❝ YOU LOOK LIKE YOU'VE GOT A LOT
ON YOUR MIND, SWEETHEART ❞
–
WARNING // 18+
The road back to the Sanctuary was long and bare aside from the few walkers that had stumbled from the forests clawing at anything that drew their fleeting attention spans. They were all that stood out amidst the grim trees and stretch of gravel. The trip would've been mundane given there was no music and Negan wasn't talking much, but his presence was comforting, so she didn't mind all that much.
He held his silence for the first little bit, clicking his tongue every now and tapping his foot arrhythmically. One hand clung to the wheel and the other picked at his uncombed beard, while he observed the road so intently ahead it was as if he were watching out for other cars.
Breaking his gaze, he looked over Winona and glanced her up and down, a smirk tugging at the corner of his lip. He directed his eye back to the road.
"What was that?"
"What?"
"You smiled at me."
"And?" He asked, "you look good. Excuse me for getting happy when I see a hot chick."
"Negan-" she stopped herself from saying anything she'd regret. Joking around with Negan was still like walking on eggshells despite getting to know him more over the time she'd spent at The Sanctuary. Somehow she still let her unfiltered thoughts slip through her lips. "Stop being horny. You have five wives to get back to."
"Make it six."
"Then I would be a teacher, a saviour, and your wife. It would be inhumane to overwork me so much."
"If you become my wife you will never work another day."
She raised a brow. Her tone was sardonic, dripping with playfulness, but Negan's lips were spread out into a thin line and his eyes showed a seriousness that she wasn't expecting at that moment. He wanted her to be his wife. Put on the black dress and hang out with the group of women he fucks periodically. The thought made her sick to her stomach. It made her want to slap herself for becoming fond of Negan.
She leaned back. She wouldn't dream of being Negan's wife, and Negan knowing her character well enough should have expected her answer. "I'm not going to be your wife. I'm not interested in the type of marriage you have going on. And I have a whole other life, remember?"
She caught the words after they slipped out. Other life. Implying that The Sanctuary had become more than a place of captivity for her. It wasn't another life for her, not nearly at all, she would get out of there before it ever became that — but she made relationships that would break her into pieces to leave behind. The two simply couldn't come together. It wouldn't be possible. Noah, Sara, Sherry, and even Negan. She'd likely never see their faces again.
His jaw tightened. She noticed from the corner of her eye as he clenched the wheel tighter. Darkness always seemed to overcome his features when she discussed her home. Not much else bothered him, but he really didn't seem to like that. "Winona, this is your life now."
Every part of Negan that had grown on her since being there, that made her empathize and get along with him, drifted away when the topic of her family came up. The topic simply didn't work well between the two. Winona was set on leaving, and Negan knew he couldn't let that happen. Sometimes she couldn't help but wonder why, though. At first, it sure was a punishment that put her in her place, but it didn't feel the same anymore. It almost felt as if she was being welcomed into the community rather than being punished by them, and if that were the case, she didn't see a reason to be held against her will any longer.
She looked at her lap. "You have a good community, Negan. Some really nice, strong, hard-working people here. I admire you for building and leading this yourself. I was stupid to think I could've stolen from you. Desperate times call for desperate measures." She wondered if she should stop there, but her lips kept going. "I hope you won't force me to stay here forever."
The topic almost dropped there. If she insisted she'd escape, despite what Negan said, it would've upset him too much.
"You could have gotten away with it. That's what draws me to you. I haven't met anybody with the skill and goddamn determination as you in a hell of a while. And hell, it's hot as fuck, I won't lie. But, if you don't want to be one of my wives, I respect your decision." He scratched the nape of his neck and grunted. "Shit, you're too good of a savior to let go of, anyways."
"Damn right."
"Don't get cocky."
She shrugged her shoulders. "Being around you so much is rubbing off on me, I think."
"Oh yea?"
"Mhm. I almost feel... better than everyone else."
His eyes rolled upward. "Laugh all you want, you can't think I'm that intolerable when you were just trying to get into my pants."
Her lips shut. Her banter was coming easy until he brought that up, and her mind blanked. He wasn't wrong — she most definitely tried to have sex with him, slightly drunk, but soberer than he'd seemed to recognize. She was ashamed. Not because it was him, but because he'd rejected her. She didn't think she was too inebriated to make the decision, so she wasn't sure why he thought otherwise.
She still understood. If they had awoken the next morning and she'd regretted it, Negan wouldn't have known what to do with himself. That was the one line he would never cross in the fucked up world that brought out the evil in people. He'd kill, beat, torture people — but some things could be justified in a cruel world. Not rape.
"I don't think you're intolerable. Now stop bringing that up."
"What? That time where you tried to fuck me?"
"Yea, that."
He sucked in sharply through his teeth and shook his head. "Well, it'll be hard, but I'll try."
Winona eased up and laughed. "Why, cause you wish you took the chance?"
"No. I'll fuck you when you're thinking clearly."
She sunk back into her seat. Something about the way he said it made a pit form in her lower stomach, an unusual feeling swarming inside her. Her lips fell open as she gaped at him, not even realizing her deafening silence had gone on for a good few moments before Negan erupted with a hearty laugh.
"Where'd that big mouth go?" He asked.
She shot him a dirty stare then shifted her body to the window so that she was turned away from him. "Not where you wish it did."
She didn't have to look back to see him howling with laughter from her corner view. His contagious chuckles were soothing to the ear. "Oh, Winona. You are one hell of a woman."
"Whatever. How far are we? The ride here seemed shorter, or maybe you're just making it feel longer."
"Nope, I took a longer way home."
"What the hell. Why?"
"Because I like your company." When she glared at him with annoyance he held up a hand in defense. "Just fucking kidding. Relax. You look like you're gonna die if you have to be around me for another second. I gotta stop and grab a few things before we get back. That alright with you, princess?"
She grimaced. "I suppose so."
He wrapped his right arm around her and brought her in closer. She went to pull away at first, then realized she didn't mind all that much, and sunk into the warmth of his jacket. He smelled of cologne and cigarettes, just as you'd expect from Negan. Yawning, she pulled her arms into her chest and rested her eyes.
"I hope you've had a good birthday, so far..."
She trailed off, thinking to say more, but the words never fully got the chance to leave her lips before the fatigue overtook her.
-
"Winona..."
The voice was gentle. Her shoulder jerked back and her eyes shot open when a hand rested on the back of her neck. It rubbed up and down. Blinking the tiredness and bleary spots from her eyes, they came to focus on Negan. They were still in the car, the position she'd fallen asleep in. She was confused for a moment, realizing she hadn't woken up when he left to grab what he needed. She was usually a light sleeper.
"We're here," he pointed out the obvious. His hand was on her knee, rubbing in circles and she didn't notice until she looked down. It was light, his touch, as if he were afraid to apply any more pressure. Looking to the sanctuary, back to Negan, and then the hand on her knee, she swallowed the lump in her throat recognizing that pit in her stomach never died away.
He was so unlike the man he'd presented when she first met him. She feared that man. She hated that man. This one made her feel warm. Like she could fall asleep next to him in a matter of minutes when finding that feeling of comfort takes ages in the apocalypse. She couldn't remember the last time she'd felt so comfortable in somebody else's embrace, and someone she knew as little as Negan, on top of it all.
Negan smirked.
"Stop smiling at me like that," she mumbled.
"Like?"
"Like you know what I'm thinking."
A pause hovered in the air. They gazed into each other's eyes, Negan licking at his lips while he broke the gaze to stare her down. "God, I wish I fucking did."
His hand brushed over her cheek. Their faces were so close she could lean a few inches forward and connect her lips to his. The temptation was strong, but she was indecisive.
His lips continued to get closer and she didn't stop him. Her top lip brushed over his bottom one, easing them into the kiss as Negan held her closer. He didn't kiss the way she expected. He seemed rough, but he was tender with every touch. So gentle she was unsure she was even in the embrace of the same man who'd caused her so much distress. The same one she'd met not too long ago.
Her hand came up to meet his stubble, running her nimble fingers through it and tugging at it. Negan's grip on her waist and thigh got firmer with every touch she gave him. He moaned, his deep voice rumbling on her lips. She wanted to pull herself on top of him but she stopped herself before she got too into it.
She pulled back.
"Something wrong?" Negan seemed thrown off. She was into the kiss — it was evident in the way she responded to his touch.
"No..." She shifted away from him slightly. She went to say more but Negan didn't give her the chance.
He gripped her shoulder, but not too hard. "It's fine, Winona. Go get yourself some food. Serving some good shit this week. I'll let them know it's on me." With a wink, he shut the door and ambled off, not giving her a single chance to explain why.
Winona, with her heart pounding and cheeks blushed, waited a few minutes before stepping out of the truck. Regret began to engulf her as she walked in the direction of the tall building. She wanted it, she wanted him, and the only reason she'd pulled back was from a tinge of nervousness, remorseful for what she was doing. But she wanted him regardless, and Negan didn't give her the time of day to explain that.
She pushed the doors of the Sanctuary open and didn't bother heading to her room. The wive's lounge was on the highest floor. That's where she needed to go. Clear her mind before she went back to talk to Negan. She prayed Sherry was there because she didn't really get along too well with the rest of the girls. Nothing wrong with them, she just didn't like the fact that Negan was fucking them and they likely didn't enjoy her presence around Negan. Didn't bother her too much because one friend was more than enough.
Once she reached the top level, she approached the tall doors and entered without knocking. A few of the wives sat there, some nowhere to be seen, but she was pleased to see Sherry sat on her own drinking a glass of white wine. She'd stopped sipping when Winona entered, a smile forming on her cheeks.
"Hey girl, wine?"
Winona smiled. "No. I mean- yeah, why the fuck not." One glass wouldn't hurt.
Sherry hardly even waited for her first answer and partially filled a tall glass with wine. It was some type of white, but she didn't bother asking what before bringing the brim to her lips. Sherry giggled at her eagerness.
"So, what's up?" Sherry asked.
"Well, I just spent the day with Negan."
"And?"
"It was nice," she said, scratching the back of her neck, "I..."
Winona turned to look at the rest of the wives. They seemed lost in their own worlds, but a couple were shooting glances once they heard Negan's name, and Winona didn't particularly want any enemies. Well, no more than she had already.
"Should we..." Sherry whispered, darting her eyes to the door as a signal. Winona nodded. They made their way out of the room together, each with a glass in hand. once the door shut, Sherry turned to face her friend. "Caf?"
"With wine?"
"Winona, when are you going to learn that when you're this close to Negan nobody will question a single thing you do?"
She grinned, letting a laugh slip from her lips. "Okay, but I'm the one that tried to steal from everyone, you're Negan's wife. I don't think people see me as close to him."
"Oh, trust me, they do."
She thought she saw Sherry roll her eyes from the corner of her view. She definitely noticed a big difference in the way people treated her when she first arrived compared to now, but she didn't think people knew she was close to Negan or hanging around him. It was interesting how much people paid attention to what he did.
"We just drove around and went for a bit of a walk, and when we drove back we made out a bit. I kinda pushed him away by accident."
"Okay? So? All you have to do is go back to him and initiate things yourself. Trust me, that man wants you. I can't sleep with how fucking loud Amber's vibrator is in the next room every night because Negan barely gives any of them attention anymore."
She stopped. Her smile dropped. "You think that's because of me?"
"I think he's doing it subconsciously. I won't lie and say Negan is a good enough guy to do that intentionally — I think he's just so infatuated and preoccupied with you he doesn't notice."
Winona groaned loud and raised her chin to the sky. "Damn it, Sherry, you're supposed to help me make good decisions."
Her smile straightened out and she turned deadpan. "I'll never like the guy, but you and I are pretty similar. If I was in your shoes, I'd probably do the same thing."
Winona gripped the glass tight in the palm of her hand and downed the rest of it before they even reached the cafeteria. Sherry turned to her and furrowed her brow.
"Jeez. Nervous much?"
"No," she retorted, "thirsty."
They made their way up to the front of the cafeteria and got their dishes, steam coming from the foods on their plate. They were serving potatoes for those that had enough points. Canned beans on the side, and a small serving of veggies. All things she would have grimaced at before the apocalypse, she salivated at the sight of now. Before she and Sherry could amble off, she was called back by the caf lady.
"You're Winona, right?" When she nodded to confirm, the lady reached down and grabbed a cup of ice cream, with a few scoops of what looked to be a chocolatey flavor. She handed it to her. "Negan's request."
Thanking the caf lady and grabbing a couple of plastic spoons, she handed one to Sherry and they walked off.
"Oh my god." Sherry's mouth formed a large O. "He wants you so bad."
"Oh, shut up." She took a scoop of the ice cream unwilling to wait until she was finished her meal. "Well, yea, probably."
She began to scoop the dessert into her mouth as the two sat on a bench outside the sanctuary. She didn't have a single clue why Negan got her the ice cream. She never mentioned chocolate, at least she didn't think. In the end, she supposed it bubbled down to him wanting to do something kind. And that's what really drew her to him.
It was nice to sit outside to eat as opposed to in the crowded cafeteria, but you had to be able to ignore all the walkers on the sticks and the growls that came from them. They didn't bother her too much anymore, though she'd never get fully used to it. It would be inhuman to be fully desensitized. She simply turned her head away and did her best to focus on the treat in her hands and the hot sun on her skin. She'd forgotten how much she missed ice cream.
She nearly swallowed her meal whole, starting with the dessert and then finishing with the veggies. Asparagus, corn, beans, and some chopped potatoes on the side. She loved when she got the chance to eat hot potatoes. They didn't eat them very often over at Alexandria, except for on occasion.
"So when do you think you're gonna go?"
"I don't know. It's going to be soon though."
"Are you gonna come see me before you leave?"
"Of course!" She spoke through a mouth full of carrots.
They finished their food and rose from their seat at the same time. Once they'd gone and thrown out their garbage, Winona scratched the back of her neck and gave her friend a sheepish smile.
"I'm gonna go thank Negan for the pudding, I think."
"Mhm, you go thank him." She jerked her brows up and down and snickered.
"Shut it. I'll see you later."
After giving her a small nudge, she sauntered off in the direction of Negan's room. She was craving his attention. There was no reputing that her thoughts revolved around him recently, the way he spoke and asserted herself she loved. It reminded her of herself, although she'd always been much less reserved about it. Negan had a way of pulling it out of her. She'd felt comfortable bickering with him in only a few days of knowing him, a man who was supposedly dangerous and malignant.
She considered the fact that she felt safe around him. There was that. It had been a long time since she'd been able to ease back into her settings. Even Alexandria had her on edge sometimes. The Sanctuary was secure, but most lived in ignorance to the outside world. She never wanted to end up there.
As her feet tapped up the stairs and she made her way down the halls of The Sanctuary, she maneuvered her way in the maze-like pattern to Negan's room. Her heart pounded with every step she took as she crept up to his door. The lights were on so she knew he was inside. Hoping he was alone she raised her fist and landed a short few knocks on the wood. Moments later muffled steps sounded as Negan fumbled for the lock, slinging the door wide open. His eyes gleamed when he caught sight of her.
"Didn't expect to see you here, of all people." He was confused, but more pleased than upset that she was standing in front of him. She shrugged her shoulders and nervously looked to the floor.
"Can I come in?"
"Well I sure as hell am not saying no to that."
Passing by him, she brushed her arm against his and then turned to face him once he shut the door. She opened her lips, meaning to give him an explanation for the way she'd been acting, but he was quick to cut her off. "You know, it's good you came. I hope you're fucking hungry because the assholes in the kitchen gave me dinner with some shit I'm allergic to. Can you believe that? Me. Their leader."
Winona peaked her head over to see a steaming hot plate of what looked to be shrimp. She nearly gasped at the sight, it had been so long since she'd tasted it. "Holy shit Negan, thank you. This and Ice cream?"
She'd already eaten and her stomach wasn't begging for food, but it would kill her to turn a good meal down.
"Well damn, you're welcome sweetheart. Pleasure's mine. I'm glad you liked it." He seemed taken aback by the reaction yet delighted at the same time. He walked her to the couch and motioned for her to sit opposite him. He slid the dish over, then leaned back in his leather seat with his legs spread wide and his arms rested on his lap. "So, Winona. What brings you here? Or could you smell the shrimp from your room?"
She rolled her eyes with a mouthful of seafood and shook her head. She wasn't ready to bring up why she really came, so she teased him instead.
"You caught me. I can't believe you're allergic to shrimp. That's sad. Kind of cute."
He emitted a hearty laugh, scratching at his beard. "I'm glad my allergy turns you on"
"Gets me so hot." She took a few more bites before clearing her throat. She decided to let it out, seeing no reason to let the small talk ramble on. "Listen — I'm sorry for pushing you away earlier. I don't know why I did that."
Negan's playful expression dimmed. He clasped and rubbed his hands together. "Don't apologize. I never want you to do anything you don't want to do."
She frowned and placed her fork down. Pushing the plate to the side, she figured it would be best heated up later. She didn't come to Negan's room to eat. Rising from her seat, she made her way around the table with her eyes locked to his, neither of their gazes dropping. She sat beside him, closing the gap between their thighs.
She went to place her hand on his knee and stopped herself, timidness overcoming her. She cursed at herself in her head for letting her nerves get to her over somebody like Negan. She wasn't one to get nervous around men because she usually felt in control, but Negan certainly gave her a run for her money. His eyes never left hers unless it was to roam her body.
"You look like you've got a lot on your mind, sweetheart." He mumbled, and from the gleam in his eye, he knew exactly what was running through her mind. She could tell from the way he subtly leaned into the sofa, inviting her to get closer. "Must've come here for something."
"I don't know, it's your birthday. You shouldn't be alone."
"Mhm... got me a scarf, spent the day with me, and visited me for dinner? Do you have a crush on me, Winona?"
She hit his chest with a balled-up fist and chuckled. "Don't push me, old man. Maybe I just wanted to end the day on a better note."
The corners of his lips curled inward as his gaze traveled up and down her body. She could sense that he wanted her just as much as she wanted him, yet she still had a hard time reaching over and making the first move.
His eyes were full of lust. Head slightly angled and his tongue poking from his teeth, he slid his hand to Winona's opposite shoulder. She placed her palm on the inside of his thigh and without giving herself another moment to think, pressed her lips to his. Negan was quick to wrap his hand around the nape of her neck, pushing her into him as she swung a leg over and straddled his waist. Her hands massaged his hair and down his shoulders, pressing against his chest when he pulled back for a brief moment to catch his breath.
"This is what you wanted, huh?" He asked, his voice deep and lustful. She didn't need to answer. She pressed herself back into him and moved her lips with his. Pressing kisses against his salt and pepper beard, she left the wet marks down his neck and shoulder. Looking him in the eye as he stared back with desire, she caressed his knee and up to his thigh, working her way toward the zipper of his pants. He bit down on his bottom lip, his gaze never averting from hers. "Fuck, Winona."
She kissed him with a passion that could only confirm her desire for him. She kissed him everywhere, chin down to his shoulders, and then pulled at his shirt urging him to take it off. He didn't waste a second, pulling the fabric from his skin. She ran his hands over his chest, placing kisses down as she got lower.
Her hand that was placed on his thigh inched closer to the growing bulge in his jeans. She brushed over it, fiddling with his belt and bringing her lips back up to his. He was quick to pull away.
"Do you know what you're fucking doing to me?"
She successfully unbuckled his belt and then unbuttoned his jeans. Negan helped her get them off and drop to his ankles, moaning when she brought her hand back to his boxers and grasped him gently.
"Take your clothes off. Right fucking now."
Moving back, she swiftly lifted her shirt over her head, and then unbuttoned her pants, bringing them to the floor. Negan's eyes never left her body, grazing over every inch of her that there was. She leaned over, kissing him, letting his hands roam where she pleased.
She dropped to her knees. Negan groaned and rolled his head back, fiddling with his scruff. He brought his gaze back to her.
"Happy fucking birthday to me."
Her smile was meek. She cupped his bulge in the palm of her hands, massaging it over the fabric of his boxers. Reaching for the waistband, she tugged it down, eager to feel him.
He was big — she knew that, but she didn't know how big. It had been so long since she'd ever done anything with a guy her heart pounded at the sight. He cupped her chin and forced her eye to meet his.
"Something wrong?"
She shook her head. She didn't need to think twice before she wrapped her hand around the base of his cock, her eyes locked to his. He hardened in her hand as she lowered herself slowly, watching him, before bringing her lips to his head. He grunted, throwing his chin back, his hand cupping her hair. Her tongue worked around his head as he took her hair back into his hands, admiring her.
It had been so long since she'd done anything like this, and no guy she'd been with compared to Negan. In size, experience — everything. It was almost intimidating.
Negan's grip got tighter on the back of her head as his moans got louder, arching his hips upward. She pushed him down and let his erection hit the back of her throat. She wanted to see how far she could take him. Slowly lowering herself, she looked upward, desperate to see his reaction.
He stared open-mouthed as she took him down her throat, doing her best to keep her reflex to a minimum. She kept stroking and teasing before going back down, his grunts urging her to move faster.
"What the fuck-" His eyes squeezed shut and his head flew back. She couldn't hold his hips back from bucking into her mouth, his legs shaking as he let out breathy moans. "Holy fuck, Winona."
She loved the sounds of his moans. It made her ache between the thighs and crave him. She moaned each time he hit the back of her throat. When his cock twitched on her tongue she knew he wouldn't last long. His eyes burning with lust, and his hand gripping a fistful of hair, he forced himself down her throat.
"Is this why you came to fucking see me?" He asked, his brows lowered and tongue poking between his teeth. He was entranced watching her consume him. "Is this what you wanted?"
She nodded as she looked him in the eye. It was true. He was all she could think about.
"Fuck. Don't fucking stop."
She took him down her throat, his thrusts erratic and weak, desperate for release. He stopped, his body tensing up as his grip on the back of her head tightened. "F-fuck!"
His eyes rolled to the back of his head as he emptied himself in her mouth, hips sputtering upward to make sure she got every bit of cum. She kept him in her mouth and swallowed his release, gently licking the head of his cock as his muscles began to relax again. Tentatively pulling back, she kissed his tip.
He was quiet, his chin tilted back and eyes shut. She got up from her knees to sit beside him, watching him pull his pants back to his waist.
For a moment she thought he wasn't going to say anything.
"Are you fucking kidding me?" Grabbing her by the back of the neck, he pulled her in for a long kiss. "You're mine now. I hope you know that."
She couldn't deny it. She couldn't wait to have Negan. She would never expect anything — or want anything else, with him, a man with five other wives.
But with little time to spare before she went back to her family, what's the harm in having some fun?