[A/N: As promised! Here is your chapter! :)]
The moment the door to Jimin's apartment swings, Jungkook finds a forkful of cake being held to his mouth.
"Fresh out of the oven," Jimin smiles eagerly, eyebrows raised high, eyes pointing to the cake so he does not waste time and eats it. He is wearing a purple oversized short sleeve tee with black sweatpants, much of the hair a tie can hold hanging off the back of his head in a pony tail.
He looks adorable.
Amused with the setup but compliant, Jungkook takes the bite. A heavenly, rich chocolate flavor fills his tastebuds immediately. His eyelids flutter for a moment, reveling in the amazing taste.
Jimin is satisfied with the reaction, lips pursing in this cute way that talks how proud he is. He pulls Jungkook inside before the younger even has time to take off his shoes.
"Remember that taste, okay?" he shuts the door in a hurry and flurries to the kitchen through the tight corridor, socks dancing against the bare tiles as he goes in excitement. Jungkook's head falls to the front as he watches him disappear.
It has only been two seconds since he has gotten here and he is already grinning like a little kid.
There is music playing in the kitchen, loud enough to spill over to the living room where Jungkook is standing. He takes off his shoes and slowly makes his way inside, looking over the now crowded room with furniture, carpet and plant arrangements.
Time sure flies.
He remembers the day they filled this place with boxes for the first time. It grows his heart double the size just to think that he has been here from the first day, and that he has some type of involvement with an imperative step in Jimin's life.
"Hey Yiku," he approaches the little cactus sitting besides his taller plant friends on the wooden stool on the corner of the room closest to the window. "Hi Lillies," he turns to the bundle of gorgeous peace lilies right next to the cactus. They are so imposing that they give the impression of being the mother of the flora in the room. They look so healthy and alive. Jungkook's shoulders skip up from the warmth eloping his body.
Jimin is such a good plant mum.
And he is back in the living room with a cup of coffee in his hand, making his way to Jungkook in full speed.
Never short of antics. It's cute.
"Alright, take a sip."
Jungkook gives him a funny stare, more like staring him down but Jimin is so determined to get an opinion out of him that Jungkook gives in, leaning to the cup and taking a good sip.
His first thought is: the taste doesn't match the color. It looks just like dark coffee brown, but it tastes unlike, and only then Jungkook remembers the conversation he had on the phone with Jimin a little earlier.
Coffee with five drops of lemon.
"Okay. Now pair this with the cake you just had," Jimin ties his arms in front of his stomach, propping his chin over a hand and tilting his head as low as possible — don't laugh.
Jungkook pretends to think.
"Well it's surely interesting," he says. Jimin's eyebrows shoot so high his forehead crinkles. The most unexpected snort pops through Jungkook nose.
"Gimme that," Jimin rolls his eyes, laughing too as he grabs the cup from Jungkook's hand, puts it next to Yuki on the plant stool, then just like that, pulls Jungkook in for a hug.
Jungkook freezes for a second, flustered head to toe.
His heart meets Jimin's chest, beats fast then slow, slow then fast, and Jungkook gently adjusts. Lets his hands surround the man's waist, through the crinkles of his shirt to the dip of his back, gently reciprocating the hug.
"You are just jealous of my art," Jimin says to his shoulder, voice so near that Jungkook's skin warms. He tries not to show a knee-jerk reaction and squeeze Jimin. Instead, he keeps his nerves in check and replies kindly.
"Oop, caught."
Jimin laughs softly and pats Jungkook on the back once, the same hand rubbing up and down his back in circles as to comfort him. If Jungkook were cheese, he'd be physically melting right now.
"Welcome," Jimin says quieter, voice close to a hum. A lullaby, maybe. The prettiest sound by a human.
"Thanks for letting me," Jungkook responds, shifting his head just so their temples are snuggled a tiny bit closer. It's too much and not enough at the same time. Confusing, but so heart-warming. He could stay like this all winter and it's not even winter yet.
Jimin pulls back, not fully. He takes a good second staring at Jungkook from near, eyes eventually stretching into crescent smiles as he squeezes Jungkook's two cheeks with the fingers of a hand. "No worries," he says content of the moment. "You look okay to me."
Okay as in a chubby squirrel, yes.
A smile appears on Jungkook's squished face, melting into a wide grin when Jimin frees his cheeks. He doesn't know what to say next. He feels a little speechless in front of Jimin, looking at him so considerately, putting effort into every gesture with the intention of comforting Jungkook without making things too deep.
Jimin shakes his head from the side to side lightly, staring at him through his eyelashes, teasing for an answer. So why were you upset?
Jungkook lets out a shy laugh. His head falls low slightly, and he tries to breathe to ground himself.
"It's um," he peeks up. Jimin is watching. Looks down. Clears his throat. "I fought with an old friend." Actually. "We didn't fight. He just... hung up on me when he couldn't bear to hear my honest opinion," Jungkook corrects.
Jimin looks like he needs more information to understand the situation. Jungkook scrambles for a better way to explain. He actually would rather not explain but chill with Jimin right now, forget about Yugyeom and his stupid lashouts, but sigh...
He wants to be vulnerable too.
That way they can segway into deeper conversations, grow closer, shift closer, maybe he can reach a consoling hand, caress it through his hair, watch his eyelids flutter, watch him watch you like that, pull him closer, breathe him, hold him... taste his lips... kiss him properly, for long long hours...
Shit.
This is not what he supposed to be thinking about right now.
"He was being insensitive about something," Jungkook speaks quickly, cutting the dangerous train of thoughts. "And then I couldn't stand it or whatever. I told him that, and a couple other things. He just hung up on me. Anyway..." he inhales, risking a glance at Jimin.
"Okay," Jimin says melodiously, nodding like something is funny. Whatever it is, is making him laugh shortly.
"What?"
"Nothing," Jimin tries to get out of it. "Nothing, for real," he breathes little laughs when Jungkook doesn't let his gaze waver.
"Are my problems funny to you, Park Jimin?" Jungkook asks with an amused pretend-offended face, coming onto Jimin who tries to keep him back.
"No! It's just... your face."
He thought that would get him out of trouble, Jungkook is even more intrigued.
"There is just something about your face that's funny all the time," Jimin says, giggling abashedly when Jungkook's mouth hangs agape. "It's that expression... that–" Jimin signs all over his face, growing red as he tries to get himself out of the misunderstanding. Jungkook keeps him in place by the arms, both barely standing on their feet from how much Jimin is swaying them around. "I'm sorryyy."
He is being cute again. An embarrassed type of cute. The rare type of cute. The type of cute that makes Jungkook want to kiss it out of him hours on end.
"Let's..." Jimin huffs the last of his laugh, straightening himself and fanning his face when Jungkook's blatant staring becomes too much for him. "Let's have cake. If my mouth is full, I won't be able to laugh anymore."
"Jimin!"
For the millionth time, Jimin's lips tremble helplessly and whatever he does, he can't stop the next wave of laughters bending him in half on the ground.
Jungkook doesn't even know what they are laughing at anymore. They just are. It's therapeutic, after a long day of formalities and arguing.
He wonders how it would be like to come home to this every day.
And then... then he doesn't stop himself.
Not this time.
He looks at Jimin, laying on the carpet like a jellyfish, stomach bouncing up and down as giggles pulse through his being — and lets himself wonder.
...
It's around 11 p.m.
Jungkook still hasn't left.
They significantly calmed down when Jimin actually sat him and listened to what happened. Almost like he expected the friend to be Yugyeom anyway, he merely breathed an oh when Jungkook revealed the mystery subject.
A silent acknowledgement that maybe... Jungkook should have seen this coming a long time ago.
You can't change him.
It hit somewhere close to home, the ringing of a familiar bell.
Only time changes things, and time only changes what was meant to change.
And it did. It changed Jungkook.
As hard as it is to accept that you have drifted apart from that person still saved as your emergency contact even though you are clueless about their whereabouts — at least you know they are somewhere they are meant to be.
Laying on Jimin's soft carpet, watching the ceiling illuminated by dim night lamps at the corners of the room, each a different color, painting the ceiling in mellow rainbows... Jungkook decides he is okay with that.
His head lolls to the side.
His eyes meet Jimin's.
They are big, almond orbs. They are Jungkook's favorite tone of chocolate.
And I'm where I am meant to be too.
Jimin blinks hazily, the way he does before he is about to give Jungkook that special smile. The kind that throws Jungkook into a spiral of I want yous, leaves him breathless and makes him reckless.
Makes him do things like giving Jimin a kiss on the cheek without a fourth thought.
Thank you for tonight.
And when Jimin finally gives him that special smile, it's somehow more meaningful than ever.
"Anytime," the man's teeth hide behind his lips.
Jungkook exhales his own smile.
Jimin read his mind.
Again.
...
They are taking turns it seems, quietly, subtly. Because next evening Jimin drops by. He is holding a bag of popcorn in his hands, half of it empty.
"I couldn't help it. They were crispy and I was sort of frustrated in traffic," he bites his lip apologetically, shy to take a step inside after failing to safely deliver his home-made popcorn, which he promised to make by the way.
Jungkook grins. "Traffic? At 12 a.m.?"
Jimin grins too, huffing a flustered breath. "Yeah, traffic light."
The night has barely begun and it's already one of Jungkook's favorites. He has this habit of measuring things against each other to see how precious they'd rank in his playbook, but he can't apply it to Jimin. Because every touch of Jimin's brush is special, and every moment, smile, glance with him paints a different spot on Jungkook's heart . His heart glistens when he is around Jimin, then his eyes do too because they are the windows to his heart, aren't they?
He doubts Jimin minds how obvious he is being sometimes. Because Jimin will sometimes act like he wishes Jungkook were obvious all the time. Because Jimin always finds a way to bring Jungkook back to him, just like that day he brought him to sea by his sleeve.
We can just be ourselves. We can enjoy whatever this means without asking too many questions.
It's late movie night. They are both in sweats and cozied on the fluffy couch across Jungkook's TV in the living room. It's dark except for the shimmer of the pool lights from the glass window leading to the garden, and the reflection of the movie over their silhouettes.
They started at the middle of the couch, a few inches in between. Then Jimin bent down to grab the popcorn that fell on the ground, Jungkook reached over to his phone on the coffee table, Jimin leaned over to grab the pillow on Jungkook's side of the couch, Jungkook lifted his hips to adjust his pants, Jimin cuddled his legs closer to his chest, naturally gravitated towards Jungkook's warmth over the doughy cushions, and Jungkook let his body envelop them both, pretending his heart wasn't beating on his chest.
Jimin probably heard it. He didn't say anything.
At some point during the movie Jungkook feels that he is being stared at. A short while later, Jimin speaks.
"Did you die your hair?"
Jungkook glances at him and his heart picks up immediately when he notices the way they are tangled up. It was always intimidating to get close, the two of them, but now they lean on each other, they seek closeness and enjoy it, and neither make a big deal out of it. This new attitude came over them like a peaceful surrender ever since their truce, a quiet acknowledgement of something special.
"No, why?" Jungkook's chest moves as he hums.
Jimin brings his hand to Jungkook's hair, carding his fingers softly through the strands. "I don't know, it looks kinda brownish."
It's... an intimate gesture, at least to Jungkook it feels like it is.
He has goosebumps over his neck, and the urge to close his legs, tuck his hands in between them and curl into a ball. "Probably 'cuz of the lighting," he says, trying not to sound as shy as he feels.
Jimin scrunches his nose. He fluffs Jungkook's hair at the end, a smile forming on his lips.
"Remember when you died it red?'
Jungkook snorts after a beat. "You fucking remember that. You are not supposed to remember that."
Jimin is half laughing, its sweet sound slippery on his throat. "Why not?"
"I looked..." Jungkook hums. "Well I didn't look horrible–"
"You didn't. It was a good color."
"You became jealous of it and died your own hair."
Jimin starts laughing in disbelief. "I died it purple, and it wasn't even like fully dying my hair, I just had highlights done. How is that jealousy."
Jungkook tips his head to the side. It's sloppy because he hasn't moved in a while. "You were trying not to be obvious."
"You annoying ass," Jimin bites his lip in fake spite and gives Jungkook's shoulder a big push, causing him to swing to his left, but gravity brings Jungkook back to Jimin's side, and he falls on the man, not making an effort to adjust himself at all. Jimin giggles quietly, shifting so that their arms fit and his head is snug on Jungkook's neck. "You don't mean it," he talks just for talking, but a huge smile audible on his tone.
"Keep dreaming," Jungkook bickers back.
Jimin doesn't respond.
And then they are quiet. But it doesn't feel like they are quiet.
Because they are cuddling, and this is new, and when you are pressed up this close with someone, you are gonna feel their heart beat one way or the other. It's going to tell you things he won't say out loud, and you are going to tell him things you won't say out loud.
It's like riding out some high, trying not to be obvious but this feels heavenly. Breathing each other's air, basking in that nice feeling forming from covering up space, getting rid of room to exist closer, together — oh this feels really, really good.
They pretend like they didn't set themselves up but Jungkook knew he wanted to cuddle the moment Jimin proposed to watch a movie together in the middle of the night. He knew it wasn't going to be just a movie.
They are watching The Notebook, Jimin's all time favorite and Jungkook's any time replaceable. Cheesy romantic, type of movie Jungkook doesn't opt for. On a late night with Jimin, it's perfect. It's cute and sweet, gives Jungkook the tingles. Then it's emotional and intense, and Jimin catches Jungkook crying.
"Still cry in movies?" he teases him bad, doesn't stop until Jungkook is pushing him away with a laugh.
Here is the thing about giving into someone who makes your heart beat like crazy. You have openly accepted their force of nature, and you want them to keep coming onto you. And they do, because they know you like it too.
Jimin, absolutely.
When Allie and Noah make out hot and sexy on the screen, Jimin's eyes are swaying Jungkook. This isn't like every other time Jungkook caught him staring tonight. Head leaned back on the couch and a teasing smile on his lips, Jimin is not really looking at him, he is looking though him, like he is make-seeing some type of story only he has the power to narrate.
Kissing sounds fill the room.
Their eyes never leave each other.
Jungkook swallows.
Jimin's cheeks are a deep pink, chest heaving lazily like he is exhausted from feeling so much. Or that's just Jungkook projecting. Maybe Jimin isn't thinking back to the night by the pool right now, or the slide of their lips, how addictive it felt — how it was unfairly short. Maybe there is another reason Jimin's gaze keeps switching between Jungkook's eyes and his lips, a reason Jungkook could totally steal right now to explain why he is melting into the couch, not willing to do much to stop his urge from climbing over him and kissing him numb.
Kissing sounds from the TV turn to breathy moans.
Jungkook is feeling hot.
"Why are you looking at me like that?" Jimin chuckles, mildly frustrated.
"Like what?" Jungkook feeds into it.
"Like you like me," Jimin says.
Jungkook's cheeks turn a little pink.
Straightforward.
Are they like that now?
"Is that what I look like from here?" he dodges, choosing to play hide-and-seek in the little maze of their secrets. Things they aren't allowed to voice out loud in fear of it being too real to handle.
Just like that rate-your-homo game they used to play as students, they have always been good at giving away crumbles of honesty through the cracks and feeding off the leftovers of embarrassment lingering in the aftermath.
He just got shy. Does that mean he likes me too?
Questions like that. Annoying questions that have no absolute answers. Games of guessing and failing, because they'd never tell each other.
"A little bit, I'd say. Yeah," Jimin chuckles cutely, face stretching wide under the effect. He is being lazy and careless with the way his mouth hangs, his pink tongue revealing in the wake.
It is making Jungkook think of things.
"Hm. You know what you look like from here?" Jungkook shifts a little, bravely closer. Jimin is enjoying it, a pleasant surprise flashing across his pupils as he watches Jungkook's movements, staring back at him with a gratified half-smirk.
"What?"
"Like you like to see that I look like I like you."
"That's a lot of fucking likes."
"I know right."
Jimin breaks into giggles, just when Jungkook was wondering when he would. He hits Jungkook lightly or maybe does that as an excuse because his hands aren't leaving then. They linger on Jungkook's lap, like a silent refusal to let him get father but an invitation to stay... and maybe do more of those hot brave stunts of his.
Silence settles in between them. Only then Jungkook realizes theirs have drowned the sounds of the movie left playing in the background as an excuse.
Here they are, seemlessly pulling off the touching game like it just happened.
"What do you think about me?" Jimin asks randomly.
Jungkook was expecting it so little that he starts laughing.
"Why are you laughing?! It's not a funny question?!"
"No, it's just kind of unexpected. Nothing else," Jungkook settles down, more to take care of Jimin. He doesn't want to be insensitive. He is actually making an effort to be perceptive, and caught in a brief moment of self-reflection, he realizes how differently they interact now. He is able to catch himself sooner than the slips, more in tune than he ever was with Jimin's feelings and the effect of his own actions on Jimin's world.
Maybe Jimin actually wants to know what Jungkook's thinks of him.
"Why is it unexpected?" and he is prompting.
"You want me to answer that question again, after hearing what I said the first time you asked it."
It takes a few seconds for Jimin to understand what Jungkook is referring to.
"Oh..."
He gets there, he can see that night playing in front of his eyes too. They are sitting around the table in their lodge, Jimin is bugging Jungkook more than usual, not letting him work on his computer with the complaint that Jungkook never pays attention to him and Taehyung. When Jungkook lets an exasperated sigh and looks at him, Jimin asks "What do you think of me?", and under the effect of desperation and embarrassment Jungkook answers, "I think you are superficial, just worried about chasing fun. Plus, I don't even know you that well." Taehyung gasps mixed with a laugh somewhere across the room and Jimin's face falls.
Jungkook didn't mean that.
At least he didn't mean it like that.
But the damage was done, anyway.
"You are talking about that," present Jimin says.
Jungkook purses his lips, feeling down all of a sudden. He hates himself for being like that. Jimin might have forgiven him but Jungkook still feels indebted to him in a way, doesn't know how he could possibly make it up to him.
"That cocky answer you had given, hadn't you?" Jimin makes Jungkook look at him, tone a little snarky mixed with playful bitterness.
"Guilty," Jungkook says with a small voice. He is nervous. An antsy buzz is taking over his body.
"Did you mean that?" Jimin won't let go. "I always wondered."
And maybe it's for the best that they talk it out. Over and over again until it stops being the unspeakable monster in the room.
"Um... I was kinda trying to be mean but um..." Jungkook steals a glance. Jimin is fully attentive. "I did think that you were superficial."
Jimin's jaw drops.
"Back then!!!" Jungkook jumps. God, why did he say that? "Back then. I thought you were superficial because I was superficial Jimin. Really."
Jimin is giving him the benefit of the doubt but there is this intense emotion blooming in his face, an expression that comes over him when he is indecisive about breaching a subject. He swallows, quietly looking down, mouth parted in words he is about to say. Jungkook watches like his life depends on it, hating every second that passes in silence.
"Do you know how hard I tried to change your mind?" Jimin speaks, only looking up at Jungkook after the question has settled into the air, swallowed by tension.
Jungkook isn't even sure what he means, but he is feeling nauseous.
"C-change my mind?"
"Th," Jimin lets out a silly laugh through the tip of his tongue, looking around like questioning his personal motives. "Yeah," he says a lot more firmly, as-a-matter-of-factly. "I couldn't stand it. Perceived it as a challenge to prove you wrong."
Jungkook is speechless afore the things he is hearing.
It doesn't make sense.
"Jimin..." he inhales. "What did you do?"
Jimin smiles, beautiful, apprehensive. He tilts his head to side and stares at Jungkook endlessly. "I tried to talk. To you. More often. About... my feelings and stuff. Even when you obviously didn't trust me, and kept a distance like I would contaminate you with my superficialness."
Jungkook has goosebumps all over his body. He isn't even sure if he is dreaming or hearing things right. He can't imagine the confident Jimin in his memories ever thinking things like that, ever thinking of him like that. Jimin was... clueless, bratty, happy, sometimes clingy and teasing in this mean way like he knew Jungkook was his toy and he could play him so well, and effortlessly.
Looking back, it's almost impossible to rewrite the same scenes - no, construct them all over again but with a different... a different Jimin who feels insecure and looks to please him? How can Jungkook's impression of this man be so different than the real him?
Was he so absorbed in his feelings towards Jimin that he fit the boy in an evil box in his mind, just so he had a reason to ignore him, run away from him and basically not give himself away?
"I tried to open you up, crack your code," Jimin continues. "I tried to be nice to you. Around you. And I tried to tell you stories about me being nice to other people so that you could see that side of me too."
"You didn't–" Jungkook shakes his head, throat wired into knots, "you really didn't have to."
"I know. I could just say fuck you and move on. Right?" Jimin nods rigorously, totally agreeing with Jungkook even though they stand different grounds in this argument. "Then why did I care, Jungkook?" he buckles up, turning fully towards Jungkook. The upsetting part is that he looks like he really means to ask this question — to Jungkook, to himself, to an outer power that has the ability to answer it. "Why was it so important to impress the one asshole in my lodge when there were a line of people waiting to sleep with me, Tae who would do anything for my happiness, a supposed girlfriend back home and everyone else?"
Jungkook just stares, heart hammering on his chest. He is feeling so many things right now: awed, nervous, guilty, endeared, needy... And that's when Jimin kneels and comes closer, pushes Jungkook back so his shoulders are pressed to the sofa and he is leaning over him.
Tension is thick in the air, swarming the electricity between them like bending water. It's hot in here, it's dangerous and arousing all at the same time. Most of all it's unpredictable. The Jimin staring Jungkook down has hooded eyes, an emotion close to revenge-but-not-really, buzzing in the round orbs of the man, hands secured over his shoulder blades.
Jungkook is tongue-tied like a kitten. He has submitted to whatever Jimin wants to do with him.
"You know how often I used to dream of this moment? This one right here?" Jimin's head clicks forward, words slurring. He is getting carried away, getting lost in his emotions, looking somewhat delirious like acting out a scene in his memories. He is looking a lot like how Jungkook felt himself look by the pool, confessing his crush to him like playing out a tape that was long overdue. "You just looking up at me awed... feeling sorry for assuming I was superficial because you saw the good in me."
Jungkook tries to fight it. "Jimin, you are good."
It's like Jimin doesn't even hear him. "That you, that you thought I had the potential to be someone important too."
"Jimin..." Jungkook grabs Jimin's elbows, rubbing circles on the outside. Jimin looks upset by the comforting gesture (he probably perceives it as pity), but he isn't doing much to get Jungkook to stop too. So Jungkook takes that as a subconscious way of leaning into his touch, grabs him firmer, trying his darn hardest to convey that he is so good, he was always so perfect.
"Because you were important. You had missions, you had a life philosophy, you knew every fucking step you were gonna take next. And I wanted you to believe in me too," Jimin pauses when his voice breaks. Jungkook's heart breaks with it. These words are too deep. He can't believe Jimin has been bottling these for so long... fuck. "I wanted you to acknowledge me. Validate me. Trust me to handle the important shit too, like my grades, my graduation, my career, my future, things like that, Jungkook."
"You were capable of all those things. You didn't need me to tell you that."
"You're right I didn't. But I wanted it," hunger flows through Jimin's eyes as he says this, a more carnal version of himself speaking. It makes Jungkook's heart beat faster and faster, fingers tightening their hold on Jimin's arms. I wanted you too. "So bad. And you were, god, so pretentious! In your little computer 24/7. saving the world, writing reports, working online jobs, publishing shit. Even the band you stanned was busy being successful worldwide while I was bragging about seeing the one infamous artist in town play. You didn't make it easy one bit for me. And years later you come and tell me you were being an asshole because you liked me?"
Jungkook lets that sink in.
Lets Jimin question his confession like it meant nothing more than a made up story.
Yeah it upsets him, brews an irritability deep down, self-disappointment for not even being able to pull that off. For coming across as insincere even when admitting the most precious thing to his heart. He can't be that awful, can he?
"You think I lied?" he poses, sincerely gazing into Jimin's eyes, betting to land a lucky strike and get Jimin to read him in the absence of paragraphs like he does sometimes. Maybe he is only good at being honest without speaking, maybe.
Jimin gapes like he is trying to find his own truth, perhaps scared of making incorrect assumptions like Jungkook once did to him. But, "I don't know, Jungkook. I don't fucking know," he says, air sticking to his parted lips.
He pulls back slightly, confused, and guilty, probably for bringing up things.
It agitates Jungkook externally, the way he makes everything look so meaningless all of a sudden, like it meant nothing, like this pull between them means nothing. He buckles forward, blood hot on his veins. He is breaking down too.
"Is that why you made me kiss you that night by the pool?" he points to the pool beyond the wall, eyes growing incredulously. Now Jungkook wants answers. "To test me? If I was lying to you?"
Jimin doesn't stare at him too long, escaping his eyes to the side and cursing silently.
Jungkook can't accept it.
"Jimin," His voice raises a pitch higher. "Is that why you did it?"
"Don't pressure me," Jimin switches to defense mode, suddenly more stern. He still seems reserved though, like having this conversation get heated the wrong way is the last thing he wants but he can't help uphold himself at the same time. "I hate it when people pressure me."
"I'm not lying to you!" a desperate breath of laughter shoots through Jungkook lungs, shoulders slumping on the sides of his body. But he is not lying! He felt everything, he didn't kiss Jimin to dodge a bullet — he, fuck, he did it because he... he...
He doesn't know...!
Why did he kiss Jimin?
Jimin is heatedly rambling. He won't even stop to breathe. "How do you know that?! How do you be so mean to the person you like! It hurt Jungkook, it really hurt me. I tried to get past it and again, I tried to take that step because apparently I still care about your stupid opinion, and you drop this bomb on me, and I have to second doubt myself again, and I have nothing... nothing to hold on to because all of my interpretations were bullshit and you win again–"
Jungkook doesn't want to hear more of it. He had enough. In an impulsive need to stop Jimin from spiraling, he reaches out for his hands. Jimin is surprised by Jungkook's sudden attempt. He stops talking and dodges. He is irritated because he was cut short and maybe Jungkook is being a little rude, but he is just as stubborn in his plan of action so he ignores all of Jimin's warnings and wrestles him until he has the man's wrists firm in his grip.
They are out of breath, faces before each other's. Jimin's skin is glistening with a coat of sweat, hair falling over his eyebrows coolly, ready to resist any second Jungkook gives him a break.
Jungkook swallows his nerves. He doesn't know what he is going to say or do. All he knows is that he wants to convince Jimin of his sincerity one way or the other.
He can imagine that Jimin is going through the calm type of furious Jungkook experiences when life doesn't treat him fair to his perception sometimes. It's not a type of furious that makes you storm on things. It's the creepier, steadier one that eats you from inside slowly, eventually, until you become crazy from all the suspicions.
Jimin is not looking at him anymore.
It is breaking Jungkook's heart.
He had no right to do this to Jimin.
He swallows, heart beating unrythmically on his chest. He opens his mouth and lets the truth spill over like sticky honey, hoping it clings to Jimin in some way.
"When we went out sometimes, those very rare times you, me, Taehyung and Yugyeom went out, I used to stay behind," he starts and it is so hard to say these things already because it has been such a long time since he has stirred his Jimin diaries and let these emotions come to him freely. "You know why?"
There is no answer.
It's okay.
"Because I wanted to watch you walk," he admits, feeling his ears redden. "You walked like a cool supermodel, so youthful yet mature-looking, so handsome with the sun shining on your purple hair."
The corner of Jimin's lip lifts up, and Jungkook suddenly gets a rush of adrenaline.
Okay. Okay.
"I... I used to admire you and my h...heart would do this thing and remind me that you were never gonna be mine."
He is getting teary, and right at that moment, Jimin has to stare at him. It's okay, it's okay, you can do this. He cares. At least he cares enough to listen.
"That you were too good for me. And I used to lower my gaze and pretend I never heard it speak."
"How...?" Jimin says deeply, curious and genuine about it. "Jungkook how was I too good for you?"
He doesn't get it. He doesn't! He doesn't know how awesome he was, is, and he.. ugh.
"Being a nerd makes you feel like that!" Jungkook exclaims, no longer holding onto Jimin so tightly now that he has his attention.
"You felt... inferior?" Jimin lightly ducks his head, voice soft but still so confused. The sudden gentleness is affecting Jungkook on a deep level, pulling strings in his heart that haven't been touched in a long, long time.
Maybe it's the talking that's doing this to him. Maybe he is reliving his memories and that's why he feels this way.
"I felt like you were on another level. On another dimension, ahead of my league," is the only explanation he can gather.
"It doesn't make sense," Jimin shakes his head, releasing a soft laugh. "I don't... me?" he points to himself without pointing at himself.
"Yes," Jungkook confirms.
That local band Jimin is talking about, the "infamous artist" in Jimin's words, was the most exclusive indie band in South Korea. They spoke to youth and they sang about heartbreak, and listening to them meant you could relate – but Jungkook never did because he never had a relationship before. He stanned a famous pop band because... they sang about dreams and everyone has dreams, right? He stayed on his computer typing his life away because it meant he'd interact less with his roommates. It meant he could ignore Jimin flirting with Taehyung, it meant that he didn't have to meet Jimin's eyes when he felt glances thrown his way.
All the important stuff Jungkook did felt like a chore sometimes because he had a life philosophy fed by his religious parents (which did save him quite a lot of trouble when he was younger and actually guided him well to a certain point). He didn't have Friday nights in clubs or any other night in that case, fucking or with other people, and he didn't have groupies to get high with either.
You focus on yourself and pursue your hobbies when you decide not to be a part of the teenage wave, and eventually, you start getting good at things.
There is nothing that cool about it. The fact that Jimin thinks so... is difficult for Jungkook to comprehend.
But his question: I was ahead of your league?
Yes. Yes he was.
The mood is lighter now, and it finally feels like they are talking rather than dumping words. Jungkook feels brave enough to add,
"Just looking at you felt like dreaming. I'd never be able to make eye contact with you. That's how beautiful you were."
He can't believe he said that.
But Jimin is smiling now, and Jungkook's heart is doing flips on his stomach. Or something like that. He doesn't know how to describe it. He is feeling so many things right now and everything is so intense that it actually feels like his pulse is in his stomach.
"Wow. Thank you," Jimin ends up saying, rolling his eyes playfully. "And past tense. Got it."
"God, no. Stop it," Jungkook shakes his head. He twists his hands so that they are comfortably holding Jimin's hands by their lap, thumbs brushing over Jimin's pulse point above his little joints. "You are still beautiful, if not even more," he manages to say without cutting eye contact.
He doesn't know if he is breathing though.
Jimin is chewing on his lip, looking back at him expectantly. Shit, Jungkook realizes. He wants the validation he never got. He still wants it, tonight he wants it. Jungkook doesn't know where such courage comes to him sometimes, but he finds himself bringing a hand to Jimin's cheek, gazing into his eyes sincerely.
"You are a gorgeous creature, Park Jimin."
His voice shakes. His voice shook. He messed up. He slipped, a little bit. But it's fine. It's fine. It's worth it.
Jimin's head falls to the side a tad bit, a shy smile on his lips and fingers of his right hand curling on his lap, of his left hand around Jungkook's fingers.
"You radiate light, energy, brightness and sometimes..." Jungkook is on autopilot right now, drunk on some high he can't reach the source. "Sometimes I feel like you are not real. I miss you so much that I feel like my brain is pretending like you are here to console me."
Jimin is blushing. He is so beautiful. He is an angel. He is perfect.
Jungkook thinks he is blushing too. He knows when the pink has travelled from his ears all the way to the tip of his nose, because he feels the burn as he asks the next question kindly, silently, like delivering a chest of precious pearls.
"You know why you are so much more attractive now, than before?"
Jimin is smiling so wide his teeth start showing. He stares at Jungkook under his lashes, nudging his chin upwards once. "Why?"
Jungkook tries to contain his own smile as he pours. "Because you made it where I always knew you would. You are so intelligent, you make amazing business decisions, you are meticulous and not even a bit lazy of planning, you foresee risks so expertly that I find it so damn..."
Jimin's curiosity is readable from his dilated pupils, neverending, like he is thirsty for every single drop of praise he can get. "So damn?" he prompts.
"Sexy," Jungkook snorts.
And Jimin is laughing. Well they both are, but Jimin's laughter is big enough to echo in a greenhouse while Jungkook's would probably not reach further than Jimin's ears.
By the time Jimin finishes laughing, he is kind of tamed and timid, though never short of confidence. He shifts closer, bent legs overlapping with Jungkook's knees. He tucks Jungkook's hair behind his ears and hums for him to go on.
"I was shy of changing in front of you at the lodge 'cuz I wasn't confident with my body," Jungkook speaks randomly now, finding relief in being mundane about his feelings, little details he cooped up for so long. It's much more intimate now between them however, and his voice has dropped low enough to allow noise from the television blend into their conversation.
"You were pretty well in shape," Jimin says. He caresses Jungkook's ear with his thumb, and a shiver runs through Jungkook's body.
"I would argue."
They both laugh.
"But you said you went on a lot of runs to forget about me," Jimin teases with a cute satisfaction clinging to his tone. He seems to be embarrassed to openly be fishing for compliments, in a way, but also enjoying it so much that he doesn't mind.
"You think you kept me in shape back then," Jungkook phrases it for him, making a sneaky face.
"Indirectly," Jimin argues. Then he shrugs a shoulder. Then he raises an eyebrow knowingly, and Jungkook feels like squishing his cheeks together.
"Kay kay, alright," he says out of frustration, bumping his nose to Jimin's teasingly. It makes the man giggle. "I'll give you that."
"Of course you will," Jimin sweetly grins, eyes lowering the closer their faces get.
Jungkook loves him like this. All to himself, the source of all of his attention and the receiver of all of Jungkook's. His possessive muscle is ticking, and when their foreheads click together, Jungkook's hands roll around Jimin's waist, pulling him closer, bringing their chests together.
"I have never met anyone as beautiful as you," he whispers to Jimin's lips, sounding unreal to himself.
"Thank you. I find you very attractive too," Jimin breathes out, and then in, and then out again, and then his breath stutters because Jungkook tilts his forehead to nuzzle his nose to the corner of Jimin's, smiling teasingly.
"You do, huh."
Jimin makes this strangled noise from his throat like he is responding but he is also way too aroused to speak, and Jungkook cannot hold himself back anymore.
He dives and kisses him hard.
Like water rushing out of a broken dam, they break too and feelings just... rush. They rush after being captive for so long, and they swirl around the two of them like black magic, enticing, magnetizing, luring.
Jungkook's hands are surrounding Jimin's waist so strongly that the man barely has room to move. Jimin is holding Jungkook the same way too, hands around his neck, tilting his head as Jungkook kisses and kisses and kisses him.
Endlessly.
Like in his fantasies. They came true.
Jimin is his right now and kissing him feels blissful. His lips are plump and his movements gentle, but he also has this ferocious fire inside him which is making it hard for him to stay still. He is impatient and needy, which only encourages Jungkook to be meaner than he usually would, doing things like holding Jimin's chin down so he stays still until Jungkook is done sucking on his bottom lip, holding him still and watching him for a brief moment.
Jimin is panting. He lids his eyes when he realizes there is a pause, revealing his glossy irises. He is staring at Jungkook through a cloud of untamed desire.
Jungkook leans their foreheads again and waits a little bit, listens to the sounds of their heartbeats and the harsh breaths leaving their mouths. Also, he is so hard right now.
"Fuck," Jimin sighs, caressing the back of Jungkook's neck, arching when Jungkook's hands slide up a bit on his back. He is somehow on Jungkook's lap now. His weight on him feels amazing and Jungkook doesn't have time to question how it even happened."Why is this so intense? Why is it so intense kissing you?"
Jungkook keeps rubbing on his back and kisses the corner of Jimin's mouth like he can't get enough. His teeth drag over Jimin's honey lips, back and fort, tracing until they catch onto flesh. He bites down and Jimin whimpers, leaning forward, encapsulating Jungkook fully. His hands are cupping the side of Jungkook's neck all the way to his cheeks, nails pressing over the skin when Jungkook flips his tongue over where he bites, messing the slippery texture. Now Jimin is sitting with his mouth open, letting Jungkook's tongue do whatever it wants inside his mouth.
It is plain erotic.
Every inch of their bodies is pressed up, and it's burning like hell in the room.
Jimin is not only sweet and kind and smart but he is also extremely, so so so extremely hot. He is so sexy that it's driving Jungkook crazy. He never kissed anyone like this before, never felt this way towards anyone before. Jimin, goodness, Jimin is ruining him in all the possible ways and Jungkook is in love with this feeling.
He is addicted.
He kisses Jimin again properly, and the man is full on moaning, his hard on pressing against Jungkook's over their sweats. He is a panting mess when he pulls back from Jungkook's lips and hugs the side of his head, trying to calm down.
Jungkook attempts to move. Jimin stills him in place.
"Don't move. You can't move you have to stay still for a while," he urges. And Jungkook knows exactly what he means, because he will either end up grinding on Jimin or have Jimin grind on himself as a result of it.
"I'm sorry if I took it too far," he says quickly.
It's kind of embarrassing and not at the same time? Probably because he feels like he travelled to his living room after a blackout and he is suddenly realizing that he has fucking Park Jimin sitting on his lap.
In what universe was this possible?!
"No, no nonono you were perfect," Jimin digs his nose to the side of Jungkook's head and breathes. "You are perfect. Your mouth is perfect," he laughs and so does Jungkook. "I have gone too long without sex that's it. It's all me. I'm just a little too..."
"Little too what?" Jungkook murmurs, hands traveling upwards over Jimin's spine, the muscle increments popping on the sides of his back. He can't get enough of him and he finds his fingers digging into Jimin's body over his shirt, massaging as he drags them back down.
Jimin is fidgeting.
"Too starved Jungkook, fuck that feels so good," he throws his head back and with that his ass presses down harder, making Jungkook curse too in realization of what he is doing to both of them.
He doesn't speak, embarrassed. What he does is pull Jimin into a hug instead. Jimin follows suit, buries himself on Jungkook's shoulders, breathing, breathing, and breathing.
"You want to go take care of yourself in the bathroom?" Jungkook asks quietly to his neck where his lips are smushed. Jimin shakes his head, nuzzling even more like a needy puppy. It's cute, makes Jungkook smile with his soul.
"I'm good, thanks. Do you?" he is short of pulling back when Jungkook stops him from doing that.
"It's fine. I'll wait it out."
Jimin snorts tiredly.
"We are idiots."
Jungkook grins, giggling from his throat. "Nothing wrong with being idiots."
Jimin kisses the side of his head. "I guess you are right."
Minutes pass like that, the movie comes to an end and Jungkook realizes he is the only one who has been watching as Jimin has ever since been nesting on his neck, hugging him to a slumber. It's awfully late right now and Jungkook is not in his right mind to drive Jimin home either, so he decides to host him. There is an empty guest room in his bigass house anyway and nobody except Yugyeom has slept in there until a year ago. It's time Jimin makes memories in his house.
He smiles at the thought.
Jimin's chest is coming up and down on his chest. He looks peaceful.
Jungkook reaches out to the remote without waking him up and turns off the TV. He decides to ignore the mess of wrappers and oily popcorn boxes for now. He carefully holds Jimin by the thighs and stands up slowly, grunting at the lack of energy in his body.
He manages to put Jimin into bed soon, and falls asleep just as quickly in his bedroom, the hugest grin on his lips. He looked like he likes Jimin because he likes Jimin. He really, really, really likes Jimin and he has a feeling that Jimin really, really, really likes him too.
[A/N: My heart is overflowing with love and excitement for these two! It took a while for inspiration to struck me for the movie night, but when it did man was I typing away for my life at 2 a.m. in the morning. How are you guys feeling? :]