Warnings: Red Room & Dreykov. Being sexualized. Forced to kill, minors dying. Angst, blood and graphic contents. Mentions of scars and nervous tics.
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January 1996
'If there's a bright center to the universe, you're on the planet that it's farthest from', Luke Skywalker would say. He clearly didn't know there's worse. For example, a Hydra base nestled in the perpetually icy mountains of Siberia.
And just when Anya thought everyone had forgotten about her, that they had left her to rot in that cell.. the heavy metal door finally opened with a spine-chilling creak.
The figure was backlit, but Anya could recognize him anyway. One of the few figures she will never forget in her life. It will remain forever etched in her mind and she'll forever shake at the mere memory. Perhaps she preferred being forgotten in her room, after all.
Karpov took a few steps inside and heavily dropped a black box on her bed.
"Get ready. The helicopter leaves in thirty minutes." he said without any emotion and left the room.
Suddenly Anya's heart started beating again.
A mission.
Finally outside.
Will he be there?
God, I hope so.
Will he remember me?
How will he react?
These were the thoughts that haunted her as she hastily prepared. A quick shower, hair braided into her usual hairstyle -the best braids she could do- her black suit.. and there it was. Her belt. She buckled it on her hips, heavy with the many weapons it was equipped with.
Anya took a few steps across the room, got to her bed and lifted the mattress from the corner. There, between the thin mattress and the old bed frame that made annoying noises with every movement and seemed to pierce her back, there it was.
The Winter Soldier's dagger. She held it in her hands, close to her chest and stroked the red star on the handle, then she slipped it into one of the holsters on her leg.
Mask on and dark eyes, she crossed the whole base. She was pretty wired. The hope of seeing the Winter Soldier again was the only thing that kept her going on. Her only fuel. But when the double door opened over the helicopter's take-off platform, he wasn't there.
As the icy air pierced the exposed skin of her face, she felt her eyes fill with tears and her throat sting. But quickly shrugged that feeling down her shoulders at the single thought of being tortured for crying on a mission. As she headed for the helicopter she noticed that some soldiers were already up.
She got inside and took the seat reserved for her, the one right next to Karpov. Anya took her seat and tried to suppress with all her willpower the urge to throw him out of the helicopter, or stab him in the chest, or shoot him in the head, or even choke him.
"Excuse me Sir, may I ask you where we are headed?" she asked at some point.
"To the Red Room." Anya swallowed the lump that instantly formed in her throat.
She knew about the Red Room, the Winter Soldier had told her about it, and that years ago he had been involved in the Black Widow Program. They took girls based on their genetic potential as babies, while others were literally purchased from their parents.
The chosen girls were put through strenuous daily training, including hand-to-hand combat training, acrobatics, weapons training, and tactical skills. They were forced to watch videos full of subliminal messages for a slow brainwashing. The training also included intense ballet dance lessons, where they had to repeat their routine over and over again, so they could become unbreakable.
Nothing too different from Anya's training, except that they weren't given any super serum, and were already very strong on their own. They started as a child and they had contact with other people their age, at least.
But friendships weren't tolerated there, everyone was against the other. In fact, occasionally, two girls were chosen to fight violently spar against each other. Weakness was not tolerated and the loser was killed by their opponent.
The training was so brutal that approximately one in twenty of the girls in each generation ended up surviving to become fully-fledged Black Widows, due in part to the program's insistence on eliminating defects. Simply put, these little girls were being trained to be the best assassins in the world.
"You will play a very important role today. You will attend the graduation ceremony of one of the training groups. To see if they are ready for missions. Do you understand the importance of today?"
"I do, Sir."
"And from this moment you will respond as Зимний солдат(Winter Soldier) only." he said coldly. "Since you don't deserve any respect, I think it's time to remind you that you are just a soldier. And with that, treat you as one."
"I understand, Sir." Anya wanted to throw up right then and there.
Зимний солдат.
They just called me by his name.
And he's not here.
What happened to him?
Anya had to collect all her strength to not break into a panic attack. The ride was quiet , it always was when Karpov was there. No one spoke to each other, no one barely looked at one another. Occasionally a voice would come over the radio but that was it.
The facility wasn't too different from the Hydra base, except that it was much bigger, and full of girls. Anya always wondered what it would have been like to train with girls her age instead of a grumpy metal-armed Soldier and a bunch of other middle-aged men.
From the helicopter window she could see the leader of the program. Dryekov. She had already seen him twice in her life. Halfway through her training and the day of her test. Everything Anya could think of at the sight of him was disgust. Because you had to be really sleazy to have the guts to buy girls and train them to be murderers, or kill them.
The hatch was opened and Anya followed Karpov, watching as the two men embraced one another.
"Here she is. Anya." Dryekov's eyes landed on Anya, scanning her entire body up and down. "What a sight for sore eyes. It must be very difficult to work when there is such beauty around."
Anya was tensed and disgusted. The two men were talking about her as if she were an object, right in front of her. She wished the Soldier had been there so much, to give her security with just a look.
"Stop sexualizing her, Dreykov. She's just a weapon and you have to remember that. She will only respond as Зимний солдат." Karpov replied in a sourly. The two had definitely two different ways of seeing their weapons.
"Come on имний. My assistant will show you around." a grin spread across Dreykov's face.
имний.
This means Winter.
Anya felt another gagging push against her throat. This man had the ability to derive nicknames even from the code name of a soldier. Then she felt his hand settle on the small of her back, and the only thing she wanted to do was grab his wrist and slam him on the ground. Beat this man up. But she couldn't. And above all she felt something restraining her. She had to remain composed and disciplined like the assassin she had been trained to be.
Quickly after she met Madame B, a woman in a gray jacket and skirt suit with dark hair pulled up into a perfect bun, who showed her the building and all the classrooms. And Anya felt relieved that she was momentarily separated from the two men.
"This is where the girls watch television." she said, opening the door of a room full of girls. Each stared at the screen in front of them. It felt like a terrifying scene since they didn't look away even to blink, and their wrists were locked on the table.
More like, they're forced to look at subliminal messages, Anya thought.
"From that corridor, you get to the school. The girls are taught all the most important subjects. Especially many different languages and computer science." Anya followed the woman, listening and remaining composed with her hands clasped behind her back.
Suddenly a roar boomed through the hallway, making the walls tremble slightly and literally scaring the shit out of Anya, causing her to freeze in place.
"What was that?" she asked, scared.
"Oh nothing, just Большая Медведица. (Ursa Major.)" the woman replied nonchalantly. "Do you want to see it?"
Anya looked around in confusion but the woman was already leading her towards the end of the corridor. They went down a few flights of stairs, until they stopped in an observation room where some scientists were working. On the wall in front of them was a glass from which it was possible to see inside another room. Indeed a cell.
Madame B led Anya close to the glass and never in a million years she would have expected to see what she was witnessing.
A bear man. No. A man with bear features. The human body wasn't easily distinguishable, it was huge and had thick fur. The head was completely bear-like, had long claws and.. It spoke Russian.
That thing spoke. And in that moment was literally talking to some scientists around him.
Are they running experiments on him? Anya thought. The only thing she knew was that she was terrified of it.
"W-what is it?" she stammered.
"It's a mutant. One of the first known born in the Soviet Union to survive past childhood." a scientist next to them explained.
"Mutant? What's a mutant?"
"A Mutant, my dear, is a human being that possesses a particular genetic trait, the X-gene, which enables them to naturally develop superhuman abilities and powers."
"If it's a human, why don't you use 'he'?." Anya was speechless.
"Because it's a weapon, and mostly an animal."
"However, Mutants are basically the next step in human evolution. Many fear them, they want them dead. But we have learned to use their powers as we please." continued Madame B. "Now let's go or we'll be late." she called her back and started up the stairs.
I will find this thing in my worst nightmares. I just know it.
Anya swallowed loudly, giving one last look at the giant bear, then she followed the woman.
"This way we have the polygon, while upstairs are the dormitories. Our girls are restrained to their beds every night to prevent them from escaping." the woman said, once back in the corridor.
Few groups of girls passed occasionally. They walked in single file and composed, almost like little soldiers. As soon as they saw Anya, and especially noticing the way she was dressed, she could understand that something was off. They were scared of her, and a lot. She could tell by the way their eyes widened, or quickened their pace as they passed beside her, or the way they started whispering to each other.
"And here's the ballroom." the two women entered a room with a polished wooden floor. On one wall was a big mirror, while the others were decorated with paintings and a large fireplace.
In the center of the room was a group of girls who repeated a routine incessantly. They must have been 10 years old at most. Other younger girls sat on chairs watching. There was a piano and someone was playing a sweet melody, but a man with a wooden stick, the teacher perhaps, kept the time by banging it on the floor and interrupting yelling whenever someone made a mistake.
"Over again!" the little girls jumped from their seats and the music stopped abruptly. Then started again. After a while, it happened again.
"Again!" the girls dancing were visibly on the verge of their stamina. The music started up again, only to stop shortly after. It was a torture even to watch.
"No! No! Stop!" the man stood up, approaching the group.
"If you keep failing, you will never excel! Svetlana, you keep failing. Straighten your back." the man struck the girl on the back with the stick, and she adjusted her posture after a yelp.
"Katherine, extend your ankle." and hit her on the ankle. "Lyudmila, keep in time, I said!" and he hit her on the arm. The girls were terrified, while the younger ones who watched were literally shaking and sharing worried looks.
"You'll break them." Anya murmured, watching with melancholy.
She felt that same pain too. The frustration of having to repeat an exercise without making a mistake, until you just fall limp. The tension of having so many eyes on you as many guns ready to shoot in case you messed up.
"Only the breakable ones." corrected Madame B. "Our purpose is to eliminate imperfections."
In that moment the door opened and Dreykov and Karpov stood next to Anya and Madame B.
"Good morning, Anatoliy. Is it a problem if we join?" Dreykov said.
Please don't.
"Take a seat, please." the man greeted the two who had just entered. "Let's start all over again, girls. Show how good you are." the man sat down and gave the way to the pianist.
The girls started dancing incessantly again. After the corrections they were perfect. And Dreykov and Madame B looked pleased and proud. Karpov, on the other hand, was quite unimpressed at the whole situation.
Meanwhile Anya was sweating like one of the girls. She had a feeling that someone could fall at any moment. And she didn't want to be there to see what would happen to the wretch.
They were tired. Too tired.
And then it happened.
One of them fell and the music stopped abruptly.
She had sprained her ankle from falling off her pointes, and now she was crying in pain.
"Kill her." Dreykov turned to Anya.
But she's just a little girl.
It took her a while to understand. Her hands began to shake. They were just little girls. Her gaze went from Dreykov to the girl on the floor -whining and screaming in pain- then rested on Karpov behind him. His eyes were reduced in two slits and his jaw was clenched.
As if to say 'make me look bad and I'll kill you.'
The healed scar on her left eye was throbbing violently, sending shocks through her whole body. Anya swallowed hardly, suddenly her throat felt full of sand. She pulled the Sig-Sauer from the holster, aiming it at the girl on the floor and she pulled the trigger.
She didn't need to be told twice. She didn't want problems, not there. She just wanted the day to end so she could go back into the darkness of her room. Anya sucked in her cheeks, trying to not let her sinking heart make itself known upon her face. Cursing herself forever for not having the guts to rebel.
As a pool of blood formed around the body and her white tutu was stained with red, Anya didn't even notice that Karpov had placed a hand on her shoulder and now the four of them were leaving the room.
"Отлично, олдат. (Well done, soldier.) Now follow the orders and maybe you'll get a surprise when we get back to the base." Karpov said as Anya was led into the next room.
Here was a group of twenty girls, older than the ones dancing perhaps teenagers, all sitting composed on chairs. On the perimeter of the room some armed guards watched. There were targets, a table with weapons spread on it and a sparring mat.
Madame B and Dreykov stood in the center of the room, while Karpov took a seat, ready to enjoy the show. Anya was about to join him when she was called by Dreykov.
"Зимний солдат. We need your help. Stay here." he said with a spine-chilling grin. And Anya complied, not knowing what to expect anymore.
Madame B started the ceremony, and the girls all went outside, only to enter one at a time when it was their turn. When the first girl walked in and started completing the exercises, Anya felt her breath stuck in her lungs. Suddenly flashbacks from that day began to blur her vision and mind.
Like me.
Just like the day of my test.
I need to go away. I have to run away.
I understand why I'm here now.
As the first girl completed all the exercises and nothing was a secret anymore. All the knots came to a head. Everything was clear. A person with a sack of their head was placed in front of the girl, then Dreykov pulled the hood off his head and a woman was revealed. The girl's eyes widened. She had to kill an innocent woman.
"Kill." Dreykov spelled. The girl refused and Dreykov turned towards Anya.
"Зимний солдат, убить ее. (Winter Soldier, kill her.)"
Anya hesitated for a moment, feeling the air fail in her throat once again. Her gaze sought Karpov's, when she just wanted to find her Soldier's.
Then she did it.
And then again, with the second girl. And with the third, fourth and fifth. Some of them didn't even pass the first two exercises, others had to fight against her, even knowing they were no match. Just to get rid of them quickly.
And when Anya found herself on top of them, poor little girls pinned to the floor, Dreykov would order "Break her arm" or "Break her leg" and if they refused to complete the last exercise, she even had to kill them. And Anya felt something dark and cold begin to curl inside her.
The nineteenth girl entered the door, greeted those present with a big smile and began the exercises. She was perfect, not even a mistake with target practice and knocked out the man in hand-to-hand. But at the time of the sacrifice, she bursted into tears. She didn't want to do it. Neither does Anya.
"убить ее. (Kill her.)" Anya hesitated, shaking her head imperceptibly.
"Soldier. It's an order." Karpov stood from the chair.
Anya saw herself in that little girl, and when she pulled the trigger for the last time, she imagined killing her old self. Anya just stood there for a moment, staring at the guards carrying away body as a woman cleaned up all the blood, just like every time one of the girls was killed.
"Natalia Alianovna Romanova." Dreykov peeked out the door.
Anya looked up. She thought they were done. But no, there was the last one. For a moment she shut her eyes, praying with all her heart that the girl would make it. Then she finally locked her eyes on her, began to study her and could tell that she was doing the same too.
"Here she is. Our Natalia." said Madame B.
"Don't let us down, little one." Dreykov said in his usual revolting tone.
This is all so disturbing, Anya thought.
A girl with long red hair half up and half down with a fringe covering her forehead. Her eyes of an indecipherable color between blue and green, but it was the most beautiful color Anya'd ever seen. Anya watched her closely. She looked very confident, not even a bullet missing. But then, on the sparring mat, she had quite a hard time. Or at least that was what she wanted to pretend, and Anya saw it.
"She's holding back." Anya looked at the girl with her head stuck between the man's chest and bicep. She clapped her hand on his arm and the man let her go.
Anya couldn't afford not to save at least one. She would never forgive herself. In fact, she wasn't sure she would ever forgive herself for everything else either.
"Sloppy. Pretending to fail." Madame B scoffed. "The ceremony is necessary.. for you to take your place in the world." she walked over and put a gun in her hand.
A person was placed in front of her, Dreykov tore off the sack covering the head.
"I have no place in the world." she murmured looking at the gun in her hands.
She didn't want to succeed.
"Exactly." Madame B hissed through clenched teeth.
Anya was on the edge. The tension built up within her was growing and expanding rapidly. She wanted to scream as she watched the scene from her corner with bated breath, as if her own life depended on it. She couldn't bear to do it again.
The red-haired girl gave her a quick glance before pointing the gun at the man tied in front of her and pulling the trigger. Anya sighed in relief and closed her eyes to calm down.
She did it.
But suddenly the guards locked their arms under her armpits and dragged her away. Anya felt the urge to run after them and kill them. And indeed her body stretched entirely and began to walk in that direction, but Karpov stepped in front of her.
"Stay in your place." he threatened with clenched teeth and eyes narrowed to two slits.
Do it Anya.
Kill these monsters and free these little girls.
Save Natalia. They are going to do to her what they did to you.
It doesn't take anything.
A punch well placed to Karpov.
A gunshot to Dreykov.
A knife to Madame B.
Instead, she felt completely blocked. As if she was forced. Then she felt it. She sniffed the air.
Are pheromones what I smell?
Yes. They were the pheromones and that was why she couldn't rebel or go against them.
"Идеальный. (Perfect.)" spelled Karpov.
✪
The helicopter landed back to base and the snow was falling hard now, as a group of guards escorted Colonel Karpov and Anya inside the facility.
"Everything's ready, Sir." a guard from the inside met Karpov.
"Perfect, let's go." instructed the man walking at a brisk pace. Anya followed suit, watching them suspiciously.
What is ready? Where are they taking me? What's happening?
As they went through the hallways, more and more guards joined them, especially surrounding her. Karpov and his personal guard led the group, between them and Anya there were three guards as behind her, and two on each side. Her heart started pounding faster and faster as panic began to creep inside her.
This isn't a good sign.
Everyone in the elevator was squashed into a corner, while Karpov stood comfortably in his vital space, arms crossed, waiting to get to destination. Anya clenched her jaw and fists, stressed by the situation.
The pent-up anger inside her knowing she was capable of knocking out all ten men present. But she simply couldn't. This had been quite the mood of the day and she was terribly frustrated by it.
With a small jump that made her wobble on her own feet, the elevator came to an undefined underground floor -Anya hadn't been able to count the floors, her mind was too clouded at that moment.
The group got out and Anya was led through another long corridor, lit by cold neons hanging from the ceiling. There were so many corridors all similar in there, it was worse than a maze.
The guards suddenly stopped in front of a door. Karpov, on the other hand, was escorted to the exact next door. A guard spoke through his comm and then opened the door after receiving the OK.
All the guards stood there staring, waiting for her to enter. Anya looked around a little concerned, unsure and chewing down the inside of her cheek as she was more than nervous. She entered the room, still hesitating, then the door slammed behind her, making her tremble from the vibrations.
She found herself in a small room, white floors and walls. On one there was a glass through which she could see Karpov and the guards in the other room. A light hung from the ceiling over a metal table. And there, in the center of the room sitting in a chair, the Winter Soldier.
Anya was breathless for a moment, seeing him with his wrists handcuffed to the surface. She got rid of her mask and approached him slowly, step by step. Scared to make him run away as if he were a defenseless fawn and she was the worst of beasts.
"Winter.." she whispered.
She had whispered, but it was quite audible. He however seemed not to have heard. And he seemed not to have seen her either, even when they were only inches away. He sat there motionless as if he were made of marble.
"Hey.." Anya tried to get his attention.
Nothing.
With one hand wrapped around his jaw she gently lifted his face to meet his gaze. And instead she only felt her eyes fill with tears when he saw his void.
The Soldier's eyes were dull and empty, with lids a bit low. That beautiful steel blue had grown grayer and lifeless now. It was as if they had dried the entire ocean. On his face stood a sterile and distant expression, it conveyed nothing.
He looked fake. And for a moment the thought that this was a mannequin and that the real Winter Soldier was dead, appeared in Anya's mind. Or maybe this was a clone.
She brushed away a few strands of hair fallen forward on his face, then closed her eyes as a tear ran down her cheek. She put her hands on his shoulders, moving closer and looking into those empty eyes. He seemed to be asleep yet awake.
God.. What have they done to you?
"Winter, it's me.. Anya.." she said, holding back the tears, her throat burning with the effort.
"What? You don't like him anymore?" a voice boomed in the room through a speaker.
It was Karpov communicating from the observation room. He had a sadistic grin on his face and stared pressed against the glass. Anya clenched her jaw and fists, glancing at him.
"Here's your Soldier. See? Did you see what you did? It's all your fault."
How can anyone be so cruel and sadistic?
Anya's poor heart broke even more if possible. She could no longer handle this situation. She gave him a bitter kiss on the forehead and headed for the door. But not before slamming a strong fist on the glass that separated her from Karpov, startling those present in that room.
"You can keep your puppet, he is no longer the man I loved. I will patiently wait for my next mission."
"I'm sorry to tell you, but he never was."
And the saddest fear comes creeping in, that you never loved me.
Anya didn't answer.
Before walking out the door she took a last look at that poor soul, sitting in the center of the room.
In the corridor heading for her room, she sobbed. In her room she wept. In the shower she cried. In bed she bursted into tears. She wasn't sure at what point, but the crying turned to screams. Her hands covering her face and wiping away the tears began to punch the walls. Until walls cracked and her knuckles bleed.
Up until that moment she had resisted, she hadn't cried, but it was all too much now. It was as if her heart was the most delicate glass ever created, and that it had been repeatedly stepped on after shattering it by throwing it to the ground.
This is the worst of nightmares.
And Anya promised herself that she would run away. She deserved it. She would find a way, with or without the Soldier.
--
A/n:
Hello everyone! Sorry for the late update but you know, life happens and you need to check your priorities first.
So this one was a little filling chapter even though it's important and heartbreaking because it's setting up something we will find further in the story✨
Few more chapters and something will happen hehehe, and I think it's pretty much it. 😏
Have a good day and take care❤️
Juls xx