The reflection. It's not mine.
The eyes are sunken and cold. The cheeks are hollow. The lips pale and chapped. The skin scattered with black and blue bruises, ones I know too well. And the scar; the scar is definitely mine.
Scars are meant to hold the deepest stories. Stories so deep they remain embedded in your skin forever.
With my index finger, I strained along my fresh scar. My finger travelled the raised skin from my cheekbone down to my collarbone on the right side of my face.
The scars are what force me to remember what I have done. I'm not mourning the deaths of the monsters. I'm mourning what the monsters took from me in the process.
Since getting to here I haven't been able to cry. I long for it. I want to feel anything than just rage. It scares me. I scare myself. I fear what will happen once I get to the sanctum. A part of me doubts I'll even be able to control my po-
"Kat, soup is ready." Nat said, making her way into the bathroom and standing behind me. "You get all the blood off?" She asked, leaning against the doorframe with her arms crossed.
"Yeah I did."
Turning away from the mirror, I stood face to face with Nat. I was still shorter by a few inches but her look of disbelief makes me feel like I'm a completely different person. "It's good to see you Katia." She looked at me, her eyebrows furrowed. Bringing a hand up, she traced the dagger scar on my face. 'I'm so sorry all of this happened."
I chuckled under my breath and she looked at me in confusion. "Well, it does make for a badass scar. Although, I do think they were aiming for my eye. Nat? How long has it been since, then?" I asked, my smile falling.
Her face portrayed nothing up sorrow. "Five days."
Unintentionally, I let out a humourless laugh. "Guess I'm seventeen. Happy birthday to me."
"Hey guys, are we going to eat this soup before it goes cold?" Yelena yelled from the other room.
A small smile made it's way onto my face just as Nat kissed my forehead before the two of us headed out to the main room.
"Hey you got coffee?" I asked with a yawn. "Or three now I think of it."
Without another word, Yelena handed me a cup of steaming coffee. I gulped it down, ignoring the burning in my throat and mouth.
Placing the coffee on the table, Nat handed me a mug of what looks like tomato soup, which I did the same.
"So how long do you think you will stay before you need to continue whatever got you into this mess?" Nat asked from the small couch.
I kept my gaze on my mug, slightly guilty. "I can't stay."
"What?" Hurt filled her tone.
"I'm sorry Nat, but to get this shit over and done with I can't afford to wait any longer. Ross and Hydra are so close to getting me. I'm not going back there and I certainly wont see you or anyone else be put in there too. No matter what happens I will not stop until they leave you alone, even if it means collateral damage." The sides of Nat's mouth tugged into a smile.
"You've grown up, kid. But not enough for me to let you go back out there alone."
Chugging the rest of the soup, I placed the mug in the sink, trying to avoid meeting the eyes of both of them. "I'm never alone."
"What's that supposed to mean?" Yelena asked wearily, her voice just above a whisper.
Several seconds passed in silence, the only noise being my fingers tapping the edge of the sink. "I'm never alone." I repeated, my eyebrows furrowing.
"Kat, who's with you?" Nat's voice let on a serious edge.
I don't trust my voice enough to speak, so I made my way into the bathroom and stared at the grim reflection in the mirror.
The two followed closely behind me.
On first glance, it's me. The scar, the bruises, everything is there. But not the same. Her eyes: cesspools for dark magic. They swirl with blood thirst and unvanquished rage, one corner of her mouth, pulled into an everlasting smirk as her head tilts ever so slightly, taunting me.
My face contorts into a scowl as the two behind me stare in confusion. Yelena leaned down, her eyes narrowing into my unblinking reflection.
"Ok, what am I supposed to-"
In that moment, Void's eyes shifted, staring with blank expression at Yelena. "Kat, stop looking at me like that."
I don't respond. My mind too focused on forcing Void to look at Yelena, my power scorches under my veins making my blood boil.
"She isn't looking at you." Nat's voice was distant, muffled by the thumping of my heart.
Her empty eyes traced back to me, staring with a dark intensity. Her taunting face, it haunts my every thought, my every move, knowing that she has a hand on the wheel, trying to gain control over it. But it doesn't feel like it. I'm in control, I control her, I wield the power she is, I am the reason she exists. I am her, I am Void.
"Katia!"
Backing away from the sink, my gaze followed to the charred handprints on the sides of the sink where I was a second ago. Cursing my stupidity, I lifted my arm to watch the glowing purple lines travel vigorously through my veins. "Did you know you were doing that?" Nat asked, gently grabbing my arm to examine the glow.
"Since Void emerged, yes."
"And when was that." Her voice came out more urgent, angry.
"Since the raft. She claimed it was my first experience of pure rage. The first opportunity my power had to begin it's journey to full potential. I still don't know when that is, but I'm going to the Sanctum, the Ancient One said they will know how to help."
"Is Void the reason you can't heal?" Yelena asked, leaning against the door. I nodded my head.
"Also the reason for necromancy. I can see people the way they died. I hope to never use it."
"Who did you see?" Nat asked, placing her hand on my arm.
"Pietro." My voice broke, only escaping as a whisper.
Nat's face fell, her eyes fixed onto the floor. The three of us stood in silence for several moments before anything worth while was said.
"Now you have seen why I have to go to the sanctum. You two have to leave this apartment, Ross will track that power here and I can't guarantee what I'll do if that happens. I might just end up getting us all into more shit." I turned so that I was face to face with Nat. " I love you mom, I'll see you soon."
Nat looked up, her green eyes rimmed with tears and a sniffle left her before she pulled me in, careful to not touch any of my stitches. "I love you too. When we get out of this, were getting a place. Somewhere quiet and peaceful, where you can fly and practice your magic freely. I'll be the mother you deserve and you will be the daughter I never had." Her voice broke before speaking again. "We should get going, Ross will be in the city soon so we don't have much time."
Without any more words, I nodded. Yelena had left the room during me and Nat's moment, she stood holding a backpack in from of me. "Kat, In here you have food, water, our spare gun and bullets, and an aid kit if any shit goes down. Take care of yourself, okay?"
I took the bag from her with a grateful smile before pulling her in for a hug. Her arms wrapped around me for several seconds before pulling away. "C'mon, we have to go. You know where your sanctum is?"
"Yeah, Void is directing me to it."
"Then let's get going." Nat said, pulling the hood of her hoodie over her blonde hair.
The three of us headed down to the back entrance, the way me and Nat came up through. drops of my blood still trailed on the concrete wall and drops splattered on the floor.
By now the painkillers were in full effect and only a dull ache remained at the gun wounds and stitched up knife cuts. bandages wrapped both my shoulders, my left thigh and both my hands, which were raw and scabbed from consistent punching.
I Didn't have any time to go through and find makeup to cover the scar on my face so right now I am more distinctive to the public then I ever have been before. The quicker I get to the sanctum without people noticing a totally inconspicuous teenager with purple veins and a scar along their face the better.
"veins normal yet?" Yelena's voice pulled me away from my thoughts. I lifted the sleeve of my arm and stared at the still glowing veins.
"nope. If anything, they are more vibrant. I think it has something to do with how close to the sanctum I am, or just anxiety."
Several seconds of silence washed over us as they stood facing me with worried expressions. "promise me you will stay safe. both of you. I will be back as soon as this shit is over with, I just need to figure a few things out on my own first." They nodded silently before Nat sighed.
"We'll see you soon Kat. Promise."
I nodded silently before turning towards the exit of the alleyway; my hood pulled up to cover my face.
My hand reached up to brush against the scar at my neck when I try to hide the bandages of my bullet wound under my hoodie. It's becoming a habit, feeling the clean, raised line of scar tissue that a Hydra solder left permanently engravers on my skin, and on my face. If I wasn't so tired and if my face wasn't gaunt-like, the scar could look badass.
How far to the Sanctum?
Around four blocks. Hear anything suspicious?
Nope, nothing out of the ordinary. You know, Void. Thank you. I appreciate you actually working with me on this.
Well, I never worked against you. Your brain allows me in so you are the one to control me. I'm basically just your really annoying internal monologue and only do what your brain wants to. You are always in control.
Something in that sentence made me smile. I'm in control. I have control of my body. I have control of my life. it's mine and nobody else can take it from me, not without paying consequences.
Ever step drags on, the constant paranoia etches at my sanity, this crippling fear that they have already found me starts to seep in.
Breathe, Katia, breathe. If they are hear, you can hear them. Nobody is here. They aren't going to get you.
Just a few more blocks, just a few more. I'm so close, so close to a break. Only now do I realise the pure level of exhaustion I have ignored the past few days. The coffee is wearing off. Last I sept was back in the car for about an hour. That was over three days ago. I need to sleep. My shoulders have slumped over and my knees are constantly weak, dragging me on with Void guiding my body from another half of my brain.
I feel like a zombie, stuck in an empty human carcass as i weave my way through the crowded streets. My hood blocked most of my vision and I could only hope it his most of the view of my distinctive scar that the public have been told to look for in order to identify me.
How long has it been? A week? Two? I have no Idea. It feels like an eternity.
I just want to go home. I want to see my family. I want to see Wanda and Steve, Bucky and Sam. I want to see Jane. God I miss her.
I want to see my brother more than ever, he would know how to calm me down. But I can't face him. Not when he looks the same he did almost 4 years ago.
Kat? We're here.