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Have you ever been punched in the chest?
That too by Dwayne 'The Rock' Johnson?!
I would guess it has never happened to you
Neither had I experienced such a thing ...
Until ...
Hia coldly told me that I reminded him of the Annabelle doll.
Why did I ever expect him to compliment me?
Ever burning bright foolish hope ... is all I can blame it on.
We've known each other the whole length of my life and been officially engaged the past three years.
Nowadays, he barely looks at me, and even if he does throw me a glance ... its filled with nothing but barely concealed contempt.
I used to have a crush on him as a teenager.
Which my grandfather perceptively gauged way before I was courageous enough to come out.
In fact, Hia coming out to his parents inspired me to be honest with mine a few months later when I turned 15.
I admire him in every way possible.
His looks were the beginning point of my fascination with him when I hit puberty.
A handsome university sophomore tall fair with a husky deep voice.
He was nothing less than a Disney prince in my eyes, I was completely bowled over.
Then as it is with parents they pointed out all his positive traits, which are many.
So I looked towards him for inspiration.
I still aspire to be just like him some day.
Ambitious, driven, extremely hardworking, a go-getter, cut throat and take no prisoners attitude making a clear path towards the pinnacles of success.
I did my utmost to emulate him, looking to his set blueprint to mould myself, to be a better version of myself.
I paid keen interest in all that he did and in the way he did it.
Due to which...
I didn't even realise when the tiny crush slowly grew in increments and I was in love with the man I so respected and admired.
Hia used to be nice and friendly towards me when I was younger. As one would with a much younger nong. Our age difference always making him treat me as a child even though I was well into my mid teens by then. I didn't mind in the least every interaction made my heart boom and flutter.
He was always available, back then, to lend me a sympathetic ear as well as sound level headed advice when I had arguments with my parents, cheered me up whenever I felt down and even tutored me during my Madhyom years 5 and 6.
But, all of the geniality on his side, that I was building on to further our relationship, came to a screeching halt in the face of my grandpa's sudden decision.
He had an epiphany that ergo to permanently protect his hard earned life-long legacy; Hia and I needed to form a familial legally binding connection.
Any chance of him and I retaining a cordial relationship quickly disappeared like the bubbles in the champagne glasses people held up toasting us on our engagement.
The evening we stood in the middle of the grand ball room of the Mandarin Oriental and he slipped the diamond encrusted titanium ring on my left ring finger was also the last time he graced me with a genuine smile. Not the tight barely there sneer he throws my way when the families gather at opulent venues for some la di da event.
It would be over a year after our engagement was made official that rumours would reach my ears that he had, supposedly, been forced to end a long term relationship; that too with someone he had been together with for years, to fulfill my grandfather's command.
Standing there in the middle of his lavish office chamber. Staring back into his grimacing face, as he sneered at me with a mocking head tilt that I reminded him of the Annabelle doll was when ultimately something inside of me just snapped and shattered.
Maybe it was my patience, perhaps it was my heart but whatever it was, this particular remark for some reason pierced, burnt and stung me.
I had reached the limit of my endurance.
I finally reached an epiphany as well but unlike my grandfather's which led to the joining of families mine was for saving my sanity. The realisation that it would be best to just let him go.
If in these past three years as I have grown and matured he still hasn't found even a single thing about me to like.
There is definitely no hope that it'll change over the next couple of years when we are tentatively supposed to be tying the knot.
"I ... I need ... to end this." I stammered in a hushed whisper when at last I found my voice.
"Pardon", was the snorted response Hia flung my way.
Clearing my throat I replied,
"I said ... it's time to end this painful charade."
"I am breaking our engagement as of this minute." I elaborated.
"You wouldn't dare" he snorted smirk blooming on his face eyes twinkling with amusement.
"Oh I do! I definitely dare to break this toxic ... poisonous ... thing we have going on here with you being an Absolute Raging Asshole every chance you get!" I flung at him as years worth of fury began to rise and find release.
"Wha..." I saw the shock in Hia's eyes as he tried to interrupt.
"Shut Up!" I shouted stunning him into silence.
"Shush... Not another word. Zip it!" I spoke, forcefully pressing a silencing pointer finger against his slightly parted lips.
"There's only so much abuse I can take.!"
"You don't like me that's always been obvious. In fact, you are pretty much apathetic to what I want or feel." my thoughts began to find wings in words flying away at bullet speed.
"I could die right this minute in front of your very eyes and it wouldn't affect you in the least. You hold me responsible for your pain! Whatever it is, when I personally had no hand in it." I vomited out everything that I had been holding in for the past years.
"But I will take responsibility and try to lessen it. I will talk to grandfather and set you free. You can consider our engagement ended"
When he began to try to interrupt again I spoke over him and barrelled on.
"Don't worry I will make sure none of the business deals between our houses are affected even the slightest. I promise you that Khun Gilayn." I finished as my defeat and loss sank in.
Picking up the bag of food containers and my back pack I headed towards the door.
"You will never see me face to face ever again if I can help it. You can breathe easy and concentrate on your work, chase your ambition and erase my existence from your mind. Good Bye! Good Luck! Good Riddance!" I snarled as I opened his office door walking out and shutting it softly after myself.
Despite my boiling rage, which still wasn't spent completely, I didn't give into my urge to slam the door on my way out.
My mother has raised me better than that.
As I stiffly made my way back to the bank of elevators at the end of the office floor his subordinates gave me surreptitious looks, making obvious that my words had permeated the office walls and been heard by them.
The girl I had seen many a times giving me the stink-eye anytime that I came over, smirked at me this time round.
All I could do was keep chanting in my head *Don't cry... Don't cry ... Don't give him ... and them ... the satisfaction.*
I held it together until I was back inside my apartment with the door dead bolted.
A small part of me kept hoping that maybe he might come over to pacify me.
Perhaps even apologise to me.
But that hope died when the eastern skies began to brighten outside my bed room windows, beckoning the new day without Hia by my side any longer.
Slipping off my ring I tucked it into the velvet box it sat in when I was at university attending classes.
I wouldn't put it back on ever again.
Consequences be damned!
*•*•*•*•*
A/N : how was this for getting my feet wet again?
Should I continue and fling myself into this Sea 🌊 or turn back and quietly sit on the shore? 💙 🧡