Jungkook
I wasn't going to leave it without fixing the damage I caused. I wasn't going to give up on the only thing without which my life had no point. And I wasn't going to give up because we loved each other. Despite everything, we still loved each other, and no strength in the world could break it.
That one day with Jimin and Yoongi made me realize just how pointless everything was without love, and one conversation with Yoongi made me realize that I was only going to give up on us if she stopped loving me. As long as there was love, and I knew there was, I was going to keep walking.
I made mistakes I had yet to forgive myself for, but mistakes could either break us, or make us stronger. Make me better. Why would I let go, if I had the power to fix something worth fighting for?
My phone rang that morning, and I almost tripped. I was still foolishly hoping someone would call me after two weeks to tell me that they lied to me and Eunbi was actually with them. But when the screen displayed "Paul", my rush of excitement evaporated. Paul didn't even know Eunbi, so I had literally zero chances of hearing some good news from him.
"Yeah? Hello?"
"Jungkook! Glad you picked up!" He smiled into the phone. "I have a great offer for you!"
"Really? What is it?" I asked, forcing some curiosity into my voice, but I knew I wasn't going to like it.
"How about a world tour?"
"W-world tour? What?"
"Look, we would travel around the world. You'd put up a show in a few places, teach some kids, take some pictures, talk about your fights-"
"Listen, Paul." I didn't need to hear more to know the answer. "I'm sure it would be fun, but... but I won't do it. And... thanks for your time and effort, but... I won't be training for a while now. I'm taking a break. I don't know when I'd be coming back to boxing. I'll work out some contact termination soon. Have a good day."
I wasn't going to change my mind. I was going to take a step back. I was going to find Eunbi, and, if she'd agree to take me back, give her everything I had. I couldn't let go of her, but I couldn't go back to how it was, either. Everything needed to improve. She deserved better than what I showed in the previous two months. I wasn't going to let them overpower our five years together.
But for that I needed to know where she was... I understood why she was staying away from me, but having no opportunity to explain anything to her was suffocating.
Yoongi: that little monster wants to see you
Jungkook: only Sarang? :(
Yoongi: yes
Yoongi: now come over
Jungkook: only when you say you want me to
Yoongi: yes, Jungkook, I dream of having you around
Spending time with someone, anyone, distracted me well, giving me a couple hours away from my phone. My speech for Eunbi was ready, and I was ready to have this conversation, but it was still pending, for as long as she distanced herself.
I was myself again. The part of me I overshadowed with money was back, well aware of my mistakes. And without a loud chase after the meaningless, days without Eunbi were a bit too cold.
A bag of snacks for Sarang accompanied me, but I arrived to a strangely quiet house.
"It's me!" I closed the door, slipping my shoes off as something rustled in the living room. With a chest heavy from uncertainty, I walked further in to have my heart take a break from working.
Because instead of Yoongi, Sora and Sarang, I was met with Yoongi, Jimin and Eunbi. Eunbi tried to run away, which was a bit disheartening, but Yoongi held her in one spot.
"What have you done?" she snapped at him, and I couldn't point out one feeling going through my body. My heart fluttering at the sound of her voice, my stomach twitching because she didn't want to see me, or maybe how my legs could barely hold me up.
"I am tired of you," Yoongi said, eyes wide, angry, and moved back. "I am tired of both of you whining to me!" He turned to Eunbi. "Stop hiding after jumping into conclusions that aren't even true!" Then to me. "And you! Explain what you have to explain. I really didn't want to interfere, but you're acting like kids again, when you've been together for five years, and know and love each other better than anyone else out there."
No one dared to speak, or even look at him.
Everything that'd happened dropped too heavy on me, taking away my will to take any steps, but he was right. We loved each other, we knew each other. And we were wasting even more time.
"We are leaving," he said, pointing to Jimin. "Thirty minutes. Do not even try to leave this house. I will be personally guarding the door and every single window."
The door locked, and the silence became deafening. There was no fight to put up against Yoongi. I could always run away through the window, but I'd have to lie to say I didn't want to be there.
I left the paper bag with snacks on the coffee table, and took a sit on the armchair. Avoiding eye contact at all cost, Eunbi cleared her throat and sat on the couch.
A dog barked behind the window, my heart pounding in my ears. The room smelled like baby lotion, and oranges.
As much as I wanted it, suddenly being thrown into this situation left my mind shattered. No speech left, every emotion possible trying to rule. I wanted to yell at her for avoiding me. I wanted to cry because of the break-up. I wanted to wrap my arms around her. I wanted to strangle myself for how much I'd fucked up.
Because sitting there with her again reminded me not of the things I did wrong, but of the things we'd had.
"Where's your girlfriend?" Eunbi asked, making the fire in my chest bigger. It wasn't pettiness, but fear. I knew her too well to mistake anything.
"I don't have any," I answered, in a voice as cold as hers, and only then our eyes met.
Glaring at each other, no one even twitched. On top of everything I felt, everything on my mind, the most prominent was how much I missed her. I could have kept on playing the staring game, having a strong urge to defend something that wasn't there to defend anymore - my pride, but I didn't.
I was the one to bring us to this point. I had to take responsibility for it.
"I didn't know she was going to be there," I said, softening a bit, and clenched my teeth to give a bit of relief to my stinging eyes. With a barely visible drop of her shoulders, I knew she believed me.
In that moment we gave up. We gave it all up, the past, the need to be right, a familiar urge to argue. We gave in to the need of reuniting. To the immense longing that flashed through her eyes, and that had been nestled in my chest ever since she left.
"And I fired her," I continued. "And I told her to stay away from us. She is gone. And I am sorry for ever bringing her into our life."
"Is that all?" she asked, hesitant, and I shook my head.
"I am sorry for making you feel like I didn't love you anymore," I said, gulping when holding back the tears became too hard.
Eunbi looked down, taking in a shuddering breath, and knotted her arms on her chest.
I continued. "I'm sorry for everything that happened since the day I hired Jiah, up until now. For choosing my career over you. For protecting Jiah when we argued. For the anniversary. For the display. For Japan. For Hong Kong. For standing you up too many times. For neglecting us. For every argument... For everything."
"You apologized before... and nothing changed."
I hated that she was right.
"It will change now," I said. I took a deep breath to stop my body from breaking down. "I'm taking a break from boxing."
Her eyes widened. "You are what?"
"I love boxing, punching a bag, and going into the ring to fight. Not photo shoots, sponsorships, business meetings, deals, campaigns. What I made out of my career almost destroyed my life. I need to stop this. I'm losing everything because of my career, and I hate it."
There was a longer pause, and I let the silence linger for her to take it all in. I had a lot to explain, I didn't want any part to go unnoticed.
For the first time since sitting, I shifted a bit, the air too uncomfortable. If I were to save us, even a glimpse into comfort was needed. Into comfort of knowing we were still the same Jungkook and Eunbi, still in love with each other.
"Bee..." She froze for a few seconds, before melting into the couch. "I have it tattooed on my chest, I can't let you go so easily."
"You can always become a bee keeper," she said, struggling to hold back a shy smile. Our eyes were locked for a second, then wandering for another second, then locked again. And I let a small smile stay on my face for a moment, too.
"Let me explain. I know... I did a lot of ugly shit, but... I mean it when I say that I've loved you and I love you all the same. And I want to fix what I fucked up."
"Just..." She pressed her lips together before letting out a sigh. Her voice dropped. "How did it all happen? How did we end up... here?"
I slouched into the armchair, intertwining my fingers. "I admit I was wrong. I knew it for a while, but... I was growing so addicted to money that I didn't want to admit it out loud. When she promised... a lot of money, fame, a big name... I lost my mind, honestly. And at some point I knew it, but I pushed it away. You know... when I didn't see you hurt, or when I convinced myself it was alright, I believed it was. I didn't want to admit it. That's why I was saying it's your fault, that you keep spending time with Yoongi. But it was all my fault."
Eunbi pulled her legs onto the couch, crossing them. "I know we always support each other, but... it became too much for me. I felt like I was not important to you anymore. Like... you know... like I could leave, and you'd be alright because you were getting more famous. And you never took me seriously... saying I was overreacting or taking her side..."
"I just didn't want to admit that I was wrong. It meant... choosing my career or our relationship. And I wanted all. I didn't want to let go of anything."
"And I don't want to be on your way to-"
"You're not on my way. My career is not more important that you. I know in the past two months I acted like that, but... it's never been like that. You know you've always been my priority, and you still are. It's just... though I am still in the wrong, those two months weren't really... me."
She gave a small nod, as if agreeing, and fell silent for a moment.
"I should apologize, too," Eunbi said, looking at me.
"For what? You have nothing to be sorry about."
"For spending more time with Yoongi than with you. I was... I was so used to being stood up that even when you had time, I was afraid you'd ditch me, and I spent time with him, instead. I'm sorry. For walking away when we should have addressed it."
I shook my head. "It's still my fault. If I didn't give you a reason, you'd never feel like I was falling out of love." My heart panged. "God, I could never fall out of love, Bee. I can't imagine my life without you." Even the idea of it was making my body numb.
"So those two months were... what was that? What are we gonna do with them?" she asked, nibbling on her lower lip.
"That depends," I said, soft.
"On?"
"Whether you still love me or not." My heart fluttered fast as I waited for the answer. If there was still love, I wasn't going to give up.
"I love you more than I ever have," she said, with no hesitation. I was fidgeting, in a dire need to hold her. To feel her. To show her that my love never changed.
"Then... we'll take those two months and learn from them. And we will fix... I will fix what I messed up."
"Do you remember how we were before you hired her?"
"Of course."
"I want it back. I didn't want to break up with you. I just... panicked. And I don't want you to leave. I don't ever want to be apart from you like that again. I just... I miss you. I just want you to love me."
I jumped to my feet, empty-headed. Only one thing felt right, and she knew it too when she stood up. In a tight embrace, desperate to have one another closer and closer, my breath shuddered, almost giving way to a sob. Because maybe not everything was alright, but it was going to be. And it was all I needed then.
Her body was warm against me, but not temperature-warm. Home-warm.
"You know what those two weeks apart made me realize?" I asked.
"What?"
"That I will give up everything for you. I'd much rather not be alive than live without you."
Eunbi cut me off, pulling away to slap my chest, and her hand stayed there. "Don't say things like this."
I smiled, moving my palms to her cheeks.
Eunbi sighed, leaning into my touch, letting her body relax. "It's not the only time we will struggle, right? Couples struggle sometimes, but it doesn't mean we have to give up."
"I will never give up on you. Remember how we started? You're not only the person I love the most, but also my best friend. And my closest family. You're everything to me, Eunbi. I forgot it for a moment... I know... but I won't ever dare to forget it again."
"Forget it, and I'll punch you," she said. A smile lingered in her voice, and her presence became more familiar, warmer.
The two weeks apart not only made me realize a lot, but also cleared up the air. In face of a sudden break-up, every wound was fresh, and the fire was the biggest. The time away from each other was difficult, but it settled us both onto the same path, the one that led to a better future. Together.
"Don't you wanna kiss me instead?" I asked, brave enough to tease.
"I really wanna kiss you, trust me."
Eunbi yelped when I wrapped my arms around her hips, and lifted her off the ground. Wrapping her legs around my waist, she broke into a beautiful smile, and I kissed her. For all the time I neglected her, for all the love I failed to give her, for being an asshole I never wanted to be again. She gripped onto my shirt, and I deepened the kiss.
It felt like our first. Burning kiss full of everything. A little bit of frustration, a pinch of desperation, and a whole load of love.
I had no time to waste to pull us back into what we had. Into the intimacy we had, into the joy we had, into the best life we could ever have together.
Only when she hummed, laughing into my lips, and smacked my chest, I let go of her lips, leaving us panting. Gently letting her onto the ground, I rested one of my arms on her lower back, and another caressed her hair.
"Is this how much you love me?"
"I love you way more than this," I said. "Eunbi, I never stopped loving you. If you look back to before two months ago, that's how much I still love you. Maybe even more now that I realized you're the most important part of my life."
"Will you watch A Nightmare on Elm Street with me tonight?" she asked. Her smile grew along with my eyes, and hearing her laugh right after put me at ease.
I nodded. "I will, but you'll hold my hand."
"Will you have horror marathon with me every night for the next week?"
"I will." That sounded more certain than I actually was.
"You do love me," she said, circling her arms around my neck, and letting a soft smile linger on her lips. I leaned closer, closing my eyes when my forehead rested against hers. "If something like this ever happens again... just remember that I don't want you to leave. There is no one else I want to or could love. Do you remember what we learned when we started dating? That we have to be honest with each other? I feel like we forgot it for a moment here... and started picking up useless fights instead."
"It was the mindset I was in... I denied the issue not to lose anything. And the fights were the only way for use to communicate the problem in any way."
Eunbi nodded, brushing her fingers through my hair. "Did you... did you think I could... do something with Yoongi?"
I shook my head immediately. "I didn't."
"Did you two... talk about it?"
"Yeah, we're good." I gave her a small smile. "You don't have to worry about it. He explained me everything about you two, and him and Sora. All is well..."
Eunbi gave another nod, and her eyes found mine. In a moment of stillness, it was obvious that everything was going to be alright.
"Aren't you... mad? At me? For... you know what."
I shook my head. "For the amount of shit I'd done, I can't be mad at you, Eunbi." I smiled. I wasn't going to let anything from the past stay on our way. "What about you? Did you think I could do something with Jiah?"
"No," she says, calm and quiet. "I knew she wanted something from you, but I trusted you. All the time."
My chuckle then was breathy, embarrassed, and I looked down. "I had this stupid feeling when I was interviewing her... to stay away from her. But then she started promising all this money, bigger name... that's the only reason I hired her."
"It's okay... Everyone can lose themselves. The sea is not always still, but it's not always rough, either."
She placed a feather kiss on my cheek before caressing it, allowing my body to melt against her. "I love you, Bee. We'll be alright."
"Of course we will be. We are Jungkook and Eunbi. It would take a lot to break us apart."
Just for a few still moments I wanted to think about nothing but her, feel her, breath her in, know she was holding me, too. As much as I hated our short but painful break-up, it cleared my head better than any other argument did. Only when I knew the prize, I realized how much I despised the life I began to create - life where money and fame played a bigger role than love and happiness.
"I missed you so much," Eunbi said, trying to pull me closer. I'd glue myself to her if that meant she'd feel better.
"You have no idea," I kissed her forehead, "how much I missed you. Pearls. Bee. Darling." She smiled a relieved smile. Because I was coming back. "Come on, darling," I said, keeping my voice low, and running my palms up and down her back. "Show me where you've been hiding and let's go home."
"You really didn't know?"
"No idea."
"I was with Soonmi. I told her not to tell you."
"I called her twenty times. And went there four."
"I guess you didn't care enough to find me-"
I pressed a kiss to her lips, and the room fell silent. She was just playing around, to bring the comfort of life we'd created for ourselves. The comfort of bickering. Of playful flirts. Of kisses. And every little action that made our love ours.
So I pecked her lips one more time. And again. And with the fourth kiss, she was laughing. And our fingers linked, as I pulled her closer to deepen the kiss into a sweet caressing of our lips. And she still smelled like peaches. And two bobby pins with white starfish held the left side of her hair. And she still meant everything to me. Some things never change.
Before we left the room, the main door swung open. Jimin and Yoongi, arms crossed on their chest, walked in like we were two disobedient kids in their school.
"Well?" Yoongi asked, and it took Eunbi one second of silence to burst out laughing.
"You're so annoying," she said to him, shaking her head.
"They made up," Jimin said. "Jungkook is smiling, there is no way they didn't."
"Yeah, we made up, but we decided to stay as friends," Eunbi said, and for a second even I believed her. But when Yoongi and Jimin scrambled their jaws from the floor, I knew she was playing with them.
"As what?" Yoongi asked, dropping his arms to the sides. That was not the outcome of his plan he was expecting.
"Friends. Why?" she asked.
"But you... you two... friends?!" He wheezed, and I couldn't keep acting serious.
Laughing, I shook my head. "You really think I'd survive being just friends? After you've seen me cry everyday for the past two weeks?"
As I said it, Eunbi dropped the wide smile and looked at me. I locked our eyes, searching for what was going on in her mind. As if she was asking if the break-up really affected me that much. She had the same look in her eyes every time I cried, this cry all you need but I absolutely hate when you're hurt gaze.
But then I smiled, because every tear I cried was worth it (plus, I totally deserve each one of them). And she smiled back. And somehow our palms found their way to intertwine.
"I told you it's gonna work," Yoongi said to Jimin. "Look at them."
"Everything would work because they are in love with each other."
"We are still here," Eunbi said, turning to look at them, but our palms stayed linked, and I rubbed her skin with my thumb.
"But we are leaving now," I said. "We have a date to go to."
"A date?" Eunbi asked, furrowing her eyebrows.
"Yeah, will you go out with me?" I smiled. "You know... technically we are not a couple now, so I want to properly fix this part. Let's go out."
"Ah, you're making it so hard to remember I was ever mad at you." She whined, making me break into the widest grin. "Yes, we are going out. Let's go. I can't stand another minute with Yoongi."
"What have I ever done to you?" He gaped, offended, but we were already on our way to the door, with me and Jimin laughing at them.
"You lied to me, saying Sarang wants to play with me. Then you said you were tired of me! I will remember it next time you want something." Slipping into our shoes, she pointed her finger at him.
"Remember also that I saved your relationship twice." He grinned, and she smiled back.
"I'll give you a trophy for that, don't worry."
I'd have been jealous before, for how close they seemed to be. But now all I could be was grateful that Eunbi had someone like him when I wasn't by her side. I had a lot to thank Yoongi for, and this was a new addition to the list.
As we closed the door behind us, we both paused in a wave of silence. Comfortable silence, with more hope than uncertainty for the future.
"I'm sorry that I've ever had an issue with your friendship with him," I said, letting my lips curve as I slipped my fingers into hers again. Her grip sure and soothing.
"Where is this coming from?"
"Because... I don't know. I just realized that he's been here for you when I was acting up and... I'm grateful for that."
"He cares about us. Both of us."
"Yeah, I... I've realized it, too, in the past two weeks." I looked down, grateful but a bit guilty for being a pain in the ass for him.
I only glanced up when Eunbi called my name. "Let's go on this date, already huh? It's ridiculous that we are not a couple."
"Yeah." I smiled, unable to fight against the urge to wrap my arms around her one more time. "Ridiculous that such a wonderful and beautiful girl isn't my girlfriend, yet."
"Oh God, I missed you so much."
"I missed you more, Bee."