Four days later, and Carina was having a hard time. Maya's lungs weren't getting better. They were cloudy, and she had to be put in the prone position which they did with patients who were very sick to help their lungs more after she maxed her vent settings. Luckily, that had done the trick, at least for the moment, and Maya's oxygen was back to normal.
Carina hadn't gone home since Maya had gone back to the hotel since Maya had been admitted, instead sleeping in her office just in case something happened.
On the afternoon of the fourth day, as Carina was leaving Maya's room, Teddy and Meredith walked up to her.
"Hey, can we talk?" Teddy said, "Maybe outside?"
Carina nodded, feeling her heartrate increase as they walked.
"What do you want to talk about?" Carina asked as found their way to the doctor's tent that had become their lounge.
"Well, Maya's latest x-rays are not showing any improvement," Meredith said as gently as she could, "And it might be time to..."
"No," Carina said, tears filling her eyes immediately, "No, it's not time. It's not her time. We... we just got started. She has so much more to... no. I am not ready to take her off life support."
"Ok," Teddy said, putting a hand on Carina's back, "Ok. We won't. Not yet."
"Is... is there a chance she will get better?" Carina asked, her chest tight as she asked.
"We don't know," Meredith said, "With her lungs like they are now, some patients get better and some don't. But if she starts to decompensate again, we are just about out of options to help her. She is maxed out on all her meds and her settings."
"Is she... does she still have brain function?" Carina asked, almost not wanting to know the answer.
"From Amelia's assessments, yes," Teddy said, nodding, "Her brain is functioning normally."
"Then we leave her on the vent," Carina said, taking the tissue Teddy offered her, "Give her time to heal."
"Alright," Meredith nodded, "We just wanted you to know where we were, to have a full picture as her medical POA."
"Grazie," Carina nodded, trying to keep herself calm, "I...um...I need to go for a walk right now."
Meredith nodded as Teddy stood, going with her.
"Carina," Teddy said, catching up with her, "Hey, are you ok?"
"Am I...no," Carina said, tears filling her eyes and running down her cheeks quickly, "How...would you be ok if it were Owen? Teddy, she is the love of my life. The woman who has made me want to settle down and commit for the first time in my entire life. She makes my life brighter and even though she thinks she is dark and messy, she is the sunshine in my day. I cannot lose her. I just...I can't..."
And with that, Carina broke down, literally sitting down on the grass, head to her knees, sobbing. Teddy sat down next to her, just rubbing her back.
"We are going to do everything we can," Teddy said, "We are doing everything."
"And yet we just had a conversation about if we should keep her on the vent with no options if she gets worse," Carina spat angrily, immediately regretting her tone, "Sorry."
"It's ok," Teddy said, shaking her head.
The two of them sat there for a long time, Carina just crying, letting out the emotions she had been trying to keep in check for the past few days.
"Why don't you go home?" Teddy said, "Get some real sleep in a real bed and eat a good meal."
"Vic and Andy are doing a deep clean of the apartment today," Carina said, wiping her eyes, "So I can't actually go home until tomorrow."
"Don't you have a room at the hotel?" Teddy asked.
"I checked out when Maya went on the vent," Carina said, shaking her head, "I'll be fine here for one more night. Besides, I don't think I could go home and talk to Vic about this."
"When was your last test?" Teddy asked.
"This morning," Carina said, confused.
"You are going to go crash at my place," Teddy said, "Evelyn got brave and took both kids for a few days so it's quiet. You need to sleep, to get away from all of this. It will help you feel better."
"I...ok," Carina agreed, knowing Teddy was right.
"Good," Teddy said, "I'm off shift as of... ten minutes ago so I just need to go talk to your brother who is taking over my floor and then we can go. Go grab what you need and meet me back at the tent."
Carina nodded, Teddy helping her up.
Within an hour, they were both at Teddy's house.
"Ok, first, real food," Teddy said after they had both showered and done their full post-shift routine, "Owen's mom made soup for us. Want some?"
"Sure," Carina nodded, "What can I do?"
"Go sit down on the couch," Teddy said, "I literally just have to put this in a pot and heat it up. Go relax."
Carina nodded, sitting down on the couch. Once food was eaten, Carina all but fell asleep on the couch, Teddy pushing her to bed.
"If you need anything, my room is right here," Teddy said, pointing to a door down the hall.
"Thank you Teddy," Carina nodded, going into the guest room.
She was anxious and wound up, despite being exhausted and it took her over an hour to finally fall asleep.
When she did, her dreams started nice, ones of her and Maya in Italy, something she dreamed of often, and other memories.
However, soon, the dreams shifted, ones of Maya dying in a fire and of her choking to death in her sleep.
Carina woke up, heart racing as she looked around, finding that she had been asleep close to 5 hours. She groaned, getting up and wandering into the kitchen, getting a glass of water before going back to the guest room.
She grabbed her phone, texting Meredith to see how Maya was. Mer texted her back, telling her everything was still the same.
Carina leaned back on her pillows, just trying to relax. She put on some music, tears filling her eyes as she listened. This was the playlist she and Maya listened to when they cooked together or on their spontaneous drives they had started taking just to get out of the house recently.
She wanted more of that. More teaching Maya how to make Italian dishes that the blonde couldn't pronounce no matter how hard she tried, more drives either to nowhere or to vacations when it was safe again. She just wanted more of all of it. She needed Maya. She did not spend her entire life thinking she was someone who would never be in a long-term relationship, have her mind changed by the complex, amazing, challenging, lovely blonde woman she could now envision growing old with only to have her ripped away by virus she contracted saving someone's life. This was not what their story was supposed to be, and yet Carina was terrified that that is exactly what it was going to be.
She cried for a long time, praying to whatever higher power was up there to spare Maya's life, to let her live.
She must have cried herself to sleep because the next time she woke up, sunlight was streaming through the window.
She got up, going out to find Teddy and Owen both in the kitchen because while the two were no longer together, for the sake of their children, living together made the most sense right now.
"Hey," Teddy said, smiling at her, "You slept a long time."
"I was awake for a few hours in the middle of the night," Carina said, accepting a mug of coffee from Owen, not quite enjoying it, but needing the caffeine, "I need to get back to the hospital."
Just then, Carina's phone rang. Her heart dropped when she saw it was Meredith, setting her coffee cup down as she shakily answered the phone.
"Hello," she said, trying not to burst into tears.
"Carina, hey," Meredith said, her voice sounding chipper, "How are you?"
"How is Maya?" Carina asked, knowing there was no reason Meredith would be calling other than that.
"That's why I called," Meredith said, "I am almost off shift, but I grabbed another chest x-ray on her, and Carina, her lungs are starting to clear. It's not a ton, but the scans today look better than yesterday, and we were able to reduce the vent setting a little too."
"Really?" Carina asked, tears filling her eyes.
"Yep," Meredith said, "And you know progress isn't always linear, but she is starting to improve for the first time since she got here."
"Grazie Meredith," Carina said, sniffling a little, "I will probably come by to see her later today."
"Sounds good," Meredith said, hanging up.
"So?" Teddy said, looking at her friend.
"Her x-rays are improving," Carina said, a smile breaking out on her face, "And her vent setting are down a little. She's getting better."
"Oh Carina," Teddy said, smiling, "That is great news."
"Congratulations Carina," Owen said, also smiling.
For all of them, it was a big deal to have any COVID ICU patient improve, but Maya was an even bigger deal.
The next few days saw Maya's lung function continue to improve. It made Carina so happy every morning she checked on her, and her vent settings were lower than the day before. There was a slight hiccup day 6 of her intubation where she did not do well with the vent setting reduction, but she made up for it the next day.
Carina had moved back home with Vic, the young firefighter already back at work, feeling almost back to normal except that her sense of taste and smell were still completely absent.
Andy, who had gone back home to Robert when their quarantine was up, was still off because unlike Vic, she was stuck with post-covid syndrome that had her so exhausted that if she made breakfast, she would nap for three hours just to recover.
One afternoon, nine long days after Maya had been intubated, Carina was in her office, working on charts when she got a page from Maggie who had Maya that day. Carina jumped up, sprinting to the COVID unit. She knew Maya had been getting better but also knew that things could turn so quickly. She got there, Maggie waiting for her.
"What's going on?" Carina asked, a little out of breath.
"She's asking for you," Maggie smiled.
"Cosa?" Carina said, confused, "But..."
"We pulled the vent about five minutes ago," Maggie said, gesturing toward Maya's room, "We didn't want to tell you in case it didn't work, but we started room air trials last night and she did really well. By this morning, she was breathing over the vent 100% of the time so we pulled the tube. We were going to have you here when she woke up, but the sedation wore off a lot faster than we anticipated."
"Runner's metabolism," Carina nodded, knowing Maya burned calories faster than anyone she knew.
She quickly made her way into Maya's room, smile filling her face when she saw her girlfriend sitting up, only oxygen on her face.
"Hi Bambina," Carina said, going to her side.
"Hey Car," Maya said, voice raspy from having a tube in her throat for so long.
Carina went over to Maya, wrapping her arms around her in a tight hug.
"I fought," Maya said as Carina pulled away.
"Huh?" Carina asked, sitting down as she grabbed Maya's hand.
"You asked me to fight," Maya said, coughing harshly, Carina grabbing her water, helping Maya take a sip.
"I did," Carina nodded, tears filling her eyes, "Thank you for listening."
"I love you," Maya said, smiling at her.
"I love you too," Carina said, holding her hand, "Thank you for coming back to me."
"I could never leave you," Maya rasped, "You're stuck with me."
"I have never been happier to be stuck with someone in my life," Carina said, squeezing Maya's hand tightly, finally knowing that the worst was behind them.
"Are you up for calling your team?" Carina asked after a little while of the two of them just sitting there together.
"Yeah," Maya said, nodding, "I'm pretty tired, but I need to see them."
"And they you," Carina nodded, grabbing the tablet.
She quickly called Vic, hoping the shift was at the station and not on a call.
"Hello," Vic said, answering from what looked like the beanery, "What's... Oh my god... You're awake?"
"Hey," Maya rasped out, smiling a little.
"Guys," Vic called, going over to the table, flipping her phone around.
"Maya" and "Captain" and "Bishop" could be heard around the table, everyone smiling and high fiving when they saw her awake.
"Hey guys," Maya said.
"God, Maya, you had us all really scared there for a while," Jack said, shaking his head.
"You didn't think you were going to get a new captain that easily did you?" Maya joked, coughing a little, earning a few smiles but mostly just nervous looks, "I'm good guys. Dr. Pierce said my lungs are better than when I got here, my COVID test this morning was negative, and I feel better. I'm going to be back kicking your asses soon."
"Good," Ben said as everyone else nodded, "I would have my ass kicked every day if it meant you were here to do it."
After a few more minutes of talking, Carina could see Maya was starting to fade, exhaustion overcoming her weak body.
"Ok," Carina said, "We are going to go so your captain can get some sleep. Ciao."
"Bye," everyone called as Maya smiled at them one last time before Carina hung up.
"Where was Andy?" Maya asked sleepily before her eyes shot open, "Wait, she's not here right?"
"No Bambina," Carina soothed, getting her to relax again, "She has post-covid syndrome which basically means her body is struggling to recover from the virus. There are many things that can happen, but for Andy, she is exhausted and spiking random fevers. It will go eventually, and she is not contagious, but she cannot work yet."
Maya nodded, eyes closing as she was able to relax knowing her best friend was ok.
"Sleep Bambina," carina said, gently stroking her hair, "I will be right here."
Maya nodded, holding tightly to Carina's hand as she fell asleep.
Carina just sat there, watching as Maya's own body, and not a machine, moved her chest up and down in even breaths, though there was still a little wheezing she could hear and Maya would cough in her sleep every so often, but she was doing so much better.
For the first time in over two weeks, now that her girlfriend was breathing on her own and getting better, Carina felt like she too could finally breathe.
She knew that the road to complete recovery was probably going to be long and probably incredibly frustrating to Maya who was used to pushing her body beyond normal human limits. However, Carina was ready to for whatever her girlfriend's recovery was going to look like because it was another part of their journey together, and that was all Carina cared about.