"While my world's crashing down, I just want somebody to die for."
Die For — Sam Smith
My jaw ticks, and I grit my teeth as I hoist the barbell above my head, feeling my muscles burn with the weight. I can hear my teammates around me huffing and puffing with their own exercises, and Coach yelling at someone to focus on mind-muscle connection.
Something I rarely have a problem with, but today, my brain has decided to wholly stop focusing.
All because I can't push a certain blonde out of my head.
Irritated that I can't even focus on my workouts, I nod at Ty, who's spotting me, to take the barbell from me and place it on the stand. Straightening to my feet, I rub my face towel against my sweaty neck, sauntering right over to Coach.
"Coach, can I cut it short today?" I exhale, ruffling my damp hair away from my forehead. "Don't feel well."
Coach Bradshaw narrows his eyes at me for a moment, probably trying to size me up, but for some fucking miraculous reason, he nods.
Tossing a goodbye at my teammates, I return to the locked room to shower and change. The hot water cascades down my body once I'm in the shower, and I let out a breath, leaning my head against the damp wall, closing my eyes.
Memories of four nights ago flood into my head, inevitable and prominent. Her soft mouth, her tattoos. The fucking waist chain wrapped around her stomach, the softness of her skin. Her silky, blonde locks.
I can't get them, get her, out of my head.
When I first started realising my physical attraction towards Jordyn, despite how much she irritated the fuck out of me, I figured that once I get her out of my system, I'd move on.
It's been four whole nights since the Halloween party and she, along with that sinful body of hers, has been taking up every inch of my brain and it makes me want to bang my head against a hard surface just to get her out of it.
I'm not a stranger to casual, good sex. Although I don't sleep around as much as people think I do, I've had enough to know good sex. I thought I've already had the best.
Until she came along and gave me a hell of a night that's now branded into my brain.
Never have I ever met someone that felt like she did. The way she moves, her body. Surreal.
It's annoying the fuck out of me. The whole reason I've skipped out on relationships and commitment is because thinking about the same person too much has fucked me in the past and I don't want it to happen anymore.
I've never wanted a girl again so quickly after the initial time before, and I sure as hell have never spent so much time thinking about one hookup.
This is Jordyn Rivers. The girl that has gotten on my nerves since the second she scampered into college, jumps at every chance to irritate me and probably despises me as much as I do her.
She's the last woman in the entire fucking world that I should want a second time with.
Growing more and more irritated by the second, I shut off the water after slathering myself with soap and rinsing it off. Pulling on a fresh pair of sweats and a tank, I grab my stuff and set off outside.
The sun is setting over the buildings of CSU, flooding shades of orange and pink across the sky as I start walking to the car park, my eyes flicking over to the field.
Empty.
The nudge of disappointment that I feel in my chest only fuels my annoyance, and I clench my car keys in my fist, focusing on getting to my car and getting home.
Once I'm in the car and revving the engine to life, I realise that going home and being by myself will only make me think more. I need something to distract me.
Five minutes later, I'm pulling up into the car park of Drunk Dine, the hotspot bar and club that's just a few blocks away from college. We've been going there since freshmen year to hang out and for drinks, and the place usually consists of CSU students.
I step through the double doors, immediately greeted by the loud sound of music and chatter mixing together, the smell of alcohol and fried food. Drunk Dine's first floor is the usual, a long bar with stools and tables for people to kick back, grab a beer with friends and watch a game or two in the large TV's hung around the room.
The second floor holds a grand nightclub, only active on weekends after 8 pm. This place has both the things that college kids need in one place, which is exactly why it's popular.
Even right now, as I make my way towards the bar, the place is fairly crowded. I notice a few familiar faces, smiling and nodding at them in acknowledgement before hoisting myself up onto one of the high stools by the bar.
Waving the bartender that I'm familiar with over, I order vodka shots. Neat. I never drink too much during game season. But hell, I need it today.
"Rough day?" Ned quirks a brow at me as he pours my drinks.
"Something like that," I grunt, sliding over the cash as he places three shot glasses filled with vodka in front of me.
I don't even wait until Ned moves over to his next customer to down all three of them in one go, the alcohol burning my throat. Running my finger around the lip of the shot glass, I pause for a moment to take in my surroundings.
My eyes land on a girl that's sitting at a table a few feet away from me, her gaze already on me. She smiles when I make eye contact with her, her brown eyes lighting up.
The look in her eyes is something I'm all too familiar with. A look that sends one clear message.
She's wearing a dark green bodycon dress, hugging her petite, skinny figure. I don't know what her natural hair colour is, because it's dyed entirely in a mix of dark blue, pulled up into a high ponytail.
She's a pretty girl, but I can't seem to find an appeal in her. She doesn't have Jordyn's thick thighs, round hips. Doesn't have that aura of confidence that Jordyn has.
I snap myself out of it when I realise what I'm doing.
Why the fuck am I comparing a random girl to her?
My fingers tighten around the shot glass, the action making the rings on my fingers dig into my skin. I'm like a fucking druggie having withdrawals from Jordyn Rivers and that body of hers that looks like it was sculpted right out of my wildest fantasies.
The best way to get her out of my head is to replace that memory with a newer one.
Before I can change my own mind, I'm off the stool, holding the girl's gaze as I smile lazily at her, sending her the signal back.
I'm down.
Swivelling on my heel, I walk towards the back of the bar, where I know the bathrooms are. It's calmer back here, the loud music of the DJ muffled out.
I lean against the wall between the men's and women's bathrooms, and I don't have to wait too long. The girl appears at the end of the hallway moments later, a seductive smile playing on her blue-stained lips as she approaches me.
"Hey there." She speaks, coming to a halt in front of me. Her heavy perfume surrounds me, making my nose twitch slightly.
"Hello." I muster a grin down at her, my hands reaching out and grabbing her hips, pulling her towards me.
The flair of heat that exploded in me when I felt Jordyn's body against mine is nowhere to be found.
Pushing her to the back of my head, I lower my face towards the unnamed girl's face, and she takes the lead, getting on her toes and pushing her mouth against mine.
She kisses me, and it still does little to my body. Irked by my own body's lack of response, I push open the door to the women's bathroom with my hand and walk both of us in, kissing her hard. I hear her lock the door as we continue making out, her fingers grabbing at my belt desperately.
At that very moment, flashbacks echo in my head. The way Jordyn smelled, sweet and spicy at the same time. Her soft hands running up my body. That fucking tongue of hers.
For fuck's sake, what am I doing?
Panting, I pull back from the kiss, my hands nudging the girl's away from my pants. She opens her eyes, eyebrows furrowing in question.
"What's wrong?"
"I..." I chew on my bottom lip, shaking my head. "I can't. I'm sorry."
She frowns, a flare of annoyance crossing her face. "What the—"
I don't wait for her to finish the sentence, pushing past her and walking out of the bathroom, and then the bar. The cool night air hits me as I exit Drunk Dine, and I curse under my breath, stalking towards my car.
Once I'm in the driver's seat, I switch on the AC on full blast to cool my body that's sticky with sweat. From pure frustration, or because of the humidity in the bar, I'm not very sure.
Clenching the steering wheel, I stare at the rings on my fingers, the way that lights from Drunk Dine's neon sign reflect off the silver.
And even then, I'm reminded of Jordyn's waist chain. The way it glinted even in the dim lighting of my bedroom that night, the way the cool metal felt like pressed against my stomach when she rode me.
Fuck's sake.
That's when I realise that every single rule that I've abided by when hooking up, I threw out the fucking window that night with her. All of them I've stuck to since I walked into college freshmen year, because they'd keep me from getting attached.
And I've had no damn problem sticking to them all this time, but I broke every single one of them in just a span of few hours on Halloween night.
I'm so fucked.
• • •
Going to a class where I have to sit directly behind Jordyn Rivers for a whole two hours isn't the best idea when I'm trying to get her out of my head.
But I don't skip class, no matter what. Not skipping helps me keep my grades high, and I'd rather go through the agony than fail a class.
So here I am, sitting right behind her, her blonde hair barely a foot ahead of me.
We're almost an hour into the lecture, and the professor is telling us to touch upon the assignment he handed out a while ago. Jordyn and I have finished nearly ninety percent of it, but there's still a few more to do until it's wrapped up.
Fuck.
I twist the rings on my middle finger as I lean back on the seat, exhaling. My plan on staying away isn't working, and I don't have a choice. We have the same friend groups, our teams work together, and the same class.
It's like the universe wants to make my life a living hell.
"Yo, you good?" Ty knocks his knee against mine, grabbing my attention. I look at my best friend and nod stiffly.
"Yeah."
Ty studies me for a moment and looks away, and I know fully well that he's going to corner me later. He's the observant one from me, Micah and Kai. He always notices when something's up, and it's hard to keep a secret from the guy.
I manage to focus on the lecture for the next hour, and when the Professor concludes the class, I all but heave with relief. Scrambling for my things, I shot to my feet and walked out. The fresh air ruffles my hair as I lean against the wall outside the lecture hall.
Fuck. I need to talk to her.
But I can't do it in public, and there's no way I can catch her at her place or ask her to come over. Exasperated, I look around, and my eyes land on the janitor's closet a few feet from me.
The next thing I know, I'm inside the closet, tugging Jordyn inside as she walks past, slamming the door behind her. Her furious grey eyes lift to mine, and even in the dim flickering light, I can still see the brilliant stormy colour in them.
"What the fuck, Parker?" She spits, scowling up at me. I wince when she calls me by my last name, remembering how she breathily moaned my name like a fucking prayer that night.
It's stuffy and tight in here, and her smaller body is nearly pressed against mine, her back against the door. I'm reminded instantly of everything, all at once. Her wet, soft pussy around my dick, the way her pink nipples fit into my mouth. The taste of her sweat on the tip of my tongue, her whole body trembling against mine when she orgasmed.
I shift, suddenly feeling incredibly warm, and my crotch tightening. "Wanted to talk to you."
Jordyn's pissed expression doesn't falter. "Why do you need to talk to me?"
My face falls. "What?"
She exhales, her jaw stiffening. "What happened, happened, okay? Neither of us can go back so you don't have to rub it in my face."
I frown, tilting my head at her, confused as to why she's so angry with me, and a slither of annoyance tickles inside me. "Rub it in your face?"
Jordyn holds my gaze, unwavering. "Do us both a favour and leave it. Pretend like nothing happened, Parker. I'm not interested to hear you gloat."
Glowering down at her, and I step closer, pressing our bodies firmly against each other. I hear her breath falter, and my body nearly fucking sings with pleasure at the feel of her on me.
"You want to go back to being strangers, like nothing happened, after the way I fucked you that night?"
Her eyes widen slightly at my words, and I sense her hands trembling by her sides. A moment of silence passes between us, both of us furiously glaring at each other, the air around us rippling with tension.
"Leave me the fuck alone, Parker." Jordyn finally musters out, her voice slightly shaking at the end, before she pushes me back, turning around and walking out, leaving me alone in the musty dark janitor's closet.
As the door creaks shut behind her, I stare at it angrily, making up my mind.
Jordyn Rivers is the last fucking person on Earth that I would go soft for.