The entire family was sitting in the living room watching a movie when my mom questioned. "Anything you want to tell me?"
"What?" I turned to look at her, confused. What could she be talking about?
"Are you okay? You're shaking."
"Huh? Yeah, I'm fine. It's just me trying to calm down after studying." I could feel my hands shaking as I brought them together. I've realised recently I find myself shaking when I'm not doing anything. Maybe it's just my body taking a very long time to calm down after studying when I'm stressed. Was I stressed? Or was I more scared? Are those the same thing? Why is my heart beating so fast? Shit, you got to stop thinking Y/N!
Even when I was trying to sleep, I was still trembling. Okay, maybe I was studying too hard? Was I? Did that even count as studying? Or was I just wasting my time? STOP Y/N. Go to sleep!
I mentally punched myself.
I managed to sleep throughout the night to go through another day of online school.
It's amazing how one's heart can beat so fast so suddenly, I tried taking deep breaths to calm myself down, but I felt as if someone was sapping energy out of me. I tried drinking gulps of water but it was not working. I barely had energy to prop myself and stumbled my way to where mom was.
"M-mom..." I said as I opened her door.
"Y/N!" She was shocked to see the state I was in.
"C-can you h-hold me...?" Even before I finished my sentence, she was already at my side guiding me to her bed. I tried gripping onto her sleeves, but all energy had already left me as I fell limp into her arms.
I must have gained consciousness very quickly as mom was carrying me down, presumably to her car. "Stop." I spoke in a whisper. She must have heard me despite her panic state as she looked down at me.
"Y/N!" She changed her destination to the nearest couch to set me down. I was definitely feeling better, still shaking and lacking energy but at least I didn't feel like I was going to faint. "What happened?" She asked as she tucked a strand of hair behind my ears.
"I just... suddenly the energy left me." I placed my hands on my lap, too tired to move them.
"Did you eat anything this morning?" I nodded.
"I know you just brought me down but can you bring me back to bed?"
"Of course sweetheart..." She placed both hands under my thighs and carried me back up again like a baby. I clung onto my mom's arm as she tucked me into bed. "You want me to stay?" I nodded. "Okay..." She lifted the covers and got into bed with me. I love hugging my mom to sleep and especially when I'm not feeling well.
"Rest well. Love you." Mom kissed my forehead.
"Love you too."
"Don't faint again. I can't bear to lose you." But I was already asleep in my safe place.
Written on 30 Oct 2021
Posted on 17 March 2022
The shallow breathing I had when I was in Primary sch, shaking randomly stayed with me, adding the time I fainted and almost knocking my tooth out. A 3-way mix.