(short update)
I sighed for what seemed like the nth time as I walk around mindlessly to nowhere. The evening city lights of Los Angeles blinding my eyes a little bit as the sky starts to go darker by each passing second.
My mind has been so blank these past few months ever since she left. She never said anything about her leaving. She just... Left. Just like that. Without leaving any explanation, any letter, or any sign that she would leave me.
We were just sleeping so peacefully on our shared bed on the dream house we bought, and the next morning she just decided to leave while I was still sleeping. Having me wake up on an empty and her cold side of the bed. I tried calling her, it goes straight to voicemail. I tried calling her friends, her family but none of them either doesn't know where she is or doesn't want me to know.
It's summertime here but for me it feels like winter. Ever since the day she left, it just felt so... Cold. So empty. I wasn't use to this feeling even if it's been months since she left.
The whole world knew right away about our sudden break-up and some were devastated... And obviously some were so happy especially the haters who were against our relationship from the start.
I walked past the park where we actually first met by accident thanks to her dog getting loose from her grip. I chuckled bitterly as memories of us in this park flashed back to my mind. I even passed by the swing where we had our confessions with each other. The same swing where I asked her to be my girlfriend 7 years ago. I shook my head to get out of those thoughts and kept walking. My attention was caught when I heard my phone ding from my pocket.
I reached to grab my phone to see who it was and to my surprise it's my bestfriend who lives in New York.
From: dumbass bestfriend 😏
Hey, Y/N!! I just arrived in LA. Wanna meet on your fave coffee shop?
I smiled at the text as I happily replied.
To: dumbass bestfriend 😏
Yeah, sure! I'd love that! I'm actually on my way there, so I'll be waiting then. See you dumbass. 😂
When I got there, I sat at our usual place which is close by the window. I let her know that I'm already here and is waiting for her. A few more minutes have passed and I saw her walking into the shop and immediately spotted me. She happily waved at me as I stood up and greet her with a hug.
"Oh my god, I missed you Y/N!" She said as we hugged each other tightly.
"I missed you too! I can't believe you're back in LA." We pulled away from the hug as we both sat down.
We talked about random things until a waiter came to take our orders. A few minutes passed and he came back with our usual orders. A cup of freshly brewed coffee and a slice blueberry cheesecake.
"So... How long are you staying?" I asked as soon as the waiter left our table.
"I'll be having a meeting with one of my clients in 2 days' time and if everything works out, hopefully I'll be staying here in LA for a long time." She said as she took a slice of her cheesecake and feed it to herself.
"That's amazing. I wish you the best. Really." I smiled as I took a sip from my coffee.
"How about you? How's everything going after..." She trailed off.
"After Hailee left without saying anything? It's a shit hole. I'm not gonna lie." I finished and answered her question. Yes, the girl who left me is Hailee. Like THE superstar, Hailee Steinfeld.
"Y/N it's been months. You're torturing yourself by not doing anything to forget her. She moved on. It's about time you do the same." Sadness filled her voice.
I scoffed, "I wish it's that easy. Maybe if I would have known that she won't be there anymore, I would've made our moments last a little longer. I would've given anything to say goodbye. She's now just a memory in my mind but for fuck's sake I can't get her out of my mind. Everywhere I go, I can see her face as if her face was painted on the walls. I've been trying to forget all the moments that we spent together but I just can't." I looked out the window of the coffee shop as I try to stop my tears from showing up in front of F/N but unfortunately she already noticed.
"Oh, Y/n/n..." She put her hand on mine on top of the table.
"I just... She means the world to me, F/n. I would've given up everything just to be with her. I just wish that there's a way that I can say those things to her, y'know. Then maybe... Just... Maybe... I'll finally be able to let go of her and move on. I guess I could say that fate made us meet but we're not destined to be together. Convened but not destined." I wiped my tears away.
"Then try to find a way that you could reach her. Have you tried going to her house? Or even asked her friends?" She asked and I responded with a nod.
"I did but her family would only say that she's overseas for work. It's either true or Hailee asked them to tell me that if ever I go there. As for her friends, they won't tell me anything. So I just stopped trying to figure out why she left." I sighed as little sobs still escaped my lips.
"I'm sorry, Y/n/n... I... I don't know what to say to cheer you up right now." F/N sighed.
"Don't be sorry, you dumbass. I promise I'll be okay. Maybe not now, but someday I will be." I smiled the best I could and she only responded with a sad smile, not believing what I said.
------
As soon as we left the coffee shop, I called and uber for her that will take her back to the hotel she's staying. We hugged each other and said our goodbyes before she got inside the uber. I waved as I watch the uber disappear from my sight before I sighed again and walked off to the way where my house is.
I pondered on f/n's words that I should try to find a way that I can reach her and tell her everything that I wanna say. Thinking if I should do it or no.
I was so lost in thoughts that I never noticed I'm already in front of my house. This house holds the most number of memories. This was the house that we were so hell bent on purchasing the moment she said yes when I asked her to move in with me. Everything inside this house, every corner... It's filled with our memories. I reached my room and changed into my sleeping attire and sat on my desk. On my desk was a picture frame. A picture frame of me and Hailee. I remember this photo as it was our first photo together.
I chuckled bitterly once again as I reached out for the frame and remembered how happy she was this day after finally attending one of BTS' show here in LA. She's a big BTS fangirl and soon enough, she got me fangirling over BTS as well. She was even more happy when she was given a photo opportunity with the 7 boys after the show.
I caught a glimpse of my keyboard sitting in the corner of my room. I put the picture frame down and slid my chair across the room all the way to where my keyboard is.
And soon enough, I was already writing a song for her that blew up the whole world especially the social media.
Apparently the original song that I video recorded and posted on TikTok caught millions of attention from the netizens. Millions of likes, views, shares and even comments asking me who it was for, most of them got the right answer... That it was for Hailee and some said that I just made it for fun and just formed a new song trend that everyone can relate to. And soon enough, covers of the song were made and even celebrities made their own cover and versions of the song.
Hailee
I've been dying to know who made this very trending song on TikTok. For some reason it feels like this song was made for me and the voice of the original singer... It's so familiar. I've been hearing snippets of the song but I've never heard the complete version of it yet.
I frowned with the thought that I'll never be able to know who made this song when my bestfriend Tanya suddenly barged into my room, as if she was gonna kick my door down.
"Oh my stars!! T, I told you not to barge in so suddenly!! You're gonna be the death of me." I heaved a deep breath.
"Yes, I know you said that. And I'm sorry for that and I love you. But you... You need to see this, Haiz!" She basically jumped on my bed.
"What is it?" I sat up.
"Okay, so you've been wondering who made that heartbreaking song for weeks now, right? The one where you said it felt like it was meant for you." Tanya started as I just nodded my head.
"Well check this out..." She hysterically scrolled on her phone. "I finally found the original source of it. And you won't believe who it is."
"Surprise me." I just shrugged thinking it's just probably another clout chaser who assumed they were the one who wrote it just to gain likes and followers. Ugh.
"It's Y/N! Not only it was trending on TikTok but it's all over the social media world! Even the fans of her song were creating petitions that the song should be considered as an actual song and she must be signed by a song company or so. Here is the actual AND complete video of the song!" My eyes widen upon hearing the name I've never heard of or even said for months.
"Wait... Y/N Y/L/N? My ex Y/N?" I said, not believing Tanya who just gave me a deadpan look.
"Why, how many of your exes were named Y/N? Here, I know you don't believe me so watch this." She almost put her phone close to my face as she pressed the video. I took it and watched the whole duration of the video.
"Uhm... Hi guys. Y/N here. It's gonna be my first time creating a song and uhm... This is for those who left without saying goodbye properly. Enjoy.
*instrumentals starts to play*
I still see you in
The places we would go
Like your face is painted on the walls
I've been trying to forget
All the moments that we spent
'Cause now I do it on my own
Oh, you and I were like the summer
But now it's winter here on my own
If I would have known
That you wouldn't be here anymore
I would have made the moments last a little longer
'Cause now I'm alone
And you're just a memory in my mind
I would have given anything to say goodbye
If I would have known
If I would have known, oh
Oh, I remember how
We would laugh all the time
But now you're not around
And I'm just trying to find
Something else to fill
The empty spaces you left behind
But nothing ever seems to work
I've been thinking 'bout
The things that you used to say
Even not around
You're in my head every day
But it's fine I don't mind
I promise I'll be okay
If I would have known
That you wouldn't be here anymore
I would have made the moments last a little longer
'Cause now I'm alone
And you're just a memory in my mind
I would have given anything to say goodbye
If I would have known (ohh)
If I would have known, oh
Oh
Oh
So... There you have it. I hope you guys can relate. Ciao."
I can feel tears starting to fill my eyes as realization hits me. The song really is for me.
"Haiz... You okay?" I heard Tanya ask.
"I... I don't know. I don't know what to think, what to feel or what to say. I'm completely dumbfounded by the song now that I got to hear the whole song. What have I done, T? I... I just left her without saying anything. I didn't even explain to her. I even told you guys and my family not to let her know where I was this whole time. I... I feel so stupid right now." I felt the tears fall down my face.
Tanya didn't say anything and just hugged me by my side.
"I'll give you time alone, okay? Text me when you're feeling better." She smiled sadly as she left my room.
A few minutes passed when I decided to go out and take a walk. It was starting to get dark as the evening comes by.
I couldn't stop thinking of how Y/N felt all these time. She was suffering from the pain I caused her while all I did was hide from her when she was trying to talk to me. I sighed in frustration as I walk and soon enough found myself by the swings where I confessed my love for her. The same place where I gladly said yes when she asked me to be her girlfriend.
I saw someone sitting on one of the swings with their hood covering their head and face, looking down on the ground. Usually, I'd consider it as a red flag and would just turn around and head back home but I didn't. In fact, I had a feeling that I should just keep going to the swings.
I cleared my throat before speaking up.
"I hope you don't mind if I sit here?" I gently pointed to the vacant swing beside them. They took a short glance before giving a nod, and judging by the figure, it seemed like she's a girl.
I sat down and now we're both engulfed in silence.
"I'm guessing you already heard the full song?" My eyes widen upon hearing the exact same voice I heard a couple of minutes ago. I looked at her.
"Y...Y/n?? Is that you?" I cautiously asked. She then took off her hoodie and turned a bit to me.
"Hi, Hailee." She looked at me with a very broken expression on her but still tried to smile and it's killing me knowing the fact that I'm the one who caused this.
To be continued...