I've known Xavier for a few months and now I don't even wanna know him anymore
He caused me so much drama and pain and all I wanted when I moved here was a peaceful normal life to try and move on
It's not easy when God misses both of your parents and decides to take them
And with my crazy ex back in the picture life couldn't be worse
And Xavier just keeps putting much more confusion and overthinking in my head
'But you can't forget he protects you from Austin and he took you on that beautiful mountain and that date in New york and how he changed his player ways, Layla said he used to sleep with a different girl everyday but now he doesn't even look at anyone but you. You can't deny how he looks at you with his beautiful green eyes like you're the most beautiful thing he ever layed eyes on' the voice inside me argued
She's right but the question is; is the love worth the pain?
I like Xavier yes but....I don't think I love him I've known him for barely 4 months
I don't even know what love is anymore
With Austin it's was so.......hard and forced but with Xavier he doesn't even ask for sex and he was a player so he was used to getting that everyday
With Xavier it's so weird so.....easy
I don't know what I want anymore
I sighed and got up
Maybe a hot shower would help
~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~
"COMING!" I yelled for the 5th time
I was brushing my hair and someone can't seem to stop knocking on the door
Aunt Linda is at work as usual, this woman always has work
And Layla has a family dinner with Caleb's family
I huffed putting my brush down i swear if my hair gets tied in knots I'll kill you doorbell person!
I got down stairs and opened the door
"Oh" what a surprise
"Oh? Can I come in Riley?" Xavier asks standing there in a long, heavy, black coat
Um I guess?
I opened the door wider for him to come in
He sighed blowing a cloud of visible air since it's really cold outside
We went to the living room
"Do you want something to drink?" I asked
"I'm not here to get something to drink could you please just sit down I have alot of things I need to tell you about" I took a deep breath and sat on the chair opposite to his
"Tyler is my cousin my...brother controls him that's why my mind went blank when I saw him with you, because I thought my brother sent him here for him to keep an eye on you and I was right" Xavier king is showing hesitation that's new
"You have a brother?" I didn't know that
"Trust me it would've been better if you didn't know that. Alessandro is my older brother. I'm half Italian I lived in Italy the first 5 years of my life but then Alessandro became......dangerous"
"Dangerous?" I repeated
"Alessandro has gangs and deals drugs all over the world not just in Italy. I.........lead one of those gangs" I blinked
Xavier is a gangleader
Just like Austin
"You're a gangleader?" I whispered
This all feels too familiar this scene is repeating itself all over again
It all happened with Austin
"Yes I'm sorry Riley I tried to keep you out of that. Alessandro thinks you're a distraction to me and I can't lead the gang properly with you near me." What?
"What does that mean?" He took a deep breath and I looked into his electric green eyes and he let me see his emotions for the first time ever
Sadness, anger, regret
He drank me in, his eyes passing every part of me and I had a feeling I won't like whatever he's preparing to say
"Riley I'm....I'm leaving" I felt my heart drop
"W-what do you mean you're leaving?" He can't be serious
'Weren't you thinking of leaving him what changed?'
SHUT UP
I didn't think of leaving him even if I did I was bluffing I wasn't gonna do that he's the only good thing that happened to me since my parents died
"I'm leaving for Italy, I'm not coming back. Alessandro threatened to.....kill you if I don't leave. And I love you Riley and I can't stand and watch the only girl I've loved in my life lifeless in my arms. I'd rather take the pain of leaving knowing you're okay" he loves me?
"who said I'd be okay if you left? You're the only good thing that happened to me since my parents left me."
"You'll move on" he sighed running a hand through his hair
"And the deal?"
"It's off" I felt my heart break into million pieces not just two
And that's when the tears finally ran down my cheeks "you can't leave" you'd say I'm pathetic but you're wrong
Fighting for something you want isn't pathetic
What's pathetic is letting what you want go
He can't leave
Wanna know the difference between him and Austin?
The night Austin told me he's a gangleader was the worst night of my life
It was the first night he raped me
The first night he hit me
The first night I became a prisoner in his house
Xavier on the other hand is trying to protect me, he's leaving me to protect me
I didn't realize I was choking on my breath and now a panic attack is happening
"Riley?" the fear in his voice
I know that fear
He feels bad because he knows he's the one that caused it this time
"Riley calm down please calm down" He got up and ran to me hugging me to his chest
Just the thought of never feeling that hug again makes me dizzy
"I'm sorry please calm down I'm so fucking sorry please just breath in and out do that for me please?" What about not hearing his comforting voice?
Sobs escaped my mouth so loud as I gasped for air
"I don't know what to fucking do please stop crying please" his voice for the first time I've ever heard, it was weak
I felt so tired when I finally took control of my breathing
That's the longest panic attack I've ever had in my life
I felt my eyes lazily closing
But before sleep completely took over me I heard Xavier's voice
"I love you" followed by a single tear that hit my cheek
Then complete darkness consumed me
_________________________________________
Did I just do one scene in a chapter?
Yes I did
Sad chapter because why not
Hope you enjoyed this one
K.m.