The weather was turning properly fall-like after their weekend in Wolverhampton, the end of November so bleak and grey and rainy that it left Louis listless and gloomy. It didn't help that he was swamped in work, finally having realised that midterms were actual things that needed preparation and work. With football practice every afternoon Louis understood now how students found it in them to drop out of their sport teams or afternoon activities and clubs just to properly focus on their studies — to say he was overwhelmed with all the shit he had to get done would be a bit of an understatement. Nevertheless, the thought of quitting the football team never once seriously crossed his mind. After all, he wasn't just here to study and have a bit of fun playing football in his free time. He was here to play football first and foremost, his studies more of a necessary precaution than anything else.
As he was bend over his history text book, jotting down and memorising important dates concerning the French Revolution, all Louis could think about was Christmas break. A silver lining! He was exhausted and he missed his mum's home cooked food and, surprisingly, even his kind-of-annoying sisters. And Ernest, of course, Ernest always. That wasn't a surprise. Ernest was his little lad. He just couldn't wait to spent lazy afternoons on his mum's couch, having tea and eating biscuits while the fireplace in the living room warmed his cold toes.
The one thing he didn't look forward to was his birthday, but that would be over in a blink and anyway, it was always overshadowed by the spirit of Christmas in the air (however much his mum tried to make it not so). Maybe that was the reason he didn't enjoy it, but the thought of growing older wasn't exactly appealing to him either. Now that he knew what living on his own was like, what organising his own life meant, he wasn't all too keen on becoming a real, proper adult with a real, proper job and real, proper things to take care of every month — like paying bills, and insurances, and mortgage and staying on top of it all, too.
Apart from Niall, who came by his dorm room regularly to spent some hours relaxing from the bothersome horror that was learning for exams, Louis didn't see much of his team mates outside of practice. There was no time for parties or pub nights now that real student life was out to get them. Louis had noticed the stress radiating off some of the boys during their practice games, and how they got more easily angered and more prone to hostility as a result. Louis hated that, because whenever a fight would break out between any two boys and there was yelling and growling involved, his Omega would cower away, desperate for peace and fearful of getting targeted himself. Whenever there was a dispute he needed to take care of his shaking hands and stuff them in his pockets in a way that wasn't too obvious, all the while afraid that a traitorous sound would slip past his lips.
Louis needed a break from all of that. What he also needed a break from was Harry. Stupid Harry! If Louis had held any hopes that their relationship would stabilise to something one might call a friendly acquaintanceship after the weekend in Wolverhampton and the awkward talk in the elevator, he was dead wrong. While Harry was perfectly friendly and polite whenever there was interaction between the two of them now, Louis just felt like running to the ends of the earth to escape his charm and wit and belly-rumbling laugh that sometimes occurred when Louis would say something in that thoughtlessly sassy way of his that Harry had previously claimed to despise, but now seemed to actually enjoy. Harry appeared to be all ready for that friendship to start, but Louis felt like loosing his mind over it. He almost wished that mean, obstinate and arrogantly aloof Harry Styles would return, because he felt that was the only thing that could stop him from really falling head over heels for the boy. Fucking hell, the more time he spent thinking about that the more he was assured that it was already too late anyway. Harry somehow managed to bully his way into Louis' heart and that was honestly the most ridiculous thing that had ever happened to Louis, hands down. And coming with that nonsensical infatuation that had filled his heart and mind came the longing to slip into Harry's arms at any given moment, to kiss him silly, to jump him, to hold him, to be close to him. Anything, really: Louis felt like anything Harry would be willing to offer him would be good enough, would be fantastic.
He was pathetic.
He seriously needed that break!
+++
Playing football in the pouring rain was, believe it or not, not exactly one of Louis' favourite things in the world. Nevermind that he was already exhausted from spending his entire Friday morning going over the notes of his Literature Lecture, his mind now stuffed with literary facts and figures, the fact that he was drenched in a matter of minutes didn't help much with anything either. Well, okay, he felt a whole lot more awake now, but he also felt as if a cold was right around the corner for him. It maybe wasn't a problem for a bunch of vigorous Alpha and Beta boys to jog around the pitch in sopping wet clothes and maintain their body temperature, but it was for Louis' Omega constitution — which, that annoyed the fuck out of him and not for the first time. He hated being weaker and more prone to sickness just because what, his body was smaller and build for having babies? Like, what the hell? Shouldn't he be stronger and sturdier than everyone here for exactly that reason?
However much he couldn't understand it, biology made it that way and after sixty minutes playtime Louis couldn't keep his body from trembling any longer. His shots grew weaker by the second which lead to a ton of misplaced passes, he was slipping in the muddy grass more than any of the other boys which lost him at least two awesome chances at scoring a goal and he knew his team was getting fed up with him for losing the ball to the opposite team time and time again. He was sure, though, that none of his team mates were as upset with his performance as he was himself.
It was when he found himself once again slipping on the rain-slicked ground and falling to his knees — which resulted in Wesley snatching the ball from him and dribbling it to the other side of the field with an almost apologetic look on his face aimed at Louis' crumbled form — that there was an irritated, rain-garbled shout from somewhere behind him. It was just as he had managed to right himself once again that he realised the shout had been directed at him when an angry-looking Alpha crowded into his space. Louis blinked, taken aback at being so throughly and harshly stared down.
"What the fuck are you doing, Tomlinson?" Tim Ludovic growled at him, eyes flashing with unrestrained anger. Ludovic wasn't someone Louis had ever before had any contact with, really — all he knew was that the guy was, obviously, an Alpha, a third year student and the player who held the position of attacking midfielder before Harry transferred and snatched the place, along with the new captain title, away from him in a heartbeat. That must have sucked, Louis figured, but there was no need to get all up into Louis' face just because Ludovic was dissatisfied with his part in the team.
"In case you didn't notice, it's raining cats and dogs and the grass is one sloppy fucking slide, so excuse me for losing my grip. What the hell do you expect from me, especially if all I get are your shitti-ly aimed passes?" Louis bit back, refusing to shy away. And okay, maybe that wasn't the most thought-out thing to do.
Honestly, Louis sometimes forgot his place, especially because he became so used to being around Alpha and Beta guys during the last weeks, but ... well. He really shouldn't provoke any conflicts, if the way Ludovic flashed his teeth, as if snarling, was anything to go by. Louis' Omega winced internally, which led Louis to take a cautious step back. Fuck! He really tended to forget his own strength — or lack thereof, for that matter.
The game around them had come to a stop, as it happened so often these days when there was a clash between two of the players. Louis didn't know if the attention aimed their way was helpful or inconvenient. He was about to utter an apology just to get this stuff over with, when Ludovic pushed him in one swift, unexpected move. Louis would feel embarrassed for almost going down with it if he wasn't so terrified. He really had no way of protecting himself against the Alpha in any way. He fought to resist the urge to squeeze his eyes shut and curl up into a jittery ball of nerves on the wet grass.
"Do you think you can get mouthy with me, you stupid brat?" Ludovic spat at him, fists balled. "You should remember who you're talking to, Beta. Just because Styles seems to accept you as part of the team now doesn't mean you get the privilege to talk down on me. I've played football in this team for years, you, on the contrary, are nothing but a replaceable fucking newbie. I will teach you a lesson if you think that —"
But suddenly, Harry was there and Ludovic's words got stuck in his throat. Louis' mouth fell open in disbelieve, because apparently Harry wasn't there to encourage Ludovic, to use this golden opportunity to teach Louis some kind of lesson in obedience, no. (Louis shouldn't have thought that kind of thing in the first place, should he? Because he and Harry were over this, Harry was over this.) Harry shoved Ludovic away, and there were a few heated words exchanged. Harry's shoulders were tense, his back ramrod-straight and Louis couldn't turn his eyes away.
He realised then that it must have only been a few moments since Ludovic pushed him to the ground and began to verbally abuse him, realised that Harry must have made his way over from the other side of the pitch the moment Louis went stumbling. And, well. Louis didn't know how to interpret all that; if this was down to Harry being the team captain or to Harry feeling protective of Louis in some kind of way. What he did know, though, was that Harry shoving Ludovic away from Louis didn't do anything to quell Louis' desire to kiss him. Which he didn't do, of course. Because they talked about that. And they decided that wouldn't happen again. Right.
"Thanks," Louis muttered, his eyes directed to the ground. He breathed in deeply and noticed now, after the excitement of the situation has passed and Ludovic had returned to his place on the field, how freezing cold he actually was. He wouldn't be surprised if his lips were tinted blue right now.
"You okay?" Harry asked, one hand outstretched towards Louis as if to touch him, make sure that everything was as it should be, that everything was okay. Louis swallowed and a second later Harry's hand fell to his side and it was as if nothing had happened in the first place.
"Yeah, I'm good. Sorry for disrupting the game!"
"It's not your fault," Harry said, throwing a short, sharp glance over his shoulder in Ludovic's direction, before focusing on Louis' smaller form once more. "Today's conditions are terrible anyway. And you look as if you'll die of frostbite any minute. I think I'm going to ask Coach to end the session early."
Louis' opened his mouth, but it took him a beat to actually form words. "You don't have to do that. For me, I mean. I can manage, honestly." Those words were so obviously a lie that Harry seemed to catch up on it immediately. Something like an exasperated grin ghosted over his lips.
"Sure. Honestly, though, you're no use to anybody if you twist your ankle slipping or if you get a cold. You do realise that we really could've needed you during the last game, didn't you?"
And what the ...
Did Harry just ...? Did he just imply that ...?
This might be the best, most important, most precious compliment Louis has ever gotten — which probably mostly falls back to the fact that it was Harry who paid it to him.
Wow.
Luckily, Louis didn't have to respond to that statement, (couldn't have anyway, as he was still processing it), because Harry turned on his heels and jogged towards Coach Collins, who was warm and safe bundled up in a rain coat at the edge of the field, impatiently waiting for the game to continue.
Which it didn't. Harry seemed to have brought one or two convincing arguments, since Collins nodded as if agreeing to what Harry proposed and then was blowing his whistle a minute later, ushering the team towards the locker room. Louis felt like crying in relief and held himself back from sprinting into the safety of the indoors. A hot shower sounded like the best thing to exist right about now.
He really wanted to kiss Harry.
He was in trouble.
+++
"Fuck!"
By the time Louis was warmed up from a steaming hot shower and had wrapped himself in not one, but two cosy jumpers, the rain, of course, hadn't stopped. Which resulted in him standing in the locker room doorway and staring, heavily sighing, into the wet mess that was falling from the skies. Great! He might as well have skipped showering and changing, because once he had ridden his bike home trough this awful weather he would need to start anew, no doubt about that.
He wished he could afford to call up a taxi. More so he wished there was some kind of shuttle bus driving to back to campus.
Chancing a glance outside once again he pondered his options, which were actually really limited. Either he fought his way home through the rain or he waited for it to stop, which by the looks of it, would mean spending the better part of his afternoon in the mucky locker rooms. And he really couldn't afford to waste his time, the looming final exams ever-present in the back of his mind.
Louis only realised how long his shower had actually taken when he took in how empty the locker room was already. There were four boys left. One of them was Tim Ludovic and the other two some third years he never really spent much time with, but who, on second thought, looked pretty chummy with Ludovic. So ... he obviously wasn't asking them for a ride, even though he was pretty sure the black Volvo in the parking lot belonged to one of them. The last boy was Harry, of course, because apparently Harry was always one of the last ones around — he probably enjoyed a good long shower just as much as Louis did. No shame in that, honestly.
Thing is, he could ask Harry for a ride. He was almost certain that Harry would take him, too. There was just still that urge clawing at Louis' guts, that urge that wanted to do nothing but get all up into Harry's space and make this afternoon about anything but revision. And that wasn't any kind of solution, really.
He really wished he had that taxi money. Or better yet: he wished he had tagged along with Niall, who had been picked up by a mate for dinner in town ten minutes ago. Surely they could've made a detour and dropped Louis off at the dorm buildings. But Louis, being Louis, didn't think of any of that, too busy getting his body temperature up to normal again after that disastrous practice. God damn it! Would he ever learn how to use that brain of his?
"I can take you, if you want."
Harry's voice suddenly sounding from behind Louis' startled him into a twitch, the pull from his thoughts too abrupt to handle gracefully. Pressing a hand to his speeding heart, he turned around to face the team captain, who had apparently finished up twirling his curls into a messy bun atop his head and was now busy fixating it to stay there.
"I — uh —" That was all Louis managed to get out. Where were all those convincing excuses when you needed them? "I —"
Harry raised a questioning eyebrow. "You what?"
"I don't know," Louis stammered, helplessly shrugging, feeling once more utterly stupid in Harry's presence. Jesus Christ!
"Don't know what? If you want to drive your bike home in the pouring rain or get dropped off at your dorm safe and dry?" Harry had this tone in his voice once again, the one that made whoever he was speaking to aware of the fact that he was losing his patience. As if to undermine that fact, he pointedly stared at his clock. He looked pretty amused though, so there was that. Louis was sure he'd never learn to properly read this roller-coaster of a boy. "Look, I'm going to go to my car and wait for exactly two minutes. Try to make up your mind, will you?"
And with those words he was gone and Louis was left staring at his tall form as he jogged through the rain to get to his car as quickly as possible. Well. Although Louis didn't know if driving with Harry was worth it, if it wouldn't actually be the better choice for him to just bike through the rain, there was one thing he was certain of: he didn't want to be alone with Ludovic and his Beta friends for even one second, not sure that there wasn't still a punch waiting for him.
Swallowing, he grabbed his sports bag tighter and gritted his teeth. Maybe he was completely overreacting. It was only a five minute ride.
Hiding as best as he possibly could from the downpour, Louis made a run for Harry's passenger side door.
+++
As it turned out, he hadn't been overreacting. The smell that began to engulf him as soon as he had slammed Harry's door shut was breathtaking, and Louis couldn't tell if breathtaking in this case was good or bad. The warmth from the air-conditioning somehow seemed to make it even more potent, Harry's scent even stronger, manlier and headier than normally. To make matters worse, Harry was driving slower than he did last time, most likely because the rain and darkening of the sky restricted his view. Louis shouldn't find it so oddly enticing that Harry was one to care for road safety.
Unlike usually, Harry didn't let silence reign in between them. Instead, he started off with something Louis didn't expect from him.
"You should be more careful, Louis." And yeah, here they were again with the first names. Still, Louis didn't understand what Harry was on about and he said as much.
"What are you even talking about?"
Harry snorted. "Isn't it obvious?" With a sigh he continued. "You can't go around seeking trouble with Alphas like you did today. Not even with Betas. In fact, just don't go and instigate trouble at all. Like, what did you think your chances were against Tim? He would've beaten the crap out of you just then."
"No, he wouldn't have," Louis replied, sniffing indignantly, even though he was very aware of how dangerous the situation had in fact been, how ugly it could have turned out. "There were over twenty guys around and Coach was watching us like a hawk. Ludovic wouldn't have dared to pull a trick like that. And anyway, you were there before anything could've even happened."
Harry groaned, clearly displeased. "But I won't —" He interrupted himself, biting his lip so hard it looked painful to Louis. The car came to a sudden stop, then, but Louis knew they weren't close to the dorm buildings yet. Harry took a deep breath before facing him, his expression calculating and upset all at once.
"You won't what?" Louis enquired, eyes fixed on Harry's.
Harry huffed, his hands tightening on the steering wheel. "I won't always be there to protect you." It came out low and grumbling, and if Louis hadn't felt so offended by those words he probably would have cherished them.
"What the — I don't need your protection, Harry! That wasn't what I was implying at all. Believe it or not, I've spent my whole life fighting on my own. I don't rely on anybody else to win my battles for me. I know you think I'm just another weak, helpless little Omega —"
"No, I don't! I don't think that and I never have. Not for once! From the moment I realised you were an Omega I knew you were capable of holding your own ground. You are —" Shaking his head rapidly, Harry beat his fist against the steering wheel. Louis was taken aback by the open agitation Harry was displaying. His hands were folding up in front of his chest out of their own accord, resuming a careful stance. "You are just — you are too much. And you don't even understand that. You don't get what kind of effect you have on people, on everyone around, on me. You think you are all stealthy and inscrutable. But there are things about you that expose your true nature to everyone who just might decide take a closer look. And I'm so flabbergasted that you can still pull it off — that none of the boys have caught on to your difference in behaviour in any way; to the way you always cautiously check out any room before you enter, the way you try to be as invisible as possible to everyone around you, even the way you look, all curves and dainty limbs and that way-too-stupidly-beautiful face of yours." He paused a beat, then, a look of true incredibility passing over his features. "But all that doesn't mean that you are invincible. That you've not been busted yet is sheer fucking luck. And if Tim had taken a real swing at you, you would've gone down and there would've been questions asked and you would've been scrutinised and that would've let to trouble, I can assure as much. Because no Beta goes down after one blow. But do you know who does? Who does go down instantly? Omegas! Dammit, Louis! The rest of the team might have not questioned anything until now, but something like this will make them wonder. Don't you get that?"
And well, maybe Louis hadn't actually gotten it up until this point. Fucking hell! He had been so cautious with every single step he took for the past three months and still, still, Harry could count up all the ways in which Louis could potentially give himself away in a matter of seconds. He didn't even care that Harry called him beautiful, or that he apparently was so involved in Louis' business that he could almost trace his steps. Harry looked as shocked at his own outburst as Louis felt and the only thing that was coming to his mind was asking: "Why do you even care?"
"Why do I care?" That made a chocked-off laugh escape Harry's throat. "Because I — I don't want to see you get caught, okay? I don't want you having to face the millions of consequences that would fly your way as soon as your lie gets out into the open. I don't — I don't want to see you go from the team and I don't want your dream to get shattered. Fuck! Fuck, fuck, fuck!" Once again, Harry hit his steering wheel.
Louis sank deeper into his seat. None of this made any sense. Harry didn't make any sense. Harry didn't care, shouldn't care. That had been Louis' whole premise from the start. But apparently he did. Maybe even had this whole time. And Louis felt overwhelmed with those thoughts.
"Why don't you want to see me go? Why does my dream matter to you, of all people? You hated me for most of the time I've been on this team and even now I'm questioning your stance towards me. You were downright terrible with me for weeks on end. You threatened me, you hurt me. And now — I don't — what? Why?" Louis felt helpless, trying to grasp onto something that was slipping through his fingers time and time again. What the hell was happening here?
Harry refusing to look at him felt wholly different this time around, not like a disregard but more as if Harry felt the need to protect himself from something. Louis had to strain to hear his next words.
"Because I — because. There is — all I can think about is you! You're on my mind all the time, and I feel like — it's like. I just want to be close to you, I want to be around you. And I don't know why, or when this happened, even — you drive me insane, I told you that before. There shouldn't be anything that I want more than to see you go, but I just — I can't fathom that. Thinking about not seeing you again is — just." Harry's head hung low, his entire position one of defeat and surrender.
Louis' heart was skipping entire beat-sequences in his chest.
"You like me." It was the most ridiculous statement Louis had ever made, but at the same time it felt as real as anything ever had. "You like me."
Harry physically jolted as the words registered with him. He raised his head, turned to stare at Louis with urgent eyes as if he wanted to convey something that Louis just didn't get.
"Am I wrong? Tell me I'm wrong and I'll leave to wallow in self-pity and embarrassment for assuming you could ever feel a fraction of what I'm — of what I'm feeling for you. I'll leave you alone and fight my way home through this fucking monsoon, if you tell me I'm wrong," Louis said, voice breathless and hope, ridiculous hope, blossoming in his chest.
But even after those words there was nothing but silence between them, Harry seemingly too reluctant to say anything else and Louis too mortified to fish for something else to break the fragility of the situation. Louis noticed they hadn't even turned on the car radio this time around and now its absence was deafening to his ears.
Louis couldn't stand to hold eye contact any longer. Had he really read Harry's whole monologue this wrong? What had been the message of all of that rambling then? Louis felt as if he was losing his grip on the world, his common sense, his ability to think and act.
Just as he turned to make good on his words and leave the car, Harry's hand clenched tightly around his wrist. It might have been a painful grasp, but the heat that shot through Louis' body at the simple touch burned out every other sensation.
"Don't go! Please don't — don't go!" Harry's voice was barely more than a whisper and it felt like the most intimate, personal thing that had ever been directed at Louis. He didn't dare to face Harry again, but his body relaxed and the hand gripping the door handle slipped to his side. Suddenly, he felt incredibly weak, open and vulnerable. And he wanted Harry like he never wanted anything or anyone before.
"Will you kiss me again?" Louis whispered back, because that was the only tone of voice that all of a sudden seemed appropriate in the confines of the car. Shifting his head slightly, Louis repeated himself. His eyes were focused on Harry's left shoulder. "Please say you'll kiss me ag—"
He wasn't given the chance to fully formulate his plea before Harry's plump lips were on his own. And it was clash-y and bite-y and rough and desperate. It was wanton and brisk, a mix of tongue and teeth and saliva. It was dirty and wet and the best thing Louis had ever participated in. It was better than scoring the winning goal in a game of football and that thought would frighten Louis if he had enough energy to waste on thinking about it closely.
Harry was kissing him again and this time, Louis didn't plan on fleeing. And he hoped Harry didn't either. This time, they might get it right. This time, maybe their feelings were alike, their expectations and wishes and needs the same.
Louis' arms interlocked behind Harry's neck and he didn't plan on letting go soon or easily. Harry's hot mouth wandering hungrily over his jaw bone made him believe Harry didn't either.
+++
Louis couldn't pinpoint exactly how much time they spent snogging in the front seats of Harry's car — but since the windows were beginning to fog up Louis figured that it had to have been quite a while indeed. Eventually, though, Harry pressed short, smiley kisses against Louis' lips, bit into them gently and then disentangled himself. He started the car up again without wasting any words and they made it to the dorms at last.
The silence between them was back, but this time around it wasn't oppressive, tense or unpleasant at all. Harry had turned on the radio and just like last time Louis drove with him some Indie station began playing softly in the background. Louis felt calm, happy, giddy even, because Harry was holding Louis' hand atop the gearstick and that spoke for itself, really, didn't it?
Everything was unclear still, they hadn't talked about what they were even doing, what all of this meant in any way, but for once in his life Louis didn't feel like worrying. Harry's grip was tight on his hand and that felt like all the reassurance he needed.
It was enough to know that there was one thing he could be certain of now and that was that Harry was the first person, the only person, that Louis had ever felt so strongly for. Harry was his first love, his first crush — the only person Louis had ever fallen for, fallen in love with. And whatever, so he didn't plan on it happening, didn't even wish for something like it, but experiencing it vividly now was exhilarating and freeing in the most substantial ways. It was as if he had spent his whole life missing one of the fundamental feelings that made the world turn and finally, finally found it in his utterly ludicrous love for Harry.
He didn't know what Harry expected or wanted or needed from this thing that just now seemed to have developed in the heat of his car, if he even wanted them to be anything serious. But Louis thought that this time around they might have enough bravery to try and figure it out.
He couldn't help but smile about it all. Just couldn't.