Laura walked back and forth trying to control the suffocating feeling rising from her chest. She breathed with difficulty through her mouth, her hands clasped together in a white-knuckled ball. Ji Hoon was seated at the dining table, watching her with keen eyes.
"We have to go back." Laura said finally.
"We can't." Ji Hoon said in a calm voice.
"I can't just ignore it like this! What if they're hurt? What if something happens to my stepfather –"
"The news said he was still alive in the hospital." Ji Hoon replied calmly. Laura swallowed heavily.
"I can't stay here while people suffer there! I have to go!" she cried. Ji Hoon stood up, slamming his fists on the table.
"Laura, don't you understand yet?" he asked, his tone finally crackling with impatience. "My job is to protect you! We can't do anything for them now. Don't forget, you're still in danger. Do you want all your stepfather's effort to keep you safe to be wasted by going back and putting yourself in danger?"
"How can you not care?!" She cried. "This happened because of me. Because my father was being threatened, because they wanted me! And now people are hurt because of me... and I can't even do anything about it!" she broke into earnest sobs and turned away. Ji Hoon's anger contracted. He walked towards her and put his hand on her shoulder.
"I'm sorry; I didn't mean it like that. You just have to trust that your father will be fine, okay?" he gently turned her to face him. He wiped her wet cheeks with the back of his hand before thumbing them in small strokes. Laura looked up at him with full eyes.
"It's okay. Things are gonna be okay." Ji Hoon said softly, pulling her into his arms. She leaned into his chest silent tears falling on his shirt. Ji Hoon tightened his embrace, patting her shoulder.
"You've been through a lot. It's okay to let it out. You can cry, rant or do whatever you want to feel better. I don't mind." He whispered into her hair. Laura held him closer, her fingers clenching his shirt.
"Please... stay like this for a moment." She said in a small voice. Ji Hoon stroked her hair.
"Take your time." He said. The tears slowly stopped and Laura drew comfort from his protective stance. He was like a strong pillar to cling to, a comforting figure of reassurance. She hadn't found support like this since her mother left; the deep human need for someone, for something she could rely on in the hardest of times. A shoulder to cry on. She had been emotionally alone ever since her mother remarried and afterwards her life had changed so dramatically she wondered if she would ever find someone trustworthy who she could share her heart with. And yet, with Ji Hoon she found all that needed which she had kept buried for so long because she didn't have anyone to lean on.
"Ji Hoon?" she called through his shirt.
"Yes?"
"Thank you."
"You don't have to thank me." Ji Hoon said, his voice tight. Laura withdrew a little to meet his eyes.
"Just let me, this once." She said. Ji Hoon nodded after a minute.
"So... we can't tell anybody where we are?" Laura asked calmly this time.
"No." Ji Hoon said quietly.
"We can't go back?"
"No."
"We're on our own, aren't we?" Ji Hoon nodded silently at her question. Laura sighed.
"At least I have you. I'd hate to be alone at a time like this." She said, trying to smile. Ji Hoon looked like he was trying hard to quell his emotions.
"Uh-huh. That would be hard." He said. He cleared his throat and looked around.
"It's late. You should get some rest, you're still recuperating. I'll fix us some lunch for later." He said averting his gaze from hers. Laura's eyes followed him to the kitchen. She had heard the suppressed sound in his voice.
"I don't wanna rest." She said. "I already slept in the car. I'm wide awake now. I'll help out with lunch. You do too much as it is." Ji Hoon gave a smirk.
"Fine, but I'm in charge." He said in a mock stern voice. Laura nodded with a smile.
"I'm at your command, chef. What's on the menu?"
"One pot rice casserole."
"You have rice here?"
"Yes, a stock full of it."
"But... wouldn't it go bad after all this time?"
"Not when it's stored with oxygen absorbers. Those can make it last for years."
"Oh, that's – handy. So what else will you put in it?"
"Chicken, mushroom, carrots and spinach." Ji Hoon said, taking out tins of each ingredient. "There's also chicken stock. The pepper needs to be powdered before use though."
"Sounds good. I'll get started on that." Laura said. Ji Hoon smiled at her.
"Don't go overboard." He said with a wink.
The next few days established a new somewhat constrained lifestyle for Laura. Being confined in a small space with Ji Hoon wasn't as uncomfortable as she thought it would be. He mostly kept to himself, as he had at Fort Estienne, sleeping at odd hours of the day and night. He would exercise for endless hours, doing pushups stretches or even weightlifting with the small dumbbells he had dug out of the safe house storeroom. When he wasn't sleeping or exercising, he would be cooking while a news channel played on. She noticed he appeared casual about what he watched but she had seen him stand still at certain times as though paying keen attention to the headlines.
So far he hadn't let her into the kitchen much claiming it was faster for him to do the cooking. Laura suspected he didn't trust her cooking though he didn't indicate as such in words. Still, the highlight of letting him cook was watching him in an apron in the kitchen – a breathtaking sight to watch, he really was too sexy in an apron. Watching him with his white sleeves rolled up, his top collar button undone, his hair loosely sweeping across his forehead and a shimmery black apron showing off his tapering torso... Laura warned herself to be careful; he could steal any girl's heart with his looks.
"What's so fascinating?" Ji Hoon asked one evening while he fried some sausages. He had noticed her sitting at the kitchen island ever since he entered the kitchen with a book, pretending to read it. But he saw that she hadn't turned a single page and her eyes were on him more than the book.
"Hmm? Oh, nothing." She said, twirling the edge of the page in her fingers.
"You're not really reading that book. What's on your mind?" Ji Hoon asked intuitively.
"Nothing it's just – it's more interesting to watch you cook than read." She said. Ji Hoon grinned.
"Why?" he asked. Laura blinked.
"I've – never seen a Korean chef before." She blurted the first excuse that came to her head. She couldn't very well tell him the real reason - that she was ogling him.
"I'm not even cooking Korean food." he replied.
"Mmm... why not? You must know how to cook Korean food right?"
"I do but I wasn't sure if you'd like it."
"Tell me some recipes you know, maybe I can pick one." Ji Hoon turned off the stove and counted on his fingers.
"Fried chicken, kimbap, japchae, bulgogi, bibimbap, ramen..." he stopped at Laura's clueless face. She laughed nervously.
"Honestly, I have no idea what you just said... except for the chicken and ramen." Ji Hoon grinned.
"Have you heard of the California roll?" he asked. Laura nodded.
"The Korean version is called kimbap."
"Kimbap... that sounds so much cuter. So can you make it?" Laura asked. Ji Hoon flipped a knife in the air so that it spun in the air like a windmill before he caught it deftly by the thin blade between his finger and thumb. Laura gasped and her jaw dropped.
"Piece of cake." Ji Hoon said with a wink. He set the sausages aside and opened cans of vegetables.
"I'll make you an appetizer in the meantime. How does Korean sausage stir fry sound?" he asked.
"Mouth-watering?" Laura said. Ji Hoon laughed. He simultaneously boiled rice and stirred the sausage pan which was now giving off an aromatic steam from the sauces he added to it. when it was ready, he served it with a pair of chopsticks in front of Laura.
"Mmm! That is amazing! Who knew what you could do with a few ingredients?" Laura asked, sampling the dish.
"Glad I didn't disappoint. And now for the main course." Ji Hoon said with a flourish of his hands. He assembled all the ingredients in a roll and using nori seaweed, he rolled it into a perfect cylinder. Then he cut it deftly into little circles which could be picked up with the chopsticks and served them in front of Laura. She took one and popped it into her mouth.
"Oh, wow, I am never eating from a Japanese restaurant again!" she said enjoying the kimbap. Ji Hoon felt satisfied and sat down.
"It's not as good as when it's made with fresh ingredients, but it's close. Also there's no egg. It tastes better with an omelet rolled in."
"Are you kidding? This is freakishly good! You'd make a great house husband if you continue to cook like this." Laura said with gusto. Ji Hoon's expression froze for a second before he brushed it off.
"You're the first person to enjoy my cooking." He said while he ate. Laura looked up at him thoughtfully.
"Haven't you ever cooked for your girlfriend?" Laura risked asking.
"I've never had a proper girlfriend due to the nature of my work." He said. "Except for dating here and there, getting to the point where I cook for a girl is a new thing for me."
"I'm flattered." Laura said feeling warm inside. "But was being a bodyguard always that hard?"
"I wasn't always a bodyguard." Ji Hoon said, meeting her gaze. Laura hesitated; would he answer if she pursued the subject?
"What was the nature of your work?" she asked cautiously, not wanting to get him defensive and shut down again. Ji Hoon paused for a long time.
"It's okay if you don't want to tell me." Laura said understanding. "I won't pry. But I want you to know that you can trust me too."
"I do trust you," Ji Hoon said with eyes that pierced Laura, "and I do want to tell you." he gave a little sigh.
"I was a spy." He said finally. Laura slowed down her eating, listening intently.
"Knowing about me could put you in danger –"
"I'm already in danger." Laura interrupted him. "So that doesn't matter. It's not like I'm gonna tell anyone. I can keep secrets too."
"I know." Ji Hoon said almost teasingly. "It's just not easy." Laura waited patiently for him to continue.
"I joined the army when I was twenty-one." He said. It was compulsory. I met Andrew there. He's the only other person who knows about me. After my dad passed, his best friend took me in, became my guardian, an uncle to me. He paid for my education and a place of my own in Seoul. I wish I had known back then that he had other plans for me."
"You mean –"
"He was using me. To take revenge on my father." Ji Hoon said, gripping his hands into balls. "He was the head of the OIS, the Organization for Intelligence Services in South Korea. My father had worked for him. He was an ordinary security guard. But being part of a spy organization meant hearing stuff; stuff that shouldn't be heard."
"And your father heard something..."
"My father found out that his best friend was planning to murder the senator." Ji Hoon continued. "He even accessed the security footage of it. And it wasn't just my uncle; a bunch of other spies were involved. They thought they could get away with it because they had the skills, the power... they thought they were above the law, especially when it came to a law that didn't suit them."
"So they wanted to get rid of the senator and your dad..." Laura said, biting her lip. Ji Hoon squeezed his eyes shut.
"It was around that time my mom passed... shortly after that, my so-called uncle had my father arrested for apparently divulging confidential information. They had him secretly locked up in a place only they could access. The next day, his body was found in a ditch." Laura covered her mouth in horror, tears filling her eyes. She could only imagine the pain he must have gone through, witnessing that.
"They tortured him, trying to make him reveal what he did with the footage. It was the only incriminating evidence of the OIS's treachery. It was enough to get the government to shut them down and imprison everyone involved. But my father stood his ground. He didn't tell them where he hid it. He died a hero's death." Laura swallowed her tears, taking his hand.
"And the evidence? They didn't get it, did they?" she asked. Ji Hoon gave a vengeful smile.
"No. They didn't get their hands on it." he said, holding his chain locket. "And they never will." Laura noticed him playing with his locket.
"Why haven't you done anything with it yet?" she asked softly, eyeing the locket. Ji Hoon saw her eyes on his chain.
"You might have made a good spy." He said dryly. He took off his chain and laid it on the table. He opened the locket clasp revealing a small square compartment inside. In it was a micro SD card.
"I was the only one my father told." He said. "I was just about to start college. He entrusted me with this locket, making me promise not to reveal its existence to anybody until the time was right. I didn't understand what he meant at the time. So I kept it safe since it was the last thing I promised my father before he died. After that, I left for college, served in the army, went on to postgraduate and then – my uncle brought me into his world. A world where men lied through their teeth for money, killed without mercy and gathered information to destroy lives and organizations.
"And I became part of that world." Ji Hoon said, staring straight at Laura. "I became their best weapon. Every dangerous mission started getting assigned to me. I grew to be everything my uncle wanted – I was undefeatable. And in his eyes, I was his. To mold, to use, to control. But he thought wrong.
"The only reason I fought hard to reach the top was so that I could find out the truth about my father's death. It had been swept under the carpet as an accident, a mere tragedy. I knew better. I started to suspect the OIS ever since I realized my father's connection to it when my uncle introduced me to his work. My father had always hidden his work location from his family; we all thought he was just an accountant at a law firm. Until..." Ji Hoon ran his hands through his hair.
"Every crime I had to commit as a spy I had overlooked for the sake of finding out the truth; I told myself it will all be worth it once my father gets his justice. I've done things you'd be shocked to hear." He paused, taking in Laura's expression. He didn't find repulsion in it - only empathy and understanding. So he went on.
"But then it came down to taking someone's life." He said. Laura held her breath.
"My uncle put together a team for a special mission – protecting the senator. The same man they failed to kill eight years ago. He had stayed in office, working for the good of the people. He was against the unhindered freedom the OIS had in collecting private information and what they could do with it."
"That's why they wanted him dead..." Laura said.
"The protection assignment was a cover for murder. And they planted the fatal weapon in my hand." Ji Hoon said in a dark voice. "Another agent and I were guarding him alone in his office that day. I should've seen it coming. His house was attacked by masked assassins. They turned out to be OIS agents in disguise. When they breached the office, I fought them off. Then the agent with me turned and disarmed me. I was shocked. She told me to choose sides carefully. I felt nauseous. She was part of it – they all were. Then my uncle showed up. The senator was equally shocked – the men he ventured to trust betrayed him. Then my uncle spoke to me.
He told me to do the right thing. Destroy the man who was trying to bring down the OIS. I confess I wavered at that moment. I didn't know what to do; I had been trained for years for this. Pulling the trigger should have been easy for me."
"But you didn't, did you?" Laura asked with pained eyes.
"My father's face came to mind. I heard his voice in my head. He was just calling my name. This was not what I had trained for; I would not get justice for my father at the cost of someone else's blood. I made my decision. I threw my gun on the floor and stood in front of the senator. The other agent kicked me out of the way. Before I could stop it, my uncle shot the senator. It was too late. He then picked up my gun and dropped his own, the one he shot with, on the floor. They escaped, locking me in to take a murder rap." Laura touched his hand that was clenched on the table.
"I fled. It was over; I knew the OIS could do to me what they did to my father. All the years of training to get into the heart of the OIS was wasted. I would be sacrificed as bait before I could reveal the truth.
I left Korea. I fled to Singapore before trying to get to America. They followed me. I ran and hid, knowing I had to cover my tracks. But I had to shake them off once and for all. So I faked my death. My uncle didn't give up; he knew it was fake and continued to search for me. I led them to Russia and let them believe I was killed there. They turned back. They had no more power to get me. I was as good as dead there.
Once I was sure they stopped tracking me, I came back to America. For a while I was still cautious and kept undercover as much as possible. Then I settled down, preparing to live an outlaw's life in a foreign country."
"And you hid here, didn't you?" Laura asked, looking around.
"Yes."
"But I don't understand. Why did you have to go through the OIS to find evidence on your father? Didn't he already give you everything in that locket?" Ji Hoon gave a bitter smile.
"I never checked it. I didn't know what I held. It was only after I realized it was over did I bother to check the locket. If I had done that sooner – I would've finished the OIS by now."
"And now?"
"A wanted ex-spy who defected from Korea coming forward with incriminating evidence on a spy organization... Who do you think would believe me? I'd be executed or made to disappear without a trace if anyone found my real identity. Only Andrew knew what I'd been through. He promised to help me as much as he could."
"Couldn't you get the evidence to Interpol?" Laura asked.
"The moment I do, the OIS will know I'm alive, if they don't already. They'll come after me again. Even if I take them down by the law, they won't sit back and do nothing. They'll have their revenge, one way or another."
"So... there's nothing you can do?"
"Not yet. Andrew helped me become legal in this country first. Then I could find a way to contact Interpol, maybe even the NIS back in Korea."
"You haven't yet?"
"No... I got a little sidetracked." Ji Hoon said with a soft smile. "I got a job protecting an endangered young heiress who needed me. So until she's safe, my plan can wait." Laura dropped her gaze to the table feeling guilty. It was because of her that his mission had been put on hold. She wanted to do something to help him; after all he'd been through and he saved her life twice. How could she not?