I closed my eyes tightly as the wind trickled through my hair. I hoped that when I opened my eyes that Benji wouldn't be there, he wouldn't have heard my conversation with Jared. My alcohol-induced state made me doubt Benji's voice, but I knew it was true.
Clasping the rails with my hands, I squeezed the bar tightly, causing my knuckles to turn white as I did so. As I ran my fingers over the surface of the metal, I could almost feel a slight dent. I am struggling to find the words to express myself and seek guidance on what to say. It is crossing my mind whether I can convince him that his experience was a figment of his imagination. Would he believe me if I said that he was drunk and imagining things?
"Loretta! I'm waiting! Are you a werewolf? I know I'm not imagining things!" He huffed out. I could hear the waver in his voice. I could smell his fear in the air. My heart ached that my only friend might be frightened of me.
"Benji," I sighed in pain, turning to face him. I could see him leaning against my balcony door frame. His eyes were shining with unshed tears. I could see his hand shake as he gripped the door frame. "Benji, please listen to me, I won't hurt you, you know I wouldn't," I sniffled.
Benji closed his eyes and sighed as he pushed himself off the frame and made his way back to the sofa. I followed him, my feet determined to catch up with him as he threw himself into the cushions. His head was pushed back as he struggled to balance himself, he lifted his face was leaning towards the ceiling. "Explain."
My mouth wanted to move, but the words were stuck in my mouth. I wanted to sit next to him to offer him comfort, but I could see his face was contorted in pain. There was something troubling him. I put my empty glass on the table and sat on the other side of the sofa. I crossed my legs, I focused my gaze on him.
"Benji, you know you imagined-" I said.
"Don't you say that I am too drunk to mishear what you just said! Do not lie to me. You said we were friends, so friends are honest with each other." He sighed.
"Your not scared of me?" I whispered quietly.
"DO I HAVE A REASON TO BE SCARED OF YOU. OH MY GOD, WHAT DO I DO? YOUR GOING TO EAT ME." Benji shrieked.
It was at that moment that I let out a belly laugh. He thought I was going to eat him? Is that what was going through his mind? I mean, sure wolves have killed and maimed people, but we're not barbaric. We don't eat people.
"No Benji, I will not eat you. We don't eat people." I said with a small smile.
"So you are a werewolf?" He emphasised.
"Yes. I am a werewolf, but it is complicated." I sighed.
"Well, I've got all night. I'm sure my boss won't mind." He retorted as he sat upright and faced me. He gave me a small wink and gestured with his hands for me to talk. I don't know why but I felt relieved at his reaction, it comforted me that maybe I might not lose my new friend. I didn't want him to look at me differently.
"Technically, I am a werewolf, but I haven't shifted into my wolf's form for about eight years. I thought I had lost my wolf. Until recent events, it turns out she abandoned me. She only recently came out of hiding, but I still haven't shifted. So I am basically a human, with a few enhanced abilities." I shrugged.
"Enhanced abilities? You sound like a marvel character. Did you get bitten by a radioactive wolf like Spider-Man?" Benji questioned.
I chuckled. "No radioactive wolf, I'm afraid. Born and raised as a wolf." I stated.
"So you were born a werewolf? Are there others like you? Why aren't you living with other wolfs? Why are you living with humans? Wait, we living with humans? Can you become a werewolf?" His questions were causing me to feel dizzy.
I sighed and stalked to my kitchen and pulled out the bottle of whiskey that I was drinking. I got another bottle, which had no wolfsbane in it, and poured me and Benji a drink. Benji was observing me. His eyes were calculating my moves. A part of me understood his actions. It was a natural reaction to identify if you were at risk. The other part of me was a little hurt that he didn't trust me. I mean, I can understand, but he knows I promised to protect him and for him to think that I could harm him, well it pained me.
I passed him his glass and returned to my seat. I nodded at him to drink. "Why did you pour drinks from different bottles? Wait, is this poisoned?" He asked.
"No Benji it's not." I sighed. I lifted my glass. "However, if you were to drink this one, then potentially yes, you could be poisoned." I explained.
"What the hell? Why are you drinking it then?!" He shouted. I could see he had the urge to rip my drink from my hands.
"This has a herb which we call wolfsbane in it. I don't know what impact it has on humans, so I wouldn't risk giving you a glass. Wolfsbane is a poison that affects a werewolf's ability. I am drinking it in a low dosage so I can get drunk while I have this conversation with you." I replied as I took a swig out of my glass.
"Wait, so werewolves can't get drunk?" He said in a befuddled tone.
"We can, but it would probably take an entire bar for us to feel intoxicated. Previously, I didn't need to worry about it. Like I said, I was a human for the last eight years. My alcohol tolerance was high but because of my wolf resurfacing, I will need this concoction to have the same effects that alcohol has on you." I groaned.
"Woah." He said as he picked up his glass and took a huge gulp of the amber coloured liquor.
"Now, for your other questions. Yes, I was born a werewolf. Once upon a time, I lived with other werewolves. I grew up with them as well. There are certainly others like me. You have come into contact with a few. Werewolves hide amongst the humans and no, you can't become a werewolf. Being bitten by a wolf and turning into one is nothing but a myth. I don't know how it works or how wolves are assigned. It just happens. It's hereditary." I shrugged my shoulders as I answered his question.
"I know other werewolves? That's so cool." He whispered into the distance. His eyes snapped to mine. "Wait a second, you said your wolf disappeared, but is back? How does that happen? Where has she been? Where is she now?" He asked as his brow furrowed with confusion.
"She is a part of me, or well, she was a part of me. She's like a voice in the back in my mind." I explained.
"It's sounds like you'have schizophrenia rather than a werewolf." He murmured. I gave him a glare in response.
"Yes, she disappeared, but because of unforeseen events, she made herself known that she hadn't left me." I chuckled darkly.
"I can hear the sarcasm in your voice when you mentioned she hadn't left you. What does that mean?" He asked as he stroked the bottom of his chin.
"Well, for the last eight years I haven't heard from her and today she came forward." I huffed out in frustration.
"Why today, of all days? What made her come forward?"
My heart thumped at his question. My mouth was becoming dry. I could feel the slight hum of pain as I thought about my mate. "Unfortunately, I came across someone from my past and it caused her to resurface."
"You mean Mr Warner?" He questioned.
"Yes, because of Jacob." I sighed heavily.
"Why would he make your wolf resurface?" Benji questioned.
"Because he is what is known as my mate." I explained. I secretly prayed to the Goddess he wouldn't ask any more questions, but I knew my silent prayer was futile.
"What's a mate?" His questions were endless but if anyone was to question and deserved answers, it would be Benji.
"A mate is the perfect partner. They are destined to love and project you. It is a belief that they are your perfect match in every way. They hold a part of your soul. It's what you humans refer to as a soul mate. We have no choice who our destined one is." I huffed out in exhaustion.
"Jesus, he's gorgeous, so why aren't you with him if he is your soulmate? Hun, if he swung my way, I wouldn't let him go. I can imagine him being extremely well endowed, if you get my drift." He laughed with a wink.
"As great as having a soulmate is, it doesn't always work out. Sometimes a soul mate is a curse, not a blessing. The Goddess can make mistakes." I murmured.
"Goddess?" He said as he branched the bridge of his nose.
"Yes, the Goddess. She is the holy mother of all werewolves. The goddess is our creator who matches our wolves with our soulmate. She is like the Jesus version of werewolves." I explained, hoping that might make sense to him.
"Got it." He nodded his head. "So what did lover-boy do for you two not to be together?" Benji asked.
"How do you know it wasn't something I did?" I hummed into my glass, swirling the liquid around as it clung to the crystal. Benji gave me a passive look, as if to tell me to stop bullshitting him.
"Fine, I did nothing. It's complicated." I huffed.
"I've got all night. I have a feeling my boss won't be too much of a bitch if I am late." He sang teasingly.
"Mates are sacred in our world. To betray or ignore the mate bond is near on impossible. To reject one's mate is painful, that it can kill you." I could feel the tears gather in the corner of my eyes. This is the first time in eight years that I am speaking about the betrayal my mate caused me. "My mate rejected me, destroyed me, took me a year to get back to normality. Although I lost my wolf during that time." I said with a frown.
"So this Jacob nearly killed you?" He spat with disgust.
"Yes, the pain is something unimaginable. It spreads from your chest to your body. I remember withering in pain, aches beyond my imagination. Fortunately, I met a lady who helped me move past the pain. After a year, I became empty. My personality became cold and callous back then. I suppose I still am. To be honest, I believe it's one of the many effects of rejection." I explained.
"Did Jacob know what he was doing?" He questioned.
"Yes, he is Alpha. Alpha Warner was educated on what a mate is. We all are." He looked at my questionable as if I was speaking riddles. "An Alpha is like the leader of our pack. A pack is a group of werewolves living under him. His duty is to protect his members. It is his sworn duty."
"How could he do that if he knew he was going to kill you?" He exclaimed.
I sighed and took a swig of alcohol. "Back then, I was not very popular in my pack. No one really liked the quiet girl back then." He looked at me with a sense of disbelief. "When I was growing up, I didn't stick up for myself. There were so many rumours, it didn't matter if I denied it. No one believed me. The odds weren't stacked in my favour. He fell in love with a she-devil and ignored the mate bond. Breaking my wolf in the process.
"What about your parents? Surely they would have helped you? Believed you at least?" he asked desperately.
"Me and you." I gestured with my hands, "both know that parents don't always have best intentions for their children. My parents were the ones who believed the rumours the most. They ignored me, neglected me, shunned me."
"But, but why?" He stuttered.
"Because my sister made it near on impossible for them to believe me." I groaned. My head was pounding. I could feel myself getting a migraine.
"YOU HAVE A SISTER? WHY WOULD SHE DO SOMETHING LIKE THAT? HOW COULD THEY NOT KNOW IT WAS YOU?" Benji shrieked.
"Yes. She was the one who did the deeds and rumoured it was me. She was brilliant about it as well. The reason they didn't know any different was because she was my twin sister." I finished.
There was a hefty silence. The only sound was the erratic breathing coming from both of us. The ticking of the clock and the clinking of our glasses were on the wooden table beside of us.
"And I thought my family was fucked up." Benji darkly laughed.
"That's not the worst of it. She was the one who Jacob fell in love with." I explained as the tears escaped my eyes.
As the tears rolled down my face, it was then that I realised I wasn't over my mate. The pain that I thought was no longer there finally hit me in the face like a ton of bricks. I could still feel the bond that tugged me and tethered me to his soul. After all these years of peace, I finally realised that I had turned my emotions off and for the first time in eight years, the switch had flicked. Everything was hurdling towards me like an avalanche that I just couldn't escape.
All I could do was look at my only friend with a broken look, the despair running deeply in my eyes. It was then that I closed my eyes and silently cursed the Goddess for the fate that she had given me on. The hate grew inside me. I couldn't fathom how I was paired with such a jerk, even though I was a good person. Closing my eyes, the darkness welcomed me into its warm embrace.
Edited 08/08/2023