"You have no place in the world, Natalia. Neither does she."
"No! What are you doing?"
Laughter erupted from the other woman as she emerged from the shadows.
"You caused this, Natalia. Your ledger is gushing."
She held her hand over her chest as her breathing quickened.
She stared at the floor, falling to her knees.
"Stop!" She cried, keeping her hand on her chest.
The woman laughed again, then walked around her.
The scene changed, and they were back in the Red Room.
"You did this to her, Natalia. Just another dot of red on your ledger,"
A gun appeared in her hands, aiming at the targets.
She hit them all perfectly of course, but her stomach dropped when the target became a person in a chair.
"Do it, you know you have it in you. Let her die at your hands,"
"No..."
The woman laughed again, then pulled the rag off of the person's head.
Natasha fell to the floor again, as she looked into the terrified eyes on the person in the chair; it was you.
It was her girlfriend. It was the person she had grown to love over the past few months of being together. It was the person who made her feel safe. The person she wanted by her side forever.
And now, that person really was about to become just another dot of red on her ledger.
-
"No!" She woke up, rolling over immediately. Her entire body was drenched in sweat and she was clinging onto her pillow as if her life depended on it.
She glanced up to check the time, seeing that it was 3:30 in the morning.
Letting out a sigh, she rolled back over to lay on her back.
She's okay. Natasha thought to herself. She's fine. It was just a nightmare.
She was still breathing heavily, staring at the ceiling.
She tried to think of other things to distract herself, but every single one of her thoughts ended up bringing her back to those thoughts.
She had the gun in her hand, and was about to pull the trigger no matter how much she didn't want to.
She was about to hurt the person she promised she would always protect.
"No," she whisper-yelled, hugging her pillow even tighter.
At this point, tears began to stream down her face. Her breathing became shaky again as she wiped her tears away.
Natasha took a deep breath in, then walked out the door and headed for your room.
You hadn't been together too long, just a little under six months. Natasha hadn't directly told you she loved you yet, but she tried to tell you in other ways.
She would hold you close, stroking your hair, placing soft kisses on both your cheeks before you'd turn around and kiss her on the lips.
While the team was fighting, she would always try to be fighting right by your side so she could protect you. If she couldn't be by your side, she'd glance over at you often to make sure you were okay, or check-in with you through the coms. If you were in any danger, she wouldn't hesitate to disobey orders and go to you.
Whenever you had her listen to a song you liked, she would listen with just as much enthusiasm as you; even if she didn't even like the song. It was worth it seeing your smile.
While you had your own separate rooms, there were definitely nights spent with the other. She would pull you close, wrapping her arms around you. Sometimes, you'd cling onto her like a koala, and she'd just give your forehead a gentle kiss as you stayed in one another's embrace.
When you had confessed to her that you wanted to learn how to braid, she did your hair in front of a mirror, giving you details about everything she was doing. She then sat in front of you, and continued walking you through the process. When you accidentally pulled a few strands of hair, she winced, but said nothing. She reached back and placed her hand on your knee, giving it a gentle squeeze before you kissed the top of her head.
You trusted her completely, she could tell. It was comforting for her, having someone who thought of her the way you did.
She knew she loved you, but just couldn't bring herself to tell you. If she admitted it, then it would change everything, and she wasn't quite ready for that yet.
You had actually told her you loved her last month. You'd be lying if you said you weren't hurt that she didn't say it back. You didn't want to pressure her though, and told her to take all the time she needed.
Even if she couldn't tell you, that just made her fall harder.
Now, Natasha stood at your door. Her hand hovered over the door handle for a few minutes, debating whether or not she should go in.
The logical part of her mind knew that you were okay, and she didn't need to go in and make sure.
The other part of her mind was still reliving your screams in her head. That part was responsible for the trembling that was still happening in her hands. That part opened the door.
Plus, her heart was still racing. She wanted to be near you to be calm
She let out a sigh of relief as she saw the rise and fall of your chest as you lay sleeping.
Her breathing slowed, and she was finally able to relax a tiny bit.
-
Once again, Natasha was conflicted as she stared at your sleeping body.
Now that she knew you were okay, it was safe to go back to her own room. But, if she did, she was worried that her nightmare would come again.
So, she took a deep breath and took a step closer to you.
She then pulled the blankets back just a bit, then carefully slid into bed next to you.
Feeling calmer now, she leaned in and gently wrapped her arms around your waist. She didn't want to wake you up, but she also wanted to feel close to you while she slept.
After a few moments of feeling herself getting more and more relaxed as she listened to your breathing, she smiled as drowsiness slowly started to overtake her once again.
Unfortunately, her moment was short-lived as you suddenly jolted awake, sitting up and turning to face her as fast as you could.
"Jesus, Nat," you breathed out. "You scared me,"
"Sorry," she mumbled, not making eye contact.
"Hey, it's okay," you replied, putting your hand on her cheek as she sat up too. You frowned once you felt the wetness from the tears that had been there earlier. "Is everything alright?"
"I'm fine,"
You let out a sigh, stroking her cheek with your thumb until she finally met your eyes.
"Do you wanna talk about it or just go back to sleep?"
She thought for a moment, thinking about how safe she felt with you.
"I was dreaming," she started, which you nodded both in response and to indicate for her to continue. "I was back in the Red Room. I had no control over what I was doing, it was like my hands had a mind of their own,"
You saw tears swelling up in her already red eyes, so you reached your other hand over and connected it to one of hers, keeping your other hand on her cheek.
"I had to kill someone. It was like a memory at first, 'cause it happened so many times. But then they revealed who the person was, and..." she couldn't bring herself to finish as she leaned closer to you and buried her face in your neck.
You held her tight as she let out a few sobs, silently telling her that you were here.
"You don't have to talk about it if you don't want to, Natty," you said as you began to rub her back.
After a few more heartbreaking sobs, she pulled back to face you.
"It was you," she said quietly. "I had to kill you, you were gone"
Your heart broke at the sight of her. You wished you could take away her pain.
"I'm so sorry your mind gave you that cruel nightmare," you told her. "But I'm not going anywhere,"
She let out another sob before wrapping herself around you again.
"Promise?"
"I promise,"
That was all it took as she let out one final sob before her breaths began to calm. You kept one arm around her back, then began to stroke the back of her head with the other.
"Sorry for waking you up in the middle of the night like this," she said after a few minutes.
"It's okay," you told her. "I don't mind. I just want you to be happy and alright, so if you need to wake me up in the middle of the night for that, then it's okay,"
Her heart began to race once again, but it wasn't because of the nightmares.
It was because of the thought she's had for awhile, but could never bring herself to tell you.
"I love you,"
Your heart skipped a beat. You had been wanting to hear those words for so long, but never wanted to pressure her into something she wasn't ready for.
Now, here she was, in your arms confessing her love.
When you had told her that you loved her, it was in a similar position to this. She was holding you (although it wasn't because you had a nightmare or anything like that, she was holding you just to hold you) and you looked up at her and realized that you wanted her in your life forever, and there wasn't anything you wouldn't do for her.
You smiled so widely at her, your cheeks were beginning to hurt.
"I love you too," you told her, tucking a strand of hair behind her ear.
She was now smiling just as wide as you.
"I love you," she said again, resulting in a giggle from you. "Wow, it's easier to say now that I've said it once,"
You laughed again, then leaned forward and connected your lips to hers.
It was almost difficult to kiss, considering the fact that neither of you could stop yourselves from smiling.
You both got on your knees so you could be closer to one another while kissing, wrapping your arms around each other. She had one hand around your back and the other around your neck, while you cupped her cheeks with both hands.
Soon enough, you began to lose your balance, pulling her down with you.
You now both lay on your sides, facing each other, unable to stop the laughter coming from both of you.
"God, I love you," she said yet again. "Sorry, you're probably tired of hearing that now,"
"Never," you told her, leaning in to give her a quick kiss before pulling back again. "I'm never gonna get tired of hearing you say it,"
"That's good, because I don't plan on stopping anytime soon,"
You connected both your hands to hers, staring at her for a few moments of comfortable silence.
"Thank you for trusting me enough to come to me, Nat," you told her, rubbing small circles on her palms.
"Thank you for being the first person who made me feel safe enough to come to you,"
She leaned in and connected your lips once more, completely attaching herself to you.
"I'll always protect you, just like you protect me," you told her.
"Always?"
"Always."