Your kiss, my cheek
I watched you leave
Your smile, my ghost
I fell to my knees
When you're young, you just run
But you come back to what you need
This love is good, this love is bad
This love is alive back from the dead, oh-oh, oh These hands had to let it go free, and
This love came back to me, oh-oh, oh
This love left a permanent mark
This love is glowing in the dark, oh-oh, oh
These hands had to let it go free, and
This love came back to me, oh-oh, oh
-
"We weren't apart for that long this time. I think it was only two months, and then she was back, and I had myself a new boyfriend. Now, this is one I really regret in hindsight. Not because of anything he said, or did - he was actually very lovely. His fans were just determined to make my life a living hell for even so much as breathing the same air as him. Which was just ... shocking to me. I would be walking around holding his hand, getting photographed with him in the most obviously staged places, and I had hoards of teenage girls who wanted to see me dead because of it. I wanted to just grab them and say I don't like him. This isn't real. But God, that was a rough time for me."
Nayeon let out a quiet laugh, her eyebrows raising slightly, "so ... that would be Kim Suho, I assume?"
Nodding, Rosie halfheartedly rolled her eyes. "If there was one thing I learned from that, it was never date a boyband member. Especially if they're in the biggest boyband in the world. Don't even pretend to date them."
Giving her a bewildered look, Nayeon's brow furrowed and she pressed her lips into a flat line for a moment. Then, with another laugh, she shook her head. "I don't understand what either of you would've gotten from that pairing though. I mean, you just said it yourself, Exo was the most popular boyband in the world at that time. And you certainly didn't need more fame either. Why him? Who thought up that idea? I mean, I've interviewed Kim Suho a few times, and the rest of the boys too, and they're all so charming and sweet, but like you said ..."
"He was just one of the prospective offers on the table, and someone I knew quite well already. We had friends in common and had found ourselves at more than one award show and dinner together. And Jennie and I were both home, in Miami, and I wasn't touring until the following March. We had around five or six months to spend together! Can you imagine how absolutely wonderful that was for us? But with it, I really felt the pressure to do what I could to give us that buffer, that little bit of room to be able to do things together without rumours sparking. At the time, the best way for that to happen seemed to be to pick the person who would generate the most rumours. Who better than one of the most sought after guys on the planet?"
"That's- uh, well, I suppose that's one way of looking at it."
Shoulders shaking with a quiet snort laughter, Rosie gave her a wry smile, "it definitely was the wrong way, I'll tell you that."
-
Jennie was home by the end of October, just in time for Halloween. She flew straight into Miami and made it to Rosie's house a little after midnight, falling straight into bed beside her and filling the empty space that had felt so cold without her in it. Rosie hadn't slept so well in weeks. They woke late to grey skies and the warm press of each other's body enveloping them. As Rosie blinked herself awake, she stretched and smiled at the heavy weight of Jennie's arm thrown across her waist, the intense feeling of rightness settling within her. There wasn't any other place she'd rather be.
"Good morning," Jennie murmured a short while later, finally coming to.
Shifting in her embrace, Rosie turned to face her, tender love in her eyes and a soft look of contentedness, taking in the tousled brunette hair and bleary-eyed owlish look of her girlfriend. Jennie's parted lips slowly curled up into a smile and she laughed quietly, leaning in to kiss her gently.
"I've missed you," Rosie sighed, reaching up to stroke the side of her face, pushing her hair back and giving her a lingering once-over.
Jennie looked good. There was a soft golden glow to her skin from weeks spent in France, filming outdoors and relaxing in the countryside in between filming. Aside from the faint shadows as a result of her red-eye flight, Jennie looked relaxed, the lines of her face soft and pink-cheeked, the crumpled pattern of the pillows etched into her face. Rosie's heart leapt in her chest as she kissed her again, and a warmth spread throughout her chest.
"I've missed you too," Jennie whispered in her ear, her lips brushing Rosie's earlobe as her skin rippled with goosebumps.
The moment was interrupted by Jennie's stomach growling loudly, and Rosie laughed against the side of her neck, feeling Jennie shiver as she sheepishly joined in with her laughter. Pulling back, Rosie smiled knowingly and thumbed Jennie's lower lip.
"Breakfast?"
"Breakfast would be amazing."
"Do you want to call Jisoo?" Rosie suggested, pushing herself up onto her elbow, and letting her hand fall onto Jennie's arm, gently stroking it. "Invite her too. We can eat out."
Sitting up and stretching her arms out, Jennie yawned wide enough to make her jaw click and then ruffled her hair. It had grown out over the months, dusting her shoulders now, and it was a dishevelled mess as she smiled down at Rosie.
"YG's?"
"If you like," Rosie smiled back, sitting up and kissing her shoulder. "I'll be in the shower."
Leaving Jennie to call her sister, Rosie stripped off her clothes in the bathroom and let the hot water run until it was scalding, filling the room with steam. She felt a buoyed with happiness as she let the hot water relax her body, hair piled up on top of her head as damp tendrils clung to her neck, and a few minutes later, bare feet slapped against the tiled floor and arms snaked around her waist.
Hands covered in soapy bubbles, Rosie turned and gripped Jennie's biceps, kissing her and humming against her lips with satisfaction. All she could think of was how much time they had spread out before them, with nothing to do but spend time with each other, making up for lost time. Rosie had a dozen lyrics about her feelings on the subject, but they were pushed to the back of her mind as she lingered in the shower with Jennie, knowing that they were inevitably going to be late to meet Jisoo.
They were, as suspected, a little bit late, but within the hour they found themselves parked at a table in the converted warehouse cafe, far away from the windows and door with Jisoo across from them. Rosie ordered matcha french toast and a chai latte, while Jennie ordered waffles. Just the simple pleasure of sitting side by side, knocking elbows and sharing bites of food, was enough to make Rosie's body hum with adrenaline, her smiles quicker to come, laughter on her lips, and an air of casual indifference as she lounged in her chair.
Rosie had caught up with Jisoo a few times while Jennie had been gone, but she had to admit that having Jennie there just made things perfect. Conversation flowed, they laughed and made jokes at each other's expense, and Rosie felt like her whole life had clicked into place, everything aligning just how she wanted it to. Her album was topping the charts, her singles were constantly on the radio, and the love of her life was back in her arms, home with her once more. She couldn't have asked for anything more.
It was almost a comforting thought to think that she'd let Jennie go, over and over, yet she always came back. It didn't matter how difficult it got, how long they were separated, or by how many miles; they fell back together despite it all. Rosie's old fears about it all inevitably burning down seemed like a distant dream to her at that moment. All she could think of now was how no matter how bad it got, they would overcome it. Their love was far from perfect, but the way Jennie made her feel was everything. It was like they glowed in each other's presence, brought back to life with colour in them, and Rosie felt happier than she had in weeks as they ate and talked and ordered more coffee until their late breakfast sailed straight past lunchtime and they were still sitting there.
The next night, Rosie found herself dressed up as Sylvester, the cat from Looney Tunes, a black and white tuxedo in elegant contrast to the painted red nose. In the car that had gone on ahead, Jennie was in all yellow, dressed as Tweety, heading towards the party of one of her co-star's. Rosie felt nervous, running her hands over the thighs of her slacks, but there was an undeniable pleasure in the fact that they were wearing matching costumes. It wasn't too on the nose, but it warmed her insides anyway, and she found herself excited for the party.
She drank too many cocktails and avoided people's cameras as much as possible, and when she found herself unable to stay away from Jennie, the urge to hold her, to kiss her, to dance with her so strong that Rosie knew that she would make a mistake and burn the whole thing down, they left. With the partition up in the back of the car, they travelled back to Rosie's guest house together, kissing behind tinted windows, mussing each other's makeup and costumes, before they spilled out of it and stumbled inside.
It took hours to scrub the yellow body paint off Jennie the next morning, and Rosie lay on the cold floor of the bathroom, keeping her company as she pressed her flushed cheeks against the tiles. She'd already popped two Tylenol and pumped herself full of Gatorade, and she stayed in the bathroom as Jennie splashed about in the bath until the water was greenish and she no longer looked like a canary. It was there that Jennie announced that she was going to Orlando to see her mom for a few days, and asked Rosie to come with her.
Two days later, Rosie found herself sitting in the passenger seat of Jennie's Audi, windows down and autumn air ruffling her hair, heading upstate to Orlando as she accompanied her for her visit to see Taeyeon. Jennie hadn't seen her in a couple of months, and Rosie leapt at the opportunity to leave town with her, packing a bag and settling in for hours of Jennie's bad driving and bickering over whose playlist got to be put on. It was always a relief for Rosie to have finished a new album so that she could catch up on all of the music she'd missed out on, and she'd made a playlist for that reason, managing to coerce Jennie into letting her play it. It hadn't taken much convincing.
Halfway to Orlando, they switched, and Rosie took over driving. They'd stopped at a roadside coffee truck and had fresh cups in the holders, having taken a few minutes to stretch their legs, identities hidden behind sunglasses and baseball caps, and Rosie held Jennie's hand over the centre console as they sang along to the next song on the playlist. Hank dozed on the backseat in a pool of sunlight.
They arrived after lunch and sat on the balcony with Taeyeon, enjoying spiced rum and the bracing sea air. Jisoo had a shoot lined up in San Francisco and hadn't been able to come with them, so it was just the two of them and Jennie's mother, looking out at the ocean and the pines and spruces, the mid-fall weather of northern California cold enough to warrant sweaters as they ate squash and smoked salmon and quinoa outside, watching the blue smudges of clouds on the indigo horizon as the sun was reduced to a faint line of orange above the waves.
It was a nice reprieve to leave the city behind, and Rosie had refrained from calling Irene until she was already heading north, knowing that it'd be too late for her to talk her out of it. She needed this break, away from the cameras and crowds and the fuss of it all, and relaxing beside Jennie on the outdoor loveseat, a fire crackling in the black metal pit and warming her, she felt her body unwind. As it so happened, Irene had told her to enjoy herself and make sure she was back in a few days for a scheduled interview in London - and to make sure she wasn't seen, of course.
Halloween was the following day and Jennie revealed matching socks with ghosts on them for them to wear, much to Rosie's amusement, even though she humoured her and put them on, and they spent the day carving pumpkins to set out on the porch later that night. Taeyeon was at work the whole day, leaving them to their own devices, and seeing as they were limited in their options, they spent it around the house, filling the place with the smell of cinnamon rolls as they baked in the oven, alongside a pumpkin pie.
Watching all of the Hocus Pocus movies, they ate their treats and drank black coffee, and later on that night they chopped vegetables side by side, sharing a bottle of wine as they listened to old music on the radio. Dinner was a potluck and the rest of the opened bottle of wine, and when knocks sounded on the door, they offered a bowl of candy to the children crowded on the porch in various costumes. Rosie hung back in the shadows, being cautious and smiling softly as Jennie made quiet exclamations about how much she liked their costumes.
Rosie wished that they could've stayed longer, but she felt better heading back to Miami after the reprieve. A place to hide and keep out of sight with Jennie was just what she needed, and she considered the fact that they should do it more often. They could go anywhere in the world, to any remote corner of it, places where paparazzi would never find them unless they announced it, and they had the means to do it. A weekend trip to the private estate she'd grown up on in Melbourne would be loose change to her, or they could go to a chateau in France next summer, skiing in Aspen over Christmas and the Bahamas next spring.
On the long drive home, Rosie came up with plans that seemed suddenly attainable to her, her head turned to the side as she watched dappled sunlight glow on Jennie's skin, toying with her collar and the fine hairs at the back of her neck and smiling when Jennie shifted slightly, her lips curling into an amused smile at the tickling feelings of Rosie's gentle fingers. Her plans were long- term, that much was clear to her, and she could see all the way to next summer, without a shadow of a doubt or a cloud in sight. Which meant that Rosie had to ensure that they were in a position to follow through with her plans.
"I was thinking," she haltingly started.
Jennie's eyes slid sideways, eyebrows rising slightly as she kept her hands on the wheel and hummed curiously, prompting Rosie to continue as she kept driving. Gently clearing her throat, Rosie brushed Jennie's hair out of her face and tucked it behind her ear for her, where the wind couldn't snatch at it, and tried to conjure an air of nonchalance as she looked out the windscreen, taking in the trees and the blue smudges of foothills in the distance.
"I, uh, I was going to give Irene a call when I get back, to, uh, sort out another suitor."
Silent for a moment, lips pressed together and brow creasing slightly in a perturbed expression, Jennie opened and closed her mouth and then reached out to turn down the Bruce Springstein song that was playing over the speakers. Turning her head fully, she gave Rosie a bewildered look, and Rosie let out a small sound of alarm as the car started to drift from Jennie's lack of attention.
"If you won't let me drive, will you please look where you're bloody going!" Rosie laughed.
"You surprised me!"
"Well pull over then, and we can talk about it properly. You can tell me all your feelings and about why it's a bad idea."
With a soft sigh, Jennie let out a snort of laughter, giving Rosie an exasperated look. "I never said it was a bad idea."
"But you think it is, right?"
Shrugging, Jennie smiled sheepishly. "It's not so much that . I just ... I don't want you to get yourself into something you're not ready for again. I love that you're willing to do this for us, but I can do this too!"
"I know, I know," Rosie quickly assured her, reaching out to take one of Jennie's hands off the wheel and press a kiss to the back of it, before she cradled it in her grasp, "and I love you for being willing to do that. But ... well, you know Chanyeol."
"Unfortunately."
"He's not going to accept just you. I'll have to either way; it's inevitable, really. And I have plans. Plans for me and you that'll be made so much easier if I have a nice beard to hide behind."
Raising an eyebrow, Jennie bit her lip as her cheek dimpled with a smile, a bright look in her brown eyes as she gave Rosie a fleeting look, before turning her attention back to the road. "Plans, huh? Care to enlighten me?"
"I want to travel the world with you," Rosie whispered, her expression softening with a heart-aching yearning. "I want to go everywhere and do everything - all the things I haven't done yet."
"I'll carry your bags on tour," Jennie laughed.
Quietly chuckling along with her, Rosie let her forehead drop down to rest against Jennie's shoulder, breathing in laundry detergent and her favourite perfume, the faint echo of her heartbeat audible as she felt a hand squeeze her knee softly.
"Really, though, we'll do all those things. Together. Me and you," Jennie promised.
"Really?"
"I want that too."
Straightening up, Rosie peppered Jennie's cheek with kisses as her girlfriend let out a high pitched squeal of protest, the car weaving slightly on the open stretch of road, and Rosie laughed as she pulled back. Settling back down in her seat, she sighed heavily, in a contented manner, shoulders going slack with ease, and she let her head fall back against her headrest.
"So ... PR stunt," Rosie declared in a weary, resigned way, her jaw stubbornly set. "Pick someone younger this time. And not a politician."
"If you say so, babe."
-
"As I already mentioned, I was acquainted with Kim Suho long before we pulled off this stunt. We were friendly and I'd met the whole band numerous times at award shows - they're some really lovely guys, and we're still friendly when we bump into each other. So I'll admit, it was a little easier the second time around on the grounds that I already knew Suho, and we got along great! He's the sweetest guy and he loves to have a laugh and dance. We got along famously, but again, his fans were very ... protective."
"That's a polite way of putting it," Nayeon snorted.
With a laugh and a wry smile of helplessness, Rosie shrugged. "I mean, my own fans have been known to be similarly protective of me too, so I can't fault his. Most of them were just kids; they probably didn't even think I saw any of it. It wasn't a very pleasant experience though. I think we were ... what was it? Maybe three months we were together. We just made it past the New Year, I think."
"So you got ... together in November?"
"Mhm. It was quick and easy. We got back from Jennie's hometown, I called my manager, she made a call of her own, and then three days later I was at the BBC Radio Two studio wearing one of Suho's necklaces that they'd sent to my house via courier. We were being coy then - pretending that we weren't together. The rumours circulated quickly."
She fell silent for a moment, a pensive look on her face as she rubbed at the back of her neck. Rosie could still recall all the words that had been said about her during that time, the slanderous comments due to a silly little fake stunt that had seemed like a good idea at the time, and she pursed her lips slightly, the ghost of a grimace on her face. She couldn't be angry at the fact that people had hated her dating Suho, not when it was purposely misleading to ensure that they did think that, but it had always rubbed her the wrong way to be wrongfully mislabelled as this sort of man-eating woman. Even if it had been true, she didn't see why it mattered. Not when it wasn't anyone else's concerns who she slept with, or who she spent her time with.
"He came to London a week later, and my trip was postponed until then. I was staying with my mother and spending time with my father and sister, catching up on all the time we'd been apart, so I didn't mind. Jennie came to visit too, and we went to the pub with friends and to West End productions, and shopping. And then I was on X-Factor, and Suho stayed to watch my rehearsals with Jennie. They were good friends - I think perhaps they even got on better than Suho and I did - and when I left, I held his hand instead of hers, and it struck me just as wrong as when I'd held Loren Lee's hand."
"I can't imagine it ever felt right for you."
"No," Rosie murmured, "no, it never did."
"And Suho ... I mean, this obviously is more of a newsworthy story than Loren Lee, given Exo's fanbase. Did you discuss this with him?"
With a grim smile, Rosie gave her a curt nod. "I did. We've been friendly over the years, mostly in passing after the whirlwind of our PR stunt, but I felt that I owed him the courtesy of a heads up at least. He knew the full extent of my circumstances way back when, with Jennie and my sexuality and all of it, so he was fully supportive with my decision to come out and what that might mean for him. I can't say enough kind things about him, truly. I hope his fans know that."
"There were a lot of rumours circulating your ... breakup? Can it be called a breakup?"
Rosie let out a snort of laughter, shaking her head good-naturedly as she shifted in her seat, rectifying her slouching posture as she made herself comfortable. "Breakup seems to fit it best when talking about it to people who thought we were dating, but I always thought of it as a contract that was up. With all the NDA's and documents and lawyers involved, it really felt like nothing more than a business venture. We were partners that went our separate ways after the terms were fulfilled."
Sighing heavily, she gave Nayeon a half-hearted smile, rolling her eyes exasperatedly.
"But yes, there were a lot of rumours. I was the bad guy, of course. How could I not be? I'd left him for another man, or I was too controlling, I was crazy or frigid, or any of a thousand excuses except for the simple truth that I, quite plainly, do not like men at all. I never commented on the breakup, and neither did Suho, and we just let people make their own assumptions. They would do that whether we gave them an explanation or not; it was easier to let ourselves not be implicated in anything by having our words wrongfully taken out of context."
"And you and Jennie were ..."
"Well, we were stronger than ever, when I was first pulling off this ruse with Suho. Nothing could've torn us apart at the start of November. She'd wrapped up a film that was set to be a hit at the box office, my album was topping the charts while I was in London. Our careers were doing well, and we were both happy with our relationship. And then ... then December came."