TW: Virgil is an ass in this chapter. Mentions of Roman being 'crazy'. Panic Attacks,
November 15th | Eight Months Since Remus Died | Anxiety Gives Roman Anxiety
"Hey Anxiety," Roman started, school was out for the day and the group was simply hanging out on campus until other things came up, "I was wondering if you wanted to go to rehearsal with me? That way after you can come over to hang out."
Anxiety shrugged, "Not really interested." He muttered irritably.
"Aw, why? We can watch Disney Movies" Roman replied lyrically.
Anxiety growled slightly before snapping, "Because I don't feel like spending time with someone who uses their spare hours to frolic around a stage like a prima ballerina and memorize all the words to children's movies."
There was silence at the table they sat at, most of them surprised at the words, before Patton gasped, "Anxiety! Say you're sorry right now, that was mean!"
"No," The ghost said, "I don't care if it was mean. He should fucking know."
"Language."
"English!" Anxiety replied harshly.
Logan looked to Roman, who still sat slightly frozen as he played with his food, "Are you alright, you seem to be in distress."
Roman nodded weakly, "I'll be-"
"Fine? Is that what you were going to say? You're fine?" Anxiety asked, arms crossed in front of him as he glared at Roman, "Is that another silly little act of yours 'Prince Charming'? Lets face it Roman, you're not fine. You haven't been fine for as long as we've known you, probably longer. You have mental breakdowns about your shitty brother once a week. Your parents found out about your little 'ability' because you probably can't keep a fucking secret to save your life. And now, because you can't act for shit, your parents are under the impression that you're fucking insane. And you know what? Maybe you are Roman. Maybe you're a boneheaded delusional mess. Maybe we're all illusions in that messed up head of yours maybe-"
"Enough." Logan cut in angrily, "I refuse to sit by and let you say things like that to him. I never should have sat quiet this long. Anxiety, I don't know what has gotten into you, but until you figure it out I'd prefer it if you avoided us all, myself included."
Anxiety paused, "Wh-what?"
"You heard me Anxiety, go somewhere else. Now." Logan ordered.
Anxiety glared slightly before huffing, "Fine, he still deserves to hear it." And with that he was gone, ghostly form floating angrily away until he was no longer seen.
Everyone except Roman watched him leave before Deceit groaned tiredly, "I should probably go after him and make sure he doesn't do anything rash. I'll see you all soon," Deceit stood up to follow before pausing and watching Roman curiously, "Just so you know Roman, he was lying. He doesn't actually think any of that, I think he had purposely set out to upset you."
Roman simply gave a weak nod and Deceit too went off. Patton placed a hand on Roman's shoulder, "Are you alright kiddo?" he asked.
Roman shrugged before pausing and shaking his head, "N-no. I... I'm gonna go. I'm gonna... gonna see if my parents can pick me up."
Logan jumped to his feet, "I'll drive you home."
"You don't need to do that."
"I'd prefer it if I did. I won't stay if you don't want me to, but last time you left school like this we didn't hear from you for a week. I'd be... I'd be concerned if I didn't."
Roman bit his cheek. He didn't like that Logan was doing this because he was under the impression that if he didn't Roman was gonna run away again or something. But he nodded tiredly. Logan sighed, as if with relief, and picked up his things, before carefully pulling Roman's own bag away from him.
"You don't need to hold my bag Lo, I got it. I'm not weak. I'm not-"
"I didn't say you were weak Roman. You're one of the strongest people I know. I'm simply carrying your bag because it is the polite thing to do. Now, my car is this way. Would you like to say goodbye to Patton?"
Roman stared at his bag in Logan's arms before nodding slowly and turning to Patton, "I'll see you later Pat, bye."
Patton smiled, "Bye kiddo! Feel better soon, okay?"
Roman nodded again and Logan gently led him to the car, with Remus following them from a distance. After putting their things into the backseat, and helping Roman into the car, Logan started the drive to Roman's house. Roman texted his mother and father that he'd be home early, and then messaged Eloise that he couldn't make it to rehearsal before settling down in his seat.
It was quiet for a little bit, the two could see Remus's legs dangling over the back windshield. But not long passed before a small tiny sob escaped from Roman's throat. Logan gave a quick glance but brought his eyes back to the road quickly, "Roman?"
"He hates me," Roman muttered, bringing his feet onto the seat. Logan looked at him briefly, his father would not be pleased if he saw footprints on the seats, but Logan was sure he could get any stains out before he had to return it. Roman looked much smaller like this, though, from Logan's perspective Roman was small period. Logan was nearly a foot taller than Roman, and even when they were sitting, like they were now, Roman was small.
"He doesn't hate you."
"Yes, he does Logan. Deceit already said that Anxiety knew those words would hurt me. He did it to hurt me."
"You don't know that Roman."
Roman buried his head in his knees, "What do you think I did? He was fine with me the other day, we hung out and played video games. What happened? Did I do something wrong?"
Logan sighed, "I'm... I'm not sure Roman. Maybe you didn't do anything. Maybe you did. I'm not sure. But, I doubt anything you did deserved such words." Logan reached over and squeezed Romans's hand slightly, though his other hand had tightened around the wheel, "You've already told us of your history with bullying. You've told us that when people say things like that, they hurt you. What Anxiety said was mean-spirited and unacceptable. It was wrong. None of what he said was true."
"Is it?" Roman asked, "There's a whole world of people out there, Billions and billions of them. We meet and walk by thousands of them every day, and yet, theres no sign of anybody else being able to see ghosts. Just us three."
"Roman..."
"Maybe I am crazy," Roman muttered.
Logan squeezed his hand again, "You're no crazier than I am. Am I crazy to you?"
Roman shook his head, "No."
"Exactly. Not crazy."
"Are you sure?" Roman asked quietly.
"Are you calling me a liar Roman?"
Roman shook his head, "No. Course not. Sorry."
"It's alright," Logan assured, tapping Roman lightly as he pulled the car over, "Alright, we're here. Would you like me to walk you to the door?"
Roman hesitated before nodding slowly, with a small understanding smile, Logan agreed. He let Roman's hand free before walking around the car, taking out Roman's bag, and then allowed Roman to hold his hand hostage again. Logan walked slowly, not wanting to rush Roman inside. Seeing Mrs. and Mr. Garcia's car on the driveway, Logan opted to knock on the door rather than just walk in. When the door opened Logan stuck his free hand out for Roman's mother to shake. "Good afternoon Mrs. Garcia."
"Hello Logan," She said with a smile before it fell slightly as she turned to look at her son, "Thanks for bringing him home. Would you like to come in, Roman's father just put some cookies in the oven."
"Crofters?" Roman asked in a small, but excited voice.
Mrs. Garcia nodded, "Just for you, he saw the score from your latest History test and wanted to surprise you."
Roman smiled slightly and gently tugged at Logan's hand, "Wanna come in?"
Logan nodded in agreement, "I'll let my fathers know where I am. Thank you for the invitation."
"Of course! Roman, why don't you two go up to your room to hang out? The living room carpet was just cleaned and I don't want anyone in there right now. I'll bring some cookies up when they're done."
Roman nodded and showed Logan up to his room, hands still intertwined, "Thanks Mama. Thank you, Papa." Roman said as they climbed the stairs.
"Keep your door open! Three feet apart! No funny business up there" Mr. Garcia called from the kitchen.
"Dad!" Roman yelled from the top of the stairs.
"I mean it, Roman. You know the rules." Mr. Garcia said with his arms crossed.
"We're just friends!"
"Oh? Just friends You mean like how you were 'just friends' with Owen, Michael, and Jared?" The man asked, "Or what about Shasha, hmm? As I recall she was a pretty close friend, don't you think?"
"Dad!" Roman whined again.
"Mhmm, that's what I thought. The door stays open, that's that."
Roman groaned with fake annoyance, "Fine!" he said before turning back to Logan, "Come on Logan.
"Who were those people your father mentioned," he asked curiously.
Roman shrugged, "Shasha was my first girlfriend and partner. We dated for a few months in Freshman year before breaking up. The other three were my boyfriends, I dated them in sophomore year, but it's been over between us for a long time now."
"Oh."
"Yeah, let's go, we can play plants vs zombies."
"Oh, do they have carnations?" Logan asked with interest as he followed behind Roman.
"Uhm, I don't know, but, they have hypnoshrooms!"
Logan frowned, "That's not a real plant," he muttered with disappointment.
*****
It was past midnight and Roman was the only one in the house still awake. His parents had gone to sleep and like most nights, Remus was with the old lady across the street. Logan had gone home an hour before dinner. Roman lay curled on his side and in bed, blankets pulled up to his neck and one hand underneath his pillow. He sighed quietly and squeezed his eyes closed tight enough for it to hurt. Echoes of Anxiety's words echoed in his head, painfully clear in his mind.
The house creaked as it settled in for the night, and Roman could hear the droning sound of the dryer downstairs. The smell of cookies and Crofters was slowly starting to fade away, though he wished it would stay longer. Outside, a cool wind whistled through the air and slithered past the windows. Roman had never liked winter, despite people often making comments of how the holidays were just as extravagant as him, he just never enjoyed the cold weather or all the stupid silly songs.
That bit surprised most people, how could he of all people not enjoy the songs? But the truth of the matter was that Roman found Christmas and Holiday music to be the least creative genre in the world, it was all about the same thing. How was that creative or original? The same went for those silly Hallmark Christmas love stories, those weren't creative. Most of them were the same plot but with small differences, like making the same movie except this time, it's gay!
Really, while he appreciated the representation, he wished they could do something more creative than "Girl journalist finally gets her chance to get out of writing the fashion column by going to Fakelandia between France and Spain where she meets a rude billionaire/Prince whose surprised by her spunky attitude and refusal to back down from an asshole and how at first the two hate each other but Spunky Journalist continues to get herself into odd and embarassing situations and getting caught by Billionaire/Prince until Billinare/Prince falls so in love by her fiery and funny, glass-half-full attitude that he asks her out and they fall in love. But then something goes wrong and they get in an argument and the Journalist goes home only for Billinare/Prince to realize he was wrong and follow Journalist home and they have an emotinal confession in the middle of some crowded place and convince Jounrlaist to come back and marry them and she does. Now Journalist has the dream guy and her dream job. Oh, and lets not forget about the iconic wingman, typically a really supportive single parent or a gay friend." It was all the same story, and for that reason, Roman hated Hallmark Christmas Romantic movies.
A sudden chill crept into the room and Roman shuddered slightly as he sunk lower into his sheats, only to jump at a voice, "Wow, disney blanket? You really are a kid, aren't you?"
Roman shuffled slightly in bed, "What do you want now Anxiety?" he muttered quietly.
Anxiety walked the room slowly, he made no sound, ghosts rarely ever did when they walked. But Roman could tell he was moving, after spending eight months with Remus, he could usually tell when a ghost was trying to sneak up on him. "Dee said I should apologize."
"Are you going to?" Roman asked, Anxiety didn't answer, and Roman bit the inside of his cheek, "Why do you hate me all of a sudden?"
"I don't."
"Really?" Roman asked doubtfully, "Because it sure seemed like it." Anxiety said nothing, "You know, its not easy for me to go to school right?"
"I know."
"Do you know how often I consider ditching? Just going home and giving up until the next day?"
"No, how many times?"
"Today it was six. Yesterday it was ten. It used to be worse. And somewhere inside me I know that I can't because if I leave I know it won't just be for one day."
"You actually keep count?"
Roman ignored the comment, still facing away from Anxiety as they spoke, "I missed rehearsal today."
"I know."
"I was really excited to go. And that was all your doing. Do you know how long its been since I've acted? Like really acted? Got on a stage and put on a show? And do you know how much that terrifies me to do? And you made me act again. I was really excited to go Anxiety. And I really wanted you to go too, I wanted to show you my acting because you're probably the only reason I even auditioned. And then I wanted to come to hang out with you and watch movies and talk about how awesome Logan is." Anxiety opened his mouth to say something but Roman was still talking, "But hey, if my actings so 'shitty', then maybe I should just drop out. Maybe it was a mistake."
"Don't do that." Anxiety said, Roman shivered and pulled away when he felt Anxiety try to put a hand on his shoulder only for it to pass right through, "I-I was wrong. You're actings not shitty. I'm sorry."
"And the rest?"
"You're not crazy, obviously you're not crazy. I'm sorry I said that, I shouldnt've, I know how hard it is on you."
Roman sighed and flipped around in his bed to face the ghost, "Why'd you say it then?"
Anxiety shrugged, "I-I was jealous."
"Of?"
"You stupid," Anxiety answered, "You and Logan are so close. You're always hanging out and stuff. And you have all your book jokes. And-and you have a chance. You know? Unlike me."
Roman quirked an eyebrow, "Anxiety, you do know that most of the time Logan and I spend alone is used up by him helping me study right? It's not like the two of us are getting cozy by the fireplace. He's helping me with homework so I can do things like the play and hangout with all of you outside of school and studying."
"Really?" Anxiety asked, Roman nodded, Anxiety gave a skeptical look, "You sure study alot."
Roman shrugged, "I mean, spending time with Logan is a fabulous perk, and I definitely don't ever exploit it by asking him to help me with a certain topic. I definitely dont ever play dumb. No, not at all."
Anxiety laughed quietly, "You're gonna start to sound like Dee if you keep that up."
Roman smiled slightly before scooting closer to Anxiety's form, "Anx, lets get this one thing settled right now."
"Okay?"
"I like Logan."
"I know."
"You like Logan."
"I know."
"But we were friends before I liked Logan. And I like being friends with Logan, and I like being friends with you. I'm not gonna ask out Logan, not unless I get your permission."
"Really?" Anxiety asked with surrpise, "Why?"
Roman shrugged, "Well, partly because I'm a coward. But, also, mostly because it wouldn't be fair to you. And I dont wanna ruin our friendship." Roman smiled at his friend, "I'm perfectly fine with my study sessions and letting my imagination run wild with fantasies. And I'm more then happy to spend hours upon hours gossiping and talking, and venting, and so so much more, about Logan and everything about him that we've fallen head over heals for. Okay?"
"Okay." Anxiety agreed.
"Good, so no more jealous yelling?" Anxiety nodded and Roman smiled, "Great, then clear your schedule for tomorrow. We got rehearsal followed by movies and a gossip session. Just us of course, can't have the others finding out or we'll never ear the end of it!"
Anxiety laughed and nodded in agreement, "Okay, consider it cleared."
Word Count: 2852