CHAPTER NINETEEN
butterfly's repose — part two
" 𝖙𝖗𝖞𝖎𝖓𝖌 𝖓𝖊𝖜 𝖙𝖍𝖎𝖓𝖌𝖘. "
𝐓𝐇𝐄 𝐓𝐇𝐈𝐑𝐓𝐘-𝐅𝐈𝐑𝐒𝐓 𝐎𝐅 𝐎𝐂𝐓𝐎𝐁𝐄𝐑 𝐌𝐄𝐀𝐍𝐓 𝐍𝐎𝐓𝐇𝐈𝐍𝐆 𝐓𝐎 𝐒𝐄𝐋𝐄𝐍𝐄. In fact, in her opinion, she believed it should also mean nothing to her peers. It was a stupid holiday, an American tradition, focused on dressing up in stupid outfits as an excuse to stuff your face with sweets. Selene is all for treating oneself with sugary delights but one fateful year, Halloween was ruined for her.
Selene was seven when it happened, and just like every other child in her neighbourhood, she liked the idea of dressing up as a cute witch and going around snagging candy off of everyone she could. But this one year, when she was out with her parents trick or treating, she saw a little Muggle boy dressed up as a werewolf and she was pretty certain that started her downward spiral towards her early-life crisis. No seven-year-old should ever have to go through that and she has since vouched to never celebrate it again. Carving pumpkins was one thing but that was as far as she was willing to go.
When the actual day rolled around and the Great Hall was lit up with an orange glow like it was the most important day of the year with seasonal cakes and flying pumpkins, she wasn't nearly as enthusiastic as her peers around her who were sitting eating their breakfast in costume.
One person Selene was grateful had not dressed up for the entire normal school day was Lily Evans. Selene was happy to know she wasn't the only one walking around in her normal clothes when she bumped into Lily on her way to the library and they decided to walk together.
"Gryffindor's hosting a party tonight, are you going?" Lily asked with a warm, unsuspecting smile looking over at Selene who had now gone very quiet.
Selene couldn't ignore the hopeful look in Lily's eyes when she asked but unfortunately, for both of them, it seemed, Selene didn't have the answer Lily was looking for. "Wasn't invited," she shrugged.
"No, silly," Lily laughed playfully. "It's not an invite party. Everyone just shows up."
This made it ten times harder to try and get out of whatever Lily was planning for the two of them. Nervously, Selene pulled sleeves further down her arms so that they covered half of her hands. "Oh, I don't know."
"What? Come on, Selene, it's Halloween!"
"I was never one for Halloween, to be honest, Lily."
"Well, there's a first for everything!" Lily beamed and she was very convincing, even if Selene knew she had no intention of agreeing to a party, even if everyone was technically invited. "What else would you be doing with your Saturday night? And please don't say homework because not even I would want to do that."
Selene was definitely going to say homework. Wincing, she offered another answer. "Read maybe?"
Lily tilted her head slightly to the side as if to plead come on. She even pouted her lips a little. "Selene."
Selene matched the girl's tone. As far as she was concerned, she was not showing up at any party. Because that wasn't what she did. "Lily."
Lily's shoulders sagged as the girl realised she was running out of begging material and it was becoming increasingly difficult to get Selene to say yes now that she had said no quite a few times. "Please can't we just have some fun once in a while?"
"We?"
The sad truth was, there wasn't a lot of we's in Selene's life. She had her family, which she treasured dearly, but when she came to school and she felt forced to shut herself away, all she really knew was isolation. But now that Lily was referring to the two of them as a we, it made her heart swell a bit.
"Yeah," Lily said as if it was completely normal for the two of them to be associated as a pair. "I'd feel much more comfortable at a party if you were there with me."
"Really?"
"Yes."
Selene could see the genuineness in Lily's eyes as she took a step closer, her features soft around the edges.
Selene surprised herself by considering going. It had its pros, maybe, but it certainly had its cons. A party? With far too much alcohol, a whole bunch of people packed into a too-small area, and much too loud music? It wasn't exactly her scene. And what would she do at a party? She wasn't a regular attendee, so what on Earth did people do at these things?
Then, she supposes, it would be a time to find out, to try new things, and not lock herself away because she thinks that's what she deserves. Selene had hidden from everyone, even herself, because of her condition for far too long. Would it really hurt to give fun a go, for once? To forget that little boy and his attempt at a so-called "scary" costume and let his hold on her finally release?
It would be one night of being a normal teenage girl, doing normal teenage girl things. No transformations or full moons or worrying her classmates would find out about the monster she truly was for this one perfect night. She deserved this.
Selene felt her whole body become lighter just by coming to this decision. "Oh, alright then," she said to Lily, who immediately erupted into victorious applause.
"Yay!" The girl grinned. "Now, for the most important part."
Selene cocked her head to the side dubiously. "Which is?"
Lily looped her arm through Selene's and they began walking down the staircase and towards the outskirts of the castle. "What are you going to dress up as?" The redhead asked enthusiastically.
Selene felt winded. All she wanted was a night of normalcy and now she had to dress up?
Lily watched as Selene hesitated to answer. "You know you have to dress up, right?" She asked, chuckling. "It's tradition."
Selene shrugged. She had never entertained Halloween as a serious holiday and she didn't predict that she was going to start now. "I just thought it was an American thing."
"So are s'mores but I don't think that's ever stopped us," Lily giggled as she pulled Selene through the castle halls and out towards the front entrance.
"I don't really have anything to wear," Selene mumbled, slightly embarrassed because she wasn't just talking about a costume but she also didn't have any party clothes full stop.
"Well that's not going to be a problem at all," Lily nudged the girl as they walked in step towards the carriages. "The library can wait. A little shopping trip should do the trick."
Selene couldn't help but laugh. Lily had a certain aura about her that made anyone who came in close contact feel special and warm inside. Her smile was contagious even as Selene rolled her eyes.
"Okay," Lily laughed again, noticing what she had done, "no pun intended."
✽
𝐉𝐔𝐒𝐓 𝐋𝐈𝐊𝐄 𝐓𝐇𝐄 𝐇𝐎𝐆𝐖𝐀𝐑𝐓𝐒 𝐂𝐀𝐒𝐓𝐋𝐄, 𝐇𝐎𝐆𝐒𝐌𝐄𝐀𝐃𝐄 𝐋𝐎𝐎𝐊𝐄𝐃 𝐏𝐀𝐑𝐓𝐈𝐂𝐔𝐋𝐀𝐑𝐋𝐘 beautiful in Autumn. October specifically brought pumpkins on the doorsteps and Halloween decorations in the windows. Leaves of red and orange and yellow were sprinkled on the outskirts of the pathways, from where they trickled slowly down from their branches. There was a slight chill in the air, but nothing a warm, frothy Butterbeer and some mittens couldn't fix. In fact, with their heads buried in woolly hats and their hands tucked into their coat pockets to fight the Scottish cold, the fresh crisp wind was actually quite lovely.
Selene and Lily had first stopped off for a Butterbeer before looking in a few little shops for costumes for the party. Charity shops, antique shops, and even a couple of boutiques to test their luck. And while nothing had cropped up yet, Lily remained optimistic. And if Lily was optimistic, it often rubbed off on Selene.
Selene had only ever been in Zonko's joke shop once. It was her first time in Hogsmeade and she was determined to give every one of the shops a go. Agatha and Elsie had spent most of their money in Honeydukes but Francesca was convinced every last dime of hers would be spent in the joke shop. She was right but Selene wasn't as enthralled by the prank store. It was far too noisy and so she waited on one of the benches outside until the three girls returned. Fran gave her a haul of everything she had bought Zonko's-related on the way back to the castle.
But this time was a different experience. Lily was sure they would find something to base Selene's costume around in Zonko's and so, with a purpose, Selene pushed open the bright-purple door with optimism.
Inside was a burst of colour. Still just as noisy as she remembered, the shop was filled with life and laughter, shelves stocked with the most random and yet exciting objects. Things whizzing over their heads, and items walking up the spiral stairs by themselves. Students turning different shades of blue and green and cabinets that glowed with who-knows-what. It was the best parts of magic, all tucked away in this topsy-turvy building.
"What are you going for?" Lily asked Selene intrigued as they began their trail around the store. "Scary?"
Selene came to a stop in front of a series of jokey masks, chuckling gauchely at Lily's question because she didn't quite understand. "Why wouldn't I? Aren't Halloween costumes always supposed to be something scary?"
Lily shrugged, browsing through the various items beside Selene. "Some people dress up as characters or celebrities. Others dress up as something scary."
This must have been a new phenomenon since Selene celebrated. Maybe something that changed with age? "Well," she drawled, still unsure as to what she should dress up as seeing as it was now a big deal, "what are you doing?"
Lily pouted her lips in consideration. "Thinking of doing Daphne from Scooby Doo," she said, before fluffing at her long ginger locks. "Cause, you know, the hair?"
Selene nodded in admiration, humming as her hands subconsciously caressed the rack of costumes, lost in thought while she tried to come up with something to dress up as with Lily's information in mind.
"Ooo," Lily cooed, her eyes trained on where Selene's hands had unintentionally grabbed a random mask, "Werewolf! Cool!"
Selene gulped at the word and her own gaze instantly followed to where her hand had indeed naturally grasped the fabric of a plastic mask, depicting a wolf baring its teeth.
It was certainly a Muggle's interpretation of a werewolf; a fleshy snarl, and over-exaggerated fur. Of course, Selene had no idea what she herself looked like in her werewolf form but she hoped it wasn't such an artificial look as the one in her grasp. Much like the one that little boy ten years ago was wearing.
Maybe this was it? Reclaiming what that boy did to her, even if his damage was not intentional. Maybe it would help mask some of the fears she had built up over the years? She didn't know exactly, but something made her hold onto that Werewolf mask. Lily even seemed to like it.
"It's just an idea."
The bell at the front of the store rang out just as Selene slipped the mask into their shared basket, sending the twinkling soundwaves right to where Selene was flipping through the racks of various cloaks and hats.
"Lily Evans! Lovely to see you, as per usual." James Potter's voice also carried itself all the way to her with its recognisable joyousness even if the shop was the busiest one that Selene and Lily had visited that day.
Selene decided to say hello and so followed the sound of Lily's response near the display window at the front of the little shop. "Hello, James," Lily drawled, and Selene watched from behind as she nodded in greeting to the others following in behind James. "Boys."
"Hello, Lily," Selene heard Peter and Sirius chorus.
She didn't notice Remus until she was standing right in front of him, and taking in his look of surprise to also see her here with Lily.
"Selene," he grinned, the initial shock of her presence subsiding.
Selene smiled in response just as James lept right back into the conversation, slinging his arm over Remus' shoulder as he asked, "Are you two girls coming to our annual Halloween party tonight?"
"It's a trick question," Remus whispered to Selene, leaning away from James, "you have to say yes, no matter what."
Selene smirked, her eyes flitting between the two boys (Peter and Sirius had wandered off somewhere once the latter had spotted something of interest at the back of the shop. Their cackles bounced off the walls). "It's a good thing we were going to then, isn't it?"
Remus' look of amazement returned and he stood up a little straighter, fidgeting, taken aback. "Oh, y-you are?"
Selene chuckled at the boy's reaction and nodded politely. "Yes."
Lily then nudged the girl in her side, looking smug. "I'm very persuasive."
After nosing around the store for another fifteen minutes, Lily and Selene were ready to call it quits for the day, bags of goodies in hand. But James must have caught them trying to slip away out of the shop before they could escape.
"How about we all go for a Butterbeer, ey?" He grinned, sliding in the gap between them and the door.
Lily smiled politely back. "Already had one."
"Right then," James replied, looking disappointed that his suggestion hadn't worked. This disappointment slowly morphed into panic as he tried to rapidly come up with another offer before Selene and Lily slipped through his defences.
Remus walked over to them now, just as James' eyes were lighting up with inspiration. "We'll just have to walk you lovely ladies back to the castle then, won't we, Remus?"
Selene looked at Remus to see how he was gauging this whole plan of James'. And while Remus seemed uninspired by James' countless attempts at spending his every waking hour in Lily Evans' company, he still shrugged because it wasn't James' worst idea yet. "It is getting dark?" He pointed out as if to justify why Selene and Lily should accept the boys' company.
Lily glanced at Selene to see what the latter was thinking about this, and when Selene didn't show any kind of objection to the plan, Lily pushed James playfully out the door. "Come on then."
Remus opened the door and stood in front of it, holding out his arm as he waited for Selene to exit the shop. "How's your arm?" He asked, a crinkle forming between his brows.
Nodding gratefully at his gesture of holding the door and for the question (even if the spillage that happened a couple of days before was the very last thing Selene wanted to talk about ever again), Selene waited on the front step of the shop for the boy to follow her out. "Much better, thank you."
Remus smiled, pleased to hear it. And then the two of them fell into lockstep together as they walked over the cobblestone and all the way back to the school grounds. James made sure to stay right by Lily's side while Sirius and Peter led the pack, Selene and Remus strolling along behind.
Giddy from a lovely autumnal day out, Selene was smiling until Lily dragged her all the way to the Gryffindor tower. The four boys went straight in without another word, but Selene stopped dead in her tracks. The idea of dressing up for Halloween may have grown on her since shopping but she wasn't about to break the school rules. "Lily," Selene stopped the girl in her happy step, speaking seriously, "I can't go in there."
"How do you suppose we get ready together?" Lily asked confused. Evidently, the concept of entering another house's common room wasn't a new thing for Lily. "I'm all for school rules, Selene, but everyone does this, it might as well not be a rule."
Still sceptical but trying not to show it for Lily's benefit, Selene grinned, and took her first ever and very confident step, towards the portrait hole. "Well, it seems I'm all for trying new things today."
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