentle evident in the strain to her words.
"So, that's it? You're just going to ... settle? What? For Jaehyun? Is that going to be your life? PR stunt after PR stunt? God, Rosie, that's sad."
Irritation broke through her attempts to remain nonchalantly comforting, and Jennie shifted away from her to reach for her mug of tea, settling back down on the sofa a few inches away from where she'd been before.
"Well, I guess it's just what I deserve."
"You know, I was never mad at you afterwards," Jennie said, her voice brittle as she looked at Rosie with disappointment, "I pitied you."
With a snort of laughter, Rosie ruffled her short hair and smiled thinly, "I'm touched."
Huffing with annoyance, Jennie gave her a stony look, mouth turned down at the corners as her eyes drilled into Rosie's, hard and stormy. "I'm serious. You live for other people instead of yourself. Everything you do is for other people. You don't even want to be in this stunt with Jaehyun, so why are you?"
Shrugging with flippant dismissal, Rosie reached for her tea, "why were you with Jiyong after we broke up?"
Cheeks reddening, Jennie gave her a look of irritation, "that's beside the point. If you have no reason to be in this stunt with Jaehyun, then ... why?"
"Because," Rosie said with a heavy sigh, taking a sip of tea before continuing, "I'm doomed to constantly be surrounded by women that people think I'm dating. Makes it hard to pretend I'm not a lesbian when people keep calling me gay."
Pressing her lips together, Jennie paused for a moment before she let out a quiet laugh. The tension dissipated at the sound of her laughter and Rosie couldn't help but join in, a smile dimpling his cheeks as her shoulders shook. Nudging Jennie's knee with her own, she gave her a grim look.
"You have a point there, but why did they pick Jaehyun? I mean ... I'm friends with him, and I still don't understand it. You two are complete opposites; how is anyone even buying it?"
"I doubt they are," Rosie darkly muttered, "not with the half-assed stories full of holes. Oh well, here's to hoping the next guy will be better. And maybe even fit the songs that I'm doomed to keep writing about other people."
"You mean me."
Rosie stiffened where she sat, a flicker of guilt passing over her face as she looked down. Cocking her head to the side, Jennie smiled at her and reached out to tuck a strand of Rosie's short hair behind her ear, her touch gentle and lingering.
"Hey, you know I don't care about all that shit. Write as many songs about me as you want."
Brow wrinkling with a look of disbelief, brown eyes red from crying and sceptical as Rosie took a sip of tea, the warmth seeping into her fingers. "Really? I mean, I know you never used to care but ..."
"I want to be the one you write about in your songs. I like knowing that what we had and everything in between could have inspired you to write songs like those; it makes me feel like it was real."
"It was," Rosie whispered, her eyes cast downwards as she swallowed thickly.
"And maybe it's just my ego," Jennie said with a smile in her voice, "but I like knowing that I played a little part in the awards you win. Even if it was just to give you the moments you wrote them about. Like tonight. Three Grammy's. You should be proud."
Choking on a laugh, Rosie flushed with pride, smiling into her mug as she tried to bite it back. A warm feeling spread throughout her chest, the love and adoration that had bloomed there seven years ago and rooted itself so deeply in her heart that she couldn't get rid of it, and it was a balm to her at that moment, against the loneliness and disgust for herself, for how much she'd sold herself out, how much she'd let fame warp her into someone unrecognisable. With Jennie, she knew clearly who she was, and she felt loved despite her flaws. Perhaps not the love she wanted, but it was welcome all the same, and fear made her skin prickle at the thought of ever losing that.
"I don't want it to end," Rosie finally blurted out, the filter between her brain and her mouth done away with from a night of celebratory drinking. So far, she was pleased she hadn't dug herself into too deep a hole, one she couldn't climb back out of, but she was skirting dangerous waters now. "You and me. I don't want to lose you again like last time."
"You were right though," Jennie murmured, "it'll end, eventually, but you'll find someone else who'll love you just as much as I did, and you'll be happy. And you'll write songs about them and win awards for them too. I'm sure of it."
A pang of sadness struck Rosie's heart as her face crumpled with a wince of pain before she let out a quiet laugh. "I don't think I could bear it if that was true."
"Why not?"
"Because ... I think I'd spend the rest of my life wondering what could've happened between us if I'd been able to ... if things had worked out differently. I think that would hurt more than anything else. Nothing has ever hurt me more than loving you."
"I don't want to cause you pain-"
With a flurry of shaky laughter, Rosie reached out and grabbed Jennie's hand, running her thumb over her knuckles in a reassuring gesture. "That's not what I mean. You don't, I just- I do it to myself, without even meaning to. Sometimes ... I just get stuck on you, and that hurts a little. It's made me better too though, loving you."
A faint smile graced Jennie's lips as she gave Rosie's hand a squeeze, "yeah, loving you made me better too. And I'd be lying if I said I didn't get stuck on you sometimes as well. I've memorised you; you're all I know."
"It's only because no one has taken my place yet," Rosie quietly teased her, her heart breaking a little as she spoke the words.
Mostly because that's what she'd tell herself. She only loved Jennie because no one had replaced her yet, and on good days, she even managed to believe herself. But on the bad days, loneliness opened up inside her chest, and it was a familiar song that always sang the same thing, a thumping ache in her chest that never abated.
"Yeah," Jennie whispered, her voice small in the open space of the apartment as darkness beat against the windows and the wind howled outside, "maybe."
"I should go."
With a tired smile, her eyes slightly unfocused without her glasses on or contacts in, Jennie jerked her head, "you can stay the night.."
"I'll be fine," Rosie said with a wavering smile, "I always am."
"Stay," Jennie softly pleaded.
The tea was tepid as Rosie took a sip, swallowing it quickly as it left a cool path in its wake, and she climbed to her feet, ducking down to give Jennie a quick peck on the cheek, nothing more than a grateful gesture in a drunken haze. "You're sweet, but I've already imposed myself on you enough for one night."
"You can barely stand," Jennie murmured, "it's late, and I don't think you should go by yourself. I'd drive you, but I have too many parking tickets; my car's been impounded."
She blushed slightly as she admitted the fact and Rosie let out a loud laugh, her eyes creasing at the corners as she picked up Jennie's mug. Clutching them to her chest, she smiled down at her with mystified amusement, "you know, I still don't know how you got your license."
Pursing her lips for a second, Jennie pushed herself to her feet, standing close to Rosie as she reached out and took the mugs back. "Neither do I. You know where the bedroom is; unless you'd rather sleep in a guest room. Your choice."
Rolling her eyes, Rosie left her discarded clothes scattered over the living room and walked towards the small hallway leading towards Jennie's bedroom. Slipping beneath the sheets, Rosie was almost out cold by the time the mattress jostled on the other side of the bed as Jennie slid in beside her, still so much space separating them. Space that Rosie wanted to close, to burrow up beside her and throw an arm around her waist to keep warm as they huddled under the blankets. She could barely mumble a goodnight though, let alone bring her heavy body to act on her drunken thoughts.
When she woke late the following morning, Rosie was confused for a moment as a barb of pain lanced through her head, patting the blankets of the unfamiliar bed, before she managed to scramble her thoughts together. Jennie's bed. Empty. The pillows smelled like Jennie as Rosie groaned, rolling over and spreading out across it, her eyes screwed shut as she thought about getting out of bed. The thought made her feel ill, last night's events coming back with mortifying clarity. It would've been better if she'd blacked out with no memory of it all.
Knowing she couldn't hide in the bedroom forever, she slipped out of the room and into the bathroom with stealth, rinsing out her mouth with water cold enough to make her teeth ache from the frozen pipes, before she splashed some on her face. Her makeup was smudged, her lips ringed by a faint line of red lipstick that hadn't worn off, and she looked haggard from the hangover that had wrecked her. Blinking a few times as she tried to get rid of the dryness in her eyes, she patted her face dry with a hand towel and stepped out of the bathroom, nearly bowling Rosie over.
"Oh! Sorry."
"Where are you off to in such a hurry?" Jennie asked, her eyebrows rising as she just managed to avoid spilling a cup of coffee all over herself.
With a sheepish look on her face, Rosie gingerly smiled, "home?"
"Were you really about to sneak out?" Jennie snorted, blinking in surprise.
Shrugging nonchalantly, Rosie rubbed the back of her neck, "I don't know. Maybe?"
"Wow. I was just about to bring you coffee too."
"I'll take the coffee," Rosie said, a note of hope in her voice as she gave Jennie a wary look.
With a small smile, Jennie held the cup out, stepping back as Rosie took it so she could fully step out of the bathroom. She didn't have to ask if it was made to how she liked it - she knew Jennie hadn't forgotten. Blowing on the steam, Rosie eyed her through her lashes, an awkward silence blanketing them as they stood in the narrow hallway without speaking for a moment.
"So ... it's snowing," Jennie conversationally said, rocking back on her heels as she gave Rosie a grim look and fiddled with her fingers. "I'm not sure if you have plans today, but ... you should probably wait it out here. Just until the roads are cleared."
"Oh, um, yeah, sure. I wasn't doing anything today anyway."
"Great. I can make you some lunch if you want? Or breakfast food. Whatever."
The offer was tentatively extended, and Rosie clutched her mug in hand as she chewed on her bottom lip, trying to fight back a smile at the eagerness that seized her. "Whatever you want."
Nodding, Jennie gave her a quick smile before setting off back down the hallway with Rosie trailing after her. Hovering in the kitchen as she sipped her coffee, Rosie's eyes tracked Jennie's movement with a hungry look, watching as she whisked eggs together in a large steel bowl, the sleeves of a striped sweatshirt pushed up, hair in a sloppy ponytail and glasses perched on her nose. She hummed quietly to herself as Rosie sipped her coffee and watched, a dozen fleeting melodies flowing through her mind that she could've written about the way Jennie moved, the way she hummed to herself, the way the wintry sunlight streaming in through the large factory windows made her look like she was glowing, golden and beautiful.
After finishing off her coffee, Rosie set about wordlessly helping, pushing the pounding headache aside as she pulled out cutlery and plates as Jennie poured eggs into a large skillet, sprinkling chilli flakes and scallions, mushrooms and tomatoes into the fluffy pile of whisked eggs for the omelettes.
"Do you have any aspirin?" Rosie finally ventured, feeling peaky as she closed her eyes, rubbing at her forehead.
"Oh, yeah, sure."
Jennie fetched her pills and a glass of water, as well as a pair of designer sunglasses that Rosie snorted at but donned anyway, dimming the harsh whiteness of the sky outside as snow drifted past the windows. She swallowed the pills dry and chased them down with water, before refilling the glass and taking another gulp.
Serving up half of the giant omelette each, they sat at the dining table arranged beneath the window, watching the snow lazily drift past as they ate in silence, the wind howling outside as Jennie flipped through a stapled booklet and Rosie watched her read.
"What's that?"
"New script," Jennie murmured without looking up, a forkful halfway to her mouth. "I start shooting in two weeks; need to run lines."
Slowing as she chewed on her mouthful, Rosie looked at her with surprise, "you- you've got a new project?"
"Mhm. The nun one."
"Oh! You didn't tell me you'd been cast. I mean ... congratulations. That's big right?"
Giving her a quick smile, Jennie shrugged, "I mean, it's a supporting role, but ... yeah. It's exciting. We're shooting in Nashville."
Eyebrows rising as Rosie tried to suppress the yearning that flared up in her chest, the part of her that would miss Jennie, the part of her that had no right to miss Jennie, and gave her a strained smile. "Wow. Nashville. That'll be fun though, right? You grew up in Nashville."
"Mm, I haven't really gone back to Tennessee much since my parents died, so it'll be good to visit again."
"Good thing you've been inside a church now," Rosie quipped, earning a quick chuckle that soothed her for a brief moment.
"Any tips, Catholic girl?"
"Sit at the back; you can leave faster."
"I'll keep that in mind."
Rosie spent the rest of the day at Jennie's, lounging on the sofa as she lightly dozed, until her hangover had abated and she felt more productive. Drinking tea and reading, they listened to music on the old record player, some vinyl from a band that Jennie liked, the hours slipping by in peaceful companionship, the likes of which Rosie hadn't felt in a long while. It felt good to dwell in such ordinariness with Jennie, so much so that she felt the tightness in her chest loosen, her breaths easier to come as she read through the book of poems plucked from one of the shelves.
She cooked dinner for them, monopolising the kitchen as Jennie snuck glances at her from across the room, the music turned up loud to fill the space as a retro pop album was put on, and they sat down around the coffee table to a meal of lemon chicken and vegetables with a glass of wine. It almost felt like old times, and Rosie would've gladly stayed forever, but she helped tidy up and felt the night come to a close. Whatever came next, it had been good to shun all responsibilities for a day, and she felt more at peace as she gathered up her clothes from last night and called a cab to take her home.
"Thank you," Rosie said as she stood just inside the doorway, prolonging the moment.
"Anytime."
"No, really. I mean it."
"So do I."
Her heart twinged at the crooked smile Jennie gave her, and Rosie was gripped with the sudden fear that she might not see her again. Not for a long while. Opening and closing her mouth as she struggled to find the words, she gave Jennie a fleeting smile and looked at her for a moment, a strained laugh quietly falling from her lips as she rubbed at the back of her neck. Shifting from foot to foot in the borrowed shoes, Rosie cleared her throat.
"Will I see you again before you leave?"
"I don't know," Jennie murmured, a pucker between her eyebrows as her eyes clouded. "You could ... visit if you like. Maybe just for a day or two."
Rosie's heart stuttered at the offer, her stomach lurched as her spirits soared and quickly plummeted. It wasn't feasible that she could get herself there to Nashville without a reason. Not that she needed one, but her team would see right through it and extinguish the mere idea of it before she could enact her plan.
"I- yeah, maybe," Rosie said, giving her a bright smile, feeling her stomach twist at the happiness that softened Jennie's face.
There was a distant honk outside that must've been her cab, and Rosie fumbled for a moment, startled out of her reverie and into motion.
Without thinking, she quickly wrapped Jennie in a hug, her chin on her head as she felt Jennie's hand splay across her back. It lasted just long enough for her to draw in a deep breath, the fragrance of her perfume clinging to her clothes, before Rosie let go.
"I'll text you," Jennie said.
"Behave," Rosie sternly warned her, a smile breaking through as her eyes shone and the cab honked again impatiently.
The last glimpse of Jennie she caught was her lingering in the doorway, watching her leave, and as Rosie stepped into the elevator, she gave her a small wave.
-
"I think ... that was the turning point for me. That was the moment where I realised I couldn't go on as I was, and it was- I don't know, I didn't really know what I wanted either. It became clear to me that we were both walking a fine line that wouldn't be ... what I wanted it to be. And I realised how much love she still had for me too, but it was kind of devastating to realise that it didn't matter. When you hit a certain point, there's no going back and you can't really go forward together either without tearing it all apart to make it work."
"What would that have looked like for you? Tearing it all apart."
"It would've been a massive breach of my contract," Rosie quietly chuckled. "And I still wasn't sure what I wanted from doing that. I had just turned twenty-six and I guess it was a time where I did start thinking about what I wanted. About a life I could've had if I wasn't famous. Just ... a normal life. I didn't really entertain the idea for too long though because it just wasn't possible. I could pack it all in but I'd still be halfway into the spotlight for the rest of my life. That was the moment when I think I accepted the fact that I would be alone. It was easier."
With a bewildered smile, Nayeon shifted in her seat, eyes clouded with confusion as she tucked her hair behind her ear, "but ... you were so young. You hadn't really ... entered the dating pool. Didn't you even consider trying?"
A wan smile tugged at Rosie's lips as she tilted her head to the side and slowly shook it, "of course, but ... it never would've worked. Lisa tried to set me up with so many of her friends - we'd go out for dinners with a few of us and I'd try but ... how do you move on with someone else when you're still hung up on someone else? It's not fair on so many levels. And not only that, but I meant it when I said that I couldn't bear the thought of ending up happy with someone else. It would've killed me to end up happy with someone else after rejecting her because that just wasn't a future I could see for myself."
"But ... people are allowed to change their mind. As you said, you were young, you didn't know what you wanted."
Shrugging nonchalantly, Rosie gave Nayeon a grim smile as she rubbed at the back of her neck, trying to find the words to explain herself properly. Of course she was allowed to change her mind; that was precisely what had led her all the way up to that day, sitting there for the interview. Even just three years ago, Rosie would've never imagined she'd be doing that. Be coming out. Yet, it was different with Jennie.
"I know," she quietly replied, "I just- she would've been my what if? She would've been the person that I would've spent my whole life thinking about. About what might've happened if I'd said fuck it all and allowed myself the happiness I'd been so afraid of just taking. I feel like ... I would've been with someone else, half-living inside my mind, imagining a different life. Would we have stayed together? Would we have fallen apart again? I'm not sure what our future together would be like but it would've haunted me for the rest of my life."
"Would that have been so bad? To be happy with someone else but wonder?"
"At the time it certainly would've. And the game we were playing was so dangerous. I could feel the balance of it shifting. Sometimes we verged towards calling it quits, others it felt very close to falling back into old habits. When she asked me to visit her in Nashville ... I told her maybe, but I knew I couldn't. Not only was there the logistics of getting out there without arousing suspicion, but it felt too personal. I never used to visit her on her shoots when we were together. Going would've felt too much like we were entering dangerous waters."
"Did you tell her that?"
With a snort of laughter, Rosie's eyebrows rose slightly in an incredulous look, "no! Luckily Jeon Jungkook was heading to the Bahamas two weeks after Jennie left. He invited me along and I invited Jaehyun so we could make it into a PR stunt."
Breaking off with another laugh, Rosie shook her head, "honestly, I think that was one of our worst attempts to be convincing. He was only there for two days and we posted about a dozen photos to our Instagram's with different swimsuits on to try and make it look like we'd been there for a while. Literally doing costume changes and filming as much as we could within a couple of hours to make it look believable. It was a joke."
-
Rosie showed up in the Bahamas brimming with tension and frustration from the past few weeks of PR stunts with Jaehyun. Without a tour to keep them apart, she'd been sent back and forth to Miami, while he'd had to make frequent trips to Busan to keep the charade going. Her patience was wearing thin, fraying at the edges as she was forced to put on a fake smile and pretend to be in love with someone she didn't even know that well. It was taking its toll on Jaehyun too, and they barely spoke when they were alone together, letting their managers confer and pick their wardrobes and plan the next meetups.
When Jungkook had called and said he was going on vacation with his new boyfriend, an English model named William, Rosie had gladly accepted his offer to join them. She knew he was in a similar situation to her, without the PR stunt. Jungkook was always surrounded by enough women to keep the press at bay, yet he was never branded as a womaniser in the way they ripped Rosie apart every time she was photographed with a guy. Still, Jungkook was as closeted as she was, and Rosie was glad to be the buffer between any rumours circulating around him and William, if only for a short respite.
Jaehyun was invited, of course, set to meet her in a few days, because of course they couldn't pass up the opportunity to be seen together. Especially not in a tropical paradise where they could pose as if they were living the dream, the two of them enjoying a couple's retreat for a week. Of course, that would be far from the truth. Rosie wouldn't be surprised if suites on opposite ends of the luxury spa hotel had been specially requested for them.
The suite in question was a massive series of rooms, more space than she could ever possibly make use of, full of white marble and cerulean furnishings, the same colour as the ocean just outside the windows. A stiflingly hot wind gusted in through the open doors and her bags were already waiting for her, along with a cocktail and a private lap pool with floating petals on top. Resisting the urge to float in the warm waters of the pool and enjoy her drink as she mellowed out, Rosie drained the pink gin quickly and donned a green bikini before dialling Jungkook.
"Hello, darling."
"I'm here," Rosie said with a smile, "where are you?"
"Margaritas by the pool. Come and join us."
Rosie smiled despite herself, her crankiness already dissipating at the playful sound of her friend over the phone. Unearthing a beach towel and a book from her luggage, she clamped the phone between shoulder and ear and dug out a bottle of sunscreen.
"You better have a drink waiting for me."
"I'll have two if you're quick."
"Be out in a minute."
Sunglasses covering half her face and a floppy hat jammed down on her dark hair, Rosie gathered up her armful of items and swiped the keycard off the counter before slipping out of the room and walking through the wide, pristine hallways of the resort. Seeking directions to the pool, Rosie stepped out into dazzling sunshine and scanned the occupied sunbeds ringing the long pool.
Jungkook was lounging in the sun, sunglasses reflecting the harsh sunlight, his dark hair wet and dishevelled, pink swimshorts damp from a swim. A smile crossed Rosie's face and her flip flops slapped against the paving stones around the pool as she walked around and let her shadow cast across his face. Tipping his sunglasses down with a finger, Jungkook cracked open one eye and gave her a lazy smile.
"You made it!"
Pushing himself up, he climbed to his feet and stooped down to give her a quick peck on the cheek as they hugged, before Rosie sat down on the bed beside his, dumping everything on the seat pads as she grinned at him.
"Margarita as promised," Jungkook said, picking one up and gesturing with a flourish as he held it out.
"You're a star."
Giving her a quick wink, he slid his sunglasses back on and sat back down, brown legs stretched out across the gap separating their twin beds as he lounged on his elbows. "How was the flight."
"Boring," Rosie grumbled, rolling her eyes and taking a sip of the margarita. The glass was almost like a fishbowl and she sipped contentedly. "How's the holiday?"
"Amazing. Oh! You should meet William," he said with excitement, turning to glance over towards the pool, occupied by a few guests splashing about or lazily swimming laps. "Will!"
At the shout, a dark head turned to look at them and swam closer as Jungkook beckoned him over. A tall figure climbed out of the pool, dripping water all over the stone as he shook out his short hair. He was chiselled and classically handsome, cleanly shaved with a tattoo along the waistband of his swimming trunks, and he gave Rosie a perfectly white smile as he neared her.
Climbing to her feet, she gave him a friendly smile as Jungkook waved a hand to her, "this is Rosie. Rosie, this is Will."
"It's so nice to finally meet you," William said, trying not to splash her with water as they slightly hugged, exchanging air kisses, before drawing back.
"You too," Rosie said, sitting back down and raising her eyebrows suggestively at Jungkook, who gave her a knowing smile.
They fell into easy conversation, sipping cocktails and lounging in the sunshine - Rosie was quick to apply a thick layer of sunscreen and angle the umbrella over herself - and it felt nice to unwind in the heat, the chlorine of the pool and waving palm trees overhead putting her at ease. They'd already been there for a few days, enjoying snorkelling along the reefs and visiting the pig beach, and Rosie was content to relax by the pool and soak up the warmth for a few days and let them have all the fun. Their friends were off kayaking for the day, and Rosie was happy to catch up with Jungkook.
The rest of the day was spent in a cloud of coconut sunscreen that made her skin oily, swimming in the pool, buoyant and weightless as she submerged herself until the chlorine made her eyes red, and far too many drinks before the sunset. Dinner was at the hotel's restaurant, crickets singing in the rushes outside as the warm air caressed the bare skin of her shoulders, wearing a linen dress as Jungkook and William and a few of their other friends dressed down in shirts, filling the place with laughter as they drunk themselves into a stupor.
She was afforded a couple of days before Jaehyun showed up, wearing cutoffs and loafers, a loose tank top showing off his tattoos. He spent most of the first day in the hotel's gym or in the pool, before a quick photo shoot at the beach where they took turns taking photos of each other. Changing into a few different coloured swimming trunks, Jaehyun finally called it a day and went to the bar for drinks, with Rosie tagging along in silence. Sitting side by side on stools at a wooden poolside bar, they tried to look friendly as Rosie asked about his flight and his tour.
"I was meaning to ask you something, actually," Jaehyun said, giving her an easy smile, full of confidence, "I've got this jacket for a song I've got coming out. It's got the coverart on it; I thought maybe you could take a photo in it to help promote it. Before it's out."
Eyebrows rising, Rosie gave him a quick smile as she pulled her tequila sunrise towards her, playing with the straw, "oh, yeah, of course! I can do that. Maybe we'll take it tomorrow?"
Giving her shoulder a gentle squeeze, Jaehyun smiled widely, "great! Thanks."
Picking up his drink, he walked off, leaving her alone at the bar. Muttering to herself as she shook her head and huffed, Rosie sipped at her drink and looked up as William sat down beside her, an open shirt clinging to his wet skin as he pushed his hair out of his face and gave her a smile.
"Trouble in paradise?"
"Something like that," she murmured. "He seems nice."
Shrugging with more indifference than she should've shown towards the guy she was apparently dating, Rosie's mouth thinned with displeasure. They'd actually held a fake one year anniversary for themselves a week before she'd come to the Bahamas, complete with a cheesy engraved locket, a homemade cake and an unenthusiastic Instagram story to commemorate what was supposedly a milestone for Rosie. It was laughable and she chafed against the pageantry of it all.
"He's alright," she murmured, defeated unhappiness to her words.
"Sounds promising," William said, leaning in close as he kept his voice down, gently teasing her.
She let out a breathless laugh, rubbing at her forehead, "maybe."
"Can we get two rum and cokes please," William said, eyeing Rosie with a look of curiosity as he spoke to the bartender. "Do you drink rum and coke?"
"I drink anything that has alcohol in it," Rosie said with a wry smile as she met his brown eyes.
"Yeah, I thought you might. Come on, have a drink with me and tell me all about this man of yours."
"I'd much rather talk about yours. Isn't he just so lovely. I adore him."
William chuckled and nudged one of the glasses set before him towards Rosie, who finished off her own drink before clinking the ice around in the glass. They stayed at the bar until the sun started to set, streaking the sky pink and orange as night slowly crept in. They returned to their rooms to get ready for dinner and Rosie was relieved that Jaehyun opted for room service instead, unable to bear the thought of having to pretend while surrounded by Jungkook's friends. It was bad enough in the day.
But then Jaehyun left the next day, shortly after snapping a photo of Rosie in the Jacket to promote his new song, and Rosie was left to sit around the pool reading, until it was time for her and Jungkook's spa session they'd booked. Skin peels, hot stone massages, mud baths and microdermabrasion facials. After the tension of just a few days of acting, she needed it.
Her spirits were noticeably higher after Jaehyun had left, leaving her to her own devices, just how she liked it, and she chatted away the entire walk towards the spa area. Donning white robes and slippers, leaving their clothes in little lockers, her and Jungkook went through the sterile white rooms one by one as they let world-class specialists buff and polish their bodies to perfection, steam opening their pores in the sauna as they laughed and talked and made plans for the future, lay side by side on tables as kinks and knots were kneaded out of their backs, and finally came to a certified dermatologist who left them reclined in chairs with TGA peels on their faces to even out their skin tones.
"You're in a better mood," Jungkook noted after the dermatologist left.
Scoffing, Rosie kept her eyes closed as a muscle twitched in her jaw and she clenched her teeth. "Is it bad that he just ... irritates me? I don't think he means to, but he does . Like ... he's not awful, but he just gets on my nerves."
"Well, you're hardly a fair critic, seeing as you feel trapped with him. But that doesn't mean that he's not irritating to you. Honestly, I don't know why you're still doing it, darling. You don't need him."
"I do," Rosie said, a strangled laugh working its way through her lips as her face tingled.
"You're not even seeing anyone! What are they worried about?"
Pressing her lips together, Rosie was quiet for a long while, her stomach twisting with discomfort as she flexed her fingers and curled her hands into fists, trying not to fidget as she grew restless. She couldn't stop herself from blurting out the truth.
"I'm fucking Jennie again."
"Oh ... well."
"They don't know it," Rosie quickly explained, "it's not- we're not together. We're just ... having fun. Keeping it casual."
"Right."
"Anyway, so ... I need him. If they find out, they'll have a fit. You know they will."
Jungkook made a low sound of agreement at the back of his throat, humming in a disconcerting manner before they lapsed back into silence, listening to the meditative ambience music playing from small speakers hidden in the sparsely furnished room. Trying to unwind again as she rolled her shoulders beneath the fluffy gown, Rosie let out a faint sigh and cleared her throat.
"It doesn't have to be him, you know," Jungkook finally ventured, just when Rosie thought the topic had been laid to rest.
"Well, I don't really have any other options right now," Rosie replied, her voice strained and bleak with hopelessness.
She heard Jungkook shift in his seat beside her and tried to ignore him as she kept her eyes shut, breathing deep and even as she tried to shed the frustration that the topic resurfaced, so soon after having been given a reprieve from the charade.
"What about me?"
"What?" Rosie spluttered, her eyes snapping open as she sat up slightly, turning to peer at Jungkook.
His expression was expectant, a spark of humour in his eyes as he looked at her with anticipation on his face, a small smile playing on his mouth. Eyes roaming over his face, waiting to hear the punchline or wait for the smile to widen and his rumbling laughter to fill the space, Rosie found herself waiting as the silence stretched on.
"What?"
"We're in the same boat, sweetheart," Jungkook gently reminded her, his stare withering as he settled back down. "And with Will ... I don't know; I think it would benefit us both. We have a laugh together so it wouldn't feel like a chore. We'd make a gorgeous couple, and we're both singers who already have a duet together and years of history. Doesn't it make sense?"
"I- well ... yes, I suppose," Rosie mused, her face crumpling with a thoughtful look, "but ... do you really want to have to kiss me and deal with the enormous pile of shit anyone I date has to deal with?"
Shrugging dismissively, Jungkook just kept his eyes closed as he let the peel work on his skin, seemingly unbothered by the whole idea of them pretending to date. Rosie's insides clenched with anxiety at the mere thought of it. Jungkook was one of the only friends she had, and she was hesitant to let himself get wrapped up in her drama just to help her out. Even if she would be doing him a favour too.
"I've never been in a PR relationship before," he said, amusement colouring his words, "it could be fun."
"And what about our friendship?"
"Oh, well don't worry about that. What's the worst that could happen? People turn it into a competition to see who can write the best breakup song when it's over? You know us; we'll have a good laugh about it after. What could they possibly do to ruin our friendship?"
Mouth opening and closing as she tried to find an excuse, Rosie came up emptyhanded and raked her fingers through her damp hair before settling back down.
"Okay, fine. You cover for me, and I'll cover for you. I'll get the girls to sort out the contract with Jaehyun's team when I'm back in Chicago."
"Great, it's a deal. Do I need to ... get down on one knee or anything? Formally declare my intentions? A declaration of affection?"
"You're hilarious."
Jungkook let out a loud laugh, and Rosie found herself joining in, the two of them reclining on the leather spa chairs with skin peels on and sealing their fate as they reached across the space separating them, squeezing each other's hand reassuringly. A knot loosened inside Rosie, the heaviness of the last few months lifting as if the clouds were swept aside, a glimpse of freedom in sight with the ease of friendship extended to her by Jungkook. They could help each other.
-
"I wrote a song about it, actually," Rosie said, quietly laughing, "Getaway Car. Of course, this was only the beginning of the cumulative events of that song. It was a hail mary, a last desperate attempt for me to be in a PR stunt and cover up the truth - for both of us - without it feeling like acting all the time. Jungkook's one of my best friends, I really love him to bits, and I honestly can't thank him enough for doing that for me."
"He's since come out," Nayeon said, "was that why the two of you were so short-lived?"
Shaking her head, Rosie gave Nayeon a coy smile, "oh no. Jungkook didn't come out until months after we called it quits. He wasn't really meant to be long-term, just, quite literally, the getaway car. I knew I couldn't weasel out of a contract without another option lined up for them to take, and I wanted it to be on my terms this time. Granted, Jungkook offered up the idea, but it was as easy as breathing with him. It was amazing, that time of my life. I really would do it all again with him; I think he's the only one I never regretted. And they bought it. My team. I gave it a couple of weeks before I broached the topic, just so it didn't look too suspicious to the media that Jaehyun and I were all loved up in the Bahamas one week and over the next, and then I called it quits, and had the perfect person to step into the empty space."
"Jeon Jungkook is one of the biggest musicians in the world; I imagine that helped."
"Oh, definitely! I think they really wanted to play off the fact that we'd been friends for years and we both wrote our own songs. He really wasn't kidding about people trying to figure out which songs we'd written about each other afterwards. I think most people were also just surprised to find that we were as close as ever after we broke up. That was the first time that had happened after one of the PR stunts. I mean, I was friendly with Kim Suho, but I never really had much cause to see most of them. But Jungkook ... he's like family. He's always been there for me, and I think he always will. Last year, he married William, who he was seeing at the time we were dating, and it was just ... it was amazing to see him get that day of happiness. To be there to celebrate with him."
A fond smile softened her look as she pressed a hand to her heart, warmth kindled in her chest as she thought about Jungkook, who had always championed her cause, always defended her and made sure to uplift her whenever she needed it, whether it was good or bad being spouted at her.
"I think when we were both covering for each other, we both felt that kinship in sort of ... feeling lost. There's a certain pressure in the music industry - obviously, it's rooted in homophobia - but you think that you'll never be able to come out without losing your career. And some people have cultivated their careers while being out and proud and I applaud them for being able to do it, but there were people like me and like Jungkook who were in a very different place. He was the heartthrob writing the sweetest songs about women that made everyone swoon and wish for a man like him, and I was America's unAmerican sweetheart, writing songs about girly crushes. It just didn't work with our images. When we were together, I think we were both two hopeless souls who never imagined there would be a day when we'd be able to stand before everyone and publicly proclaim our love for those we really did love. He got to do this a while ago, and I get to do it now, and it might have been a long time coming, but I'll take it."