Peach: *sigh* I can't believe this... I'm gonna have to try to pour tea into the cup with no hands...
Peach tried to pick up the tea-pot.
Peach: Oh come on... I... almost got it.
...
Peach: Yes, I got it! OK, now... slowly...
Then...
Toadsworth: Hey, Princess!!!
Peach: AHH!!!
*SMASH*
Peach: OH GOD-DAMMIT, TOADSWORTH!!!
Toadsworth: Sorry, there's no need to cry over spilt tea.
Peach: Eh? No, the saying is 'Spilt Milk'.
Toadsworth: Whatever! Look, it's 6:00pm and the bonfire festival starts in 1 hour. Have you finished your speech?
Peach: Yes, I have.
Toadsworth: And... there's been a change of plan.
Peach: What do you mean?
Toadsworth: Well, ever since your hands got blown up like Dynamite, I'm gonna have to light the bonfire.
Peach: OH HELL NO!!! I've been waiting for this for over a week and I'm not gonna wait until next year!!!
Toadsworth: Then, how are you gonna light it if you got no hands at all?
Peach: Then... I'll use my feet.
Toadsworth: Peach, that's ridiculous... How are you gonna do that?
Peach: Listen, we can't let the people know about this!
Toadsworth: What? Why?
Peach: Then, everyone will start having a panic-attack and there's gonna be chaos all over the Mushroom Kingdom.
Toadsworth: Well, you got a point.
6:55pm...
Rob: How's Dead Hands?
Bob: What?
Rob: How's Peach?
Bob: Who's Dead Hands?
Rob: Forget it.
Melony: So, do we do this every year?
Saiko: Yes, from the past generation to generation of the UK, the British celebrate this night to remember what happened with 'Guy Fawkes' and all that.
Melony: Oh, okay.
Over to Peach...
Toadsworth: The festival starts in 5 minutes, are you sure about this?
Peach: Listen, like I said; We can't let the crowd know.
Toad: Well, what I think what you're about to do is absolutely ridiculous.
Peach: Shut up, Toad!!! Just watch me.
Then... Mario turned up.
Mario: Hey, Peach.
Peach: What the... Mario, who the hell is that?!
Mario: I heard you're gonna try to light the bonfire with no hands, so I hired a 'Hit-man'.
Peach: You what?!
Mario: If you fail, then, it was nice knowing you.
Peach: Mario, I'm gonna try to light the bonfire!!! Not cut out a honeycomb shape!!!
...
Mario: I recently watched 'Squid Game' and that Netflix series was brilliant.
Peach: Get that guard out of here!!!
*GUN LOADING*
Peach: *GULP*
Mario: Go on... Peach.
It's now 7:00pm and it's time for Peach to do her speech.
Meggy: This is gonna be interesting.
Peach: *gulp* Um... H- hi everybody...
Toads: HELLO, PRINCESS PEACH!!!
Peach: Um... we are here today to celebrate the 416th Annual Bonfire Night...
Green Toad: Why have you got your arms inside your coat? It looks like you've got no arms!!!
Toads: *LAUGHING*
Peach: Ha-Ha, very funny... It's because it's chilly, alright?!
...
Toadsworth: Carry on, Peach.
Peach: Well, this bloke called; 'Guy Fawkes' was born way back in 1570, and he got executed in 1606. He wanted to assassinate 'King James VI of Scotland' AKA 'King James I of England'
Mario: She's doing the story of the plot.
Meggy: Oh, right.
Peach: And... he tried to blow up the Houses of Parliament with no Big Ben because Big Ben didn't exist until 1850 or something.
Meggy: It was 1859 and it's the bell, not the tower.
Peach: Pillocks...
...
Toadsworth: Keep going.
Peach: But he and the other lads got caught in a basement in the House of Lords and he was found guilty of high treason.
Yellow Toad: Well, that's illegal.
Toads: *LAUGHING*
Peach: Finished?!
Yellow Toad: Yes, princess.
...
Peach: And that is why it's the British tradition to celebrate Bonfire Night and we also have fireworks too...
Mario: Fireworks to blow our hands with?
Peach: Oh... and keep away from lit fireworks...
Mario: *cough* Don't catch them...
Peach: ...To protect your hands... your faces... and even your anus's.
...
Peach: Wait... WHO'S PUT ANUS'S ON MY SPEECH?!?!?!
Mario: *wheezes* I thought it was funny...
...
Blue Toad: Well Princess, light up the bonfire!!!
Peach: Um...
Toads: COME ON, PEACH!!! YOU CAN DO IT!!!
Mario: And let the agony... begin.
Peach gets her back facing the crowd.
SMG4: Can you smell that? That's strong petrol.
Tari: Yep, Petrol covered in fire-wood.
Toadsworth: Look, I think I should light the fire-wood.
Peach: Give me the lighter!
Toadsworth: But...
Peach: Give... me... the lighter... please!!!
Luigi: Hey bro, you know that you told me that Peach lost her hands?
Mario: Yeah?
Luigi: She's not lighting it, is she?
Mario: I'm gonna enjoy this.
SMG4: I don't think this is gonna go well...
Mario: Master Luigi, you will kindly get me a Toffee Apple?
Luigi: *sigh* As you wish.
Tari: I got a bad feeling about this...
Peach started to freak out.
Peach: *gulp* Let's do this...
Peach was trying to hold on to the lighter while it kept trying to slip off.
Peach: Oh, god...
Toadsworth: Peach, the trigger is too small... your arm's not gonna fit...
Peach: Shut up, I got this.
Mario: Go on, you better keep going.
...
Peach: Come on!!!
Toadsworth: Let me just...
Peach: Go away!!!
Mario: Keep going.
Peach: Maybe I should try my feet.
Mario: What a wonderful idea.
Peach sat down.
Blue Toad: What are you doing, Princess?
Mario: That's a good question.
Peach: Shut up!!!
Peach tried to light the lighter by using her toes.
Peach: Oh, please just light.
Toadsworth: OK, that's it...
Peach: WILL YOU FUCK OFF!!!
Toadsworth: Oi, language!
Mario: You don't wanna get shot, do you?
*GUN LOADING*
Peach: CHRIST!!!
Suddenly... Peach leaned too far back.
Peach/Triangle Guard: AHH!!!
Peach and the Triangle Guard fell like Dominoes, and the guard accidentally pulled the trigger.
The bullet shot through the fire-wood and fire appeared.
In fact, the bullet was so powerful, one of the pieces of wood that got shot, fell out of the pile, and that caused the whole tower to collapse.
SMG4: EVERYONE, GET BACK!!!!!
The gang quickly moved away from the falling tower.
At least, it can't get any worse, right?
...
WRONG!!! The tower landed on some fireworks.
Luigi: BLOODY HELL!!!
SMG4: IS EVERYONE OKAY?!?!?!
Toad: Um... Princess?
Peach: *sigh* What?
Toad: The Castle!!!
The castle is on fire!!!
Peach: *SCREAMS* AHH!!!!! MY CASTLE!!!!!
Mario: Jesus!!!
Toadsworth: I'LL CALL THE FIRE BRIGADE!!!!!