I get back to my apartment fifty-five minutes after calling him, weary from lugging my bags and just plain unwell. I tried to walk fast but my legs could not handle the effort and as my battery died on my phone, I couldn't even alert him to the fact I was moving slowly. I have a low fever which I know will spike to knock me on my back soon enough and just need to get in and lie down as soon as earthly possible.
I pause by the black four-by-four in the street, parked on the edge of the pavement, and look around because it is so out of place in this downtrodden area, among the crappy cars held together by duct tape. It's too modern and spanking new to be from this neighbourhood, so I guess Mico is already here and upstairs, which gives me a boost of calm. I guess he will be more than likely freaking out that I have passed out somewhere in a ditch ... considering how crappy I sounded on the phone. Not being able to get in touch has probably made him a bit bad-tempered and I progress into the building wearily.
I drag myself upstairs pulling my body by the bannisters, somehow relieved to know he's up there already and I am not walking into the apartment alone, settles my nerves. I hope he didn't encounter the two wannabe house breakers when he got here, as no doubt he would have kicked them both out with broken faces. Mico is much like Alexi in that you do not fuck with him and as he's built the same as his cousin, he has no issue enforcing his dominance. It's why I guess he is Alexi's second in command and very efficient at it. He can be just as terrifying and cold.
I come face to face with some strange man at my outer door, unscrewing something in the hinge area, and stop in surprise that he already has someone here doing this, and isn't just going to help me fix it ourselves. I guess I should have known a Carrero would bring in a professional pronto, and it just makes me feel a little lighter immediately. I guess that's one trait he shares with Dick Head Devil that I never hated. They take control and sort things out with minimal effort or fuss. They make you feel like you are being taken care of, even when playing bastards to your face.
It always confused me about Alexi. How he could care enough to protect me while fucking me up in the head, but then I could never tell how much real, and how much was designed to mess me up.
'Can I get past you?' I look him up and down, casually dressed but the bag of professional tools tells me he is either a carpenter or a locksmith. He smiles and moves out of my way, opening the door like a gentleman for me to enter. He has a fatherly air about him, mid-forties, kind-faced and just a repeat of most greying haired middle-aged dads in this city.
I pull my bags with me, dropping them inside my door as my eyes scan the room, and spot Mico in the small kitchen area putting cutlery back in the drawer and clearing up. The room already looks less chaotic and I swear my heart melts for a moment at both the sight of my friend who fills me with an insane bursting bubble of warmth and the fact he is trying to put to rights some of the chaos for me.
It just brings tears to my eyes, immediately overwhelmed with the sight of him, that I push away stupidly and give myself a shake. It's not the time to fall apart.
Stop being so soft, Camilla!
'Mico?'
I startle him, and he spins around, a look engulfing his face that goes from joyously happy to see me, to complete horror in a nanosecond. His eyes scan me in poised shock, as though he isn't sure how to react.
I forgot I looked like I lost a fight with a truck, the swelling and bruising are pretty numb from the cold and as long as I don't touch my face, I can almost forget it's even there.
'Jesus Christ, Camilla.'
Mico's response is completely overshadowed by a harsh-toned snappy statement that comes at me from behind, making me jump, my body bristling instantly in stupefied reaction as my reunion with a friend is abruptly interrupted.
'Where the hell were you?' It's a harsh accusatory deep tone that makes my skin instantly tingle in response.
I didn't know I could have a full physical bodily reaction to one sentence, but I do; a very negative one! Which boils my blood on sound alone and stiffens every single muscle in my body. I would know that voice any day of the week.
Turning to see soulless grey eyes piercing mine as he stalks aggressively into the room from the same door I just walked through and I swear I start snarling at the man. There's an instant ignition of an electric voltage between us as sparks fill the musty air.
The last sight I ever expected to see, and the last man on Earth I ever wanted to. I don't know who the fuck he thinks he is and I never invited him in!
Alexi looks enraged at my battered appearance and stalks towards me in jeans and a leather jacket zipped up to his throat. His eyes, in that tanned and toned face, devouring the mess of me, but it only serves to make him madder for some reason. I step back, making it clear he gets no closer, with an angry snarl pasted on and he stops awkwardly ... four feet apart as we just stare at one another. So much tension in the air that I don't know whether to laugh, cry, or kick him in the head.
I have never had a full-on violent urge to physically force something sharp into someone's eyeballs before now, but if I was holding anything worthy of doing the job I would have done it already. Just being here makes me hate him with a vengeance I didn't know I was capable of, and I am barely holding in the overwhelming crazy anger bubbling like a molten lava pit inside of me.
He smells of outside, aftershave and him and although everything seems like it did way back when I last saw him, he seems different to me somehow. He looks exactly as he did—irritatingly good looking, all dark hair, tall and foreboding—muscular, well-groomed and smoother than fucking smooth. Expensive clothes, those peeks of sinister tattoos at his neck and hands, empty almost colourless eyes and an expression that tells you nothing at all. It's like the past months have never happened and I have walked back into the room that night to find him the exact same way. Except ... I don't feel like I did. I am not scared of him anymore.
I guess I have no more shits to give about him, and only sheer contempt stands between us. My anger and defensive hatred spikes from nowhere, shocked to the core at his sudden appearance and really not expecting it at all. Like a wild cat backed into a corner by her most loathed predator, I turn on him viciously.
'What the hell has it got to do with you, and why are you even here?' I bite at him; that old fire in me bristling into fury and reigniting a spewing volcano in my belly I haven't been able to muster in a while. Pulling my hood down and coat off and chucking it across the room at the couch in a rage as my temperature continues to rise, in a bid to expel the sudden burst of new-found energy his arrival has given me.
'I have been driving around these fucking streets for the past half hour looking for you! It was only because I saw a small figure come in here that I parked up to check if it was you! Where the fuck were you?' He just snaps right back at me, that husky raspy tone of a pissed man. Lord and bloody commandeering fucking Carrero. He never changes.
He ignites that fury inside of me that kindles so very effortlessly in his presence, and from down deep in my toes I find Camilla curled up in her recoiled position. That Madame herself gets her arse off the floor and faces up to meet the one man she will never back down to again. Only Alexi could raise her dead rotting carcass inside of me.
'Did I ask for the great fucking Alexi Carrero to come on down here and start acting like the prize wanker you can be? NO, no I fucking did not! I asked Mico, MY FRIEND, for help! Someone who actually gives a crap about me, and in no part of that conversation did I say ... bring that prick of a cousin of yours as I miss being treated like shit!' I throw sarcastically, standing taller and lifting that defiant chin while I am the one who steps forward to him ungracefully. I am in the full throes of Diva mode as she finds her feet and blows the cobwebs off.
The distance between us shortens and two very pissed and buzzing people get their rage on, face-to-face while the atmosphere turns to static around us and sizzles with the effect.
Alexi seems to grow about five feet instantly, but I care not. This bastard will never make me cower at his feet again. I have learned one thing in his absence—I am the one who gave him the power to wound me and I won't ever do that again.
'Well it looks like you found yourself a man who treats you so much better, Princess.' He smirks cruelly and reaches out to touch my swollen face smugly and gets himself a massive hand slap over his wrist for the effort. My knee-jerk reaction to the disgust of him laying a hand on me that echoes with the noise of the thwack as my skin hits his.
'DON'T YOU FUCKING TOUCH ME!' I explode at him, shoving him back bodily in the chest with flat palms, using all my might as rage consumes me erratically. He stumbles and that cocky half laugh, half disbelieving look he gives me, sets off my psycho side. She has been hiding for months but I guess she does need a good airing.
I turn on him to face down that demon of a wanker I do not want in my apartment and do what Camilla does best. I pick up the nearest object to me and lob it at his head! Even though we are not very far apart and a slap would have better aim. I know it's a bit schizoid, but after all, that's how he makes me.
'Jesus Christ!' Alexi barks and ducks as a stray shoe from the table whizzes over the top of him, and he dodges out of my way like a panther with amazing reflexes. He wasn't expecting that and the shocked expression fuels my desire to do it again; a slight kick of enjoyment at unleashing some sort of payback on the utter arsehole.
'Camilla, for God's sake!' Mico yelps from across the room but I just blank him out. I have a lot of fucking angry words yet to come out and I will happily let them be accompanied by missiles aimed at Alexi. I turn and head for my bags by the door, now he has scooted sideways away from it and lift one to throw at him impulsively. It's heavy enough to hurt but light enough to throw: perfect weapon.
'You're fucking crazy!' Alexi snaps again, dodging my weightier attempt and it only fuels to make me so much more volcanic. Annoyed he would have the nerve to call ME crazy!!!
I grab an armful of random shit from the floor—shoes, a book, a couple of ornamental trinkets and one by one I start throwing them in his direction, on a hateful roll without a breather so he has no gap to come at me.
It feels amazing to be honest, even if I AM acting like a crazy person. Alexi deserves so much worse than things being thrown at him.
Although Mico is near him, and both split and scarper in opposite directions as I let loose and give a good go at being a baseball pitcher. Alexi is the aim, but he's too bloody fast and my near misses are fuelling my annoyance and frustrations all the more.
'Camilla!' Mico tries to get close but I aim a shoe at him and he runs for cover too. He has no idea how mad I am at him for defiling my space with this demon, and he better get out of my way or become a victim of my throwing ability.
The man on the outside of the door walks in, turns and walks straight back out when he sees me launching things. I guess he wanted to know what was going on and shuts the door behind me to shield himself. No wish to be part of the crazy woman's breakdown.
Sensible man!
'You are a complete fucking bastard who deserves everything I can throw at him!! You have no idea how much I want to ram something down your throat right now!' I yell at Alexi as he moves speedily towards me to catch what I am throwing, but I just run in the opposite direction and throw things over my shoulder at him to keep him at bay. Alexi may be faster than me but his self-preservation is honed in on dodging items rather than catching me. I get to the couch and slide behind it, so he cannot physically get to me, and find another treasure trove of throwable prizes.
Hairbrushes, hairdryer, more shoes, bags, pots, anything that was thrown around and I launch one after the other right at that prick's smug head. I am on a roll and I have enough fight in me from months of pining in pain to fuel me all god damn night! He keep's slapping and whacking them away, annoyingly.
It's very therapeutic as I expel so much hurt and heartbreak at the hands of this man. He has no idea as to the depth of sadness I have dealt with for the past months, or how much shit goes on inside of me while battling squalor to survive every day.
Mico is keeping out of the way now and trying to shout over the noise at me to calm down, but it's falling on deaf ears while I have Satan in my sights.
'Will you stop? I came here to talk, not be maimed, for fuck's sake!' Alexi is still yelling at me and still making me worse. He brings it on himself just by breathing in my direction.
'I won't stop till I knock your fucking head off, you wanker. I hope I break your nose or your teeth. I hope I take out an eye!' It's juvenile, but damn it feels like being alive again and despite my feverish head and rather crazed erratic mood, I am actually fighting for once. Camilla is still in me. She isn't dead! She has just been hibernating.
Mico walks at me from his side, palms raised as he tries to get past me to his cousin as a shield and I pause when I realise he is aiming for Alexi not me.
'STOP. STOP!' He soothes in a very loud tone and pushes Alexi back by the shoulder, so he comes between us slightly, widening the gap from the couch and brings a tiny halt to our war. I continue glaring at my arch nemesis over his shoulder and Alexi returns the favour. Both of us fuelled on mutual dislike and giving as good as we get in terms of filthy looks. Alexi's eyes are so dark they actually look coloured for once, and his jaw is stiff as he grits his teeth and gives me his best death stare. It does nothing anymore. The power he once held over me is gone.
'You two are a fucking nightmare!' Mico sighs heavily as I take a breather from swing arm and lower the trainer I am holding. My shoulder aches from the exertion and I take the moment to catch my breath, unaware I was heaving until now. Lungs ready to explode and body screaming at me that I am in no fit state for this kind of behaviour. Physically, I feel like I have run a marathon, and I am perspiring profusely under my clothes. I guess being sick has its downfall when I need energy to leave at least one scar on that pretty face. A bloody nose would be nice.
'Make him leave!' I bark back and get an annoyed frown from Mico this time, which makes me pipe down. I don't want to be pissing off my hero, even if he has questionable loyalty! I mean why else would that tosser be here, if Mico hadn't told him?
I'm losing the buzz anyway, the fun is fading away, and tiredness is coming back. I guess it was a temporary high from the shock of seeing the idiot again and it is expelled already. I'm still fuming internally, although shock and something else is sweeping through my body, and I just feel raw and vulnerable now—emotions threatening to the surface. I've been on one hell of a rollercoaster these past twelve hours and I wonder if part of me is in a state of delirium ... I do feel odd.
'He came to talk. You are going to put that down and come over here and listen! Stop being a fucking Diva, Camilla!' Mico snaps at me, his dad tone is full-on aggression, and he lowers his brows in a similar way to his cousin which only riles my temper once more. I am still equally annoyed at Mico.
'I am not coming out until that bastard goes way over there!' I sulk and point to the far corner of the room with the toe of the shoe I am holding and nod at Alexi smugly, getting another icy look as he sighs and shakes his head before turning on his heel. He obviously realises I am not going to comply until he does and for once is being smart about it.
Surprisingly!
'Overdramatic much! Psychotic females,' he murmurs under his breath, but I hear him, and that snap of fire he brings out in me triggers the toss. The trainer flies through the air quite poetically and catches him unawares right in the centre back of his skull with a dull thud that is a short-lived victory and seems to bring the entire room to a deathly silence. That tiny little trigger of regret swirls from inside of me as I remember a cushion throw way back in his apartment and Alexi's volatile reaction even then.
He spins like a psycho, my breath catching in response, eyes venomous and moves so fast in a lurch towards me that Mico grabs him frontally and tries to rein him in. It's a fast-reflexed manoeuvre, and he's barely controlling his viciously enraged prisoner as he attempts to jump my couch and throttle me. Alexi is seething and I think I just flipped his kill switch. My body literally turns cold.
All the blood drains from my veins and I realise I just went a step too far as Mico endeavours to hold onto him as he tries to fight towards me. I start arming myself with heavy objects in readiness for battle, and know that if Mico cannot control him then I better be ready to protect myself. Heart pounding and my eyes never leaving his face I gather an arsenal to my chest.
'I'm going to fucking kill her!!!' Alexi yells at him and me, eyes boring into mine with the stormiest chaos within their depths; a guy who has snapped.
I glare back, unwilling to show him any fear or back down, even though I am quaking right down to my toes and know this was a stupid move.
He doesn't own me anymore, and he has no right to be here, but it doesn't mean he won't try to punish me.
'Just fucking try! I will stab you in the god damn throat, you psycho!' I screech back, wielding a hair tong that's about as pointy as the shoe and probably incapable of penetrating skin, but I wave it manically anyway as though I intend to use it.
Mico loses his grip on the fighting beast, and before I get a chance to re-arm myself with something more suited for impalement, I drop my finds impulsively in fright. Alexi comes thundering towards me, jumps the couch to get at me and I hightail it with my heart in my mouth at full speed away from him.
Squealing in absolute terror, heart racing like I am high on drugs because I know what comes with an Alexi eruption of anger, and the bastard is fucking fuming. I'm not dumb enough to not expect something awful in retaliation.
He catches the back of my t-shirt, yanking it firmly so I almost fall backwards with the sudden stop, to get a hold of me once he clears the furniture and is now in the space I occupied. I turn and bend to manoeuvre out of it just as fast, and he pulls it right off my head leaving me in a sports bra, not giving two shits if escape is the result. He doesn't relent, throws it aside angrily and keeps coming behind me with intent. Chasing around my fucking room as Mico attempts another capture of one scary as shit Carrero and fails. So now there are three of us running around the room in a ridiculous game of catch the mouse.
I throw objects at him that I grab on passing and almost fall as I climb over the couch after a full circle of the room, and I manage to grab a long-handled spoon on the table on the way past. Alexi just jumps after me, clearing it easily like some superman athlete who cannot be taken down from his pursuit. He skims it at speed, so I turn on him and start waving and swinging it at his face to battle him off—the deranged motions of someone trying to wield a wooden spoon as a sword and meeting a very fiery dragon with claws made of steel.
Alexi dodges my vicious assaults and grabs both my hand and the spoon in a crushing grip, hot skin burning mine with a sizzling connection; in the blink of an eye he yanks the blooming thing out of my hand ferociously. It makes me yelp with the force he uses and continues to grip me cruelly, all of my bravado melting away like ice on a hot pavement. I remember how terrifying he can be and I pour into my own shoes as terror takes hold.
Mico loses his absolute shit, halting whatever heinous act King Carrero had in his head for when he caught me and yanks me away from him brutally, so I am left balancing precariously for a moment as I right myself. Putting himself between us angrily as he intervenes what could have come to an awful head.
'That's it!!! I will let you both fucking kill each other and just god damn leave if you don't cut this shit out. I am too old for this crap! GROW THE FUCK UP! BOTH OF YOU!' He lets Alexi loose and shoves him back hard, a visible telling off that cools his jets instantly. Weirdly, returning a sense of human to that evil scowl and I drop my bunched and ready fists to waist level in semi-shame, unwilling to relent just yet.
I am trying to figure out if he really would leave me alone with this knob head, and if he did, I wonder if Alexi would finish what I failed to do back in his apartment that night. He's definitely angry enough, and we both know he has the skill to end my life without much effort. I wouldn't put it past him!
'She needs to stop acting like a deranged mental case and calm the fuck down! I came here to help!' Alexi goes for the last word but Mico spins his head towards him and I can only guess it's a murderous look as Alexi bites down into sulky mode and glares away from him, to me, and then walks off towards the back of the room in a strop.
Boy takes a telling off, it seems!
His whole body is tense and poised. Like a caged animal waiting for its dinner, or a child who is moody and just had a scalding. I wonder if he is trying to reel in his own bad temper and impulsive need to snap my neck, by walking away to breathe. I cannot decide on which and stupidly it gives me the urge to laugh maniacally at him, which earns a glare from Mico at me too.
I really think I am losing the plot.
Mico brings my attention to him with another sigh and a head shake and I finally drop my hands in defeat, also scalded and trying to simmer down. Body vibrating with exercise I didn't need and lungs trying not to self-implode as I calm. I can feel those judgey eyes on my face and he quietens his tone.
'Who did this to you?' Mico's face softens hugely; his tone warm once more as a finger comes up and moves a stray hair from the mess of what I am being brought back to ... my face. I presume my eyes are already black and blue as he studies me.
Alexi turns against the wall in the background, catching my eye as I can feel him boring into me, and leans against it stiffly. Watching me like a wolf, fully tuned into my answer and I just shrug it off nonchalantly.
'It's nothing. Part and parcel of my current existence. I am more concerned about that.' I point at the door that is vibrating as the man on the other side drills something and Mico glances around too.
'This place isn't the best.'
Like I don't know that!
I raise a brow in sarcastic silent response at him. He just shrugs back with a smile.
'I told him to secure all the windows and even put a lock on your bedroom door as a secondary secure room,' Alexi butts in, eyes eating at me still, pitch smoother and less violent but I just blank him. I don't want him to be my saviour, even if he has calmed down immensely and is brooding in the corner.
I never asked him to come here, and he is still not welcome, no matter how quick of a turnaround in demeanour he has just had.
I come out of my self-inflicted temper and walk back to sit on the couch in tired defeat. Mico comes and sits at one side of me and places his hands on his knees as he evaluates me a little more closely.
'You don't look well and this place is hardly the Hilton.' He nudges my shoulder with his and I smile softly, fully aware of how things are. Amazed by how quickly my insides are returning to normal and the effects of one smouldering Carrero in the corner are wearing off now I am over the worst of the shock. I'm still not repentant over throwing things at him; I'm just sorry I only hit him once. I'm still smarting, but it's hard to stay enraged and high octane when your body is giving up on you.
I think I am in dazed shock at his presence though, it doesn't really feel like he is here. This is a weird dream after months of sleeping.
'You don't have to tell me that,' I respond quietly, fully aware that this is barely better than sleeping under a bridge right now and freeze when I catch Alexi's feet moving towards me across the floor. I won't show him that his proximity gets to me, so even when he walks over and sits on the arm of the chair at the other side of me, a few feet away, I try to ignore him completely.
Easier said than done when your body decides to go into over the top high alert the second he's within five feet. I blank him out as though he isn't there.
Alexi has fallen silent and seems to be staring at me as though something intensely alluring is on the side of my face. It's distracting but I continue to look at the door in front of us as the man working on it opens it slightly and starts messing with the edge, Mico looks up too.
Alexi, I'm assuming, is trying to dig through my skull and extract information on who would dare bruise something he clearly still considers his possession and has no interest in anything much else right now except my head. Maybe he is just fantasising about tying me up and punishing me to his heart's content. He'll never fucking change.
His intense gaze on me is uncomfortable and I really cannot decipher the weird sombre vibe I am getting from him when he's this close. Or his odd silence now we are no longer physically fighting.
Four months of him eating my brain every night and in one tiny little twenty-minute meeting with him again I remember every reason I left the hospital and never looked back.
He's an arsehole.
I sigh as the tension hits peak level and turn to Mico in complete bewilderment.
'I don't want him here. I don't need him here, so why is he here?' I say it softly, completely exhausted and I don't care that he is right beside me. I don't want to talk to him or look, or smell, or feel him close to me anymore. I can barely breathe with him in my room. Alexi is the last person in the world I ever want to be around again.
This isn't what I need.
'He's only here as long as I am. The door is almost done, and then he won't be much longer on other things. Look, Camilla, I think you should let me put you in a hotel for tonight and I can come see you again in the morning; alone, to talk properly.' He gives Alexi a look over my head, sort of serious and yet apologetic now my back is on him, and I shake my head in irritation at this show of command when really there is no hierarchy in this situation. This is between Mico and me!
It's got fuck all to do with Alexi so he can stop seeking permission from him and let me deal with my own shit.
'I don't need a hotel. Look, I'm sorry if I seem ungrateful when you came down here to help me. I'm just ... I just don't want to do this. Not with him. I'm sorry but that ship sailed and we have nothing to say to one another.'
'He came here to talk, make sure you were okay. Things have changed in your absence ... if you just ...' Mico looks perplexed, but I don't want to hear it.
'Don't Mico. I'm too tired for this.' Mentally and emotionally.
'What if he has something more to offer than this?' He gestures around the room but I burst out laughing and stand up, no longer able to deal with the way my body is goose bumping all over with his proximity, or how hemmed in he has me feeling. I feel claustrophobic, restless and antsy. Alexi has me all out of whack and I need him to just leave.
'Not unless it's his head on a platter.' I avoid looking his way, but I am more than aware his eyes are following me.
'It's negotiable.' Alexi interjects with a level tone that tells me nothing of his seriousness, and this time I spin on his face angrily. Annoyed he is trying to make light of things in this way, and just eternally irritated by everything he does, in general. He knows how to stoke my embers back to fire anyway.
'Are you trying to be funny?' I snap, good old temper rising once more, and throw a pointed snarl his way. Sensitive to everything that comes out of that man's mouth.
'God forbid I would do that, right?' He snarls right back at me, his own temper going off again when pushed by mine and now I see why this was such a dumb idea. Neither of us is capable of being in one room without wanting to rip each other's faces off. Mico should never have brought him and I don't care what offer he might have. This is proof we will never work out in any way.
'I didn't know you had a sense of humour or knew what a joke was? I am just amazed you even attempted something you clearly have no aptitude for.' It's sarcastic, cold and venomous. Back to juvenile and Mico slumps and buries his face in his hands with a long low groan.
'Would you two give it a rest? I have a major headache coming on.' He sounds defeated, giving up on us and Alexi gets up to tower over me once more. Imposing and intimidating, but I am not about to back down for him ever again. I bristle as he takes up a position right in front of me, clearly ready to go at me again. I stand taller and lift that bloody chin of mine!
'I'm sorry; I learned my wit from you. Queen of sarcasm, and couldn't help lowering myself to your level.' He snarls right at me, turning slightly, so we are face-to-face once more and I have to grit my teeth instead of knee him in the balls like my brain is telling me to do. I have to simmer the salty bubbling inside of my stomach and keep the absolute fury off my face.
He just knows how to get right inside my head and twist, twist, twist.
Wanker!
'You will never be on my level, Baby, but one thing is for sure ... it's not beneath you at all. I am so out of your league you're practically non-existent from my viewpoint.' I toss back my hair and give him my best Camilla sass move, raising brows and smirking evilly.
'Yeah, this is such a classy look ... Baby! I'm so gutted that I don't meet your standards.' He picks up a strand of my lank, mousy brown hair and tugs it, that smarmy look that makes me want to punch him in the throat and reminds me how crappy I actually look. I may feel like Camilla at this moment, but I don't resemble her at all, and he just bruises my ego by pointing it out.
'My class is more than skin deep. Unlike you that is. You have about as much depth as a puddle.' I raise a sarky brow, biting on my own tongue to hide my venom and try to sound unaffected by him.
I swear Mico gives up on life. He sighs, groans and gets up and walks to my kitchen and starts looking for a kettle, or something to do while we have ourselves an immature squabble over here. I think he's resigned himself to the fact this is the inevitable outcome, and he should just stay out of it.
'Mature ... as always, London.' Alexi raises his brow right back and I cave immediately. Both with the snide remark and the use of that not cute, ever fucking irritating pet name he likes to use on me when he is being a prick. Temper that has been brimming inside all this time just explodes with that little superior fucking put down, and all my hatred and loathing is right back in his face.
'Why don't you do us all a favour and go fuck yourself??' I scream at him, losing my cool and letting loose.
'Why? When I can just fuck with you! It's way more fun and not that hard,' he spits back, an evil glimmer of that sadistic controlling prick who uses punishment as a method to intimidate, and I snap.
'Go and choke, you complete fucking wanker!' I squawk like a crazy.
'I like the idea of choking ... pretty sure you would make a good test subject.' He just sounds sinister as fuck and I quake deep inside, no longer in control of my reactions, but it doesn't deter me at all.
'Try it and I will cut your fucking balls off with something blunt!' I'm seething with rage, making threats and taking no heed of the voice of reason in my brain trying to calm me down.
'Not this again.' Mico interjects, pushing between us as tempers reach sky-high and my urge to start chucking shit at Alexi's head starts all over again. He pushes us apart forcefully and gives Alexi an extra shoulder punch as though somehow, he is more at fault than me, and Alexi just continues to glare past him right at my eyes. I won't back down either.
'I'm done ... get the fuck out of my apartment, you complete tosser.' I yell in rage at him and throw my hands in the air, done with all of this and eager to finally put my head down somewhere soft and forget he ever existed once again. I am fast unravelling and the longer I stand here, the more exhausted I feel.
'If that's what you call this dump!' Alexi snorts right back at me, tone full of sarcasm and arrogant prick face self-importance.
'Well, you won't mind fucking leaving it then, WILL YOU?!?!'
I don't look back but storm off to my bedroom, so overly frustrated with his bullshit, and shut the door on both of them with a massive slam that makes the thin walls vibrate and a poorly hung picture falls off inside my room with a bump. Luckily it has no glass and I turn and pace around angrily, seething with the nerve of the god damn arsehole.
Not able to contain the way my body is shaking, both with adrenaline, anger and fever and all the mess going off inside of me as everything collides into one finally.
My body was holding being sick at bay while fuelled on whatever that was out there, but it's well and truly worn off and I just feel wretched; waves of heat and cold, overwhelming nausea and runny nose. I am slowly falling apart.
I sit down on the end of my bed when weakness hits me low in the gut, and it's only then I realise it's less chaotic in here and my clothes are hanging on hangers on the bathroom door. Mico must have been busy while waiting for me. I never pegged him as someone capable of domestic and I don't get why he would bother. Guess he was passing time as it took me ages to get over here; while Alexi was out looking for me. I push that thought away fast.
Right now, I don't know how to feel.
Numb, shocked and tired, like my brain can't cope with anymore tonight after the shit day I had, among other things. I feel like my brain is going to explode.
I really do not know if what I just walked into was an actual dream, or maybe a nightmare, and the surreal aura going off around me could be that I am really caught in a drug-induced terror and really none of it has happened at all.
Alexi is doing what he always does—fucking my head up brutally and it's testimony as to why he should stay away from me ... Forever.
There's a gentle knock on my door and I stiffen, unsure which of them it will be, then logically realise Alexi the prick would just walk in because he thinks he's king of the world and owns everywhere his bloody feet go. He wouldn't bother knocking; especially not in something I call my own. He thinks he owns me and all that goes with it.
'What is it?' I call back gently, rasping because yelling only made my throat worse, and I am on the verge of stupid tears over a stupid man.
'I need to go get something, but I'll be back and ... Alexi wants to talk to you Camilla, please, for me, hear him out.' It's Mico, sounding quietly gentle and stable and I feel guilty for sitting in here sulking at him. However, I also want to laugh at the most ridiculous thing Mico could have said to me.
'I don't want to talk to him. There is nothing in the world he could say that I would ever want to hear.' I sound childish, petulant and it's not Mico's fault. He's just stuck between me and his lord and master and trying to not be the bad guy. I don't know why he is so suddenly pro Lexi and Cam but I don't care. I just want them to both go away now. The last dealings I had with King Carrero was him trying to evict me from his life, so why would he even try to have a conversation with me now?
'You might want to hear this given your current situation.' Mico says louder and I just stare at the door in suspicion.
'I doubt it ... I'd rather eat shit and die than listen to anything Alexi might say to me.' I know I am being childish. That man out there stole every ounce of my sanity and left me in a hospital to rot. He never checked if I was okay in the three days I was there. He never showed up, never enquired about me or anything. I was just disconnected and left to go out into the world alone. He never once stopped to wonder about the girl he slept with more than once and then pushed to an attempted suicide at his hands. He made me feel worthless.
In the four months I have been gone it's like he never even existed, no word, no sign, no slight hint, and now suddenly, he wants me to come out because he has something to say. He's a bully and a control freak and there's nothing I want from him.
Hell, to the NO!
'Camilla, please. Just listen to him, this is as much for you and me as it is for him. After he's done talking he's going to leave ... he promised me. I'll be back soon; the carpenter needs something to secure your windows.'
'Mico, wait! Don't leave me with him.' It's out like a frightened pathetic kid who thinks the bogey man is out there to get her and her only protector is legging it.
Who will stop him acting like a total loony if I piss him off again and he gets a proper hold of me?
Mico sighs heavily.
'He's not going to do anything to you, I swear. Trust me. I wouldn't have brought him if I thought he was going to hurt you in any way, and he knows that if he scares you, I will break his face.' There is something in Mico's tone that says he isn't lying to me and I silence my insta-response of no and sit for a moment trying to calm myself down.
'Why can't he just leave me alone?' I sulk weakly, sounding fragile and quiet. Sighing and hating how tired all of this is making me. The hours ticking away and I still have to try and sleep before I need to get up for work. At this rate that's not going to happen and I cannot even face the thought of a ten-hour shift on little sleep and a raging fever.
'Because he spent four months trying to find you and he wasn't about to let this opportunity slip by.'
That shuts me up and I blink up at the door, disbelieving what I heard, and not sure if it's a ploy to make me more open to talking. He didn't act like someone who was pleased to have found me. He acted very much like the same sadistic arse he has always been. Annoyed one of his toys lashed back.I doubt it's true ... unless he has another reason or changed his mind about my debt.He can't. He wiped it clean, he cannot backtrack now.
We have nothing to talk about.
'I'm going.' Mico taps the door as a way of signalling goodbye and I panic, jumping up to chase him impulsively and not stay here alone with Alexi. Yanking the door open and high tailing it after him, breathless once more with tight insides as sheer fear overtakes me. Except I come smack bang into Alexi's chest and do an ever-graceful toppling act backwards onto my arse; arms frantically waving as I land with a thud. He wasn't expecting me to come dashing out either, and he stumbles back from the collision before righting himself and walking to where I'm splayed on the floor like an immobile infant. Heart bouncing through my chest and bum bruising instantly from impact ... I'm winded and sprawled out like an invalid.
He reaches out a hand to me in a gesture to help me up, but I lift my foot and shove it away before rolling to get up on my own. Mico throws me an exasperated look as he disappears out the door, and I am left alone with Alexi and the guy still screwing and doing God knows what to the door frame. He is taking a very long time and trying hard to ignore this weird dynamic we have going on.
'I'm sorry.' Alexi moves back to give me space and I just lift my chin higher and walk past him, acting like I couldn't give a toss that he is still here and trying not to rub my arse as I do so. I won't give him the satisfaction of knowing that actually hurt me.
Old Camilla showing an inkling of herself when caught in his presence. I am ruffled, breathless and inwardly aching in every way from being poorly and exerting too much energy already, but he doesn't need to know it.
'What do you want?' I have no space for niceties and no energy to spend on playing polite with the arsehole in my apartment. It's already been proven we rub each other the wrong way and this will only end badly.
Despite that, I really want to ask him if it's true that he has been looking for me, but my pride won't let me. I shouldn't care ... I don't care ... it means nothing. Just changed his mind about my debt and letting a possession loose before realising he didn't want to. That's all it will be. He hates to lose. I have no illusions about who and what he is anymore. I was never more than a plaything that he got bored of, and he is only here because he has some demented idea I can do something for him again. Not likely.
'To talk ... to offer you something that will help both of us.' He seems oddly submissive now, and even though his first snappy greeting alerting me of his presence was hostility thereafter, he now seems to be following me around like a puppy as I do my best to ignore his presence. His initial anger and aggressive aura have faded into nothing, and instead, there's a weird calm to him that's trying to have an effect on me. I'm not stupid though and I know he likes to play with your mind in any way he can.He seems different somehow and I guess maybe it's because he has lost all his shine and intimidation over me. I am not his anymore, and he cannot do a damn thing to me without my permission. He lost his power and now I see him for what he is.
Even if I can't deny that he still has an effect on me.
Every hair on my body is standing on end, skin goose bumped and insides in knots from him just being near me again. I hate him all the more for it. That all it takes is getting close and I lose all control of bodily reactions around him. Clearly still feel something for him, despite myself.
Idiot!
'What could you possibly have that I would want?' I turn on him, determined not to look weak when he's in my face again. It's the last time I lose all ounces of self-respect in the presence of this man and I'll be damned if I do it again. I will never let myself sink so low for anyone, and he won't see me vulnerable again for as long as I live. I need to just stop biting when he pushes me.
'Your job back.'