⚠TRIGGER WARNING⚠
Minor Self Harm, Eating Disorder
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Y/n POV
We got in the car, Wil hopped in the front with Niki in the divers seat, so that left Ranboo and myself in the back. Will did offer to sit in the back with me, but I thought it might be too squished.
"So Wil, how has the writing been, it has been so long since I've seen you?," Ranboo breaks the silence as we start to drive.
"Yeah, it's going well, the boys are working on getting the EP out, we have done most of it, just need to finalize some stuff," Wil and Ranboo kept talking for a bit while I sort of zone out and just watch the scenery fly past out the window.
While I was watching the houses and the cars go past, turns out I started scratching my arm, something I had found myself doing a fair amount when I don't think or am not focused on something particular. A few more minutes pass before I hear a soft voice pull me back to reality.
"So Y/n, what are you into?" I realise that Ranboo was now trying to talking to me, but had no idea how long he had been trying to. Guilt all of a sudden floods my brain, is he going think I'm rude for ignoring him, I hope he isn't upset. He seems cool.
"Um sorry, I zoned out," I fumble on my words for a second or two longer before finally finding the words I meant to say, "I'm not really sure sorry. I enjoy drawing I guess, and the one book I've read I enjoyed but it was a while ago."
"Oh cool, I think it takes a massive skill to draw, so you must be very talented," I could tell that Ranboo had noticed that I a was scratching my arm before, every now and then he would gaze down to make sure that I was okay.
"Sorry to interrupt, but the other car is having a stop just up here to get food. Apparently not a single one of the can last more than an hour before eating, would you like to stop or keep going and just beat them there and get something to eat when we get to our final destination.
"We may as well stop," Ranboo says. "From what I got from Tubbo, there isn't much up there and knowing the other lot, there are going to be here for like 30 minutes so we will have nothing to do while we are up there."
"Sounds like a plan. Glad someone tells you about this," Wil snarks while adjusting the gps. "How are you going Y/n? You have been quiet for a bit."
"Yeah, I'm fine. Sorry I went quiet, I was just taking in the road, so we are stopping?" I ask trying to focus more on the conversation.
"Yeah, we will probably be at the stop in around 10 minutes, we can get something to eat while we stop," as Wil says this my body instinctively tenses at the thought of having to eat, especially around people I really don't know.
I can see that Ranboo was back on his phone so I hoped that he didn't see me react like that.
Ranboo POV
Something seems up with Y/n, but I can't tell what. I don't want to scare them by just asking upfront, maybe I will talk to Wil later.
After about 15 more minutes of driving we turn into McDonalds on the side of the road where I can already see the others car in the car park.
"There we go, I'm not sure how long we will be stopped for as after all we do still have to record a whole video but Tommy will do Tommy," Wil says opening the door and getting out, so I follow suit and start walking into the restaurant where I see the group in a corner booth messing around. I couldn't help but notice that Y/n didn't get out of the car.
"Mr Boo!" Toby says as I come as sit down.
Wilbur POV
As I got out of the car, I just assumed that Y/n would do the same but they didn't, they just stayed still in the back seat.
"Y/n? Are you okay?" I try and ask but I get no response so I hop into the seat where Ranboo was sitting to her small sobs coming from Y/n in the seat next to me. "It's okay. I'm right here. Niki will be back in a second too, she just needed to do something. You are safe, I promise"
"Wil," Y/n says clearly still struggling to control their breathing. "I don't know if I can."
"Shhh, it's okay. You focus on trying to control your breathing, we can talk later you just need to try and calm down at the moment."
We sit in the car for a few more minutes as I sing softly to try and calm them down and distract them from what every got them worked up in the first place.
"Wil, I don't know if I can eat anything and I think Ranboo say me scratching my arm and tense up when yo said we could get something to eat. What if he thinks I'm weird now, he seems nice and cool but he probably won't want to talk to me," Y/n says in one quick breath.
"Y/n, you don't have to worry about that. I'm sure he understands how stressful this is for you, he is very understanding. When I said that we could get something to eat, I didn't necessarily mean you had to, I wanted to include you in case you wanted something, but you have been so brave will just coming with us today, maybe later we can try something to eat when it is just us and after you can have some time alone," I say trying to make them feel as comfortable as possible. "I can see that your arm is a fairly scratched up, who about we go and clean and wrap that and then I will go and grab something and you can just sit in the car with Niki
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Hello everyone, sorry it has been so long. I really wanted to write for you guys but I was just in a sort of dark spot and was placed into a mental hospital for a bit.
I'm okay I just needed some extra help and that is okay, sometimes everyone needs that little bit of help. It is okay to not be okay all the time.
I have some more parts done that I will release over the next few weeks hopefully.
I am my best friend and why wouldn't I be?Choosing myself is the best thing I've ever done for myself. Not every right decision feels good, not everything that feels good is right. I'd be lying if I said choosing yourself is easy but it's worth it! If anything is, it's that! Because don't you think you've suffered enough? Through out your life, influenced by your environment, you were trained to behave a certain way, to see yourself a certain way but who are you when you take all of that away? The odds of becoming a human being are 400 trillion to one. You were born lucky, don't let it pass you by.Life may be short but the road is long and you have all this power and potential inside of you. You don't have to be defined by your past but you can learn from it. Maybe you were broken by it, so build something new with the pieces. It's not your fault you got hurt but it's your responsibility to heal.The hero you're waiting for to show up, is you. It's simple. You have two options:Choose change even if it feels hard or stay and remain the same.And how cool would it be to one day defy the odds and live the life of your dreams?It's possible, it's out there and it's waiting for you.Waiting for you to start choosing yourself.So go and don't stop until you get there.
Daily reminder: Don't be sorry for making mistakes, life didn't come with instructions
You are amazing and the best you can be so I'm really glad you are you.
Remember that your body isn't paper, so don't cut it,
Remember your face isn't a mask, so don't hide it,
Remember that your size isn't a book, so don't judge it,
And most of all, your life isn't a film, so don't end it
You are beautiful just the way you are, don't ever change from who you are for others <3
I am so FUCKING proud of you, everyone reading this. You are doing great, you may not be feeling 100%, but you are giving 100% of what you do have.
I just want to say thank you. You guys, girls and anything in between are absolutly amazing and I love you.
I hope all of you are having a good day/night/ whatever time it is where you are.
Make sure you eat, drink some water, take your meds (if not already) and get some good sleep.
Even if you just try to eat or drink something, that is all that matters, that you tried.
You are AMAZING and never forget that.
Stay safe and remember that you are loved. ❤❤❤