tw: ed, purging
yoongi stared at the pile of clothes that no longer fit him after organizing his closet.
he felt so ashamed, he was shaking and tears were clouding his vision.
"i feel so fat" he cried into his legs, gripping onto his hair. he wanted to be a skinny teen again with his size 00 jeans, he wanted the XS shirts to feel loose again.
for the first time in a while, he felt that craving again. a nicotine craving.
—
"everyone is doing a great job on their worksheets. we're going to practice a bit more before having a brain break" namjoon said, but his phone began ringing.
he hummed when he saw it was yoongi, yoongi never called when he was at work.
he answered and put it to his ear, his heart racing when he heard yoongi sob.
"j-joonie" the other line cried, "hey yoonie, what's wrong?" he asked, yoongi hiccuped, "e-everything"
namjoon sighed, "yoongi, elaborate. do i need to go home?" namjoon asked, but yoongi had hung up.
namjoon began cursing internally.
—
namjoon
im at work so i can't call
are u busy
are you home
seokjin
mhm
im home
smth wrong???
namjoon
i don't know
go to yoongis
now
please
i'll see if i can find a substitute
seokjin
is he okay?
namjoon
i don't know
he called me crying and i asked what was wrong and he said everything and i told him to elaborate and he hung up
seokjin
thank u i'll go over
—
seokjin opened the door with the copy of the key yoongi had given him.
he heard the boy throwing up, he could only assume the worse. he walked rapidly but quietly.
the bathroom door was open and yoongi was by the toilet bowl, fingers in his mouth.
"yoongi" seokjin spoke, making the boy scream and sob, "h-help" he cried, he was disgusted with himself.
seokjin sat on the ground next to yoongi, "you need to take deep breaths" seokjin softly said, yoongi cried into his legs.
"l-lightheaded" yoongi sniffled, sobbing everything out, seokjin wanted to ask what happened but figured it was to early for yoongi to do that.
"did you eat?" seokjin asked, trying to distract the boy and direct him in a specific way, "no, purged on an empty stomach" yoongi said, seokjin mentally sighed, "we should eat"
yoongi shook his head, "don't wanna" he sniffled, "that's alright" seokjin said, he had a soft approach.
yoongi was still shaking but wasn't crying, "do you want to talk about what happened?" seokjin asked, "no" yoongi mumbled, "that's okay"
yoongi nodded, "are you going to leave?" yoongi asked, "i can't leave you" seokjin said, "sorry, i sounded rude"
seokjin chuckled, "it's alright" he said, yoongi stared at the boy, "you sound like the nurses when i was in the hospital" yoongi said, his tired eyes staring at seokjin's who were making slight eye contact with his.
"is that a compliment?" seokjin asked, yoongi nodded, "they were nice, but i was a bitch to them"
seokjin hummed, "we're taught to approach mental crisis like that" he explained, "how's jungkook?"
seokjin smiled, "good, baby is growing well. i'm really happy" he said, making yoongi smile, "he's really happy"
seokjin nodded, "yeah, we both are. his biggest craving right now are sour patch kids" seokjin said, "those are good"
yoongi felt a bit sleepy, "do you want to tell me what happened?" seokjin asked now that yoongi was calmed down, "felt really bad about my body and i was craving a cigarette"
yoongi frowned, he didn't want seokjin to be disappointed, "it's alright. thank you for telling me yoongi. why were you feeling bad about your body?"
yoongi sighed, "because i used to be so small, XS shirts used to be big on me. i weight almost 150 now.. i feel so horrible" he mumbled, "yoongi, you're not fat, you're pretty thin in that case. men your age and height have to be weighing around 160. you quit nicotine and had 2 kids while being a college student. you were prone to gain weight and that's okay. the weight you gained was for minjun and minji, they're healthy and happy yoongi" the older boy spoke, making yoongi sniffle.
seokjin was right, "y-you're right..i-i think at this p-point it's just ba matter of me accepting and loving my body" he sniffled, "exactly yoongi, your body is perfect"
the younger boy nodded, "minjun is crying" he mumbled, getting up from the bathroom floor.
—
namjoon
is he okay
seokjin
yeah
he's calm now
he made me print calculus worksheets to help him cope
namjoon
💀💀
he's a bit unusual..
seokjin
i know
make sure he eats
if possible, buy him his favorite food
namjoon
what happened
seokjin
not my place to say
he needs to stay hydrated
namjoon
IS HE PREGNANT
seokjin
NO
he's sick???
kinda
anyway
he needs to eat, stay hydrated, and take care of himself
namjoon
ok
thank u seokjin
congrats on the baby btw!
yoongi sent me to get a gift but i keep forgetting
seokjin
thank u and there's no need ☹️
—
"hey baby" namjoon said as he kissed the top of yoongi's head, yoongi was still solving calculus problems.
"hey" yoongi mumbled, very focused on his calculus, "what are you doing?" namjoon asked, ruffling yoongi's hair.
"calculus" yoongi said, "very interesting. have you eaten?" namjoon asked, "pineapple" yoongi lied, namjoon chuckled at the boy's lie.
"you're lying" namjoon said, "why do you say that?" yoongi asked, looking up from the problem he was working on, "we haven't bought pineapple since minji had an allergic reaction"
yoongi felt his heart drop, "i-i mean, i-i ate some mango" yoongi said, "you don't like mango. we hardly buy mango" namjoon said, yoongi grumbled.
he stared back at his paper and ignored the boy. he didn't want to eat, he didn't deserve to eat.
"we're going out for dinner tonight" namjoon said, "why?" yoongi mumbled, namjoon was too stubborn at times, "why not?"
yoongi began cursing under his breath and he started crying, "i-i don't want to eat!" he cried, namjoon pulled the boy close, "oh honey boy, why is that?" he softly asked, "i-i feel so f-fat! XS shirts used to be big on me! i-i" he started crying even more, "i-i felt r-really b-bad about it a-and seokjin caught m-me purging" he whispered, he felt so ashamed.
namjoon felt his heart drop, he felt tears in his eyes, "y-yoonie bear.. purging isn't going to help. your body is perfect in every w-way" namjoon said, oh gosh he wanted to cry.
"a-and the whole d-day, i've been craving a cigarette" yoongi mumbled, namjoon was upset and he hated this. he hated himself.
"that's alright, so proud of you for resisting. i-i'll help you" namjoon said, the waterworks began. tears began flowing without his permission.
he wiped his tears and pulled away, kissing yoongi's forehead, "seokjin was really nice. he sat next to me and calmed me down. he made good points, he said that all the weight i've gained was for minjun and minji"
namjoon nodded, "if minjun would've been any lighter, i don't think he would have made it" namjoon spoke, yoongi nodded, "he was really light. minji was 6 pounds i think" he said, namjoon gasped, "she was big"
yoongi laughed, "yeah" he agreed, leaning on namjoon's shoulder.
"what are you going to do with your clothes that don't fit you?" namjoon asked, "i want to lose weight to fit into them again"
namjoon blinked, "excuse me?" he asked, "i'll lose like 50 pounds" yoongi said, namjoon tilted his head.
"but you can't just lose 50 pounds. you'll be 90 pounds, that's unrealistic and unhealthy. you can't compare your 18 year old body with your current body after having 2 kids and quitting cigarettes" namjoon said, yoongi shrugged, "yes i can"
namjoon sighed, "even if you tried to, i wouldn't let you. for reference, minji is 50 pounds!" namjoon argued, but yoongi kept a straight face, he really didn't care.
namjoon ran his hands through his hair, "whatever, i'm going to take a shower" namjoon sighed, he was angry and upset.
—
namjoon
does yoongi have an eating disorder?
seokjin
i think he got diagnosed with one in like 9th grade or something
he got really better though
that's not proper grammar don't jump me
why do you ask?
namjoon
because he told me about what happened and i asked what he was going to do with his clothes that didn't fit him
and he said he was going to lose him 50 pounds
i told him that would make him around 90 pounds and i told him that was unhealthy and unrealistic and he didn't care
im really frustrated
seokjin
90 pounds?!!?!!
last time he was 90 pounds was like in 10th grade i believe
namjoon
for reference minji weighs around 50
seokjin
yeah okay let me think
he's really only going to get worse from here unless you do something so i would tell him to talk to his therapist
and
literally make him eat one way or another
yoongi won't turn down homemade food if you make it, especially if you add something along the lines of, "i wanted to make it just for you"
and add extra sugar and sauces to things for the calories
namjoon
are
are you telling me to manipulate him
seokjin
IT'S BORDERLINE MANIPULATION IT'S FINE
namjoon
o
ok
i'll try that
thank u
seokjin
np
also
cross out the calories on chips, cereals, etc.
his safe foods are grapes and apples
he'll eat those if not anything else
namjoon
thank u
i'll do more research on it
—
"i'm hungry papa" minji frowned, tugging on namjoon's shirt, "what do you want to eat?" he asked, the little girl hummed.
"chicken nuggets and french fries?" she asked, the boy nodded, "go ask appa what whe wants"
the little girl ran to yoongi and then back to namjoon, "he said he doesn't want anything"
namjoon sighed, "tell him that i said that i didn't ask if he wanted something. i asked to pick what he wants" namjoon said, the girl nodded.
she ran to yoongi and then to namjoon, "he said that if you buy him something, he'll make you sleep on the couch" she giggled, namjoon rolled his eyes and chuckled.
"yoongi-ah, what do you want from mcdonald's?" namjoon asked, "i don't want anything" he said, not looking up from his phone, "i didn't ask you if you wanted something, i asked what you want"
yoongi sighed, "i'm on a diet" he said, namjoon shrugged, "didn't ask. i asked what you want from mcdonald's" namjoon said, "not hungry"
namjoon rolled his eyes, "yoongi, now" he sternly said, the small male groaned, "i don't want anything" he sighed, walking away and locking himself in his room.
"i'll take that as a burger with fries and a soda!"
—
yoongi
namjoon is pissing me off what the hell
seokjin
what is he doing
yoongi
he's insisting on buying me mcdonald's even though i told him not to
seokjin
well u haven't eaten and he's probably worried
yoongi
he shouldn't worry
seokjin
you're literally his boyfriend and father of his kids how do u want him to not worry???
yoongi
so?
seokjin
what do u mean 'so'
u still haven't eaten
jungkook is eating his 4th meal and u haven't eaten ur first
yoongi
so?
he's pregnant
seokjin
AND?! UR A HUMAN WHO NEEDS FOOD WHAT DO YOU MEAN SO
yoongi
both of u are being mean
seokjin
we have done nothing but made sure you're eating
we have every right to be worried about you and your eating habits. i saw you next to the toilet, eyes were criss cross in from how dizzy you were. i have every right to be worried without being called 'mean'
—
yoongi shut off his phone. all he wanted was to starve, was that too much to ask for?
his stomach hurt from the acid of throwing up but he didn't care. it was a good sign.
fuck this, he took a handful of melatonin gummies and shoved them into his mouth. he was tired of this bullshit.
—
"eat here, you can watch your tablet. papa has to talk to appa" namjoon said, the little girl nodded as she ste chicken nuggets.
he saw the boy was asleep and a bunch of melatonin gummiss missing from the bottle.
"yoongi" namjoon spoke, yoongi let out a sleepy groan, "we're having a serious talk once you wake up" he sternly spoke, yoongi didn't answer because he was exhausted.
—
"p-papa!" minjun giggled, flapping his hands as namjoon played with him. namjoon smiled, "you're so cute" he cooed at minjun.
minji walked over to yoongi's room, sitting on the bed and laying next to him.
"appa" she whispered, earning a sleepy hum from the boy, "are you okay?" she asked, yoongi opened his eyes and hummed, "why do you ask?" he mumbled, rubbing his eyes.
"because you and papa arguing" she spoke, "i'm sorry you had to hear that, min. yes, i'm fine" he reassured the small girl, pulling her into a hug.
"are you going to sleep more? joonie said we would go to a nice dessert place if you woke up before 7" she said, "i don't want dessert" he sighed, ruffling the little girl's hair.
"but yummy dessert! i want dessert" she frowned, yoongi felt his heart ache.
he knew he was relapsing, he had no clue what to do and he knew it was already affecting others. he didn't want minji to feel sad because he didn't want dessert.
"appa doesn't want dessert" yoongi said, making the girl frown even harder, "but i do! i'm sad!" she frowned, tears brimming in her eyes.
"i'll think about it" he sighed, "please do" she frowned, he hummed, "okay, i will think about it"
—
namjoon opened the bedroom door, shutting it and locking it. he sat across the boy who was reading a book.
"we need to talk" namjoon said, yoongi looked up, placing his bookmark in the book and closing it, setting it on their night stand.
"i'm listening" yoongi said, so namjoon started, "i'm really worried about your mental health, more specifically your eating habits. 90 pounds is an extremely unrealistic goal and it's not going to come true under my rules. i want you to talk to your therapist about this. i get you feel horrible about your body but you still deserve to eat. you need the nuttients, your body is perfect" namjoon told the boy, "you don't understand joonie! m-my wrists a-arent small enough f-for my middle finger and thumb to touch!" he exclaimed, his hands shaking.
he didn't like being confronted about his eating disorder, "i-i'm aware i-i'm relapsing a-and i don't know what to do" he cried into his shaking hands, namjoon pulled the boy into a hug.
"i-i hate m-my body s-so much" he cried, it hurt namjoon's heart, "love, there's nothing wrong with your body. i love your body. your body has carried both my children and it's doing so much for you every day. appreciate it a bit more yoonie, it needs the fuel" namjoon said, caressing the crying boy's hair.
nothing was said for 5 minutes. only yoongi's cries and sniffles were heard, but namjoon didn't mind and continued whispering sweet things into yoongi's ear.
"i-i'm dizzy" he sniffled, "that's because you haven't eaten and you're crying so much" namjoon said, yoongi cried, "don't wanna eat but i feel sick"
namjoon sighed, "you're relapsing so it is prohibited you skip meals. you will eat 3 meals a day" namjoon said, yoongi didn't protest because he felt his body shutting down.
"stomach hurts.." yoongi mumbled, it felt like it was eating him alive.
"let's go eat" namjoon said, yoongi yawned and nodded.
—
yoongi slowly chewed the kids pasta he had ordered at the restaurant. sure, he got made fun of by minji but his stomach wouldn't handle anything more without him breaking down.
"how's it going love?" namjoon asked, yoongi shrugged and picked at his pasta, "well i'm half way done" yoongi mumbled, "that's good love, eat up. minjun is almost done with his fries"
minjun was eating fries under supervision, his teeth has started growing in and he could somewhat chew.
"yoongi, try this" namjoon said, putting a bit on his pasta in yoongi's mouth.
yoongi felt like throwing up but he chewed it through and hummed, showing a thumbs up, "i'm full" he spoke, "we haven't had dessert, yoongi" he frowned.
"don't wanna, struggling" he sighed, he felt horrible for eating, "that's alright. no dessert for you?" namjoon asked, yoongi shook his head.
namjoon got dessert for him and minji, a small ice cream for minjun so he wouldn't feel left out.
"can i go to the bathroom?" yoongi asked, "no, wait 30 minutes" namjoon said, yoongi groaned, "this sucks"
namjoon shrugged,"this is for your well-being, yoongi" namjoon spoke, yoongi nodded, "i know, seokjin did this too when he lived with me for a while"
—
"seokjin, can you help me put socks on? my mom said my bare feet shouldn't touch the ground" jungkook said, "jungkook, you can put on your socks. you're not even 3 months in" the oldest said as he typed away on his computer.
jungkook frowned, "everything hurts, my back hurts a lot" jungkook mumbled, he wanted to cry.
jungkook was doing everything to protect his baby. he was scared and terrified he would miscarry after having such a hard time conceiving.
seokjin helped the boy put on some fuzzy socks and typed his essay. the bunny boy smiled.
"thank you" jungkook said, "no problem, jungkookie" seokjin said, jungkook laid his head on the boy's side.
jungkook craved a lot more physical touch now that he was pregnant but wasn't able to receive it from how busy seokjin was.
"i'm really tired" jungkook said, seokjin hummed, "head to bed" he said, that wasn't exactly the response jungkook wanted.
"will you cuddle me?" jungkook asked, seokjin nodded, "i'll be in bed before 11, get settled down and i'll be there in like 30 minutes" seokjin reassured, jungkook smiled brightly, rubbing his bump.
"thank you!"
—
as jungkook guessed, the boy didn't keep his promise. it was 1:30am and there was no sign of seokjin heading to bed.
'he's cheating on you because you're fat and ugly'
jungkook gasped at his own thought. he held his baby bump and sighed, rubbing it in circles.
—
jungkook
hello
r u awake
yoongi
yes 👍
watching a movie with joon
wassup
jungkook
oh
idk just feeling a bit sad
yoongi
why's that
smth happen?
jungkook
i got settled in bed at 10:30 or so and seokjin was working on an essay
he said he'd be in bed by 11
it's 1:30👍
then this thought popped in my mind that he's prob cheating on me because im getting fat and ugly 👍🤣🤣🤣
im really needy for physical affection since i got pregnant and i literally am crying in our closet.
yoongi
oh jungkook:( he probably lost track of time but that's not an excuse. he's not cheating on you, he's really worked up because of tests and things, i promise he's not cheating on you. you're not fat or ugly, you're creating life jungkook.
jungkook
idk just
don't wanna be here
i feel like im over exaggerating 🤣🤣👍👍🤣🤣👍🤣👍👍👍🤣🤣🤣
gosh i hate this sm 🤣🤣🤣👍👍🤣🤣
yoongi
you're not over exaggerating, talk to seokjin please.
jungkook
don't wanna bother him
have a good night
yoongi
thank u, u too
jungkook
please don't tell seokjin about this
yoongi
sounds good
—
"done" seokjin mumbled as he closed his laptop, 2:30am, oh shit.
he sped walk to their bedroom, seeing the boy wasn't on their bed, "kook, where are you?"
he didn't receive an answer, oh shit fuck he was in trouble. he opened the closet foor and saw the boy was laying there with a stuffed animal close to him.
"bunny?" seokjin asked, jungkook groaned, "go away" he mumbled, "let's get to bed" seokjin said, jungkook stared at him.
"gonna sleep here" jungkook mumbled, "c'mon bunny. this is not good for you"
seokjin sighed, "did i do something wrong?" he mumbled, jungkook slowly nodded, "goodnight" jungkook said.
seokjin fucking hated himself..he really didn't mean to ignore jungkook for his school work. he wanted to cry so hard.
"i'm sorry. i really am. i don't mean to ignore you because of my school w-work. i-i can't d-dissapoint my parents. t-they're paying for it" he sniffled, "if you want to sleep here, that's fine"
jungkook nodded, he was too tired to deal with this right now. but all his sleepiness went away when he heard seokjin cry, he knew the boy was trying to be secretive but he was horrible at it. he got up from the ground and went to comfort his lover.
—
"i don't deserve comfort, i'm in the wrong" seokjin mumbled, "you do" the pregnant one reassured.
"no i don't. don't drill it in my head, head to bed. you can cuddle me now" seokjin said, jungkook sighed.
"i don't like arguing" jungkook mumbled, "i don't either" seokjin whispered.
jungkook sighed, sitting up and running his hands through his dark hair. seokjin could tell jungkook was stressed.
"i'm sorry. please just rest. don't stress, everything will be fine" seokjin reassured, "i'm trying" jungkook mumbled.
seokjin felt horrible. he was going to make it up one way or another.
—
this chapter is longgg lmaooo. stay safe and healthy! drink water and eat some food! sorry for any mistakes, i love you all! qotd: how will seokjin make up?