Vinny Taylor
I never thought I would see Spencer and Marina at my house again, but there they stood in front of me as I opened the front door. I had asked Spencer to bring Marina with him before we ended our phone conversation. Spencer's eyes still looked red from crying during our conversation. I wasn't sure how much he had told Marina before arriving, but she held a myriad of emotions in her expression.
"Well," I said, pausing for a moment as I looked at them. "Come in."
They followed me into the house and the two of them sat on the loveseat while I sat down on the arm of the couch.
"So, I, uh, assume you both saw the video going around," I said, looking down at the floor.
"Yeah, we did," Marina replied in a soft tone.
"Vinny, I feel like a fucking idiot," Spencer blurted, causing me to look up at him. His eyes were wide and glossy, his hair messed up at the top like he had been pulling at the strands. He looked distressed and tired.
"Spence..."
I didn't know what to say to him. He was my best friend at one point, and part of me wanted to have him back as that. That was why I wanted them to come here in the first place. But I couldn't forget how much pain I was in that night they left me outside. It had been so long ago, but maybe part of healing from that and moving on was fixing my relationship with them.
I didn't exactly know how to tell him that Seth had threatened me if he had seen me talking with anyone, that I couldn't talk to him even if I wanted to after what had happened.
"I was too mad to realize you needed me," Spencer continued. "Too mad to think clearly and see that something was wrong. I'm such an idiot for that."
"We both are," Marina said with sad eyes. "And the fact that we couldn't figure out why you wouldn't talk to us makes us even bigger idiots."
I wanted to hide myself from them. I was feeling vulnerable and I didn't want them to see it. But this was the point of them being here, to open up to them, to fix this, to let myself start to heal.
"I just... I don't want to feel alone," I muttered, looking away from them. "Like I felt that night, like I felt all summer."
Up until Carson came into my life. Then I didn't feel so alone anymore, and I still didn't. I knew that even though we had broken up, I still had him. I didn't lose him in every way. And I had Logan, and my parents, even Dana. But I wanted Spencer and Marina too.
Spencer stood up from the couch and stood in front of me, hesitating for a moment before placing his hand on my shoulder. I looked up at his frowning face.
"I don't want you to feel like that either because it's not true," Spencer said in a low voice. "You're not alone and I'm sorry I wasn't better to you."
It was only a start, but his words made me feel better. I was tired of being angry and sad all the time, tired of resenting him and Marina, but I was still uncomfortable. It was like it had been a life time since I had let them in, since I had been so open and vulnerable with them. Carson was the only one I could do this with now, outside of therapy. Part of me still worried Spencer and Marina would judge me or blame me for what had happened.
I wanted to see Carson and I didn't know if I should want to see him. Or if he even wanted to see me.
"Are you okay?" Marina asked after a few moments of silence. "Did Seth injure you?"
I absentmindedly touched my neck. "I'm fine."
There was another long silence between us then.
"Can we just..." I trailed, then started over. "I asked you guys to come here because I wanted my friends I guess. We don't have to keep talking about depressing shit. Can we just... hang out?"
Spencer moved toward me, then hesitated with a contemplative look on his face. It was like he wasn't sure how close he could get to me, what would be too much for me. So I reached out and pulled him to me in an embrace. He was stiff for a moment then melted into my touch, wrapping his arms around me tightly.
It was strange. I was never much of a hugger, but that could change.
We pulled away after a few moments, Marina smiling over at us.
"So, uh, you and Isaac huh?" I awkwardly let out and Spencer let out a short laugh.
"Yeah, me and Isaac," he replied with a smile. And it was good to see him smiling about someone else, good to see not only has he moved on from me but he was happy with Isaac.
"They just made it official," Marina added, her grin widening.
"Really?" I asked and Spencer nodded.
"We'll see how it goes," he said, seeming to finish the conversation at that.
I was glad he didn't ask me about Carson. I didn't want to have to tell them that we broke up, though Spencer might have already known
The three of us spent some time watching TV. It was awkward and quiet, but I didn't expect things to go back to normal. For the moment, I was just content with having friends of my own so that I didn't have to be alone or rely on Logan or Carson.
Just the mere thought of Carson seemed to make him appear. He pulled up to the house with Archie, Isaac, Dana, and Hadley. Hadley was about the second to last person I wanted to see at the moment. If she knew about Darren, which I was sure she did, I couldn't imagine she would want to see me either.
Carson stopped short when he entered the house, looking at Spencer and Marina then back at me. A split second later he was rushing over to me.
"Vinny," he said as he scurried to the couch. "Are you okay?" He kneeled before me and took my face in his hands and I wanted to cry at the look on his face.
He looked so concerned, like he was looking for any lingering injuries. His eyes stopped on the bruises on my neck as he rubbed his thumb over my cheek.
"I'm fine," I assured him, placing my hand over one of his that still rested on my face. And at that moment, I did feel fine. With him there. Even with his friends looking on.
I glanced over Carson's shoulder and saw Hadley looking at me with red rimmed eyes. Archie stood beside her with a guilty look on his face, his eyes everywhere in the room but me.
I wanted to close myself back up in my mind. There was now an audience in the house. I didn't want them to see me vulnerable, only Carson.
"Logan!" Dana called out walking over to shout up the stairs. He came running down the steps and stopped short when he saw that all of his friends were in the living room.
"What are you guys doing here?" he asked, greeting Dana at the bottom of the stairs with a kiss.
Carson stood up. "Checking on you. And Vinny."
He looked down at me and Spencer stood up from the couch to greet Isaac, allowing Carson to sit down next to me.
At that moment, I didn't care that Carson and I were broken up, or that we had an audience. I pulled his arm around me and curled into his side, putting my arm around his waist. I nearly sighed in relief when he pulled me closer instead of rejecting my touch.
"You look really bad," Dana told her boyfriend, placing a hand on his injured face.
"I know," he said, his eyes drifting over to Hadley.
It was like no one wanted to be the first say anything about what had gone on today, about what everyone now knew had happened to me.
Hadley let out a heavy sigh and ran a hand down her face.
"Vinny, can I talk to you?" she asked, her voice shaking. "Alone."
I wanted to tell her no without giving away the fact that I couldn't look at her without being crushed under guilt. But with everyone around, I couldn't do that without looking like a complete ass.
"You don't have to," Carson whispered, his lips touching my ear.
And I almost said no, but then I looked at Hadley. And she looked so broken and I couldn't her. So I nodded and stood up from the couch, pulling out of Carson's warm embrace and led her into the kitchen.
She took a deep breath as I looked down at the floor.
"I wanna say I'm really sorry," she started, causing me to glance up at her. This was not how I expected this conversation to go.
"For what?"
"For... being with Darren, bringing him around," she said, her eyes tearing up. "Logan had always had a bad feeling about him and I didn't listen. He came here, hung around with us. I can't even imagine how it felt knowing there was a possibility he would be here. I'm just... I'm sorry."
I shrugged. "You didn't know."
It would be unfair for me to blame Hadley for anything. It was me who didn't say anything and I knew exactly how kind and charming Darren could act. He could fool anyone.
"I know," she replied. "It still feels shitty though."
She looked like she wanted me to say something, but I didn't know what. I just wanted this conversation to be over.
"I don't, like, blame you or whatever," I said. "For bringing him around." I couldn't find it in me to tell her about my guilt.
She nodded. "Well, thank you." She paused. "I'm going to break up with him, obviously."
"Okay."
"And..." she trailed. "I want you to know I believe you. I believe what happened to you. No matter what anyone else says about it."
That got me thinking about the rumors at school. Who knew what people were saying, the ways they were twisting the story even with the video.
Hadley shot me a weak smile and the two of us made our way back into the living room, walking in on the middle of a conversation.
"—but if you want to do that, we're going to have to figure out where to hide the body," Archie said to Logan.
"Stop it, Arch," Logan snapped, his eyes glancing to me as I entered the room. "I'm not seriously considering murder as an option."
"All I'm saying is I wouldn't blame you and I might actually help you," Archie replied with a shrug, still seeming to keep his eyes off of me.
I found my way back to Carson, debating whether I should try to get him alone. I didn't know if he would want to be just with me, and I didn't want to be rejected in front of everyone. He put his arm around me like it was the most natural thing in the world and I relaxed into his side.
"Are you okay?" Carson asked, muttering low enough so that only I could hear him. "Do you want to leave?"
Carson may have felt like he knew nothing about me, but he knew me well. He could read me, could tell how I was feeling and what I was thinking just by being around me.
"Let's take Luna for a walk," I suggested, standing up from the couch to go find the dog.
Once I had her on her leash, I walked back to the living room where Carson must have already told everyone we were leaving. I said goodbye to Spencer and Marina and tried not to feel guilty about leaving them with all of Logan's friends after I was the one that asked them to go over. But I wasn't passing up alone time with Carson, not when I needed him and wasn't sure when I'd have another chance like this again.
"Now can you tell me if you're actually doing alright?" Carson asked once we were outside.
"I'm..." I trailed. I couldn't find the right word. I was fine, but I wasn't. "I'm not as bad as I could be." That answer seemed to be the one that fit the most to what I was feeling.
Carson seemed to understand that and nodded at me.
"I'm overwhelmed, and..." I didn't want to say it. And if this was anyone else, I wouldn't, but it was Carson. "And scared."
"Scared of what?"
"Scared of... everything," I said. "Of people knowing, of Seth and Darren and whatever they're going to do to me."
"They're not doing anything to you," Carson said, his voice in a sharpened tone I wasn't used to hearing from him. "They're not getting near you."
"They'll find a way if they really want to."
"Vinny, I—" Carson paused and took a breath. "I'm sorry I didn't listen to you the other day. This was what you were going to tell me, wasn't it? About Darren?"
I looked over at Luna and her happy trotting as she walked beside me, then I slowly brought my eyes back to Carson. He felt guilty, I could tell. And I hated that he felt that way.
"It wouldn't have mattered," I told him and continued before he could say anything else. "And it shouldn't have. I just wanted you to understand, not guilt you into staying with me when you were unhappy."
"That was part of the issue though," Carson replied. "That I didn't understand you. I should have just let you tell me."
"But it doesn't change anything," I told him. "I'm still traumatized by it. I'll still act out and hurt you without meaning to. Just because you know why doesn't mean it would be okay."
I never thought I would be back to telling Carson how I wasn't good for him. I wanted him to feel secure with his decision to break up with me, not feel guilty about it. Because he was right for doing it and even with him knowing about what happened with Darren, it didn't change anything.
"What are you going to do? About Darren?" Carson asked, not responding to my previous statement.
I let out a sigh. "I don't fucking know. There's nothing I can do, really. Dad is really adamant about pressing charges though. I don't know if he'll budge."
"And you don't want to do that?"
"I don't think it's worth it," I replied. "I mean, well, it'd be worth it if it worked out. That way I wouldn't have to worry about him hurting me. And he wouldn't be able to hurt anyone else. But there's no proof."
"Maybe just getting the accusation out there is enough," Carson suggested. "You could get a restraining order and if people know about him being accused, they could know to stay away."
"Maybe," I sighed again. "I just don't want to have to deal with him in court or whatever. Or having to go over it again and again with police and lawyers and judges."
Carson nodded.
"And I guess I don't want to have to relive it or have to listen to people say they don't believe me or thinking I'm lying or whatever," I said.
I could only admit this because it was Carson, but I didn't think I would be able to handle a bunch of people calling me a liar or openly siding with Darren. It was bad enough that it was going to happen at school. If I ended up having to go to court with everything, it would be on a much larger scale.
"Well, with whatever you decide to do, just know I'll be right here," he said with a smile. "Beside you. Through all of it."
And that seemed like the best thing to hear at that moment.
**
Hey everyone thanks for reading!!
Let me know what you thought of the chapter. Do you think Vinny should rekindle his friendship with Spencer and Marina?
Also, I currently have no idea how many chapters are left. I'm just going with vibes.