(Behold the official reboot! yeahhh anyways onto the actual fic)
Xiao opened his eyes when he felt the sun's first rays cast light into his room. He sat up with a slightly annoyed expression, and passed his hands through his hair to put it in place; lying down on a bed all night had somehow made his hair look like a bird's nest. He glanced out the window and stood up stiffly. God, why the hell did I actually listen to Zhongli and try to sleep? All I did was force myself to lie down and do nothing for eight hours straight. The adeptus sighed in irritation. He hadn't slept in who-knows-how-long, and he wasn't going to sleep now. He didn't want to or need to.
After sulking for an arguably sufficient amount of time, he groaned and opened the inn room's door, quickly making his way to the top porch in hopes of not encountering anybody on the way there. He did not feel like talking to, or seeing, anyone. He never did, to be honest.
...
...Well, maybe sometimes. Zhongli and Ganyu are decent company. And Hu Tao can be funny. At times.
He sighed.
Too bad Zhongli only ever goes anywhere with that stupid fatui man-baby. God, even thinking about him makes me want to punch that dumb smile of his. Ugh.
Suddenly, Xiao's wishful thinking of punching Childe was interrupted.
"Good morning, Xiao." A deep voice greeted the adeptus from behind.
Xiao turned around, recognising the voice immediately. "Good morning, Sir." He said, dipping his head slightly in respect.
Zhongli smiled a bit and took a few steps towards Xiao, but didn't get too close. He knew that the adeptus didn't like being close to people- both physically and emotionally, He added to himself.
"I thought I told you that you didn't need to call me Sir anymore. You can just call me Zhongli." The tall man said.
"Uh. Right." Xiao cleared his throat. "Sorry Si-" He stopped himself. "-Zhongli. Sorry." He apologised awkwardly.
"No need to worry. I don't really mind." Zhongli smiled.
"Anyways, that isn't what I came here to say. First off, how are you feeling? I brought some more painkillers in case you're running low," The man said, taking a small bag from his pocket and handing it to Xiao.
Xiao looked at it with a somewhat blank expression and took it after a moment's hesitation. "Thank you." He replied simply. The painkillers seemed to be doing less and less each day, and no matter how many he took, the pain of his Karmatic debt never seemed to improve. But he didn't tell anyone. Why should he? It's not like they could do anything but worry. He'd just have to bear with it like he always had. What's some extra pain going to do, anyways?
He was once again snapped out of his thoughts.
"Xiao? Are you okay? You seem to be 'zoning out', as humans say." Zhongli looked at him inquisitively.
"What? Hm, yeah, I'm okay. Why wouldn't I be," Xiao shrugged nonchalantly, as to not worry Zhongli.
"Alright," Zhongli didn't seem to give it much thought. "As I was saying, a friend of mine will be visiting Liyue. And since you haven't been socialising or seeing anybody except me and a few others, I'd like you to greet him with me."
Damn. He didn't even hesitate before getting straight to the point. Xiao thought with a hint of bitterness, then shook it off. He didn't want Zhongli to worry, but at the same time, the way he just accepted his pretty obviously untrue reply bothered him.
Xiao shook his head. "I can't. I don't have time to 'socialise'. If I get distracted, something could happen and-"
"-...And if you aren't with us, something might happen to us." Zhongli interrupted. "You shouldn't worry so much. The millileth can take care of a few monsters for one day."
Xiao groaned and rubbed his eyebrows. "Fine. I'll greet him and follow you two around. For one day."
"Thank you," The tall man smiled once more. "I think you might enjoy yourself. He's around your age and.. an interesting fellow, to be frank. But he's quite kind."
Around my age? Xiao was a bit surprised. If he was being honest, he expected the 'friend' to be one of those mortals Zhongli so liked being around.
"Well, enough standing around. He should be arriving to Liyue in a few hours, and we agreed to meet in Minlin. We should start heading there ourselves."
And with that, Zhongli started walking into the inn, stopping for a moment. "I'll give you some time to go through your stuff to see if there's anything we can gift him. I wanted to buy something, but I forgot to bring both my wallet and Childe." He chuckled a bit and disappeared between a crowd of people in the inn.
"Wait!-" Xiao called out seconds too late. "God damn it, how the hell am I supposed to know what gifts he'll like? I don't even know the guy, or anything about him!" He groaned to himself. Whatever. I'll just grab some flowers in Minlin and give them to Zhongli once we arrive. We'll probably have to wait for his 'friend' an hour or so anyways. He decided, and closed his eyes, vanishing in a cloud of black and blue particles. When he opened his eyes again, he was in front of the bottom elevator stop, where he leaned against a wooden pole to wait for Morax- ahem, Zhongli. God, he never got his new name right. He always called him Rex Lapis or Morax.. or, well, Sir. He sighed. Why the hell'd he have to give up his gnosis..? He asked himself, although he knew why. Hell, he understood why. He might've even done the same if he were in his position. But he couldn't help but see it as selfish. Maybe Xiao was the selfish one, but Zhongli had no idea what he'd put him through.
He hated to admit it, but Re- Zhongli- was like a father to him. And suddenly, he was dead to the world's eyes. His eyes. At first, it was just whispers. Rumours, fearful words muttered among the people at the inn. Xiao hadn't thought much of it. He thought it was just another stupid tale, another lie the humans shared for a few laughs and giggles later.
"It's just a joke haha! You should've seen the look on your face~!" Ugh. Humans and their 'jokes'.
For once, he'd actually wished it was a joke. He'd wished it so much, with all his will. There was no way Rex Lapis was... actually dead. And then the traveller appeared. The traveller appeared, and told him that Rex Lapis had indeed 'died'. At that moment, Xiao wished he was in some sort of messed-up nightmare.
But he wasn't.
He'd felt an overwhelming sense of hollowness, of loss. But he tried to keep it in. He had to. He couldn't cry, pout, or do anything that might display weakness. So instead he acted surprised. He was, but he exaggerated the surprise in his voice to cover the grief that underlaid it.
He and the traveller spoke a while more, and then they left after Xiao told them he was going to find the other adepti to discuss who would take Rex Lapis's position. But he didn't. He couldn't, not now. That was when it all sunk in. When he was left alone, standing still on that porch. His legs seemed to fail him, and he had to grip onto the railing to avoid falling. He felt tears from in his eyes, and he fell on his knees, his hands still weakly holding onto the railing. "No. No, no. No, stop. Don't cry, you aren't weak.." He said to himself through gritted teeth. "...Stop..." His voice cracked. I failed. I-I- I could've saved him. I could've prevented his death. I should've... I... I failed. I failed to protect Liyue. I failed to protect... He'd broken into tears, right then and there. The air was filled with drowned sobs, desperate attempts to bury those feelings deep, so that that freshly reopened wound in his chest couldn't hurt him anymore. I failed him.. Just like I failed them. It's all my fault, all my fault... But he couldn't. He couldn't drown it out, he couldn't bury it under. It was too much, it was overwhelming. He tried to catch his breath, but the tears kept coming. They wouldn't stop, they never would..
Until they did. Suddenly, without warning; he had no more tears to shed. He took a few ragged, raspy breaths, and slowly got up. His chest ached, his throat burned, but the tears that hadn't stopped coming seconds before seemed to have run dry.
He felt a strange feeling of numbness. It was as if he were in a dream, although he knew he wasn't. Although, he'd sure as hell wished he was. He walked to his room in the inn, his surroundings turning hazy as if polluted by some kind of mist. He opened the room's door, stumbled inside and shut it clumsily. He dragged himself to his bed in an almost animal instinct, and then everything went dark.
Xiao blinked, brought back to the present when he heard the elevator whirr to a stop beside him. Zhongli stepped out. Xiao looked away for a moment, the memories of that day made him feel frustrated and abandoned. He could've told me something. But he didn't. He left me to think he was dead. To deal with his loss alone, to deal with the responsibility of gathering the other adepti, to think that I'd have to take his place. Xiao sighed in slight anger. "Let's just get there already." He said briskly, not looking at Zhongli as he started making his way ahead. He knew it was stupid to get mad now, but he couldn't help it. It wasn't his fault, He told himself. He probably didn't even have time to tell me. Xiao took a deep breath and tried to calm himself, then slowed his pace to wait for Zhongli, who had fallen slightly behind.
They travelled in silence for a while.
"Xiao?"
"Hm?"
"I understand you didn't want to come, and I want you to know that I appreciate you coming anyways."
Xiao walked in silence for a bit before replying. He still felt somewhat frustrated and he didn't really feel like talking.
"Just fulfilling my contract to protect you and Liyue." Xiao replied dryly, speeding his pace to walk a few feet ahead of Zhongli.
Zhongli sighed silently. Ever since his 'death', Xiao had randomly given him the 'silent treatment'. That was what Childe had called it, and in all honesty, it was fitting. At first he thought it was because he spent time with Childe, but Childe wasn't here now. He wasn't sure if he should say something or not, but before he thought twice, a question escaped his lips.
"Xiao, are you.. mad at me for anything?"
The yaksha stopped, and so did Zhongli. Xiao felt an inexplicable rush of anger at the question, and he wasn't even sure why. Zhongli asked the question calmly and patiently, maybe even with a hint of concern. Why the hell am I mad at him?! Xiao took a deep breath and tried to calm himself, but to no avail. "No." He replied dryly through gritted teeth and continued walking forward. Xiao knew it was an obvious lie, but he didn't care. In fact, he wanted him to know he was mad. Yet he couldn't bring himself to tell him. If he was honest, he wanted Zhongli to be mad at him. He wanted him to yell at him for being selfish, tell him he was being stupid, show him he had no reasons to be mad.
But he didn't. Zhongli didn't even frown in anger or annoyance; instead he sighed and frowned in concern. It hurt that Xiao was mad at him, but what hurt more was not knowing why. Is it because of Childe? No, no. It can't be that, he isn't even here. He dismissed the possibility. ...Could it be because of something I've done? He paused for a moment.
He opened his mouth to ask, but after seeing how tensely the adeptus was walking, he decided against it. Talking to him right now would be like casting logs to a burning flame. It would only feed it, make it burn brighter. Make it more dangerous. Zhongli sighed. Xiao had a lot of weight on his shoulders. For eons, he'd carried the bounds of his karmatic debt on his own, and though he did a good job at keeping his emotions in check,, Zhongli didn't want to find out what'd happen if Xiao lost control of his emotions- especially anger. Zhongli knew he was in an almost constant battle against himself, and he didn't want to make that battle harder than it must already be.
The two travelled in silence once more, not a word spoken between them.
"We're here. This is where we agreed to meet." Zhongli said, stopping and clearing his throat. He glanced up at the sun. "He should be here soon. Xiao, did you select a gift for him? I forgot to check before we left the inn," He glanced at Xiao with a hint of caution, then relaxed when he saw that the yaksha had gone back to his usual mood. Or, at the very least, he seemed a bit more calm.
"Actually, I know a place near here where Qingxins grow. Thought that some flowers might work." Xiao shrugged.
"Flowers? Oh, that's a fine gift. Good idea,"
"Hm." Xiao nodded, and before Zhongli could say anything more, he vanished in a cloud of dark smoke.
AUTHOR'S NOTE:
YEAHH 2.3 K WORDS LESSGO :D
hope ya'll enjoyed this chapter dispite the random angst,, haha oops my hand slipped and i wrote a whole paragraph of sadge
anyways yeah. next chapter out. soon? or not. idk. but itll be out eventually since its halfway done
cYA NERDS take care of urselves and drink water :D <3