ᗩ ᗰᗩᑎ ᗯITᕼ ᗩ TᕼIᑕK, white mustache pulls out a piece of paper. At the bottom, there are the seven chairman's signatures. He places the parchment on the table and folds his hands.
"I understand you are new to this, Mrs. Morozova, so I will help you understand our purpose of intervening with the monarchy's lives," his deep voice booms throughout the room. "We control the royal family's public image. This is the basis of how kingdoms grow or crumble. If the citizens of Ravka do not support their king and queen, the monarchy means nothing."
I look over to see the Darkling clenching his hand under the table. His face remains dignified as he listens closely to the chairman speak.
"You both already have strong support from the common class, however, the Darkling has a... different kind of support. To be frank, his backers fear him, rather than trust him. We are hoping that this union will give the people a different perspective. Your combined power will discourage defiance, yet create a sense of hope in a new era for Ravka."
A younger man with faded red hair and a round beard stands as the other returns to his seat. "You will need to be seen as starry-eyed newlyweds in public which is why tomorrow morning you will go to the farmer's market together. It will allow you to relate with the common folk and show that the marriage is not just business-related. We also suggest consummating the marriage as soon as possible to make your relationship more personally intertwined."
"I'm not consummating the marriage," I blurt out.
"Moya tsaritsa, this is not debatable. All royal marriages are not complete until it is consummated," the man with the white hair states firmly.
I open my mouth to protest further, but the Darkling grabs my hand under the mahogany table and squeezes it, digging his nails into my flesh. I get the point and seethe in silence for the rest of the discussion.
The remainder of the conversations includes public hearings and balls that will be hosted to enhance our appearance together. Afterward, we have our goodbyes as the chairmen bow to the Darkling and kiss the back of my hand in dismissal.
We exit the room and enter the hallway filled with people parting from the wedding. They all seem to be migrating towards a ballroom. The Darkling has a less than pleased expression as he nearly drags me to an empty hallway. He looks both ways to be sure we are alone. The anxiety builds in my chest when his colorless eyes rip into me.
He stills for a moment as if deciding what to do next. Abruptly, he steps closer to me, backing me up against the wall. He grabs my arms to hold me there. The Darkling leans in close enough that I see all the details and lines of his iris. "I told you not to interrupt them," he says with such fury that I am stunned. I just stare at him with a blank expression. He relaxes a bit but still holds my shoulders tightly. He almost seems hurt that I would deny consummation. I can't forgive him for killing Mal and countless other enormities against me. "You wanted me once."
"That was different," I mumble softly.
"I am still the same man you held in the dark the night of the winter fete."
"Yes, I know. You are still a man of manipulation and greed," I scowl with tears stinging the corner of my eyes.
"I am the same man you kissed in the garden before our wedding. I am the same one you admitted that you needed by your side in your eternal life," he growls. "So don't act like you feel nothing for me because I can see the same amount of desire in your eyes as we speak."
I can feel his breath on my face as he talks. His lips get dangerously close to mine before he backs away.
"A dress should have been provided for you in my bedroom. Put it on and come to the ballroom to meet our guests," he says bluntly while turning to walk down the hall. My face feels hot from blushing. I gather my train and hurry back to our room.
I expect to walk in and see an empty bedroom, but to my astonishment, I find a cluster of attendants in white. They all gather around me. I guess this is the queen's team of personal servants, or I should say, my personal servants. I feel my gown being tugged and pulled away from my body. The relieving feeling of being free from my wedding gown is interrupted by yet another dress pulled over my head.
Besides my wedding dress, this is the first one that isn't black. It is a white gold color with intricate gold-threaded designs. The sleeves rest on my arms, revealing my shoulders. The light fabric has a low neckline intended to show the entire bone collar fused to my collarbone. The soft material hugs my figure and flares at the bottom.
I am escorted to a large ballroom on the first floor. I become overwhelmed with a flood of people as I walk in. They all move in closer to start conversations. Each of them think they are more important than the other, so they all claim the right to talk with me first.
After an exhausting hour of useless conversation, I find myself zoning out. I try to listen to how the duke owns three estates up in Ketterdam, or how the ambassador put her children into a private school. Soon I have run out of monotone remarks and fake smiles. Just because I am now a queen does not make my mindset different from the orphan of Karamzin. I have yet to change my view of these people surrounding me as anything but stuffy snobs.
The woman that I am talking with stiffens and I see a flash of uncertainty in her eyes. I am confused for a moment until she curtsies and says, "moi soverenyi." I feel a hand rest on the curve of my waist. When I look up, the Darkling is staring down at me with an emotionless face. He forces me closer to him until I give in and ease into his side. The group of guests watch this exchange between us and smile, thinking we are a new, happy couple.
"Would you like some champagne, darling?" the Darkling asks with a fake grin.
I return the phony smile and mock him by saying, "yes, dearest husband. I would love for you to grace me with some champagne." He sneers at me discreetly before walking away.
In a breathy voice, the duchess says, "You two have a lovely relationship. It just warms my heart to know we have a pair of love-struck rulers for once." I nearly laugh in her face. Barely keeping my composure, I reply, "yes, I suppose we do have a unique relationship."
"Indeed, we do," the Darkling returns with a glass of wine. "A Sun Summoner and Shadow Summoner are bound to feel a connection nevertheless. My wife told me that our connection would last for all eternity, yet I still wanted to marry her to make sure she stayed by my side." The crowd sighs and awes at his blatant lie. I take a large gulp of wine, hoping the night will blur together at some point. A few more sips of champagne, and it does start to become bearable.
I find myself being led out to the middle of the room with the Darkling. He leans in and murmurs in my ear, "may I have the first dance?" I am resistant at first, but as he guides me effortlessly around the room, I begin to relax. I even start to enjoy the sensation of the dancing and his hands on my lower back.
Others glide around us as the orchestra navigates the rhythm. I lose track of time as I look into his eyes. I never learned how to dance, but he makes it unchallenging. The people around us start to fade from my vision and it becomes only me and him in the world.
Soon I learn that it is early morning, but the sun has yet to come up. Some guests have retired to bed, but most of them are sauntering around the ballroom, waiting for us to depart.
The Darkling steps back and kisses the back of my hand to indicate the dance's end. The guests take this as a signal to start filtering out of the room, leaving us alone in silence.
"It almost seems as if you enjoyed yourself tonight." He gives a small smirk.
"Talking to all of the representatives and dukes is not something I would have liked to spend my time doing," I say as he leads me out of the ballroom.
"And the dancing? Did I just imagine your smile as you were leaning against me?"
"Karamzin did not have a lot of dancing, believe it or not. It was nice to act like I knew how, at least for a little while."
"Don't worry. There will be plenty of balls to come, some of which, you will plan as queen. You will have many more opportunities to learn how to dance."
We arrive at our shared bedroom once again. He opens the door for me, closing them slowly behind him. It takes a minute to adjust to the darkness of the room. On the end table of the sitting area, I notice a vase of blue irises. I walk over to them and bend down to smell the fresh scent that I have always loved.
I feel the Darkling lingering behind me. He puts his hands on my hips and his lips hover near the nape of my neck. I hide my small shiver.
"I know what you're doing," I say trying to keep my voice calm and formal.
"And what is that?" he asks as he grazes the curve of my neck. "I can't give my wife flowers?"
I turn around to face him with my arms crossed. "Not if the flowers are intended to allure me."
"Oh, I don't need irises to allure you."
I do not get a chance to respond. His lips crash onto mine. I let him pull me closer to him as I run my fingers through his hair. His presence is intoxicating, like a drug that feels good for a short time, but inevitably hurts you.
I sense the same anger and desire tangled together as when we first met, but I am too lost in my desire to care.
Before I realize it, he has carried me to the bed and placed his arms on either side of me. I wrap my arms around him and his mouth travels to my collarbone, possessively kissing the stag's collar. I shiver and let my head fall back.
His hands move to my thigh. I am not sure if I am feeling my own emotions or his. Regardless, all of our thoughts are intertwined. He slides up my skirts so that his hand rests on my bare leg. As the kisses become more passionate, he begins to move his hand underneath my dress. This sobers me and I put my hand on his to stop him from going further. I realize how fast things are happening, and if I don't stop it now, I'm not sure I could end what has started.
The Darkling withdraws from me, an insecurity showing in his eyes that I have never seen before. Before he speaks, I say, "I haven't... I've never—I don't want my first time to be out of obligation. I don't want it to be about completing the marriage. I'm just... not ready yet." I stare at him trying to find a reaction.
He lets out a sigh. "Well, when you are, you know where I'll be." I am surprised by his softer tone. He puts his hand under my chin and kisses me longingly, barely touching my lips. "And I agree. Your first time should not be born out of duty. Should you ever want me because of your own need, I shall happily and unhesitantly oblige."
My lips curve into a grateful smile. He stares at my lips as if trying to burn my smile into his brain. After a long moment, we both change out of our uncomfortable clothes and slip under the covers. Though he is not angry with me, the air is still thick with tension. I watch the crackling of the fireplace as I am lost in my thoughts.
I don't want to give in to desire or pressure from the chairmen. However, I also can't shake this feeling that we were meant to be together. I was made to make the Darkling humane, and we could bring peace to Ravka, but that doesn't make me ready to take such a big step with him and forget all he has done.
"What are you thinking?" the Darkling questions, bringing me back from my internal reflection. He is lying on his side, watching me with dark eyes bathed in shadows from the dim, fire-lit room. He shifts closer and traces circles into the exposed skin of my arm.
"I want it to be my choice," I say. "I want it to be special. Maybe I am just ignorant for thinking that is how this works, but I'd like to try."
"You aren't ignorant for wanting it on your terms." He pulls me closer into a warm embrace under the sheets. "I'm glad to know there is someone in politics who can still think that way and not see sex as a helpful alliance or a benefit to status. There was a time when I thought like you," he sighs, almost sounding wistful.
"Perhaps you can again with time."
He looks down at me with his piercing silver eyes. "Perhaps with your help. One day." Then he trails off, and craddles my head in the crook of his neck.
"One day," I murmur, drifting off shortly after into a gentle sleep.
Maybe someday I'll be ready. Ready for him, ready to accept my role as the country's sol koroleva, ready to become the Saint they want me to be. But for now, they will just have to wait...