by seekerluv
started on: Nov 9, 2021
published on: Nov 24, 2021
words: 4858
—
sTRAINgers
—
The Oxford Dictionary definition of the word acquaintances is a person that you know but who is not a close friend.
Thinking about it now, we all have fellow acquaintances. That one classmate you only talk to because third period sucks ass. Or the friend of your best friend who you don't really like but that's not really what matters.
To Dream, he doesn't consider anybody an "acquaintance" because he either likes them or he doesn't, no in-between. Life in New York taught him that. Usually, he gets along with everybody though however, it'd be so terrible to just have hundreds of acquaintances and only two or three friends.
And Sapnap, he's someone Dream would never even think about categorizing as just someone he knows but not a close friend.
Somehow being strangers just sounds much more, full.
But who really ever uses the word, acquaintance, anyways right?
Tuesday Night - Manhattan, New York, 12:58 AM
"Okay yeah, thank you. Yes, we're okay, thank you again." Dream hangs up on the emergency line.
He dialed 911 because after all there's only so much oxygen in an enclosed train pod but they'd have plenty of air for the next few hours.
At least until the firefighters can come to the rescue or until the electricity is returned to the city parts that lost it.
Luckily our train didn't stop while being underground, if it did, it would've been a hundred degrees and completely dark.
The blond sits back down next to Sapnap and a comfortable silence falls over the both of them.
He takes off his backpack setting it beside him, "You go to school right?" Dream asks, breaking the silence.
Sapnap turns his head over to see him instead of fidgeting with his hands.
"Yeah! It's just a community college though, nothing too special, but I too have a job." He says.
It's not interesting at all and yet Dream seems to be all ears to just hear this guy talk about literally anything.
"Community college is great in my opinion, University is way too expensive and overrated." Dream says and Sapnap laughs.
"Overrated? Are you kidding me? It's so important." He smiles as he talks.
"Well sure but, the whole college experience or life or whatever the movies portray it to be is overrated. The parties are not as...clean, to say the least, and the students don't all have a high sex libido or desire for drugs as much as tv shows make it out to be." Dream explains.
Sapnap tilts his head to the side as if the blond is speaking a different language. He gives him a look that makes the older's cheeks flair with red at how judgmental the state feels.
"I would give so many things to just have fun with friends at a real University and you have that and are complaining?!" Sapnap says waving his hands around to emphasize his point.
"I'm not complaining—" Dream starts to defend himself.
"You so are! You're basically telling me you wish the students there had a higher drive for sex and did harder drugs!" Sapnap says like this argument is the only thing that matters.
They talk as if they've known each other for days, weeks, months, years even! Maybe in a different lifetime, they were soulmates, or best friends who grew up together, or high school sweethearts, or perhaps kings of a land once ruled and lost in the divine world of fantasy and history.
"What?" Dream laughs out at what the younger says.
Sapnap stares in disbelief as the boy in front of him laughs, grinning like he's never seen before. He notices the crinkles his eyes make, the creases near the ends of his smile. The way his ears turn a softer red, or the way his hair bounces with the way his chest bubbles up laughter. God, it's all so mesmerizing.
"I didn't mean it like that! Plus aren't you the one saying you'd give up your life to experience that?" Dream finally says his laughter dying down.
"I—well, I'm not saying Ido but I'm not saying I don't. You know being a teen dad makes you miss out on being just a teen." Sapnap says as he looks away out into the windows in front of him.
He wonders how Tubbo is doing for the millionth time today.
Dream goes a bit silent, he never really thought about it like that. He guesses Sapnap has missed out on being a teen but he surely still had friends to hang with it or something right?
"What did you miss out on exactly?" Dream asks, looking out into where the other was.
"You know, what teens do, drink alcohol behind their parent's back, binge watch Netflix all night instead of doing homework, have their first crushes and kisses. Go out with friends, play video games till dawn. Try weed for the first time," He says and Dream wants to laugh. "are those not things teens did?" Sapnap asks.
The blond stares at him for a bit, "No,"
"I'm literally twenty-two years old and I've never tried drugs nor alcohol. When I was a teen I played football with friends, or you know watched youtube." He finishes.
"You're twenty-two and haven't drunk??" Sapnap decides to focus on.
"Yeah, is that bad?" Dream asks knowing damn well it's not.
"In a sense, no, but to be fair, I'm twenty and I've had alcohol before," Sapnap says.
"Thought you missed out on that?" The green-eyed man questions.
"I did! I only tried it because I was with my cousins back in Texas, and my little one was in England at the time, but after a few sips of cheap beer," He pauses to lift one of his legs up on the train seat, to face Dream better.
"I realized that I have a son. And I have to be a good role model. What kinda father would I have been if I drank that night instead of figuring out how I was gonna pay child support?" He says not asking.
"A bad one, I'll tell you that much Dream," Sapnap says. "...it's why I left Texas and moved out here at 18 on my own." He sighs.
"Right because New York is where all dreams come true huh?" Dream says and Sapnap giggles.
"Yeah, my fucking ass. This place is a shit hole, but at least Tubbo will have a better life here than back in good old Houston. Life back there is so much more different, it's much more spaced out and just free." He motions with his hands as he speaks and Dream finds it oddly endearing.
"Yeah, tell me about it, Florida is nothing like the big apple. Guess we both are running from our homes." Dream whispers the last few words.
"No, I don't think we are." Sapnap retorts.
"Oh?" The blond says.
"We're running from ourselves, but..." He says trailing off.
"But yet here we are, alone with ourselves." Dream finishes and Sapnap nods.
They stop talking after that, and after the brief silence, they turn to face each other. Murky green eyes meet brighter ones.
It's dark inside the train pod, but somehow Dream can still make out every feature of the other, and Sapnap can still count each freckle that is imprinted onto the pale white skin.
Dream opens his mouth to say something but no words come out, not when he subconsciously starts to lean closer, not when Sapnap starts to move closer, eyelids getting heavier, breaths getting fainter.
And he wants to close the gap so badly but they just met. They just met, for fuck sake, he's just met this guy and is about to seal lips with him?
"Dream?"
The voice snaps him out of his thoughts and he blinks to see that Sapnap isn't as close as he recalls. He's not fluttering his eyelids to kiss. No, he's sitting right where he last was.
"Sorry, I just, got distracted." Dream lies because even if the other noticed the staring, it's not mentioned.
"Anyways I was asking what you studied for or well major in?" Sapnap says the glint of confusion in his eyes slowly fading away.
"Oh uhm, I major in English. I love to write and read, I came here to Manhattan because I got an offer." Dream says crossing his legs together to change positions.
"Wow, I can't even write an essay, did you get that offer, what's it for?" Sapnap asks like if he doesn't know these things he'd be better of dead.
"It was an offer to get my stories turned into books, so you know I can sell them and actually become an author," Dream pulls his backpack over onto his lap and opens it and he speaks.
"I actually—Uh I got the offer and I'll be having my story published!" Dream finishes as he takes out his journal.
"However, the problem is, I've had writers block recently and I've got no idea what to write," He says opening the journal to an empty blank page.
"So any ideas? Write them down." He says and hands the journal and his pen over to Sapnap.
The shorter takes them but doesn't write anything yet. He just stares at the blank page, the lines on it almost seem to mock him. This guy is asking for his opinion, his thoughts, his ideas. He's never had anybody ask for his input for something so important.
He shakes his head no as he goes to give the items back to Dream but the blond is already denying it, smiling, telling him that he insists.
"Listen, I just need a few words to brainstorm something. Just write whichever words come to mind, and I wanna see what I can come up with." Dream says ever so kindly.
Sapnap's eyes move from the page to Dream, and the pen in his hand is now enveloped in his sweaty palm.
"But this is your book! You're gonna sell this what if my words or ideas suck?" Sapnap says.
"This isn't for my book silly, I just want to see what I can do with whatever is going on in that little head of yours." Dream responds with, he pats the page and motions with his eyebrows to go on, and write.
Sapnap murmurs a quick okay here goes nothing and gets to spilling his thoughts onto a page of a student who has been taught to know how to write, who is sure to be talented and sure to laugh at what he writes but he's going.
He's using the ink and letting it permanently ruin the page.
He writes singular words like night, beers, trains, teens, darkness, books because it's a combination of what he was just talking about, it's what he sees in his surroundings.
So Dream stops him for a second.
"Don't just write what you see Sap, write what you don't see, what you wish to see." He says and smiles at the dark-haired boy who looks like he's afraid to mess up.
But the way Dream shortened his name shouldn't be such a big deal, it shouldn't have created such pressure to write something good now but it did.
He nods and considers Dream's words before going back to writing, full and broken sentences this time.
I'm starting to feel claustrophobic in this train but not from the lack of space, there's plenty of space, I'm just afraid of the space between us.
I should really take my son out more
My eyes are much duller compared to yours
It's very dark outside.
I haven't eaten today lol i want pizza maybe mcdonalds instead :p
I want to leave New York one day, move somewhere warmer where the sun shines past tall buildings.
texas >>>> florida fuck you :)
But I don't want to leave New York, it's my only home.
Home.
Dream watches closely at Sapnap who is writing sent every after sentence. He watches and pays attention to every small movement.
To how every time he's about to start a new sentence and the pen comes off the page just to make contact again, he clenches his jaw. Or how his eyes pupils expand and return to regular size every now and then. How he holds the pen firmly as if trying to better his handwriting to perhaps impress the other.
It makes Dream think about how he looks while writing himself. How much different is Sapnap compared to him.
He traces his facial expressions and slowly moves down to meet those lips that he shouldn't be thinking about.
He notices how Sapnap has begun to bite them, as he pauses to think about what to write next. He brushes any thoughts away in favor of moving his eyes further down to the paper.
It's full now, some things are scratched out and it annoys Dream in the slightest because he would've loved to have read his mistakes instead.
"Okay, I think I'm done." Sapnap says lifting his head to see Dream.
He smiles at him before giving him back his journal.
"You can keep the pen." Dream says quietly as he focuses on beginning to read what the other wrote.
Sapnap freezes for a bit, just holding the pen, keep the pen, he wants to return it though.
Because it's just a pen and what's he gonna do it with? He's irresponsible, he'll lose it in a few days, when he gets back to his apartment, what if Tubbo finds it and uses it, and then it ends up somewhere under the couch?
Sapnap seems to care too much about this pen and he wants to give it back but he knows Dream will probably laugh at him for overthinking about a stupid pen.
He sticks it into his hoodie pocket and prays it doesn't slip out.
"This is, interesting," Dream begins.
"You seem to fear a lot of things, or worry...about them." He says.
"Is that bad?" Sapnap is quick to ask.
"No, of course not, I write about my fears a lot too, it just seems you have a lot of things bottled up," Dream says grazing the page with his fingertips.
Dream laughs as Sapnap process his words, "By the way Texas is not better than Florida, are you—"
"I do not bottle things up. I'm perfectly fine, thank you very much," Sapnap interrupts him, scoffing.
Dream smiles, raising his eyebrows as he looks down at him before going back to reading the paper, "Okay, if you say so." And he sounds sarcastic. It bothers Sapnap.
"How would you know based on a couple lousy sentences that I wrote? What are you, my therapist? No! you're practically nobody to me, and—and that is enough for you to be wrong, I do not bottle things up. You bottle things up mister goody two shoes, you're the one who is asking for my thoughts to write something, what am I? Your muse?" Sapnap goes on to talk, and he crosses and uncrosses his arms against his chest multiple times.
Dream just smiles and then grins like an idiot, because this guy is quite literally spilling everything he has kept inside right now. A few minutes ago he seemed so shy to even touch the journal, and now he's scowling Dream.
"You're cute when you're like this." Dream blurts out as he softly chuckles, it makes Sapnap stop rambling and shut up, blushing his feelings away.
"You were saying?" Dream says smiling.
"Shut up, I just hate it when people tell me what I feel." Sapnap groans as he punches Dream's shoulder with really no force.
"How come?" Dream asks flipping the page and starting to write some things down.
Sapnap notices but doesn't keep his eyes on the journal page, instead he settles on just looking out into the window again. He hasn't responded to his question but he knows he's in no rush.
So he lets his eyes scan the outside a bit, watches as people gather on the street, helping each other out. Or as neighbors yell from windows across to the building on the other side of the street to make sure they're okay.
He sighs, "It makes me feel like, I can't do it myself. All my life I've been told what to do. And now it's my turn to do that with my son but shouldn't I let him be who he wants, who am I to force him into college or to force him into staying with me?"
Dream continues to jot down whatever it is he's writing down but he listens to Sapnap. Word by word.
"I guess it's stupid but, letting other people tell me what I feel, makes me feel well, pathetic. I'm so pathetic that I can't even describe my own emotions without someone telling me what they are. My own son probably thinks I'm pathetic after tonight." Sapnap finishes.
Now it's Dream's turn to say something but he doesn't he just continues writing down, and it's like his brain has just had an explosion of ideas because he just can't stop.
But he does. He leaves his sentence unfinished and closes his journal setting it on top of his backpack on the seat next to him.
He then turns to face Sapnap.
"Hey listen, I'm sorry yeah? I didn't know you felt like that, and it's completely valid, I wasn't trying to you know tell you what you felt, just an observation. Often I speak without thinking and well...yeah." Dream apologizes softly as he spins his ring on his index finger with his thumb out of habit.
Sapnap smiles. It's been so long since he hasn't been the one to say sorry.
"Don't worry about it Dream, just because it's you, I'll forgive you," Sapnap says bopping his nose.
"boop!" He says bursting out into a fit of giggles.
Dream's eyes widen, his eyebrows turn downwards and upwards as if he can't decide on being madly confused or just outright confused. His whole face begins to burn up, even his ears felt extremely hot. He just knew he was as red as a fucking tomato.
Sapnap looks at him as he laughs and he furrows his face softens up like it's the cutest thing he's ever seen.
"Awe look at you, you're so embarrassed! I'm sorry I just always do that to Tubbo!" Sapnap says still grinning like crazy.
Dream smiles shyly and tries to look at anything but Sapnap.
"I-It's fine I'm not that embarrassed, just caught off guard." He says.
Sapnap playfully scoffs, "No..." He says extending out the 'o' syllable, "You just have never been booped before." He says
Dream rolls his eyes, "Okay cmon don't say that." He says laughing.
They both laugh together in sync for a bit, it's casual, it's sweet. It feels like Sapnap has known this guy for longer than he's known himself. And Dream never wants this moment to end. He never wants the firefighters to show up.
He doesn't want the power back, if he could, he would spend the rest of his days on this train with this person he just met.
Tuesday Night - Queens, New York, 1:29 AM
"Tubbo it's so late let's just put you to bed, and when you wake up, Dad will be right there beside you." Karl says as he tries changing the channel from the news but Tubbo was determined to leave it on.
They had finished the movie and were scrolling through TV channels when they came across the news saying that a fourth, maybe even half of Manhattan was without power and that there were around nine different trains stuck.
Karl's heart sank when he first heard it and wanted to call Sapnap but then remembered his phone had no battery. And he's got no idea if he's still with that stranger so he's nervous to call back that unknown number.
Tubbo didn't understand at first but eventually, Karl had to tell him and he couldn't help from crying. He missed his dad so much and now he doesn't even know if he's okay.
It's been around thirty minutes now and he won't get his eyes off the TV even if the news segment about the blackout is over now.
Tubbo shakes his head no to Karl and the older sighs.
Karl isn't a strict babysitter at all. But Tubbo won't listen and Karl is tired, he feels sorry for Sapnap, and Tubbo hasn't been making things easy for his poor friend. He's been trying so hard to be a good father and sometimes Tubbo is too ungrateful to see that.
So Karl stands up from the couch and crosses his arms against his chest. He settles most of his weight on one side of his hips and foot. He puts on the most serious face he can before speaking.
"Tubbo you're going to bed, no buts." He says.
The younger only stares at him and tries to move him out of the way to see the screen better but Karl doesn't move. Instead, he grabs the control out of Tubbo's grip and turns the tv off.
The room goes dark for a few seconds before Karl walks over to switch and turns the living room's lights on.
"Bed. Now." He says narrowing his eyes to Tubbo.
The younger pouts his lips and furrows his eyebrows. He curls up in on himself.
"No." He mumbles out.
Karl heavily sighs, "I'm not asking you Tubbo, I'm telling you to go to bed. It's way past your bedtime, Sapnap is fine, he's strong and brave. And if you don't sleep now, then tomorrow you won't see him all morning." He says.
It's quiet for a few minutes before Tubbo stands up, tears streaming down his small, flustered face. He looks at Karl.
"Fine, but I don't wanna see daddy when he comes tomorrow. Or you. I hate both of you!" He semi yells before running down the small hall and into Karl's bedroom. He closes the door.
It wasn't slammed shut or anything but to Karl, it sounded like the loudest thing ever. He stood there in his living room, processing the words.
"You know for a five-year-old, you act just like a teenager going through their depressed years," Karl whispers to himself as he rubs his eyes.
He takes a few deep breaths, before beginning to clean up the couch and table. He'll go check on Tubbo immediately right after because he can hear the TV in his own room being turned on.
"That TV better be off when I go in there!" Karl yells from down the hall.
Almost immediately he hears it being turned off and his overly squeaky mattress moving.
Something in him hurts because he doesn't want Tubbo to hate him, and especially not his dad at such a young age. But after Tubbo listening for the first time this night and actually turning off the TV, feels like progress.
Wednesday Night - Manhattan, New York, 1:53 AM
"Ugh, when will these damn firefighters come to the rescue!" Sapnap says as he paces back and forth on the train pod.
Dream is sitting down, still writing down stuff.
"Well they're not coming for us, they're trying to fix the power thing. Plus there are other important things they have to do." Dream says not looking up from his journal.
Sapnap huffs out a breath of annoyance.
He stares at Dream write and becomes curious.
He walks over to kneel in front of the blond. He peers over the journal, "Whatcha doing—"and it startled Dream. They both lift their heads and meet each other's gaze.
They're so close if Dream focuses he can almost feel the heat from the blush forming on Sapnap's cheeks.
"Sorry...didn't mean to scare ya." Sapnap whispers.
Dream is trying so hard to not glance down at his lips. He's trying so hard to just keep his eyes from wandering away. But he's only a man. And he can't help himself.
He can't help it when he starts to look at his facial features, he won't miss the opportunity when he's got them this close. He takes it all in.
The too-perfect-looking eyebrows, the subtle eye bags, the few splotches of acne that he finds so endearing. The little specs of birthmarks or scars. And then his eyes land on his lips.
On his arch over his top lip, on the way they look so soft and plush, on how the coldness of winter makes them pinker than what they usually are.
He stares at them for a bit too long because he watches them part signaling that the other is about to speak. He looks away.
"S'fine, I was just focused..." Dream finally says.
He clears his throat and turns his head away, making Sapnap also pull back. The shorter falls on his bottom and just sits down on the floor of the train now.
It goes quiet and the tension rises between them for the first time tonight.
"Are you—What are you writing?" Sapnap decides on asking.
If he was being honest, Dream completely forgot he was even writing.
He looks down at his paper.
"I was just writing down a character I had in mind after reading what you had written." He says and it interests Sapnap.
"Oh? Let me see!" He states more than asking but Dream is quick to close his notebook and put it back into his backpack.
"Uhm, no?" He says unsure.
Sapnap frowns, "Why not?"
"I don't want you to see." Dream picks on saying and he should've just made some lousy excuse instead.
"That's a bit messed up don't you think? I let you see what I wrote—well I didn't even let you, you just sorta went for it. But I can't see yours?" Sapnap hums deciding not to pry more into it. He's too tired to even care enough.
Even if he wanted to get an answer deep down, it didn't matter, Dream never said anything back.
They fall back into the silence again. It's thick and too much all at once. It makes Dream want to just scream for no reason, makes him want to leave. But only a few mere seconds ago he never wanted to even think about leaving.
Sapnap sits on the cold floor and stares at his worn-out Vans. What is he doing? He has a son to get back home to and instead he's debating on the feeling he gets in his stomachache every time Dream does something as simple as shortening his name?
He should be freaking out right now right? Any father right now would be trying to leave this train to get home. Like in the movies.
Some fathers will do anything for their sons. But Sapnap feels selfish with what he's doing right now. He looks up at Dream who also seems lost in thoughts.
Sap gently gets off the dirty floor and picks a seat all the way in the corner of the pod, away from Dream, the furthest that he can be from this guy who makes his heart beat a thousand miles an hour, who makes him flush dark red, this guy who he doesn't even consider a close friend.
Dream notices when Sapnap stands up when he looks around and starts walking away from him to sit somewhere else. No longer beside him.
But he doesn't say anything. Because why would he? He's got no right to tell Sapnap, to beg him to just sit down beside him.
Nothing bad even happened between them yet it feels like they've argued on their one-year anniversary like a couple. Their so close yet so far away from each other to Dream.
But how would he know? He doesn't know this guy as well as he thinks he does. He doesn't know his deepest secret, his favorite snacks, his mother's name, his everyday routine, his birthday, he doesn't even know his last name.
This guy isn't a stranger, no, he's not. Dream knows that. It just feels that way.
But strangers don't boop each other's noses, they don't tease each other. They definitely don't flirt or call the other cute. Strangers don't just open up and cry on your shoulder. Dream knows this.
He feels the coldest right now.
Here on December, in New York, in a train that ain't moving. Dream has never felt more vulnerable, naked, straight up shivering as he feels now.
And as he glances over at Sapnap who is hugging his knees tightly, he knows, Dream knows that he too feels like ice.
I'm starting to feel claustrophobic in this train but not from the lack of space, there's plenty of space, I'm just afraid of the space between us.
Is the last thought that drifts endlessly in Dream's head.