6. From the Ashes
'Whether we remain the ash or become the Phoenix is up to us.'
-Ming-Dao Deng
⤐
WHEN the world ended, Zepp made it out of the city within days. Weird stories popped up on the news, grocery store shelves were wiped clean, the military started evacuations. None of it did anyone any good.
Then the bombs started.
Her trusty go bag ready by her front door, from the day she moved into her rundown studio apartment, was a simple backpack with a few supplies to get her through whatever situation she might find herself in. It was smart. While her neighborhood wasn't necessarily on the worst side of the city to live, it wasn't safe to be alone at night either. But even when she heard screams from the street below, or gunshots in the distance, she did not fear them. She feared a knock on the front door. She feared a heavy steel-toed boot kicking it down. She feared her stepfather coming for her.
So when the army lost Atlanta, she grabbed her bag and ran to her (now abandoned) little blue Honda. The engine purred and hummed as she zipped down the street, dodging and weaving through cars left running in the street, blood smeared on the seats and the wheels. She passed her favorite coffee shop, the large bay window smashed open and patio chairs overturned. She passed the laundromat owned by Rachel, the middle aged woman who's son always wanted to show Zepp his new Pokémon cards, a bloody handprint marking the welcome sign.
An overturned bus in the lane blocked the right side of the road, and as she slowed to go around, a body slammed into her driver side door. She shrieked, slamming on the brakes. A young woman covered in blood with a chunk of flesh hanging from her neck frantically pounded on the glass, begging for Zepp to open the door. Before she had a moment to react, the soon to be corpse darted to the other side of the car, yanking on the door handle. She threw the car into reverse, the sickening screams as she ran over the woman's foot roaring over the soft engine.
She wouldn't stop. She couldn't.
As she whipped the car around to head the opposite direction, she took a moment to glance in the rearview mirror. The woman was crumpled to the asphalt with a hand to her neck.
There was nothing to be done.
She didn't look back again.
⤐
Veronica stood tall, stretching to her fullest height, though that really wasn't much. Her lean muscles glinted with the crystal water in the sunlight and Zepp could feel her face grow warm with the glow.
Veronica glanced nimbly over her bare shoulder, a small smile dancing across her lips. Zepp returned her attention back to tying her boots.
Veronica hummed as she finished wiping down her legs with an old tee shirt before rifling through her bag for fresh clothes. "Do you have a spare flannel?" she shot to Zepp.
Zepp reached behind her into the bag she managed to snag from an abandoned car last week and tossed her the shirt, still looking down at her boots. She couldn't bear to look at her while she was so.. vulnerable. Even given their history, it felt wrong to see her that way after all these years.
They had been on the road for a while now and fell into the habit of pairing off together, wether that was for runs, to bathe in nearby creeks and rivers, or just sleeping close to each other around the fire at night. They whispered softly, heads together, of their time away from each other.
Where they were, what jobs they had, what relationships they had gone through. Veronica politely feigned surprise that Zepp's 'relationships' chalked up to a few one night stands while Zepp pretended it didn't hurt to hear she was engaged before the fall of the world. His name was Beau, he was a firefighter, and that's all the information she could pry from her before she turned away to face the fire.
Dressed and ready to go, the women headed back up the hill towards the rest of their group. In the months that passed, she found herself growing closer to the D.C crew than she had originally expected to.
Rosita was a calm lighthouse in the shitstorm, and while Abraham could do with a few knocks to the head every once in a while, he was a genuinely caring person, always on the lookout for each of them. Even Eugene was beginning to grow on her, though she chose to ignore him most days.
While their routine as a family came easier to her now, each day only seemed to get harder. They met new people along the way and met disaster as well. Every stranger that took up their mission with them was somehow lost a short time later. They spent a week holed up in a gas station as a herd clamored through, their small group weak and on the brink of starvation. They lost two men who decided to take a chance and run despite Veronica's pleas. Soon after, they could hear the screams as the father and son were torn apart just outside their walls.
When the herd finally passed and they broke free of their cage, they spent another three days running from another herd, only to find they had gone in circles from their starting point. Abraham's rage almost tore them apart that day, and he only came to once Zeppelin slapped him clean across the face.
Speaking of the devil, as impatient and stubborn as ever, Abraham anxiously tapped his fingers against his gun, the baby that never left his hands. Rosita narrowed her eyes as the other women approached and gave her man a small nudge on the shoulder. He whipped his head towards them and immediately stood, stomping down the path back towards the truck.
"Squeaky clean ladies?" He grunted. "Let's get moving then."
Veronica rolled her eyes and grabbed a water bottle out of her bag to toss towards Zepp before moving to walk close beside her. When their shoulders brushed together, Zepp gritted her teeth as she was reminded of her time with Daryl, so close and intimate on the most basic level. Her mind wandered.
Where was he now? Was he still alive? Did he hate me for leaving them?
She was reminded of him at every deer that crossed their paths, every rippling creek that slithered next to them, every ray of sunlight that shone through the trees like a golden waterfall. She felt his absence like a scratch she couldn't reach, always there and growing every day.
She made her choice.
She pushed on.
Veronica bumped into her with a little more force, her expression a mixture of amusement and worry. Zepp wondered how long she had been talking while she was off in another world.
"Earth to Z. You listening? I said what's on your mind? Clearly a lot," she mused.
Zepp shrugged incredulously and continued walking. "Just stuff," she decided was the safest answer. Veronica took it though from the incredulous look on her face, this conversation wasn't over. She tucked a strawberry blonde lock behind her ear and pranced to catch up with the others, leaving Zepp to hold the rear.
After snagging a few squirrels, they reconvened at the military-grade truck and hopped in. "Are we there yet?" Veronica's melodic voice dripping with
sarcasm as Abraham rolled his eyes. Zepp smiled to herself and stared out the window, flinching when she felt a small movement on her thigh, another hand grazing as light as a feather. She looked down at Veronica's small hand and clutched it in her own, her skin tingling.
They drove in silence, anxiety hanging over the air like a thick canopy, despite Veronica and Rosita's constant light hearted jokes. They were way behind schedule and feeling the pressure. They hadn't even made it out of Georgia yet.
Zeppelin did take some comfort in the length of the trip. It meant more time spent with Veronica, time they lost years ago. As much as she wanted to trust her, Zepp wasn't sure of her intentions once they reached D.C. Would she just leave her again?
"Forgive me but does anyone else see the chaotic scene unfolding before our very eyes?" Eugene squeaked from his spot in the front seat. Far in the distance, a young girl with short brown hair was fending off walkers, slashing through the corpses. As they got closer, her rage took over and she pounded her knife into a walker's chest with all her strength, over and over again. The girl turned towards their vehicle, her squinted eyes darting to see past the tinted windshield.
"Hope you enjoyed the show, assholes!" She screamed.
The group hopped out one by one, Eugene cowering just behind Zepp as per his usual. It was then she noticed the man clothed in riot gear unconscious on the ground. Though his face was dripping with blood, something familiar tugged at her core, screaming for her to remember.
When it hit her, she dropped her rifle and sprinted to him, shoving the young girl aside. "Glenn!?" She shook his chest a few times, her gut wrenching at the sight of him.
Why is he out here with this girl? Who is she?
What did she do the group? Where's Daryl?
The second the thought of Daryl slithered into her mind, she grabbed her knife out of it's sheath and yanked the girl by her shirt, shoving the sharp edge to her throat.
"Where are they?" Her voice dropped low and dangerous enough to make Veronica place a warm hand on her shoulder in warning.
The other girl threw up her hands in surrender. "I- I don't know who you mean. It's just me and him, I swear," she stuttered.
"Come on, back off," Veronica whispered.
Zeppelin caved and released her grip on the girl. It wasn't until she removed her blade that she saw the razor thin slice in the girl's neck. She scowled at her dropped to the ground next to Glenn, feeling for a pulse while the others questioned the girl.
Her name was Tara, she met Glenn during an attack on a prison. Zepp felt a cold chill snake down her spine when she heard the girl shakily mention she was originally part of the attack that separated the family.
"I couldn't do it. I thought they were bad people. But the man I was with did something horrible. And after, Glenn saved me.. and I need to save him." Though her eyes were frightened, and her fingers trembled, her voice was firm and strong.
Zepp's blood chilled at the visions of someone doing horrible things to the group she had left behind. "Who did he hurt?" She asked, her voice barely above a whisper as she rose to her feet.
Tara nervously glanced at her as though she feared the answer would cost her her life.
Depending on the answer, she might be right.
"It was an old man with white hair.. he- he sliced his head off. I don't know who else was hurt, I couldn't watch anymore after that."
Zepp squeezed her eyes shut, tears smoldering on the waterlines, on the verge of overpouring.
Hershel.
It had to be Hershel.
She turned her attention back to Glenn who was thankfully still breathing. She grabbed one of his arms and glared at Eugene, a silent order to help her lift him into the truck. They set him in gently and Tara moved to jump in next to him. Zepp darted in front of her, blocking her way up with eyes narrowed and jaw clenched. "We got him. You can leave," she hissed.
Tara shook her head furiously. "No, I need to stay with him. I promised I would help him find his wife."
Maggie. Zepp's gut twisted more and her head was pounding.
"I don't give a damn what this fella is looking for, we are going to D.C.," Abraham huffed. "Now you are either in or out, but you best make a decision quickly." He made his decree and slammed the door of the truck shut behind him, the engine roaring to life.
Tara moved to hop in again, and again Zepp mirrored her actions.
"Z.." Veronica warned. "Leave it alone. Let's go," she demanded as she hopped in the truck.
Zepp glared at the younger girl and jumped in the back beside Glenn. Tara hesitantly followed, sitting in the farthest corner away from her.
⤐
They bounced down the road for a few hours, Zepp's gaze never leaving Glenn's sweet face. Finally, he coughed and sputtered, coming back to life. She grimaced, leaning over him to grab her bottle of water.
"Hey, don't move. Here's some water."
His expression went from confusion to bewilderment, his brain connecting the pieces of who she was as he shakily held the plastic bottle to his lips.
"Zepp?" He whispered.
Glenn shook his head in denial before sitting up suddenly as though his brain connected one last piece.
"Where are we?" He whipped around to face Tara.
"I don't know," she admitted sheepishly. "We were fighting biters and you passed out right after we left the prison. I didn't know what to do.. the back of a truck seemed safer than the side of the road."
"Did we pass a bus? On the road, was there a bus!?" Glenn's desperation broke his voice.
Zepp sucked in a breath harshly. "Yeah."
"What did you see? What did you see!?" His voice cracked with despair.
"They were all dead.."
"How long since we passed it?"
"About three hours."
Glenn scrambled to the window separating them from the cab of the truck, tapping it fiercely.
"Hey! Hey, stop the truck! Hey, numbnuts stop the truck! Stop the truck! Stop the truck!" He yelled over and over, pounding on the thin, flimsy glass. Zepp's hand automatically grazed the knife at her thigh and she cursed herself for even thinking Glenn would be a threat to her.
Abraham barely squealed the truck to a stop before Glenn was already throwing himself out and trekking the opposite way.
"Where the hell are you going?" their General bellowed. "Where the hell is he going?" He turned his question and his glare to Zepp. She simply shrugged and began following Glenn, earning her own, Where the hell are YOU going!? from Abraham.
He was not one to let things go.
He stomped after the duo, Tara and Rosita following close on his heels. "Hey! I don't know what your lady friend told you about the special nature of this mission we're on, but this shit is time sensitive and we're already way behind schedule. So I need you to turn your ass around and get back in the truck," he demanded.
Veronica shared a confused look with Eugene from their spot by the truck before gliding over to the rest of the group, her eyes flicking nervously to Zepp and back to Glenn.
Glenn turned and walked backwards, shrugging. "I gotta go," he said simply, as if it needed no other explanation.
And Zepp realized he was right.
Tara fell into step beside him and Zepp slowed to glance back at Veronica, her eyes pleading.
Come with me.
"It seems like none of you's been paying attention to the hell on earth we've been living in," Abraham scoffed, still following hotly. "So let me tell you how to best avoid winding up just another dead-alive prick. You find some strong, like-minded comrades and you stay stuck together like wet on water." Zepp rolled his eyes at his tone, always taking on the role of General in the group. "We need people," he continued, marching after them. "The more the better. We need each other, partner." His tone softened slightly. "Even with all that gear on your shoulder, you won't last a night. Not by yourself."
Glenn shook his head and kept walking, ignoring the comments. "I'll take my chances."
Abraham and Glenn continued their argument, Glenn finally slowing to a stop to listen, though he wouldn't look the other man in the face. Zepp took the chance to scan their surroundings and she felt Veronica's gaze burning into her like a red-hot iron.
A walker stumbled out of the trees toward them, and before the others could notice, she strode over and sliced her knife deep into it's skull with ease.
"Now come on! Get back in the truck. Do something with your life," Abraham barked. Glenn dropped his backpack to the ground, his shoulders hunched, almost looking... defeated. "When the people we love kick... well, they disappear. Doesn't mean you've got to go out that way, too."
In a flurry, Glenn threw himself at Abraham, landing a blow before they both wrestled to the ground. They each threw punch after punch, most of them connecting with skin and bone with a squelch.
Rosita and Tara screamed for them to stop, Veronica attempted to pull them apart and was pushed down. Zepp rolled her eyes and simply stood close by, preferring to let them fight it out as she watched the tree line.
Suddenly, gunshots rained behind them, spattering against the truck and tires like a garden sprinkler in the summer. Zepp sprinted towards Eugene, who was still showering the area with bullets from a machine gun by the time she reached him.
"Damn it, Eugene, stop firing!" She screamed at the mousy man. Walkers creeped closer to them and she took them all out with a few bullets of her own before yanking the gun out of Eugene's grip. "You idiot," she hissed, immediately regretting her harsh words as he bit his lip.
Gas spilled out of the truck and Abraham stumbled over, ignoring the blood trickling down his cheek as he grazed his hands lovingly down it's side. "Son of a dick," he grumbled.
In defeat, the group gathered their belongings from the truck while Abraham rambled on about his "good times" including an enemy packing dynamite up a camel's ass and his boys made it out unscathed.
"How in the holy hell did you possibly kill this truck?" He questioned Eugene, fists clenched at his sides.
"A fully amped up state and an ignorance of rapid-firing weapons," Eugene monotonously answered.
Rosita rolled her eyes and Veronica snickered, quickly hiding her light laughter from Abraham's earshot.
Glenn slung his bag over his shoulder and started his walk back towards Maggie. "Sorry about your ride. Hope you guys make it to Washington."
"Wait for me!" Tara called out, jogging to catch up to him.
Maggie.
The group.
Daryl. Daryl.
She found herself awkwardly lingering, one foot in each world. Somehow the loss of the truck made this choice more real, more permanent. She knew any moment now Abraham would demand they get moving, and toss her two bags to carry for every one Eugene was saddled with.
She could try to justify it as, well we don't have a car anyway so let's just follow and see what we can find, but deep down she knew that wasn't why her heart ached to follow him.
She just had to know if she could see him one more time.
Her feet made their own movements, slowly following Glenn and Tara, even as Abraham began shouting a string of curses towards her.
Then she felt Veronica's strong hand clasp in her own as she fell into step beside her, and finally relaxed the tension she didn't realize she was holding in her jaw.
Rosita sighed, shaking her head and turning backwards to walk with them as she faced Abe down.
"What the hell else are we gonna do?" She scoffed.
"Go to Washington! Fix the whole damn world! Abraham sputtered in disbelief, glancing at Eugene.
"This way's clear. Who knows what's North. We'll find another vehicle. We'll go with them until we do. Trust me. I'm smarter than you," Eugene affirmed, almost giddy.
As everyone strolled away from him, there was nothing Abraham could do but follow.
⤐
Concrete wouldn't burn. It can be scarred, shadowed, cracked, but it won't burn. The walls will stand tall and strong, protecting those inside.
Daryl Dixon was the same.
When he saw Beth in the chaos of the prison, his only thought was to get her the hell away from the war raging behind them. The prison was lost, their family too, and this small, sad girl was all that was left to him. They ran, ran, ran, ran until their lungs were screaming, their skin dripping with sweat, heaving and collapsing in a pile on the ground.
The crows circling above them hungry for their next meal eerily reminded him of the walkers.
After a few seconds of relief, he grabbed Beth's hand in his own and jumped up, pulling her along into the woods. They would find shelter, food, maybe circle back to search for more of their people.
For now, he had to get Beth to safety.
As they sprinted into the woods, Daryl had one question gnawing at his brain like a walker sinking into flesh.
Is Zepp out here?
⤐
The small group ambled down the road back the way they came. Glenn took lead, clutching a Polaroid picture in his trembling hands. Tara followed close behind him, glancing at Zepp now and then as she kept one eye on her at all times. Veronica and Rosita were whispering to each other while Eugene muttered to himself about god knows what.
Abraham brought up the rear, gaining speed to walk next to Zepp.
"Gotta hand it to him," he chuckled. "He's a persistent son of a bitch. I get why you're following him." He nudged Zepp and she rolled her eyes. "You're loyal. You're a good person. That's what I've always liked about you. Loyalty."
He cleared his throat when she shot him a glare, almost nervous to finish his sentiments. "But what we're doing.. I don't know how else to say it. Saving the world is just-" he chuckled again. "It's just more important. I mean, even if he does find his wife, so what? How long do you think they'll live happily ever after if we don't get Eugene up to Washington? I-"
He was abruptly cut off as she twisted to stand in front of him, halting his pace. "You think because I'm following Glenn, that makes me a good person? That because I've stuck with you through all your bullshit, I'm loyal and that means I need to be led in the right direction, right?"
The others stopped in their tracks except for Rosita, stealthily creeping behind her before Veronica clutched onto her shoulder, shaking her head.
Let them fight it out, her face said everything her words did not.
"I'm not a good person," Zepp snapped. She could handle Abraham's brash demeanor most days, but she refused to listen to his doubts about Maggie. She stalked to Glenn's side, the pair moving again towards their destination in silence.
Abraham snorted it off and jogged to catch up while the others eyed them all carefully.
"You're good though," he pointed at Tara.
"You don't know anything about me. Just like I don't know anything about why you're going to Washington. I get why Eugene's going. He's the only one who that knows how to end this. And Rosita, she loves you. She'd follow you anywhere." Abraham caught Rosita's gaze and smiled sheepishly. "But why the hell you'd agree to drive him halfway across the country..." Tara trailed off.
"Is it that hard to believe, I want to save the world?"
"Because you're a good person?" Zepp sneered.
Tara smiled sadly and turned away from Abraham. "You don't have to tell me why. Just don't lie to me."
"Abe, leave people alone. You're being bothersome," Veronica grinned, tangling her fingers into Zepp's as they walked.
They continued on for a while in awkward silence, Abraham muttering the occasional curse. When they finally stopped around a fire to eat and rest, Zepp spoke directly to Tara for the first time since they got in the truck. "Did you see if any of the people got out?" She murmured, toying with the speared rabbit in her hands.
Tara grimaced and shook her head.
What good is this girl?
She rolled her eyes and slid next to Veronica who was listening intently to another one of Eugene's rambles.
"I'm well aware it sounds bananas. But looking at the fossil record, knowing what I know about this infection, you cannot say for certain it isn't what killed off the dinosaurs," he continued. Veronica cracked a smile, dropping it immediately to feign surprise.
"Really?" She breathed.
"Now, do I believe that's what happened?" Eugene paused to dramatically glance around the group.
"No."
"But it's enjoyable as hell to think about an undead ankylosaur going after a diplodocus," he giggled.
Zepp tuned him out and gazed at Glenn who was staring off into the woods. His face was dirty, marked with worry lines. The bags under his bloodshot eyes were like mountains upon his smooth skin.
Something terrible happened to their group and Zepp felt a chill creeping back into her gut like icicles trickling down the trees.
The rest of them settled down to get some sleep while Tara, Abraham, and Zepp were left to bask in their thoughts.
"Go to sleep," he whispered to the women. Zepp turned away from him without a word and continued her watch.
Tara nudged him on the shoulder with a crooked grin. "I got this."
Abraham scoffed, shaking his too-large head. "No offense, but I'm not leaving Eugene's life in your hands."
The two continued whispering to each other, arguing about who should sleep and they all have their own missions, whatever it was, Zepp didn't give a damn about. All she could think about was the group she met not so long ago, though it seemed like another lifetime. Hell, every day in this new world seemed like a lifetime.
How is Carol holding up through this? Was Rick able to get his wife and child out? Will we find Maggie alive? Daryl.. I know Daryl survived. I feel it in my bones. But will he come out of this a different man? Will he still be Daryl?
She gazed at Glenn again, who was hardly listening to any of them. She couldn't bear to remind him of the pain he's going through, to force him to talk about it. Her questions would have to wait.
She turned her neck slightly to glance at Veronica who was sleeping peacefully, the firelight casting a warm orange glow over her skin like a bright sun settling down to disappear for the night. Zepp was racked with guilt, it was eating her from the inside out, scrambling her brain until she found herself unable to focus on anything around her, simply staring at the ground in front of her feet while her mind raced.
She felt guilt for leaving the group to be with Veronica.
She felt guilt for wishing she would have told Veronica she had to stay.
She felt guilt for sitting here right now, doing nothing while she could be out looking for survivors.
She felt guilt for not curling up next to Veronica, protecting her body in it's most vulnerable state.
She couldn't handle her own thoughts anymore, shooting to her feet and pacing around the camp.
Abraham chuckled in that annoying way of his before pulling out a bottle from his pack. "Need some help?" He titled it towards her and she snatched it from his hands, barely reading the label before taking a generous gulp.
The liquid snaked it's way into her belly leaving a trail of fire in it's wake. She grimaced and gazed at the withered, yellowing label.
"Shoulda known you were a whiskey man," she muttered and passed the bottle back to him, coughing slightly.
He laughed and took an even bigger gulp. "Through and through, honey," he winked.
The liquor calmed her nerves and she reluctantly settled down next to Veronica with her rifle still in her lap. She wouldn't sleep tonight, but she could relax enough to stay in one position, her eyes never leaving the tree line.