Tine's pov
I returned home late because I had assignments to do and Wat was not at home.
"Oww.. you're having dinner alone?" I pouted, "you didn't even wait for me."
Auntie laughed, "sorry my bad. I just thought you'll have dinner outside."
I frowned, "did I tell you I have plans? Why don't I remember?"
She shrugged.
"Uhm..where is Wat?" I asked sheepishly.
Auntie sighed, getting up for dishes.
"He did not tell me. He was just in a hurry and all dressed up before he left."
I bit my lips, realising I was only asking what's obvious.
Wat always stayed out most of the time, fooling around Pam or anybody else, for that matter.
"You ask about him all the time. Why don't you go talk?"
"We had a fight" I lied, my mood spoiled for the night.
When I entered my room, I found an envelope, placed shabbily on my table. Inside it, there was an entry card for a club where I knew Wat's band often went for gigs. And a paper that said,
Be there by seven sharp. Also, don't overdress.
And in seemingly different penmanship, there were words written hurriedly at the bottom of the paper,
I suck at apologies. I hope you know I'm sorry for what I did.
I couldn't believe if I was dreaming or Wat had actually left me a note like that. It was so incredibly unexpected I did not want to believe it.
"Oh god!" I exclaimed, "oh my god this is..."
I ran downstairs, flashing the note in front of auntie.
"Can you believe this?" I said.
"Aww" she said, "how sweet."
"I know!" I said, laughing merrily despite a bittersweet pain hitting me.
"God. I don't even know how to react." I said smiling, "he is never not cold to me, you know. I can't believe he did this."
Auntie's eyes softened before she patted my head.
She said, "Wat is not a bad person at heart, Tine. I hope he sees your worth while there's still time."
"He can take all the time in world. I am not going anywhere away from him."
I looked at the paper again.
Happiness, was all I could feel.
....
Wat's pov
"You okay?" Earn, the drummer asked, "I have never seen you nervous before."
I shook my head, "I'm good."
We went on the stage and I released a breathe of relief as I saw Tine, certainly overdressed, looking his best in white button down and black pants. His eyes were anxiously searching for me and when they met mine, he literally beamed. He waved at me excitedly and smiled, showing his bunny teeth.
I looked away, suppressing a smile threatening to appear on my face as I fixed my hair. I kinda got why mom always said Tine is the cutest person she's known.
We started off a little late and despite performing a thousand times before, today seemed different.
Music was not the only thing I felt my peace lied in. It did, in a pair of eyes too, looking at me with so much love it scared me.
But I was also dangerously drawn towards it.
It's you, it's always you.
If I'm ever gonna fall in love, I know it's gonna be you.
It's you, it's always you.
Met a lot of people but nobody felt like you.
I've sung a hundred songs before but today for the first time ever, I felt the meaning behind the otherwise empty words.
And I hoped it all was reaching to Tine. Because there was no other way I could tell him that today, I was not only singing of love.
I could feel it too.
...
Our performance ended and I ran away from the stage before Tine could approach me. I was perspiring heavily, panicking because my shitless gut could not deal with the way he was looking at me.
When I left the envelope in Tine's room, I could not meet my eyes in mirror. How could I? I was just being a selfish hypocrite who said he'd stay away from Tine but doing everything he can to do exactly opposite.
"No I just did it to apologize. After tonight, we are done."
I kept repeating it backstage when I was interrupted by mom's call.
"How did it go?" She asked, "did he forgive you?"
"Uhh - I still haven't talked to him."
"If Tine forgives you, then what?" She asked after a pause.
"What do you mean?"
I heard her on the other side, "if Tine forgives you today, then what Wat? Would you accept him now -"
"Mom not again please" I said agitated, "we have talked about it."
"Then why are you doing so much? If you don't want to befriend him, just let him be."
"Do you think Tine only wants to be friends with me?" I asked cautiously.
She didn't say a word. I decided it was time I spoke it out loud the thing that was bothering me, not to mention keeping me away from Tine.
I took a deep breathe and shifted in a corner.
"Mom there's something you should know" I said, "Tine likes me-"
"Yes" Mom said simply, "Tine likes you. No wait, he loves you actually. Anything else?"
My jaws dropped as I froze in disbelief.
"You knew?" I gasped.
She scoffed gently, "everybody knows Wat."
"Then you should have stopped him mom!" I snapped, anger filling me.
"Tine is in illusion. He doesn't even know me."
"Wat" mom said sternly, her voice dripping with seriousness.
"Past is past. I think you should let it go."
I didn't reply, sensing the tears mixing in her voice and my shoulders drooped, the tension in air making me want to throw up.
"If Tine finds out" I muttered, "do you think he would let it go?"
"Wat.."
"Tell me he would let it go and I will go to him right now and tell him everything. I'll even let him in my heart but tell me mom" I said, my voice shaking, "would he accept me if he finds out the truth?"
"He will never know Wat" she said determined, "he must not know."
A tear rolled down my cheek at what she implied.
"If he does, please tell me his love won't change. Please."
Mom's silence gave me answer to all my hopes I was beginning to shelter. They shattered, as a matter of fact.
I cut the call.
....
Tine's pov, before the performance
I waved at Wat when my eyes met his. He stared at me and then looked away.
I gaped, why did he have to act hot and cold with me all the time? I even dressed up for him.
It's you, it's always you.
If I'm ever gonna fall in love, I know it's gonna be you.
It's you, it's always you.
Met a lot of people but nobody feels like you.
My heart skipped a beat.
Wat was looking at me as he sang, words that sounded more like a message and I flattered myself it was for me.
So please don't break my heart,
Don't tear me apart,
I know how it starts, trust me I've been broken before.
I'd never break your heart my love, I wanted to shout loud so he could fit it inside his head. My eyes began stinging as the conversation with auntie played in my head.
Wat had suffered so much and not being there by his side during that time would forever be the biggest regret of my life.
Don't break me again,
I'm delicate,
Please don't break my heart, trust me I've been broken before.
I was beginning to realise Wat's anger with me had nothing to do with his personality but with our history. I left him when he perhaps needed me most. I couldn't take my eyes off of him and I wished he'd know I won't leave him again.
I've been broken,
I know how it feels,
To be open and then find out your love isn't real.
I'm still hurting.
I'm hurting inside.
I'm so scared to fall in love but if it's you, I'll try...
Wat looked vulnerable as his eyes closed while he hit the last notes softly. He looked so different from the day I first met him. There was no snarky temper, no furrowed lines creasing his forehead, no cold gaze marring his softness. He let it all shed down for me to see it.
I hoped it was for me, the song and the love with which he sang it.
I love you so much..
I whispered or may be I just said it in my head. I'm not sure. There were more important things to deal with right now. Important things like running to Wat and telling him to keep his heart open for me. He didn't have to like me very much, we could take time if he needed.
A big round of applause brought me back from my thoughts and I noticed Wat scurrying away from the stage towards back. The club was crowded and it took me a couple minutes to find him again.
"Hey..." I said, finally finding him at a corner at sitting arena.
He turned back, his eyes a little red and I frowned.
"You okay?" I asked worriedly.
"What are you doing here?" He asked, his gaze, sharper than shards of broken glass, landing on me.
I blinked and muttered hesitantly, "you asked me to come here."
His eyes were distracted and before he could reply, we were surrounded by his friends.
"Why are you literally everywhere?" Pam scowled, flicking my shoulder, "you must really be desperate."
"Wat invited me" I said simply.
"I was just playing with you" Wat's reply came before he started walking towards drinks station.
"Wat stop it already!" I whispered, stepping closer when Pam pushed me away.
"Stay away from him. Don't you have any self respect dude? He is not interested in you."
"He will tell me if he is not" I snapped, anger slowly rising in me.
"I am not" Wat said, shrugging.
I avoided his friends and their mockery and kept staring at him.
"You can't always treat me like shit, Wat. I know you are just pretending to be mean."
"You know nothing" he said angrily.
"Just because Wat played with you a couple times, you thought you're special?" Pam snorted, "you shouldn't want more than what you deserve."
I turned back, walking away from them before I could break in tears but there was so much pain I felt an urgency to share it with the one who had so mercilessly given them to me.
While my love for Wat was infinite, the patience I had went only as far as here. I turned back.
I went to Sarawat who was perhaps getting ready for a round of drinks. I called for him from behind.
"Tine just leave -"
He turned back and his voice faded on seeing my face that I was sure, damp and red.
"She's right" I said, "I deserved this. It was my fault from beginning."
Sarawat did not speak, eyes still on me.
"So now that you gave me what I deserve, I think it's only fair if you too get what you deserve."
I slapped Sarawat hard, the guy I had loved all my life.
"What the fuck!" Pam shrieked but stopped when Wat pulled her aside.
He did not lift his eyes. I left, before my heart could betray me and I'd pull him in my arms.
May be it was time I moved on.
💚🤍