I walk into the studios and walk straight over to the coffee table. It's been a few days since the dinner party, but I'm still so tired. I haven't been able to sleep since.
As I am making my coffee, Charlie walks up to the table and starts making a coffee for himself. I fight the urge to make a joke about English people preferring tea. I'm sure he's heard it many times before.
"Hi Charlie," I say to him.
"Hi Charlee," He says to me with a smile.
"How are you holding up after the other night?" He asks me.
"I'm okay," I say quietly, looking down at my coffee.
"Oh," Charlie says, and I look up.
Joe has entered the room and he is walking towards the table. He starts making his coffee, avoiding eye contact with me the whole time. My chest is heavy.
"Hey," I say quieter than I meant to.
Joe looks at me, and his eyes burn into mine.
"Hey," He says back softly.
He turns to Charlie and smiles.
"Hey Charlie," He says to him, and then walks away.
"Okay, what is going on between you two?" Charlie asks me.
I sigh and fidget with my coffee cup.
"I guess we decided it's easier to not be friends," I tell him.
Charlie raises his eyebrows.
"That did not look easy," Charlie says.
I nod. He's right. Whether we're friends, or keeping distance from each other. It's not easy.
* * * *
Later that day, I'm talking to Gaten, getting ready for a scene with him, Maya and Joe.
"Do you want me to go over the lines with you? We haven't done that for awhile," I ask Gaten, remembering fondly how much my help was once requested on set.
"Of course we haven't, Joe hasn't-" Gaten starts to say when he stops.
"Hi Joe!" Gaten yells out.
I turn around and see Joe walking onto set and over to us.
"Hey buddy," Joe says to Gaten, grabbing him around the shoulders with one arm and ruffling his hair with the other.
Gaten laughs and pushes Joe off of him. Gaten looks up at Joe with such admiration in his eyes, that it tugs on my heart strings and I nearly forget what Gaten was saying. Joe hasn't what?
"Joe," I say to him.
"Charlee," Joe says with a nod.
"I need to go talk to Shawn, I'll see you guys in a minute," Joe says as he leaves.
He's blown me off again, and my chest tightens as I feel an arm reach around my shoulder. I
turn my head to see who it is and see Maya smiling at me. I rest my head on her shoulder.
"I saw that, are you okay?" She asks me.
I nod, then glance at Gaten.
"What did you mean when you-" I start to say to Gaten, when I'm cut off by Shawn.
"Places people!" Shawn yells out and we all move onto set.
I squat down behind a car in the car park of the video store, with Joe, Maya and Gaten next to me.
"Action!" Shawn shouts.
"We need to split up, so we can see what's going on in there from different angles" Dustin explains.
Robin, Steve and I all nod and listen to Dustins directions. Even though he's the youngest, we trust his plans.
"Okay, Robin and I will go this way, Steve and Kaya you go that way," Says Dustin, pointing to the distance.
Steve gives Dustin a look.
"Hang on, why me and Kaya?" Steve asks.
Dustin sighs.
"We need a smart one and a tough one in each group. I'm the smart one, Robins the tough one," Dustin explains.
"Smart and tough," Robin says, pointing to herself.
Dustin nods.
"Exactly. And Kaya is smart, and Steve, you're - you're tough," Dustin says, crossing his arms and gauging Steve's reaction.
"Oh!" Steve says, nodding his head slowly.
Happy with Steve's reaction, Dustin looks around to make sure the coast is clear.
"Go!" Shouts Dustin, him and Robin scuttling away in one direction, while Steve and I scuttle in another.
As we are running, Steve grabs my arm and stops me.
"Hang on, is he saying I'm not smart?" Steve asks me.
I look Steve's hand on my arm, and then look up at his face. He is hurt.
"Maybe he meant you're smart and tough, like Robin," I offer.
Steve's lips move as he considers it, before shaking his head.
"I don't think so," Steve says.
BANG!
We hear a loud noise inside the video store and I grab Steve's hand and pull him down behind another car.
"Why's it always in my place of work, I'm running out places for a job," Steve groans.
"Maybe you can go to college," I say to him.
Steve scoffs.
"I'm clearly too dumb for that," Steve says with a roll of his eyes.
I look down at our hands still intertwined, and rub my thumb over the back of his hand.
"I don't think you're dumb at all Steve," I say softly.
Steve looks into my eyes and we stay like the for a minute.
"Guys!"Robin yells out.
We look up over the car we are sitting behind and see Robin with the nail bat, and Dustin standing in front of the video store.
"Are you coming?" She asks.
Steve smiles at me and pulls me by the hand to the others.
"Cut!" Shawn yells.
Joe quickly let's go of my hand and begins to walk over to Shawn.
"Joe! Can we talk?" I ask him.
He turns around and puts his hands in his pockets and looks down.
"I don't think we should," He mumbles.
Joe quickly glances up at my eyes and then turns around again before rushing off, leaving me standing there. The heart break must have been plain on my face.
"Ouch," Gaten says.
I look at Gaten and nod.
"Yeah," I say, swallowing.
"Ouch"
* * * *
I'm refilling my body and my mind with coffee again in the break area, when my phone starts to ring. For a moment I think it might be Joe, but I look down and see my mums name come up on the caller ID. I answer it.
"Hey mum!" I answer.
"Charlee..." My mum says softly.
"Mum? What is it?" I ask.
"It's Drew, Charlee. It's your brother," She says.
I roll my eyes.
"What is it? Is he back in rehab?" I ask.
I rip an extra sugar packet open with my teeth and pour it in my coffee.
"No, Charlee... He overdosed last night. Charlee, he- he died," My mum explains.
She's still talking, but it sounds like voices underwater. I stare at the sugar dissolving in my coffee.
"I'll let you know when the funeral is when we know," My mum says.
I nod, as though she can see me. I can't speak.
"Charlee?" My mum asks.
"Yes mum, sorry. Yes, thank you for letting me know. I'll come as soon as I'm able to," I tell her.
We say our goodbyes and I walk over to the couches, sitting down. The tears start falling from my eyes and I don't have the strength to lift my hands up and wipe away the tears. I'm just sitting there staring at my coffee as the tears fall.
"Charlee?" A voice says from next to me.
I turn and see Joe sitting there. Panic on his face. I didn't even notice him sit down. I say nothing.
"Are you okay?" Joe asks.
I shake my head slowly.
"I'm sorry I've been such a dick, I thought it would be easier to act like strangers, but it's not. It's harder than being friends," Joe says to me, searching my eyes for some kind of response.
I squeeze my eyes as more tears rush out from them. Still unable to speak.
"Is it because of me? That you're crying? I'm so sorry," Joe asks me.
I shake my head.
"What is it?" He asks.
I close my eyes and take a deep breath, before opening them and looking back at Joe.
"I just found out my brother died last night," I manage to say without choking.
Joe wraps his arms around me and pulls me in for a hug.
"Joe," I say, pulling back.
"Screw the stupid rule Charlee, I want to be here for you right now," Joe whispers to me, reaching over and grabbing my hand.
I nod slowly, trying to pretend like his hand touching mine isn't making my heart race so fast, I feel like I could pass out right here.
The room begins to get noisy as some of the other cast members begin to walk into the room. I quickly rub my eyes, but I know that they're still puffy.
"Shit," I say.
Joe leans close to me.
"Do you want to get out of here?" Joe whispers into my ear.
I turn my face, inches away from his and nod.
Joe stands up, pulling me up by my hand and quickly pulls me out of the room before anyone can notice or stop us.