Sunghoon's eyes squinted in worry as Heeseung sat down onto the grass below him slowly, wincing along the way.
"You should have said you were feeling bad."
"I'm always feel bad Jay."
Heeseung's voice was sharp. It was snappy and almost mean. But for the most part, it just sounded annoyed and tired.
Sunghoon had seen him like this before. But not as severe. He never was negative about it, or harsh with his words to others. But he got headaches often and took lots of breaks while walking due to his legs giving him difficulties often with how much they all walked. But right now he was pale and his eyes were dull with dark circles under them, he kept swallowing hard and shutting his eyes tightly in pain. And there was a light red tint to his nose and cheeks that look like he had been rubbing at the portion of his face for a while or something along within the sorts.
"You know what I mean."
"I know you know. Can we- can you just get the medicine out of my bag so we can get back to walking."
Heeseung's hands grabbed at his shins and his jaw clench. He looked like he was seconds away from passing out or throwing up. Or both.
Honestly, Sunghoon knew something was a little off since this morning when they first woke up, and he stayed painfully still on the blanket he slept on, staring at the ground blankly, sighing a few times before getting up while rubbing his shoulders. But that was only one or two hours ago, and Heeseung always felt better after walking around for a bit. But of course, he was trailing behind them while hiking, not rushing ahead like he always did. His footsteps sounded different too, and every time he'd look back his legs wouldn't be extended out the way they normally did when he walked. He was almost limping.
"No. We're stopping for the day. You're obviously on the brink of a flare-up. Or you have been doing too much recently or had too much sunlight. Let's just set up here and take a rest day."
"Jay! We can't do th-"
"Yes, we can! We've been going hard for almost four weeks straight now and we are way ahead of schedule."
"But we are almost to Hanbins!"
"Hanbin can wait. Your Grandma joints can't."
Heeseung groaned and rolled his eyes, letting his head fall back to the ground behind him. His hands went up to his forehead and it looked like he was stressing out a lot. Which he never did. Or at least he didn't appear to be. He kept swallowing, shown by his Adam apple going up and down, but Sunghoon couldn't see his face because of the hands covering it.
"Jay, please. Can't we jus-"
Sunghoon's spine chilled. The boy's voice was suddenly cracking and wavering in volume, and his fingers were shaking against his cheeks. He could even see shaking in his arms like he was having a hard time keeping them up.
He looked to Jake, confusion present, silently asking if he knew why he was suddenly getting emotional, but all he got was a sympathetic pat on the shoulder. He didn't look as worried as Jay did, but he still could see the small crease of his brow that usually wasn't there.
"I'll go set up the tent." He mumbled, trying to use a cheerful voice to lighten the mood.
He always tried to make the people around him happy. That was the first thing Sunghoon noticed about him.
He stood there. He didn't exactly know what to do. A small argument was now erupting between the two boys that were always light-hearted and fun with each other. And one of them look like a walking zombie and was started to get emotional and completely opposite from his usual character. Everything was off and crooked.
"Hyung!"
Sunghoon jumped. It might have even been considered a flinch to some, because Jay was being maybe a little too loud. He sounded like Sunghoon's dad when he got to into political discussions with his mom, and it was making him nervous. Seeing him use that tone of voice with Heeseung made him feel like they were all in a room made of glass that was about to shatter under the sound waves of his voice.
He didn't like it when they were serious.
He awkwardly pulled at his earlobe and then rubbed his arms, looking over to see Jake working on the tent, but obviously getting distracted by what was going on. Of course, he was, he's Jake. Jake always looked after them, so of course, he'd be watching closely.
That's when a small sob left Heeseung. His hands moved from his face and his eyes were closed, lower lip stuck out and trembling.
"Sorry." He cried.
Sunghoon stepped forward, thinking he needed to get between them and stop the conversation. So did Jake even, but Jay held a hand up mumbled "I got it" and kneeled down beside the boy and pushed him back into a sitting position again, then rubbed his back up and down, patting it a few times, letting him lean into his body limply.
It looked like they'd been in the position a thousand times before. Like it was engraved into their muscle memory. Especially by how Heeseung lifted one arm up for Jay's hand to go around his middle before he even started the movement.
It was odd. Cause he hadn't really seen Heeseung be anything but excited and happy before. Even when he wasn't feeling all that great. Even though he said he felt tired most of the time (he mentioned it in passing once). But now he kept mumbling out slurred apologies, letting Jay tell him he was being stupid and that he should be the one apologizing. Even if Heeseung apparently was hyper worried about how he was forcing them all the not be able to hike today.
"Sunghoon can you get the water bottle out of my bag and the pill bottle next to it please?"
"Yea."
Sunghoon wanted Heeseung to get better as soon as physically possible. But right before he turned his feet in the direction of the said bag, he felt his stomach lurch into the ground with pain. Not physical pain. But like his soul had been completely ripped from its essence. He had made the mistake of looking directly and into the red puffy eyes spilling out tears. But they weren't Heeseung's. Well, they were. But they looked like they belonged to someone else. And it must have been his mind playing tricks on him, cause it was like his skin got dark for a second. Like a sudden rush of melanin reached his cheeks then left instantly like it hadn't been there.
"Hoon?"
"Oh sorry."
He was snapped back into reality. But things seemed weird. He didn't seem like he fit into his body. It didn't make sense. Like his idea of himself became completely screwed and he didn't recognize his hands that reached into the bag and enclosed around a white bottle filled with the rattling of pills. Even his thoughts didn't seem right. They seemed jumbled and unclear like he was having a hard time understanding his own native language. The ground looked weird too, something about it seemed unfamiliar and uncomfortable, even though it was just grass and he had seen grass a million times before.
He sat beside the two handing Jay the two items, legs folded underneath him. Why did he feel uncomfortable and not in the right skin anymore? The slim wrists that belong to him just didn't quite click right in his head. Heeseung wasn't either, it was like he was going in out of focus. And the way he looked just didn't match with what his brain remembered him looked like.
"What's wrong?" He asked.
His voice sounded weird too. Why was it so... high? He swears he remembers it be lower and louder than this.
"Head hurts." Heeseung sniffled, catching his breath as Jay's hand cradled the back of his head and guided him to drink water. "I can drink water on my own ya know? Angry bird."
"Yeah, whatever."
The two were obviously back to their original state. But Sunghoon was still puzzled. How could the oldest of the four look so bad from just a simple headache?
"That's it?"
"And my muscles are sore and feel week. Feels hot."
Sunghoom paused and looked him up and down. He was looking more normal again. But something still didn't feel right. At least it was more normal in a way that it didn't make Sunghoon feel like he was looking at a mirrored version of him with a filter that distorted his features anymore. And it was slowly getting better the more Heeseung calmed down.
He was wearing a long-sleeve zip-up jacket, shorts, and a dull green beanie Jake bought for him last week. His skin was shimmery like he was sweating, but he was shivering like he was cold.
"Here."
Sunghoon came closer to him, feeling Jay watch him like he was ready to hit him with a stick if he did something that could harm him, and pulled at the zipper of his jacket, so it would open up, and he let Heeseung limply drag his arms out the sleeves with his help.
It was strange and unsettling. He seemed exhausted, but he had just woke up after a good night's rest two hours ago. It could just be the headache though? He didn't know, he rarely got headaches other than when he was sick, so he didn't have much to go from.
He then lightly tugged at the beanie until it slipped off and Heeseung whined, taking it from him so he could bunch the material in his hands while frowning.
"Hyung your hair."
"I know. I know. I keep stressing, that's why."
"Then stop stressing. You're perfectly fine. You're just going to make your body mad at you and you'll lose more."
"Okay..."
Sunghoon looked at the mess of hair on his head. It was flattened from how long it had been in the beanie. He didn't think it was bad actually. It looked quite normal to him. Sure it was slightly thin, especially for someone who is Asian. But by Jay's reaction, it obviously was thinner than the last time he'd seen it. And he couldn't stop but ponder on why Heeseung said he was stressing. He didn't know he stressed himself to that point. He felt like Heeseung was overwhelmed emotionally and physically right now though, so he didn't ask why. But he still made a mental note to do it in the future. He kept putting off asking. He wanted to ask why he took medicine in the mornings, and why he wears that medical bracelet he had noticed when they went skating a few days ago, but he always felt it was a weird time to bring it up to him. Especially since it might be an awkward subject.
Sunghoon had a hard time speaking up. He was so used to be quiet and having no one to talk to other than Sunoo and Jungwon that he sometimes (most of the time) had a hard time starting his own conversation. His mind always worried about when and when not to bring something up, or to ask a question. Much less even talk about himself freely. Plus he didn't see the point in that bit.
But of course, he was there when Heeseung's medicine kicked in and he was feeling slightly better and more mentally clear and less clouded a few hours later, sat beside him in the shade of the tent, Jake and Jay outside. He was there to hear him mumble about how Jay annoyed him and was 'stupidly cuddly" whenever he didn't feel well, even though he was the one who obviously wanted the several hugs Jay gave him after they settled down from the dramatic events of him nearly passing out in the middle of nowhere and crying out apologies. And like he wasn't the one that held both his and Jake's hand at all hours of the day because it made him feel 'bubbly'.
Heeseung was weird. He obviously cared about Jay, but his way of showing it was by starting comedic fights between them all the time. It was an odd but entertaining dynamic. Sunghoon enjoyed witnessing it, but he never understood why it was necessary.
"You don't tell people about the conversation you have with others, right?"
"Not usually, no."
Heeseung they scoffed, probably at himself from what he was about to let leave his lips.
"I think Jay would make a good boyfriend, don't you think?"
"...What?" Sunghoon said, given him a weird gaze.
"Not to me of course! No, he is a complete idiot. I'd rather stick my hand in an angry squirrel's acorn stash than let him kiss me. But like, if he found a girl he liked I feel like he would treat her right. Preferably a girl that is very healthy and athletic and agreed with his thinking on why God isn't an extraterrestrial.... ya know?"
Sunghoon looked at him like he had two heads. Heeseung really was bizarre and had a completely different set of the wiring going up there than most people
"I... guess so?"
"...what about you?"
"What about me?"
"Would you make a good boyfriend? Like would you treat your lady right?"
"I don't even know if I like ladies. I've only found interest in guys so far. But maybe?"
Heeseung snapped his head over to him, then gasped and clapped while laughing. "So you do like guys! Jake owes me and Ni-ki five dollars! Ha!"
Sunghoon didn't know whether to be offended or to be amused.
They seriously bet over his sexual preference... But why? He didn't think they paid that much attention to him much less who he fancies. And he could get Ni-ki, the guy had apparently bet on Soobin and Yeonjun getting together back before they started dating. But Jake... Jake, he didn't get it.
He didn't seem like the type of person to make bets at all. He seems too sweet? Not that bets were mean or anything, but putting money on what someone found attractive was a bit... superficial? And Jake always looked under the surface of things. He always dug deeper into the meaning of song lyrics or movie plots, and he always made sure to look at the other side of the story when Jay would complain about something from high school. So putting money on something like that... it hurt Sunghoon's head.
Why in the hell would Jake bet on his sexuality?