TW: SUICIDE
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Mojo Pin was playing through my earphones as I skated through the dark empty streets of Corrigan. The street lights lit the footpath in a stale hue of orange and the road shined with water from the rain that had sprinkled this afternoon. It was a little humid but the wind that I gathered skating managed to cool the sweat on my forehead.
My mother's wrath was something I escaped often, and with my dad working night-shift most nights, he wasn't there to save me. I had climbed out my window with only my earphones and the pack of cigarettes that Amari had stolen to keep me company.
I usually enjoyed being around people but tonight, I was glad to be alone. The shit that was brewing in my head was not something I wanted to share.
However, if I had of known what was going to happen tonight, I would have endured her screaming.
Corrigan was split by a river that extended across the state and the bridge that crossed over to Hawthorne was known by the locals to be a popular site for suicide, which was the exact reason why it caught my attention tonight.
At the end of my street, was the start of the bridge, which meant that at any time you could see any car, any passerby and especially anyone standing on the ledge.
My heart stuttered in my chest as my skateboard clattered to the ground. I stood on the path before the bridge started staring at Greed Fischer.
"Greed." I whispered.
Greed's eyes snapped to mine.
Greed wasn't my friend. I wasn't in the same circle as him, having resigned to a life of being lower class rather than upper class popularity. I didn't mind, life was simpler that way.
However, Greed was special. Greed was hauntingly beautiful. His violet eyes and curly white hair were subsequent of the albinism that ran throughout his mother's family. But Greed had a different aura, something had been haunting Greed since the day he was born.
Greed was tall and packed with muscles from years of gym and swimming but I had never seen him look so small, standing on the ledge.
"Greed, what are you doing?" I ran to the ledge and peered up at him, "get down."
"Puppy," He growled. I could see the thick, dark bags tainting his pale skin and my heart lurched in my chest. The shadow from his hoodie obscured the rest of his face, "go home."
Did he just call me puppy?
"What the fuck did you just call me – and no, I'm not going home," I hissed at him as I reached for his hand. I felt sick, "get down."
"This is something I have to do, Iniko." His violet eyes peered down at the river. "Go home."
I pulled myself up and looked over the ledge. My stomach plummeted as I watched the inky black waves violently roll over each other. No one would be able to out swim that.
"You want me to leave?!" I snapped at him, "how the fuck can I 'go home'?"
"Possum," Greed's violet eyes flashed dangerously as he leaned towards me. My stomach rolled with slight fear, "you don't care so go home."
"What do you mean I don't care?!" I scoffed and slightly shifted away from him because Greed was fucking scary, "if I didn't care I would be at home."
"You haven't cared before, Iniko."
Guilt was an emotion that came easiest to me and I guess the reason for that was it had been ingrained in my head since I was born that it was my fault. My fault my dad worked long hours. My fault my sister was half way across the country with a man that we had met once. My fault she was never coming back. My fault my mother was drunk more than she was sober. My fault that all the fine China was smashed because it was my fault that I made her mad enough to throw them. My fault that I wasn't enough to stop Greed Fischer from jumping. My stupid fucking fault for walking away.
Guilt. I felt guilty, "t-that's not fair, Greed."
"Maybe not, Angel Face, but it's true," when Greed's head tilted more towards me, I could see the ugly, purple bruises that covered his face.
I gasped, "who did that?"
"No one, Iniko." He sighed with a slightly exasperated tone.
"Just come down, please, Greed." I pleaded and held my hand out to him.
"Look, Noodle," his voice darkened ominously, "go home. Get a good night's rest and go to school tomorrow. You didn't see me and we never talked."
"No." I stomped my foot, "get down."
Violet eyes looked down at me. He was so beautiful, like an angel who had just fallen from heaven, so hauntingly attractive.
"Iniko, please." He gritted his teeth as he shifted his eyes to look out on the water, "walk away –
"Greed, goddammit, get down!" I hissed.
"Snowflake, you're either going to watch me jump or you're going to go home," Greed spat, "I don't want you here."
"I don't care whether you fucking want me here or not! Okay? This is bullshit!" I clutched tightly onto the ledge as I pulled at his jeans, "get the fuck down."
"No, Iniko." He snapped and I flinched at his tone. He sighed before adding softly with a dry smile, "you really know how to sweet talk a suicidal person."
I rolled my eyes before saying quietly, "Greed, I can't live with this."
"If you walk away, Kitten, you won't have to."
"Stop calling me those stupid names!" I huffed before looking up at him seriously as I suddenly felt the urge to cry, "Greed, please don't jump."
Tears welled in my eyes before I rubbed them harshly, when I looked back up at him, he was looking down at me.
"Don't cry, Coffeebean...just walk away." He said kindly as he offered me a gentle smile, "not everyone is worth saving."
"What if I sit with you?" I offered as I went to pull myself up but when I caught sight of the rolling black turmoil beneath us, I felt faint. "W-what if I promise to try and make things better?"
Greed laughed without humour and my spine crackled at the sound, "you can't promise that, Star Light."
"I can!" I argued, "I will! Please, I'll make it better if you just get down!"
I didn't know how he could stand there looking down at that whirling mass of black death and look so calm, so resigned yet defeated. Greed wasn't scared of death.
And it then occurred to me that there were more things to fear than death. Death was an unknown. Death was a terrifyingly unknown entity that the human brain naturally feared in order for survival instincts to kick in. But Greed wasn't scared, which meant death was easier than whatever made him want to jump.
"Go home, Baby Shark." Greed's tone was final, "you'll make everything better if you walk away."
"I-I can't." I choked as the lump in my throat grew.
"You can." He offered gently, "walking away is easier than you think."
So that's what I did. I walked away.
I wiped my nose angrily with my sleeve as I held back my tears. It was stupid to cry - I didn't know Greed – he was just a stranger who just happened to be standing on the ledge when I passed by.
I picked my skateboard up and stared at the pavement as I skated along. My earphones dangled around my neck but every house I walked past seemed cold and distant – without the warmth they once had. The cold, night silence was deafening as my skateboard rolled along the walkway.
I was a coward for walking away – it became clear to me that as soon as I took a step back that I would live with this forever. It was my fault. Greed didn't say anything about the guilt I would feel. He said walking away was easy. If that was the case, why did I feel like every bone inside of me was breaking when I took that step away?
Death was something I had been fortunate not to know very well. So, it felt strange – it felt like I was being sliced apart and every part of me wished that I hadn't looked up and seen Greed Fischer standing on the ledge.
I stood outside my house and regarded it with the same stare that a stranger would. The lights were turned off and all was still.
I looked to the bridge. He was gone.
The tears dribbled down my cheeks and I wiped them furiously with the back of my sleeve, feeling my small world come crashing down, feeling my insides tear apart at my stupidity.
I ran back. My breath came in shudders as the street lights passed in a blur. My converse slapped along the pavement until I reached the ledge and the cement railing was digging into my ribs.
I looked down at the inky blackness and felt my heart twist because there was no sign. No sign that Greed had been here. No sign that an angel had fallen to his death. Because the world is cruel and pain demands to be felt but not shared.
Greed Fischer killed himself and I walked away.