Tw// panic attacks
You'd think touring with your older brother would be fun, you get to see the world and listen to him play music every night. You meet new people, and go to places you would never think of travelling to but in my eyes it's the worst thing ever.
The constant turning sick feeling sitting in the pit of my stomach, the green room we were in was packed full of people. Awsten's opening bands were Phem and Zeph, thet of course had their band members with them. Both beautiful people, their music was incredible and amazing to listen to but there guitar players were also in here as well as phem's drummer.
Crew was occasionally coming in and out, Geoff and otto were standing around and I was stuck at the back of it feeling like there was no way out without making myself know. I sat on a couch in the corner of the room, of course it had to be the furthest corner.
Awsten was sat next to me of course being sociable and loud, like the kind of person he is. Me and him are complete opposites. My older sister, Gracie, however we got along perfectly. She's really like my mother figure I didn't even want to come with him on this tour, mum was on some stupid business trip and she doesn't trust me to stay at home on my own so she sent me with Awsten.
Me and her don't get along too well, it was a sorry excuse to get rid of me.
When I tell you I sobbed, I sobbed for hours telling him I wanted to go home but he just yelled at me. I'm sure at this point Geoff and Otto are fed up with our yelling but anxiety was kicking my ass.
"Y/n.. y/n" I snap out of my thoughts looking over to my older brother. "You're alright, I promise" his hand ghosts over the couch cushion and he places it on top of my mine comfortingly.
I take a deep breath with my knee bouncing rapidly, he hands me a bottle of blue Gatorade. "Here.." he says with a gentle smile, Awsten grew up being the only father figure I've ever know.
We've been close since I was born, yes we have our differences and argue often but he's still my family. mum isn't the best of people and is constantly at the bar, bringing men home or just not coming home at all, so Awsten took it upon himself to make me his responsibility which I couldn't be more grateful for.
"I need to get of here aws.." his face changed to show his concern, but nodded nonetheless. He stood up taking my hand and lead me out of the room.
"Are you okay?" I just stayed silent, I needed to be alone I didn't want him to see me have the panic attack I could feel rising in my chest. "I-I'm fine Aws, have fun on stage." I told him before running back to the bus hoping I remember the way.
The way back just comes back by memory of walking it pretty much all day and I finally make it back to the bus. I run to the bathroom closing the door behind me, though it was gross sitting on the tiny bathroom floor it was oddly comforting.
Awsten's POV
"Y/N!!" I ran around the venue looking for her, I ran into Otto who looked at me worriedly. "Awsten? Are you alright?"
"Have you seen y/n? She was on the verge of a panic attack and I lost them" his face seemingly changed to being more concerned. "I haven't seen them, check the bus and let me know if you need anything" I thanked him and ran towards the bus. I don't think I've ever ran faster in my life and I was bullied in high school.
I run onto the bus hearing their uneven breathing, it took me a minute to realise that it was coming from the bathroom. When I got there they had their head lulled above the toilet seat, "alright sweet cheeks let's calm you down.."
I kneel in front of them grabbing their wrists gently. I take y/n's hands from their ears which they had clamped over and position them on their knees hoping it was still comfortable for them.
They looks towards me and I nod, "breath for me sweetheart.. you're alright I promise you" they just keeps staring at me, tears still running down their cheeks and breathing unevenly.
I brush some off tears from their face and let my hands cup their face softly. "Okay, try counting with me.."
Y/n still continued to heave their chest up and down while trying to desperately catch their breath. I had helped them through many panic attacks but this seems to be one of the worst ones I've seen.
Y/n takes their hands from their knees and puts them back over their ears and sobbed uncontrollably telling me it was only getting worse. I grabbed my AirPods from the table which I had left to charge and quickly connected them to my phone.
"Hang in there kiddo.." I told them as I rushed to put on music. I put on 21 questions and put the AirPods in their ears waiting for the panic attack to pass, sometimes it took longer than other times. But I'll wait forever until I knew they were okay.
Soon enough their breathing returned to normal and they were able to talk to me more. "How are you feeling?" I asked as they sipped from a bottle of water.
"Better.. I'm sorry" I shook my head pulling their into my lap so I could hug them. "Don't be silly, you're fine I promise" we stayed like this until I had to go out and play tonight show to which y/n sat on the side with Jawn and Lucas while I performed.
I occasionally glanced over to see them dancing with lucas and laughing, they were having fun and that's all I cared about.