**In the next chapters we're gonna mess up a little with the timeline. Just trust me and, please, care to read time and place at the beginning of every chapter.
Warnings: so much blood and pain, with graphic and detailed descriptions. Shooting, stabbing and slitting throats. Wounds(from guns and knives) and stitching. Cold and pushing over the limit. Thought and desire of death. Choking(not the good kind). Vomit and losing consciousness.
Obvious references to: Loki series,
No Time To Die by Billie Eilish and
After Dark by Mr.Kitty.
--
November 1995.
Altai Mountains, Siberia.
A thick, white layer covered everything in sight for miles and miles. The narrow path along the slope was now invisible and the snow was deep beneath their feet. They were trapped in a blizzard again, for the second time that day. With only a few hours of daylight remaining from the daily eight, they were extremely exhausted.
Anya was confused. Every now and then, in her mind flashbacks from the previous hours blurred her vision.
The mission had begun the day before, when they were sent to raze an enemy military camp on the plateau. It took them twelve hours to walk to the target location, but they had to be stealthy, without leaving any trace behind.
In the deep of the night, they attacked the camp. It was a tough fight, since they were in clear minority. About two against thirty, but they were strong, taking down two enemies at a time. In spite of that, their asses had been pretty beaten up.
One of them punched Anya in the face so hard, she threw her head back. A rifle shot ripped part of her sleeve, leaving the injured skin exposed to the cold weather.
And when the Soldier saw her getting a cut on her face, he went mad.
He saw red for a moment, shot the culprit in the head and anyone who dared to approach her. Anya didn't let herself be thrown down by the burning wounds and -after spitting on the snow, coloring it crimson red with her blood- she stood up and unleashed her fury.
With a little stunt, she jumped on the shoulders of a soldier, wrapped her thighs around his neck until she felt it cracking under the pressure, then the man collapsed to the ground beneath her. As she stood up, she shot another one in the legs who was heading towards her, causing him to fall to his knees. Anya giggled in a terrifying way and with a quick movement pulled a knife from her holster, stabbing him in the throat.
She turned around, throwing a sharp blade to the forehead of another who was daring to approach. Then, as she ran towards her partner -who was having some hard time- she was busy getting rid of some other soldiers.
Anya kicked one of their enemies in the face, then another in the stomach to push him back and Anya planted a bullet straight in his face. She slided under another soldier's parted legs, planting a knife in his knee in the meantime. Finding herself behind him, she got up on one knee and shot him in the back.
Quickly she noticed a bullet coming towards her, but avoided it with a somersault. She jumped to her feet and shocked one of them on the neck with the device on her wrist.
Anya noticed that the Winter Soldier had been pinned to the ground now. Strange he was in trouble -since he was an enhanced human- but in a blink of an eye, Anya found herself behind the enemy, who was fighting him with only bare hands.
She planted a knife behind the man's neck, letting the blade stick out of his mouth. Blood splattered on the Winter Soldier's face -covered by mask and goggles- as he pushed the dead body away from himself.
Anya could see clearly why he was struggling so much at this point. He had been shot in the side and was heavily bleeding. Her vision blurred for a moment, but didn't panic and helped him to his feet.
There was no time to overthink.
Anya just wanted to finish this up and go home. With the back of her hand she wiped the blood from the cut on her face, which ran straight from her forehead to her cheek bone, cutting her eyebrow in the middle.
They gritted their teeth and fought shoulder to shoulder against the enemies that were left. Until just the two of them stood in the snow, so white around them it reflected the moonlight.
"Hail Hydra." Anya hissed through her teeth, stabbing the last one in the chest and twisting the blade. At their feet a pool of blood staining the snow.
The Winter Soldier dropped a lighter onto the pile of stacked dead bodies. Then, after taking a step back, watched them burn beside Anya, catching their breaths.
They had been walking for too many hours now, and every single muscle in Anya's body was begging for mercy. The howling of the wind had crept in her ears, causing a sharp headache from the persistence of the monotone sound. The strength of the wind was practically knocking her to the ground and each step became more and more difficult and sloppier. Her legs felt like they were made of jelly.
The bitter cold on her face hit more and more, causing her to frown even deeper. At this point, considering the storm and the wind, the temperature would have reached -50ºC. Anya's black-contoured eyes were sore. Only at the beginning of the walk they had been watering from the cold, but after being through two storms they were left dry and aching.
The lower part of her face was shielded by the black mask, which fortunately managed to create heat with the condensation of her breath.The braid in which her hair was gathered was now undone, but there was no time to stop and dilly-dally. Her hair was being blown so strongly that it seemed someone was pulling them, they stuck in a messy way to her face and suit, giving her a maddening annoyance.
With the adrenaline long gone, the injuries had become extremely painful. The one on her arm was tightened with fabric found at the soldiers' camp, while the one on her face had been dabbed for hours with another piece of fabric. Fortunately it wasn't very deep and at this time the blood was dry and encrusted. But you know, soldiers always underestimate their injuries.
The brown-haired man looked completely calm and peaceful from behind, walking in front of her as if nothing happened. As if he didn't have a bullet in his side.
Except he was furious.
With her.
With those motherfuckers.
And with himself for not protecting her enough.
And also for distracting himself by protecting her, and now he was reduced to that.
That's okay. It could have happened to her. And then it would have been worse. He mentally encouraged himself.
From the outside he didn't show any emotion -however he had been trained for this- but inside he was screaming in pain. All he wanted to do was stop, lie down and let go as the snow slowly covered his lifeless body. But he had to be strong for both of them.
The landscape around them was so monotonous it was nauseating. It seemed they were wrapped in a heavy blanket of snow and fog. A little longer and Anya would have fallen to her knees without any strength left, flat-face in the snow.
Neither of them had dared to speak, until that moment.
"How long do we have to go on?" Anya's hoarse voice was barely audible in the blizzard, and muffled by the mask.
"Can you hear me?" her gaze landed on his partner's broad back and she really wished she was anywhere else in the world. Even at the base.
The Winter Soldier stopped abruptly, adjusting the heavy rifle on his shoulder, waiting for her to catch up by his side.
"The less we stop for your silly questions, the faster we'll get to the shelter." he sounded arrogant and sour, without even looking at her.
I fucking hate him.
She hated everything, from the shitty weather to the Soldier's temper. You could say that he was as cold and hostile as a perennial winter.
Anya stood beside him, panting and writhing in pain, wrapped in her suit. The cold was cutting like blades through the material of her white suit and even beyond the thermal gear she wore underneath.
"Are you tired? Cold?" he asked distantly, but actually he was really worried that she would pass out then and there. And then he would have to carry her body.
"Me? No. What makes you think that?" she lied, straightening up, trying to convince him.
She heard a laugh without irony and finally the Soldier turned towards her, running his eyes over her entire figure. The gaze heavy and tainted in a way that made Anya's skin crawl. The man had this extraordinary power to make her feel naked even when fully clothed.
That look took her breath away every time. She tried to mask the effect he had on her, but her heart pumped faster, the breathing became heavier, and she felt her ears going red. At least she wasn't cold anymore.
The Soldier reached out to adjust the bandage on her bicep.
"You're thinking so loud, I swear I can hear everything. I told you to cover yourself up more. You never listen and now you're complaining like a child." his tone so firm and degrading it made Anya feel even smaller and useless. She didn't even try to talk back, she hated that feeling of helplessness and fear he always gave her.
When the Winter Soldier looked away, however, she felt the need to have his eyes back on her. Suddenly the frost fell upon her again, as her eyes turned sad and empty.
Please look at me again.
The wind was blowing stronger and the snow hit the two figures harder. The Asset looked around, trying to orient in the storm. The rifle strap laid across his chest.
Suddenly a sharp pain in his side caught his breath for a moment, seizing it in his lungs. He frowned in pain and pressed his hand to the wound. Anya noticed it and a worried expression fell over her face, but she didn't dare to say anything.
A shiver ran through her back and her empty stomach twisted already at the thought of having to take the bullet out, once they got to the shelter. It was the least she could do to thank him.
"The cabin isn't that far. Maybe another 5 or 6 miles. So try to hold on. Think you can do it?" he gave her one last look and Anya nodded with a sigh.
"Anya, I need you to talk to me. I need to know you're go-" and he was caught by another twinge. For a moment he wobbled, seeing and hearing completely nothing. He felt only those two soft and delicate hands pressing on his side and then cupping his face.
"Winter.. Winter. Fuck.. I can do it." she urged. "Seems like we don't have many options. And you are really sick." she urged, worried.
"I'm fine." he said through clenched teeth and pulling himself away from her arms, starting to walk away.
Well -Anya thought- they just sent us here to die. She sighed, closing her eyes for a moment and shaking her head side by side.
They started walking and Anya's legs were aching again after the little break they had. She longed to have a snowmobile or even to be carried piggyback. Neither were possible options, so she put all thoughts aside, freeing her mind to focus.
6 miles meant 10 kilometers.
The cabin wasn't far, so Anya gritted her teeth, clenched her fists, and assembled all her willpower. Though she wasn't sure if at least one of them would make it.
✪
Approximately three hours later, they finally reached the cabin. It was barely visible through the heavy snow falling on them. For the last stretch the Soldier was even limping and Anya wanted to help him so badly. But after the attitude he gave her last time.. Let's say she thought twice about it.
They were greeted by a damp, musty, smell. The brown-haired man entered the house first with a flashlight and making way inside. Anya looked around, noticing raw wooden furniture and a small fireplace. While she stood uncomfortably in the doorway, the Soldier turned on the electrical panel and a white light hanging from the ceiling illuminated the room, flickering a little bit first.
"How long are you going to stand there?" With the lights on, she could see the little snowflakes melting on their clothes and getting their hair wet. "We'll stay here until the storm subsides."
The Winter Soldier grunted deeply as he slipped the rifle off his shoulders and began to undo his holsters, dropping them to the ground with a heavy thud. All movements seemed robotic since he couldn't move his torso very much. Anya would have laughed, if only he wasn't moving like that because he took a bullet for her.
He walked over to the fireplace, throwing in some branches that were settled next to it, and wincing at the sharp pain that the wound sent through his whole body from the effort. After a few minutes, the room became much warmer and comfortable, and he finally managed to undo the rest of the belts and buttons of his vest.
As Anya got rid of her mask and gloves, she suddenly realized the situation. And it was serious. She picked up the first aid kit from somewhere in the room and quickly walked over to the man, who was leaning against the wooden table to help himself standing up, out of breath.
"Winter.." Anya murmured, drawing his attention by placing the kit on the table. "Let me help you."
Anya slowly raised her hands to his face, gently removing the mask and goggles, revealing an ugly frown of pain. Once they were left on the wooden surface, she locked her eyes into his icy irises. She winced noticing his forehead and cheekbones covered with minor bruises and cuts.
"I'm fine." now that they were close, the Soldier raised a hand and cupped her face, illuminated by the cold light. "Your face.." his jaw clenched. "You should've been more caref-" but he was quickly cut off again by the pain, and he gritted his teeth. "Fuck." he shut his eyes and cursed between his teeth.
"You should have been more careful, too." Anya rolled her eyes. "Look at you. Let me help you." she said, trying to convince him, placing her hands on his abdomen. Below, the muscles tightly contracted.
The Soldier let out a sigh of surrender before nodding softly. Anya didn't let him say it twice. She finished undoing his leather jacket and dropped it to the floor. The Soldier slowly laid down on the hard surface of the table, gritting his teeth in the process.
"May I?" Anya reached for the hem of the thermal shirt the Soldier wore.
"No." he urged, grabbing her wrist. "No. Please."
"Soldat, we need to get the bullet out of you." she said seriously, raising her brows.
"Just cut that section." he hissed.
"But I need to check if there are any other injuries." she insisted, feeling truly sorry. She understood he didn't want to be seen.
"Fine." slowly letting go of his grip as she slipped a knife from the holster on her thigh, cutting the fabric from the hem to the collar, opening the two flaps.
At first she ignored the upper half of his body -while the Soldier seemed quite uncomfortable about it- and focused on the lower half. She gasped at the sight of the blood-dripping gash in his side. He gasped too, as Anya brought a hand to the wound to examine and press around, looking for any internal bleeding in his stomach.
"I'm totally fine. I've been worse." he said trying to convince himself more. He pretended to be fine but instead began to dissociate a bit and saw black for some moments.
"Hey! Soldat? Winter.." Anya called out and lightly patted his cheeks to make sure he was conscious. "Can you hear me? Look at me. I need you to talk to me, okay? Keep talking and look at me." she said urgently and slightly panicked.
He blinked a few times and glanced around before his eyes locked on her, standing with her body really close to his.
"First we clean you up, then we can rest. Understood?" she nodded, widening her eyes. "Keep talking." she ordered.
"I hate you, you know that?" he murmured.
"Yes, I know." she chuckled, as she reached for the disinfectant in the kit, starting to wipe the area with gauze, he began to whine in pain.
"Fuck." he sucked on a breath. "Nope. Stop." at this point he was crying like a child. It must have hurt really, really bad. And Anya will never admit it but she loved that he was begging.
"This is going to hurt a little." Anya warned, taking the knife she used to cut his shirt and began disinfecting it.
"Even more?" he was exasperated.
Anya tucked the point of the blade into the wound, using it as a lever and starting to push the bullet out. In the end it wasn't too bad, since there were no exit holes and she could see the bullet. The Soldier screamed in pain and grabbed the edge of the table in his metal grip, clenching his teeth and eyes tightly.
A mixed expression of terrified and disgusted took place on Anya's face as the bullet shot off and fell to the floor along with some blood, bouncing a little with high-pitched rattles. She began to apply pressure with gauze when the blood suddenly began to come out in abundant waves.
"We're almost done. I think the worst is over. Are you here, Winter?" she made sure again.
He opened his eyes wide, breathing deeply to calm himself. His chest rose and fell frantically as he nodded.
"Finish." the Soldier agreed.
After applying pressure for a while, she removed the gauze and grabbed needle and suture thread from the kit. She hated that part. She took a deep breath and began to pierce the sore, irritated skin around the wound, tying and getting the torned flaps closer.
The Soldier gripped the edge of the table so tightly that it creaked at first, then cracked, remaining in his hand. It could have been her neck, and instead he chose to control himself and not hurt her.
She's just helping. She's not the one hurting me. It's not her fault if I decided to take a bullet for her.
On the other hand, Anya had to collect all her strength to not laugh at the whole situation. Eventually she cut the suture thread with the knife and put some gauze on the wound and a tight bandage around his stomach to keep it still in case it started bleeding again.
"Ta-da! All finished. Don't thank me." she said satisfied watching him lie there under her eyes. He was exhausted, with a piece of wood in his left hand and breathing fast.
"In fact, I'm not going to do that." he grunted grumpily, still out of breath.
"Now let me clean up the other wounds, will you?" She said wetting a cotton ball with disinfectant and wiping it over his forehead as he moaned in disagreement and waved his hands in the air to move her away.
Anya reached down to the ground, picked up the bullet and walked over to the sink to clean it up. FMJ-RN. Full Metal Jacket, round nose. 9mm. Standard American bullet.
So the Americans thought they could just come here and snoop around.
She slipped it into the pocket of her suit and decided to keep it for the mission report.
"I can't believe this is really happening." she said absently, more to herself than to anyone else.
The Soldier chuckled, distracting her from her thoughts as she noticed that he had now risen to his feet. The ruins of his shirt had been dropped somewhere and now his top half was completely exposed.
Anya openly gawked at his physique and let her eyes roam. His abs were perfect and some veins ran down his v line, which ended up into his pants. God, she suddenly wanted to trace it with her tongue so badly.
Damn.
Anya turned away, biting her bottom lip to hide the smirk forming on her lips.
"Thought you liked being my partner, doll." he teased. Suddenly his tone was warmer. He was definitely better and she was happy about it.
"I-It's not that I don't like being with you. Stuck in a shelter. In the middle of nowhere. With a storm outside.." Anya blushed, realizing he was seriously paying attention to what she was saying.
And.. am I justifying myself with him?
"Mhm.." he looked at her with interest.
"..It just feels like something that never happens in real life. It's too cliché, like someone wrote this." she said, looking around suspiciously, in a slight awe.
"I always feel like someone is watching."
The Soldier nodded.
"Better, cause to be fair, I'm always the one doing everything for both of us. So I don't see why you should complain."
Anya's jaw dropped and she looked at him with her eyes reduced to two slits. Shocked by what he just said.
How dare you.
"This is absolutely false. I just took a bullet out of your stomach and saved your ass on the field. It seems to me that I always do all the action." she pronounced angrily with a deep scowl on her face.
And I took a bullet for you. He thought.
Her furious gaze at him was interrupted by a cold shiver that ran through her entire body. And the Soldier noticed it. Something was dripping on her face.
"Godness, you're bleeding. Come here.." the Soldier was worried. He reached for her, intertwining her hand in his, drawing her to the table that was closest to the fireplace, to keep her warm.
"Maybe I'm too proud to thank you, but I owe you one." he lifted her nimbly and placed her on the table.
"I'm fine, really." she said sincerely.
"Clearly not." he scoffed.
Anya was dumbfounded. She was surely surprised by the gentle gesture. But as proud as she was, she wasn't brave enough to stitch her own face.
"Oh.. I was hoping to have it stitched by that new nurse, back to the base. Did you see her already?" she chuckled. On the one hand she teased him, on the other she had really thought about it for a whole minute.
Meanwhile, he was standing between her parted legs, and the sting of disinfectant on the wound made her suck a breath through her teeth. The next step was the most difficult.
"Mhm.. I'm sorry I'm not a sexy nurse, but I'm afraid you're stuck with me." he shrugged, going along with it.
He began to sew up the cut and bring the flaps of skin on her left eyebrow and cheekbone closer. In his mind, the Soldier couldn't help but think that if the cut was deeper she would've lost her eye. And he really wanted to break something.
But he had to keep calm right now, he couldn't make any mistakes. Anya, on the other hand, was crying in pain and clutching her legs around the Soldier's hips, without even wanting to. He had even allowed her to squeeze his arm if she felt too much pain.
Eventually he covered the wound with bandage on the eyebrow and the cheekbone, then he cupped her face in his hands.
"Done. You're still pretty." he let it slip without thinking too much, lost in her green eyes.
Big mistake.
"Ты правда думаешь, что я красивая? (You really think i'm pretty?)" She teased him with a grin, tugging him more towards her only by increasing the grip on his hips with her legs.
"Пошёл ная хуй. (Fuck you.)" he rolled his eyes, unzipping her suit.
"What about you fucking me instead?" she suggested, biting her lower lip.
"We won't do it. We promised not to do it again. We are on a mission." he slipped the suit off her shoulders -letting it drap at her waist- and lifted her thermal shirt by the hem, pulling it over her head and leaving her only in her plain black bra.
"Yeah, just like we did in Riga last month. Or when we had to stay two weeks on a container ship we hijacked.." she bit her lower lip as the Soldier was busy taking care of the wound on her right arm.
"..or in that big villa in Paris where we killed the Secretary General of NATO." Anya ran a finger along the outline of his jaw. "Riga was definitely my favorite, tho. What's yours?" she whispered, grinding her hips against his.
"Anya." the Soldier scolded her and put his hands on the table on each of her sides. "We won't." he said sternly, looking straight into her eyes. And Anya felt something inside her moving because she wanted so much to disobey and make him change his mind. "We're too close to the base. We can't risk it."
Anya simply nodded looking down, her eyes rested on his chest instead. Finally noticing. Anyone should have squinted to see what he hated, but from the way he gasped, she knew exactly why he didn't want to take that shirt off.
Messy scars were scattered across the skin where flesh met metal, right on his left shoulder. There were also countless minor battle wounds the Soldier had endured over the years, scattered across his body, but those weren't prominent.
"I've been waiting for this moment for literally years, you know?" she murmured.
"I know. But it seems like we're a little bit past that limit, right?" the Soldier sighed loudly.
He gave her an imperceptible nod, a silent permission to go on. Anya took his heavy metal hand in hers. With her fingers she stroked the entire length of the arm, going upwards. On the forearm, on the bicep, admiring the way it perfectly replicated the right fleshy arm.
It was so shiny, it always reflected the light around him. She traced each metal joint that connected the plates it was made of. Anya was literally worshipping it.
"I hate it. With time I learned to live with the arm, but the whole situation going on here.." he said gesturing towards the joint between flesh and metal. "I just can't stand it."
"Ssh.." she murmured softly.
She felt the whir of his arm settling in her palm with her touch, making her veins tremble. When she reached shoulder height, she traced the black edges of the red star. Then she continued towards his chest.
It was attached in a way that seemed terrifying and impossible to remove. Her fingertips traced each pale pink scar that messed his right shoulder, up to the collarbone, feeling the hard piece of metal continuing into his pectoral to give more support.
The Soldier just stood there, not daring to make the slightest move. He was petrified. Only his breath trembled under Anya's touch, expecting a disgusted expression from her. He felt terribly naked and exposed, and held his breath to fight the urge to retract his arm away from her.
She placed her palm against his metal one, which was much larger than hers, and seemed to weigh like lead. Anya's movements were delicate and careful, almost as if he was made of crystal and she was afraid of breaking him. And he couldn't understand how she could treat him with such tenderness.
How can you not see me for the monster that I am?
"I think I like it." she said nodding, while the Soldier looked at her with a guilty look.
"I think I like you." he said, stroking her cheek with his metal knuckles. Anya closed her eyes, leaning against the touch.
"Treating you gently was the first good thing this arm ever did." he admitted softly, as if it were a secret.
And Anya said nothing. She simply kept the secret. The only thing she thought of was pressing her soft lips to the cold metal on the palm of his hand. She leaned towards him and pressed her forehead against his.
The Soldier's lips trembled at first, then Anya closed her eyes and filled the space between them by colliding their lips together. Snaking her arms around his neck as he ran his hands on her legs through the thick material of the combat suit.
Your lips were soft like winter.
In your passion, I was lost.
This was their first sweet, warming kiss. All they could hear was their hearts pounding in each other's ears. Eventually they had to part for air and Anya's eyes opened with a dazed sheen, as the two shared the air they breathed for a moment.
"Why don't we leave, Winter?" she said softly, sad.
"They would find us. I've already tried. It would take them some time, but in the end they would always find us." leaving pepper kisses from her jaw to her collarbone, just wanting to distract her.
"I want to get away." she said almost desperately, burying her face in the space between his neck and shoulder.
"Me too, Anya. Maybe one day." he promised, stroking her back.
✪
Hours later the two of them were lying on the couch by the fireplace, hiding under a warm blanket to escape the cold. Anya's back pressed against the Soldier's bare chest. They had fallen asleep listening to each other's breaths and the crackle of the fire. The wounds had already begun to heal, thanks to the effects of the super serum.
The fire had long died now, and the storm outside had calmed down. In the cabin there was silence and calm.
Until the door was kicked down and the shelter filled with soldiers with their guns aimed at them. The two jumped at the loud noise and Anya was abruptly pulled off the couch.
"What the hell?" she screamed.
"Вставать. Теперь. (Get up. Now.)"
The two quickly got dressed with the few things they had removed and, before they could realize, they were handcuffed and dragged out of the shelter into the freezing dawn air. And that's when they realized they were a dead man and woman.
"What the hell is going on?" she yelled completely panicking. Suddenly she lost her breath and saw black. A piercing headache and confusing scenes flashed through her mind.
Her bloodstained hands and someone dragging her out of an underground shelter. A sudden blinding light -but it was only daylight amplified by the desert- and a scorching heat caused her hair to stick to the nape of her neck instantly. A helicopter in front of her. A blood covered badge tucked into the back pocket of her jeans.
Anya tried to reach for the back pocket of her jeans, without succeeding because she was handcuffed and she was wearing a combat suit. And she was in Siberia, not in the desert. And that one in front of her was a snow vehicle, not a helicopter.
She heavily gasped for air as she realized what was happening.
"Anya!" someone called for her attention and she turned only to see the Winter Soldier struggling to free himself from the soldiers' grip. He was scared too. He knew he was screwed but the only thing he wanted now was not to lose her.
"Whatever happens, don't fight them!" he managed to say before being immobilized by a taser.
Anya listened to those words but they didn't make any sense in her mind. Everything happened too quickly. They were locked in some sort of clear cages on two different vehicles. She was afraid, confused, and felt like an animal in captivity.
Tears began to stream down her face thinking they could kill them. Or worse, she might never see him again. Anya wondered if was better to die than to lose him, at this point.
Meanwhile in the other vehicle, the Soldier knew too well what was going to happen, and he was cursing himself for being such an idiot. If he really cared about her, about what they had, he should have avoided playing with fire, because at some point you get burned.
The facility was calm and quiet as per usual, buried in the snowy mountains. Anya tripped over her own feet as she was pushed by the soldiers. She was deeply disturbed and terrified. Still shaken after throwing up everything she hadn't eaten on the way. And pain was clearly visible on her face.
As she walked through the corridor she was flanked by the Soldier, also held by guards. If Anya looked awful, he was even worse, and his face seemed to be marked with more bruises and cuts, besides those from the battle. He looked different and his gaze was absent.
Finally they were pushed into a room, a laboratory, and then they were literally pushed down to their knees.
"Well well, what do we have here? Are our lovebirds back from their honeymoon?" Karpov boomed from a dark spot on the room as he approached. The two were silent as the Colonel threw a bunch of photos in front of them.
"I knew something was wrong, I knew it from the start." he was furious. "I gave you a home, a purpose, a place in the world. And that's how you repay me? I won't let you ruin all my life and work." he threatened, pointing at them.
"Sir I-I promise it won't happen again." Anya said with her eyes full of tears.
"Shut up, you fucking bitch." he cutted her off, glaring at her.
"Nice performance anyway. Too bad you refused the experiment." now he spoke directly to the Winter Soldier.
"What does it mean?" Anya murmured in confusion, glancing at the Winter Soldier. He was still and impassive. "What kind of experiment?"
Was I stupid to love you?
"You didn't tell her? Then I'll have to do it myself." he mocked.
The Soldier was staring at the floor, his eyes without any emotion, he didn't let anything shine through.
Was I reckless to help?
"When you first got here, I offered him to have you. Always. Whenever he wanted. At a small price l, obviously. If he really cared, he would've accepted, don't you think?" Anya didn't know what to say.
Was it obvious to everybody else?
"He knew everything about your test and offered himself to kill you, if you would've failed." he sounded friendly, but he had anything but good intentions. Anya listened agape, a deep and ugly frown on her face to push back the tears.
That I'd fallen for a lie.
"Oh, and you could have avoided the surgery if he accepted the experiment. Open your eyes, he just used you to cope. I see you care for him, instead."
Manipulator.
That's not true. He cares about me too.
But then why doesn't he react? What if he faked it all?
You were never on my side.
Anya had to collect all her strength to keep herself from collapsing to the ground. The truth tore through her chest, taking her breath away. She focused on the pain to ward off the tears. She didn't know what to think. She didn't know what to say or what was fake or real anymore.
Fool me once, fool me twice.
She shouldn't have relied on him, she shouldn't have let him manipulate her again, make her weaker. She allowed him again, instead.
Are you death or paradise?
"So it's always been a joke to you? Just a cruel joke all along? Playing with my life and.. Using me to relax yourself?" her gaze ran across the room, to him.
Now you'll never see me cry.
She didn't let the tears run down her face, and a cold rage took hold of her as she wrapped her heart in an armor of ice and stone.
And the experiment? What does that mean? I want answers.
We were a pair.
"Anya, no, listen. I made a deal with him to protect you. But he broke it after your test." he tried to explain, now he seemed almost desperate.
"I've had enough. Prep him. I don't want any memory of her." Karpov ordered.
"But he's been out of cryo freeze for too long." a scientist tried to explain.
"Then wipe him clean and start over. And I want her to watch. If she fights, do it to her as well." he uttered.
"No." the Soldier yelled at Karpov, struggling and squirming, but there was nothing he could do. "Anya if you don't want to believe me, at least remember what I said. Don't fight them." he recommended as he was dragged to a chair with hundreds of different devices attached.
But I saw you there.
Anya watched him getting tied up as scientists hurried around the chair. No, she didn't want that. She felt deeply hurted but the last thing she wanted was for him to be punished. Her head began to ache from the inner fight.
"No." she murmured, in her mind she thought she was watching a scene she already saw. They were about to erase his memory.
"No. No. No. Please!" she tried to squirm. Suddenly she remembered that she had experienced it too.
"Anya, everything's going to be alright. Don't fight them, please." he managed to say before they could put a mouthguard between his teeth.
Too much to bear.
She felt the guards' grip on her increasing. It couldn't be happening. She couldn't lose him. Everything they had been through together, their ups and downs, and the last year when they finally lowered their boundaries. She was losing the only person she ever had in her miserable life. Everything was slipping through her fingers like fine sand.
Anya watched in horror as they started the chair and metal plates positioned themselves on his head. He was writhing in pain, trying to hold back for her, but Anya knew too well that having your memory erased was extremely painful. His screams echoed through the room and even in her head, shaking her from within.
You were my life.
All that agony seemed to never come to an end, when it suddenly stopped. A deafening silence fell upon the room, her ears still ringing from the screams. The scientists removed the straps as he breathed heavily. His eyes were blank and void, emotionless, and the hair sticked to his forehead with sweat.
"Солдат. (Soldier.)" Called Karpov.
"Я готов отвечать. (Ready to comply.)" all that remained was the shell of a man.
"Убить её. (Kill her.)"
He was no longer her Winter. Inside him, the man who was constantly fighting to come out to the surface, into the light, was thrown into a deep dark abyss. Now there was only the Winter Soldier.
Everything happened too quickly.
The minute before she was on her knees in front of Karpov, he had a strange red book in his hands. The next minute she was pinned to the wall with a metal fist clenched around her throat. Her feet dangling a few inches from the ground.
"W-Winter. It's me. Anya.." she managed to say breathlessly and with tears in her eyes.
He hesitated for a moment.
"Who the hell is Anya?" he hissed through his teeth without emotion.
Bitter tears flowed on her cheeks, as she was desperately looking for something in his eyes. But they were empty. He was empty. He didn't even look like a human being anymore. There was no point in trying to fight him while he was no longer himself. She had no chance of surviving.
"You weren't born to be good. You were born to cause pain and suffering and death. That's how it is, that's how it was, that's how it will be." Karpov looked at them in disgust.
We don't enjoy hurting people.
We do it because we have to.
We're not the villains.
You are.
Karpov's words being spat out -from that mouth Anya wanted so much to shoot into- were the last thing she heard, before the dark figure in front of her became blurry and everything around her turned cold and black.
But life is far away from fair.
In the end she simply desired to die. Killed by those steel blue eyes.
--
A/n:
Hello there! How was you Halloween?
So, these are my favorite chapter and moodboard so far 😭
Let's talk about that central pic from a deleted scene of CATWS. 😩
Also, I was listening to No Time To Die and couldn't help but put some lyrics into it. It just fits so well😩
And the quote from the first episode of Loki, too.😭
Last chapter was set in March, and now they're in December. Maybe in the next chapter we'll se what happens during the mean time, who knows?
Ad above all, will she be alive or not? 😂
What do you think about the whole situation at the end? I'm not gonna spoil much, I just wanna hear your theories hehe. 😏
See ya next Monday, babes. ❤️
Take care,
Juls xx