Fresh air.
That was the first thing Jennie thought of when she finished her part of the group's comeback photoshoot. That's how she found herself sitting on the edge of a pier in one of Seoul's hottest summer evenings. Their shoot had ended a little past 4pm and a little bit over an hour later, Jennie was sat on the pier at their "secret" lake (the girls and her had stumbled across this place on a random adventurous night when they were still trainees. It became their safe space, almost. A place the girls would escape to when their world gets too overwhelming). The last time Jennie was here by herself must have been over a year ago. Right after news of her & Kai broke the internet and when Jennie painfully finds out that people only love her when she's perfect.
Jennie lets her feet dangle over the edge, her toes gently skimming the water's surface. The lake stretches out for miles and Jennie lets herself imagine that somewhere over the horizon, an alternate life waits for her.
Jennie has always been a fan of water (the group's Hawaii trip being proof of that. There wasn't a day where Jennie wasn't out by the beach, simply admiring the way the waves crash on the shore, over and over again. The only constant she can believe in at the moment, she thinks). So right now, staring down into the calm lake, the water looks deep and inviting and Jennie almost slides off the pier in favour of letting the cool water engulf her.
She had been sitting out there for a couple of hours now. The skies were no longer a bright blue, instead transforming into beautiful hues of yellow and orange as the sun slowly makes its descend. Jennie sat facing the setting sun, her back to the world. Looking down, she finally sees herself on the reflective surface of the murky, blue water.
Jennie sees what other people see; A beautiful young woman with cat-like eyes and an almost dangerous smile. Her face is nothing short of perfection, as if God himself took the time to sculpt Jennie Kim's face with the image of an ethereal goddess in mind. Men wanted to sleep with her and women wanted to be her. Sometimes, the other way around too. She doesn't usually indulge but there were a couple of nights where she entertained some fans and they were lucky enough to have seen Jennie Kim behind closed doors (an NDA was always signed because Jennie was many things but she isn't an idiot). A girl with a seemingly perfect life. Little did anyone know, her life strayed far from perfect.
"Hey." Jennie hears an all-too-familiar voice greet her. It didn't surprise her one bit. Honestly, she wonders why it took so long for someone to come find her. She had been gone for a few hours now at this point, her phone successfully ignored. It's not like Jennie had the freedom to just...disappear. Though sometimes she wishes she could.
Jennie doesn't look up, content on ignoring the woman that interrupted her peace. She keeps staring at her reflection in the water, carefully mulling over each feature on her face, silently loathing herself more and more as the seconds tick by. After a few minutes of silence, the woman gently sighs and plops down next to Jennie. Jennie scrunches up her face in mild annoyance, not at the other woman but at herself. She wasn't sure why.
"Jisoo" Jennie finally acknowledges the presence of the woman sitting next to her.
"Jennie" Jisoo echoes back, almost teasingly.
Jennie almost cracks a smile at that. Almost.
"I called you a few times. When you didn't answer, I immediately knew you would be here. So, I came here to check on you," Jisoo admits.
Jennie searches her eyes and found that Jisoo was being completely honest and sincere. A surge of over-whelming emotions course through her. Jennie does not deserve this. She doesn't deserve Jisoo's kindness.
"You deserve the world and more, Jennie."
Jennie looks at Jisoo, confused. Realisation dawns on her. She must have voiced her thoughts out loud.
Jennie takes a moment to properly look at Jisoo. Jisoo, with soft, luscious hair gently framing her perfect face. Jisoo, with her pretty eyes and heart-shaped lips. Jisoo, Jisoo, Jisoo. Gosh, she was beautiful.
"Thank you, Jendeuk." Jisoo says, almost shyly.
Jennie curses under her breath. Apparently she can't keep her fucking thoughts in her head today. Jennie turns her face away from Jisoo and back to the setting sun.
Jennie thinks of all the times she had pushed Jisoo away and ran. Both figuratively and literally. Jisoo just kept coming back into her life, quipped with a witty remark and unparalleled kindness that could put a smile on her face, even on the worst days. She had never felt so grateful.
Tears silently stream down Jennie's face without her realizing. She lets out a strangled cry as she tries (and miserably fails) to control her emotions.
Jisoo, poor Jisoo, was not in the slightest bit prepared for the sudden outburst. A crying Jennie wasn't new by any means. Jennie has cried in front of her more times than she could count. Usually, Jennie lets out gentle sobs and cuddles into Jisoo's side as she works out whatever war that was raging in her head that day. But right now, Jennie wasn't gently crying and she wasn't tucked into Jisoo's side. This Jennie was crying her heart out and hiding her face in her hands as heartbreaking sobs wrack through her whole body.
Jisoo thinks she can physically feel her heart crack when she realises Jennie's whole body is shaking as she tries to regain control over her emotions.
"Hey, Jennie. Shhh. It's okay. It's okay." Jisoo doesn't hesitate to pull Jennie into her embrace. She murmurs soothing words into Jennie's ears and holds Jennie in her comforting arms as Jennie freely sobs into Jisoo's chest.
"Everything's gonna be alright, baby. I am here. I love you," Jisoo murmurs soothingly, running her fingers lightly through Jennie's soft, wavy strands.
Jisoo feels Jennie stiffen in her embrace as the confession sinks into Jennie's mind. Jennie tears herself from Jisoo's arm and stares incredulously at her. Jennie was surprisingly met by Jisoo's determined expression. Jisoo knows what she said and long gone were the times Jisoo would play her confessions of love off as 'friendly'. Jisoo firmly decides that she's not taking it back anytime soon.
"Why?" Jennie manages to get out in between sobs. "Why do you love me? I'm damaged goods, Jisoo. Damaged fucking goods. You deserve someone better."
"No." Jisoo says, a little too harshly. She immediately softens up as she saw Jennie flinch at her harsh tone. "Never, Jennie. You are the most remarkable, maddening, challenging, frustrating person I have ever met. And I love you." Jisoo feels light. As if her confession finally sets her soul free. "I am in fucking love with you, Jennie Kim." Jisoo says, her smile wide on her face.
Jennie lets out a humorless laugh and it almost immediately wipes the smile off Jisoo's face. The atmosphere suddenly turns cold as Jennie fixes a challenging stare towards Jisoo.
"I am damaged goods," Jennie starts. "Damaged goods. Broken beyond fucking repair. You cannot fucking love me, Jisoo. You just can't-," her voice gets more and more hysterical with each statement.
Jisoo silences Jennie by crashing their lips together. Jennie can only widen her eyes as her senses were engulfed in all things Jisoo. Jisoo's soft lips. Jisoo's hand gently resting on her thigh. Jisoo's intoxicating scent. Jisoo, Jisoo, Jisoo.
Neither girls dared to move a muscle and Jisoo almost pulls back with an apology ready at her lips when she suddenly feels Jennie's soft lips tentatively move against hers. Jisoo slowly reaches out and caresses Jennie's face. They stay like that for a while, just kissing softly and relishing in each other's presence.
When Jennie finally calms down and physically relaxes into the kiss, Jisoo pulls away slowly so she can look Jennie in the eyes. Jennie has never looked more beautiful in Jisoo's eyes. Her eyes were glazed over and a small smile was playing at her lips. Jisoo wants nothing more than to spend the entire evening mapping Jennie's entire body with kisses. Jisoo gently shakes herself out of her stupor as she carefully phrases her next words.
"You are not damaged goods, Jennie Kim. You are a perfect and whole human being. You're so so beautiful and kind and just-"
It was Jisoo's turn to be surprised as Jennie grabs her face and silences her with a searing kiss. There is a sense of urgency behind this kiss, unlike the first kiss they shared. As if Jennie is trying her hardest to take in Jisoo's words and fight against everything she believes in. And Jisoo lets her.
Eventually, breathing becomes a necessity and they pull away from each other. They rest their foreheads against each other as both girls slowly regain their composure. Jisoo takes this moment to take in Jennie's appearance. Her disheveled hair, her heaving chest and her kiss-bruised lips. God, Jennie was sexy. Jisoo takes a deep breath and continues her rant from earlier before she was rudely (not really) interrupted.
"You deserve to be loved, Jennie. Let me love you. You are not damaged goods and you never will be."
Jennie just stares at Jisoo as she tries to process what she just heard. Jisoo can see the insecurities in Jennie's eyes and she wordlessly brings Jennie into a comforting hug. Jennie can feel the tears start to fill her eyes as she takes in a shaky breath to try and quell her overwhelming urge to just launch herself into the water. Jisoo says nothing and proceeds to rub soothing circles on Jennie's back.
Jisoo gives Jennie some time to process all that she had said. Jennie is grateful for that. Jisoo never pushes her. Jisoo always gives her enough space, even when she never asks her to. Jisoo understands Jennie. Jennie looks into Jisoo's unguarded eyes. As Jisoo looks at her with a soft, loving gaze, Jennie realizes something.
"I love you too."
It took all of 2 seconds before Jisoo's face split into a wide, toothy grin. She gathers Jennie up into her embrace and kisses her like her life depended on it. Jennie lets out a long, contented sigh. She finally feels relaxed for the first time in years. Years of cooped up frustration burst out of her and she allows it to flow out of her system. As Jennie sinks into Jisoo's embrace, she thinks 'finally'. Jennie knows that this is only the beginning and that they still have a long way to go. But, right now, at this moment, Jennie thanks her lucky stars that a certain Kim Jisoo is in her life. Jennie thinks that maybe one day she can learn to defeat her demons and become a better Jennie Kim. The Jennie Kim that Jisoo deserves.
Jisoo is Jennie's castle that stands firm and protects her from all evil. Jisoo loves Jennie and Jennie loves Jisoo. And Jennie can only dare hope that they can finally live their happy ever after.
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All Rights Reserved to the original author: jennie-writes (on tumblr)