I slide into the seat of the private jet, quietly laughing at the emblazoned gold 'C' logo on absolutely everything in a very amused manner that gets a shrug from Alexi. It's not his plane but it belongs to his cousin or something, and I get a kick out of the familiar iconic mark everywhere. I have seen it on buildings in the city and on paperwork in the office sometimes. It's not Alexi's trademark, but the business tycoons in the family use it to solidify a brand. Carrero is a household name on a lot of high-quality products and services in the States.
I move in and slump down into the moulded leather of the best aeroplane seat I have ever sat on in my life, enjoying the feeling of well-designed comfort as my weary bones unfurl. Even though this belongs to family; with his money I'm sure he could afford one of his own and wonder why he doesn't. He travels enough to warrant it.
I don't understand the dynamics of the Carreros at all, or the way the underworld and above-board sides coexist and share, yet remain separate in public lives. It's odd.
It seems like they are one secretly huge close-knit community underneath, who are either on the good side or not. Everyone still interacts and knows what the other side is doing and seems fine with it overlapping occasionally; Private relationships, such as meeting his cousins for training or family time out of sight, away from prying eyes. The media never connects the flashy businessmen with the politically ingrained ones like Alexi.
I know his cousin Jacob Carrero is on the New York's hot men list for the umpteenth year in a row, and yet Alexi has avoided being printed in any sort of glossy his whole life. He is hotter than his cousin by any standard, in my opinion!
Both are known billionaires with many companies at their command, yet somehow Alexi is given a free pass from the media and only those with his dark world connections know of his true reputation and purpose in life.
I guess money can buy you any kind of front you need and equally hide the parts you wish to remain unseen. He has powerful friends in high places and generations of connections that enable this almost split existence. He can pass off as introverted money-maker who frequents events, and those in the know are aware you never cross him or gossip about what his family are if you want to keep breathing. It's crazy how society lets it go on in the shadows this way.
I guess it's a form of protection too, for those not embroiled in Alexi's world and some who are. He can take better care of the innocents if they are not linked to the family's crime side; protect acquaintances who show him favour. And I know, above all, he has a huge thing about responsibility for his family and protecting them, always. With him, family are priority. I have always known that about him. It's the first rule in his code book.
Family comes first!
We got here before anyone, the little Club Carrero group of us, so as I relax after choosing my back seat in an empty plane, Alexi moves in from trailing after me at a distance and sits on the seat right next to me and gets comfy too. Stretching out his legs and throwing me a soft smile as he settles in right beside me. I am not surprised he chose to sit here; seeing as everyone coming has a partner and I guess it would look weird if he sat somewhere else and left me alone. Alexi never goes dateless by choice, so he will expect everyone to assume I'm a current plaything.
I don't really care as long as he knows that's not how this is.
Apart from Gino, Mico and now Jackson, I don't know anyone else who is coming with us and as far as I know, it's a small group.
Mico and his girlfriend Mandy already picked seats at the very front of the plane, facing forward to have some 'alone time' and we are right at the back where the tables are because I wanted a window seat and somewhere with a desk space to spread out. I don't do social groups very often.
I brought some books to read on the flight, seeing as he told me it is three hours to Miami—the billionaire destination for nightclub getaways apparently. I don't want to spend three hours making small talk with anyone, especially not Alexi.
I can't believe we are all just hopping on a plane to Miami for one night of getting drunk and partying. It does seem rather random and spontaneous for Alexi, but as Jackson told me in the lift, this is a two-yearly event and it's the only way Alexi ever really kicks back properly in his busy schedule. My being invited seems a little more symbolic the more I think about it, and as I glance his way to evaluate him, I can't help feeling this is significant.
Alexi is texting on his phone, oblivious to me while he is focused on whatever and doesn't look my way, even when I stare at him for a good three minutes. That handsome profile set on what he is reading and he just looks so young tonight. Not intimidating or boorish in any way. He seems relaxed and in a bright mood. Even on the car ride here, he was playful and seemed to ooze a new side to him. It was strange, if not a little nice.
He's still dressed casually from earlier, with the addition of a leather jacket which only emphasizes the tattoo running up the side of his neck and behind his ear. He had a haircut today and it's shorter and spikier than normal, he looks like any other hot man on the way to a weekend adventure. Effortlessly youthful and sexy and I pull myself away from overly examining him, aware that he has a very extreme effect on my nether regions when I allow my brain to stray down that path. I am trying not to let my hormones cloud my brain when it comes to him.
I'm distracted by more people boarding and get a smile from Gino as he drags in a tall leggy brunette, who looks very Italian, by the hand. She is slim, tanned, exotic and gorgeous, with a massive set of boobs over a tiny waist under a very tight red dress, and smiles our way graciously.
'Ehi, Alexi, da tempo non ci vediamo,' she beams at him, and he looks up waving back—obviously understanding her.
'Hey, Alessandra, nice dress.' Alexi gets up, eyeing her up appreciatively, smiling naturally, and moves along the aisle to kiss her on the cheek. I watch in disbelief, a churning of something in the pit of my stomach as she gives him a warm hug and kisses him back. It's not awkward or forced and he still seems as relaxed as he was.
'You look so sexy in this. Gino might have competition, huh? She jests cheekily, smoothing her hands over the lapels of his jacket, laughing when Gino frowns at her and shoves his brother in the shoulder playfully. Alexi just winks at Gino and ignores the faux outrage on his face. It's obvious that Gino has no qualms about his woman's loyalty. Or else this is just plain sick.
Alessandra has a very heavy Italian accent and I don't know whether I like her or not. I don't appreciate her overly touchy way with Alexi, or the fact he seems to be totally fine with it.
I swear to god they better have never had a threesome or I may just leave on the grounds of that thought alone.
She oozes sex appeal and is effortlessly beautiful and sensual in every way she moves. Inhumanely stunning with a body to die for and I can tell even from here her dress is designer. She has taste.
The cut and fit is beautiful and I am instantly envious of her. Not just because she's 'blow your mind' hot, but because she's standing with Alexi's arm around her waist cosily as they continue to have a quiet conversation in Italian, as though it's the most normal thing for him to do. She has his full uninterrupted attention.
Gino seems completely unfazed, waves to me and then slides into a centre seat as his woman is being monopolized by his twin. I am getting no hints of jealous or mistrust from his manner, even while my own heart is pounding out of my chest painfully. Trying to rip my eyes from the sight of them.
I wonder if Alexi finds her attractive, I mean he obviously does. Even I can see her merits, and I am straight as they come. Although I am not against girl on girl when it serves my purpose and I have seduced women before when I needed to.
She leans her arm on Alexi's shoulder when he lets her go and continues talking, perching against him as though she owns him, which makes me bite my lip to curb the breathy wave coming over me. I feel sick, even though I know I am being dumb—it's just he used to use women as a weapon on me frequently and I cannot stomach seeing it now, even when it's innocent. It feels like anxiety or something painful and I try like crazy to squish it down. They carry on chatting, oblivious to my mini meltdown.
From here all I can pick up is Italian, which I cannot speak. Alexi is returning in fluent dialogue too, so I get nothing of the conversation anymore and it's frustrating to have no clue what's being said. The odd glances she sends my way unnerve me and I look down, opening my book to appear disinterested. It's obvious he has mentioned me, and I don't actually want to know what he just said if I am honest.
Scanning the pages to find the last place I left off and trying so hard to calm myself internally, I jump when dark hair falls in front of me like a curtain as she leans over to perch on my table.
'Hello. I'm Alessandra. You're Cam- eell- eeya, right?' Her accent makes her pronounce my name in a very quirky way that gets a tingle of a smile from me. It's oddly cute, even if this is the woman who was using my Alexi as a leaning post a moment ago.
I mean Alexi ... The Alexi ... That Alexi ... Not My ...
Never mind!
Up close and personal she's even prettier and that accent is heavy and husky and effortlessly sexy. I can see why Gino would never cheat on her with someone like me. She's a goddess walking among mere mortals and up this close there is not one blemish on her. He would be mad to look elsewhere.
'Hi, Camilla, yeah.' I shake her outstretched soft hand, feeling uncomfortable at the attention of this girl and glance by to see Alexi is leaning into Gino's aisle, they are locked in deep conversation as we wait for more guests; ignoring our little introduction—Unimportant to him, I guess.
'Ahhh how sexy, I love your accent. Lex told me you were a cute little English girl, but he didn't tell me how beautiful you were. You are just adorable.'
Cute. Little. English. Girl!
Is that how he sees at me? Some naïve immature child! Stereotypically British! And cute? What the fuck is cute? Puppy dog or kitten like? Jesus Christ!
I feel so offended and somehow completely gutted if that is how he describes me to people. It's the most unflattering thing a man could say about a girl who spent her years training herself to be a vixen.
'Thanks, I wasn't expecting a siren to board the plane and now I feel a little underdressed.' I point out charmingly, nodding at her obvious club wear and then back at my casual black trousers and top. I came dressed to travel and packed my outfit. I never even looked at my hair and makeup from what I had done already. She looks set to walk off the plane and straight onto the red carpet, and I hope to God that's not what we are doing as I will have to get ready on the plane. I should have asked him. I don't feel particularly confident anymore.
'I came straight from a shoot. I am a model and just couldn't resist borrowing this little number for our night away.' She giggles naughtily and throws me a wicked smile.
A model ... go figure.
I feel like I am paling in comparison, yet despite what she is and how she looks I am not getting any catty vibes at all. The exact opposite in fact. She seems genuinely nice and I have never known how to take nice people. I haven't had many interactions with them and my brain always tries to find out what they are angling for.
I have met very few in my existence and I just don't know how to interact with them. I feel inadequate and uncomfortable and just smile her way; my inner pangs of emotion settling down once more.
'I like it. I have a weakness for expensive clothes.' I distract, turning on the faux sultry charm I normally reserve for men in the hopes it covers how out of my depth I am around her.
'Me too; I think you pay for quality and glamour and luckily Gino indulges me—My Bambino.' She glances back and smiles their way; unconcealed adoration for the man she is besotted with, and I get a bigger pang of stomach clutching envy, wondering what it must feel like to have that sort of connection with someone and have it returned equally.
Alexi looks this way, watches us for a moment and then goes back to chatting. Nothing in his expression at all, like always; infuriatingly disinterested in me while Gino sends little puppy eyes wandering over at his woman.
For a second a little sharp spike in my heart hits me and I wonder what it would be like to have Alexi look at me that way.
It's stupid and destructive. I should wash that toxic right out of my head.
I'm letting this weird mood colour my thoughts and all this crap with him needs to exit immediately. I need to get better control of my messy feelings, sooner rather than later.
I can see more people boarding just past her—A mix of very Carrero looking men and their women and spot Jackson too, with a small blonde pretty. He left the club to go fetch his wife earlier, unlike Mico who had her come meet us here. I haven't met most of these people and they all split up to nestle around the plane in little groups, waving and saying hey to everyone else. It's obvious they see one another frequently as no one rushes to congregate in an excited huddle.
'I better go sit beside my lover; he misses me when I am gone too long. I am sure Alexi feels the same when he lets his beauty out of his sight. You finally tamed the beast in that one.' She winks at me demurely, catching me off guard.
What?
'Oh, we're not ...' I don't get a chance to finish as she leans in and pinches my cheek in a surprising and very personal manner that shuts me up with the jump she extracts out of me.
'Adorable! Carrero men, we are so weak for them. Ciao Bella.' She steps back to wiggle down the aisle back to her man and Alexi moves to let her slide in, getting another peck on the cheek as she passes. She pats him lovingly on the shoulder too.
I can't really say I have a right to feel jealous about the obvious affection, I mean she's not the first 'family' member to say that they adore Alexi, and I guess they see something in him to feel that way.
It's just, I do.
Insanely crazily, heart pounding in my chest feeling of hurt, watching how he interacts with other women who are not part of his world or games.
It's not that she's touching him—it's how he is behaving that slices me irreversibly.
Women in his family whom he marked as out of bounds; He treats them with a kindness and respect that he has never shown me or any of the women I see in the club with him. Touches, cuddles, gentlemanly behaviour, and God forbid ... affection. They are never shown his cold and sadistic side, yet, I have seen all sides now, mostly the worst.
I look away when he walks back towards me, trying to push it down and not feel affected by it, but it has cut me, deep inside. Eyes misting and throat aching.
Crushingly so.
Knowing that even if he is treating me differently to how he did before, it's still not how he treats women he obviously cares about. I have to swallow down the fresh wave of tears as they hit me hard in the back of my throat and my chest gets achingly tight.
Stupid to ever have let myself believe this was more. I realise somewhere deep down I must have still been harbouring it somewhere. No matter how much I have been denying it to myself.
'What are you reading?' Alexi moves back in causally and slides beside me, oblivious to my fragile mood. He lifts the edge of my book which has fallen flat in my lap even though I am staring down at it blankly and I get flustered with his sudden attention.
'Umm, I don't know, I just grabbed it because it was pretty.' It's not a lie, I saw it on the shelf of the shop I was in yesterday and grabbed it because I liked the cover. My head is a blank on what I have read, too caught up in swirling emotions and trying to hide my upset from him. He just throws me an odd look before buckling up his belt and nods at mine. I just made myself sound like a complete airhead while trying to cover the fact I'm in pain, all because Alexi doesn't care about me.
How stupid am I?
Did I learn nothing the first-time around? Didn't I warn myself to ever, NEVER, ever go back down this path where he was concerned?
'Everyone's here, get ready for take-off.' He nudges me lightly with his shoulder to pull my attention and I drop my book and obediently buckle up. I put my bag and book on the table, eyes downcast on task and unable to look at him until I pull my shit together again. Hands trembling like an amateur and fighting my emotions to just stop crashing into one another like a freak.
'Once we are in the air, we all tend to gather in the centre and have a few champagnes. You can get to know my cousins and their women and feel more at ease.' Alexi leans in so his eyes are on me, forcing me to look up while I take long slow breaths to calm my pounding aching heart, and I just smile as though he is completely off the mark—Locking it all away in the cavern of my empty soul.
'Who said I am not at ease? I'm the queen of social, aren't I? Hostess with the mostest?' I smile, full of fake bravado and oozing confidence just like I always have, whether it's true or not, and Alexi just slides a hand over mine snugly. Cupping my small hand under his larger one in a perfect fit, his skin insanely hot on my cooler body temperature that just ignites butterflies inside every part of me. A small act that makes me freeze, unable to react visually because I don't want him to see it, and I don't want to draw attention to us by saying anything either.
'We get to be other people for once ... no acts, no masks, just relax and forget who we are for one night, Cam. That's the whole point of this.' He utters is so gently, tone oozing warmth, and I fumble as he lets my hand go. A loaded look that I cannot decipher and there's a pitch to his voice I don't understand. There's a few seconds of tension between us and I can feel his eyes eating into me even though I am not looking directly at him ... Heart catapulting into my throat.
I gave up second guessing his meanings a long time ago and just nod mutely. Alexi runs his eyes over my face slowly, no flicker of emotion, not that I can see from the corner of my eye, before he settles back for take-off and I relax a little; breathing easier when he's no longer touching me.
He moves away, looking down the aisle as Mico draws his attention by yelling something back to him, and I turn to the window to blur him out for a moment.
Thrown by that moment of whatever it was and his weirdly affectionate touch, breaking the No touching rule yet again. I am trying not to read anything into what he said but my head is already swimming and it's making my lightheaded. I look for a distraction for both my brain and my rollercoaster stomach that's acting like it's on a spin cycle.
'Gino really did pull a stunner, didn't he?' I change the subject and nod down to where they are sitting. Aiming for a neutral topic, although I know my stupid jealous side wants his honest take on Alessandra.
I want to know if she's his type.
Everyone seems to have gathered in the middle or front of the plane away from back here and yet Alexi chose to come sit with me out of the way regardless. There's space beside his twin, he could easily have sat with them. Next to the gorgeous touchy-feely he had draped over him moments ago.
Bitter, Camilla? Really?
I always was someone who chose to disappear into the background when I could.
'Alessandra is pretty, I guess.' He shrugs, lacking real interest as he says it and I blink at him in surprise.
'Really? Just pretty? You guess? ... She's gorgeous and effortlessly sensual in a really classy way. It's crazily alluring,' I reply honestly, complete girl crush on show despite my stupid feelings over her and him, then blush at the fact I am telling him of all people. I am a bit weirded out that a hot-blooded male like him isn't salivating over her, to be honest. I don't think I believe him. She's the ultimate wet dream for most men.
'She reminds me of you.' Alexi answers without looking my way and I snap my head to look at him in disbelief. Shocked with that revelation, and yet he still seems so laid back and calmly serious.
'No, she doesn't. I can only wish to have been born with that much sex appeal,' I blurt out through a tiny disbelieving laugh, not convinced at all that she and I are comparable in even the smallest way.
Alexi gives me an odd look as if to say, 'what are you talking about?' and I pipe down, completely, knocked with his reaction. A double take and second guess that he thinks I have anything she does.
Does that mean he thinks I'm just pretty? Or does that mean everything I just said about her, he sees in me?
That little flip over of my stomach answers that for me.
I don't see myself from in here, so it's hard to judge how I come across to people. I don't notice my mannerisms or my persona when I am buried inside my own head and just doing what I do.
Of course, I spent my life trying to learn to be what Alessandra is naturally, but I'm always aware that it's just a fake mask I wear, and I work hard to portray it. Some parts are maybe as easy as breathing now, but they were self-taught and not naturally acquired. Alexi is implying she and I are alike, and I take it as a massive compliment if that's how he sees me. I guess more than a compliment as a hot swirling sense of pride fills me up in the weirdest places.
Alexi thinks I'm classy, sensual and alluring? Sexy?
Then again this is Alexi, and words and gestures from him are just tools to mess with your head. I shouldn't ever forget that, no matter how he seems or how he's been treating me lately. I should never drop my guard where he is concerned. I have seen the other side.
He is trying to break down my walls and I won't let him.
My heart is maybe weakening foolishly, but my head is screwed on and trying to guide me in the right direction. I need to learn to put it back in control.