As Lancelot exited, Merlin hit Arthur on the head and moved toward the door. "You are a King, for heaven's sake. Act like it sometimes." He stood there in the middle of the room, looking at the sheets all crumbled and his heart dropped so much, he felt the emptiness winning over him.
Lancelot send two maids for her in the early afternoon to prepare her for him. She let them do whatever they wanted beside touch her hair, that she did alone and rather clumsily. She was distracted but for good reasons. She had to absolutely be focused and ready for the meeting. This wasn't a dinner between a future husband and a wife, this was a war meeting to forge a possible allegiance and she needed to play her cards good.
At seven, she was let in and Lancelot, wearing a very charming pair of pants and a shirt with the high collar, looked almost like one of the princes from the fairytales she heard the nanny tell. Almost.
"You look..." like a doll dressed to please him. With her purple dress that definitely was worth more than half of her kingdom, if she had it.
He helped her to her seat and moved to the other side of the table. She let out the breath she was holding and he did not miss it.
"I suppose you have some terms you wish us to discuss." He attempted ordering a maid to fill her cup. There was no way she was going to let herself be vulnerable by drinking.
"Yes." She cut her meat but wasn't very hungry. "I have conditions that I hope you'll take into consideration." She wasn't the naïve girl you'd expect once met a princess. She learned how to waggle as someone would learn how to write. She was clever and outspoken and she went into his hands willingly. She was ready, this time.
"The first one is that, once we're wed, I'll be able to go anywhere I'd like, day or night and you must not pressure me if I don't feel like telling you where."
"Very unlikely, my dear. I can pass on the day and night thing, but I must know where you are at all times. I will not ask questions though." Fair enough, thought Gwen and took a bite after he almost finished his plate.
"Second one, I want to keep my place as Arthur Royal Guard." Lancelot let out a loud laugh as he almost choked on his mouthful of food.
"Oh, you're serious..." he stopped giggling and drank a little from his glass. "You expect me to let a woman, my woman, be close to the man she is most attracted to? Do you believe me so gullible?"
"No. But I am strongly aware of the fact that you care about his life more than you care about the fact that I do him. I do not deny that the attraction to him is hard, but my need to earn my staying in Camelot is stronger. I want to be part of this Kingdom and I'm not just a pretty face you know? I can be useful in many ways." Lancelot leaned in and crossed his arms to the chest.
"Such as?"
"I talk several languages. I can fight and defend myself and others. I know my way around the country and I have lots of connections."
Lancelot shook his head. "I have no doubt about it. But you are still a woman and can you imagine how Arthur will look if it goes out that a tiny lady as you, a princess from a former country, a nobody, is his left hand and he gets protected by her? It's too ridiculous."
"I could go as a mediator, not a soldier." Lancelot placed his chin on his hand staring at her.
"I can support you once we get married, buy you everything you want for."
"I don't want anything." From you was clear on her lips, but she didn't dare. They were still negotiating and Lancelot needed a little nudge not a push off the window. So, she lowered her eyes and looked at her fingers. "I've fought my all life; I can't stop now. I'll go mad."
"Very well then." He sighs "if it is important to you, I see why not."
She smiled in victory but made Lancelot almost suffocate because he was not ready to such a beautiful lips moving for him. He probably would give her anything if she kept treating her kindly.
"If you accept those two," said Gwen. "I want to be clear about one more matter." He waved her signaling to proceed and she blurted it out. "I cannot resist him. He is my king even though we will never be legally bound. I care about him, and I'll do anything he asked. I could..." she wanted to tell him that it could happen for them to fall into sin and that he shouldn't be mad about it but the flash of rage in his eyes didn't make her feel enough courage finish the sentence.
"You must keep him away, or I'll lock you in a cell and throw the key." His hands hit the table as he stood, fuming. "If you are to be my wife legally, I don't see why you'll feel the need to run away into the arms of another man. You will be mine and mine only."
"If he asked me. I will not refuse him." She clarified standing as well. "I owe him my life and he owns my heart. I cannot bear the idea of..."
"He'll get married you know? He'll move on and have little kids that look half like him and half like his wife. There will never be a place for you, do you want to be his mistress? Are you that desperate?"
Her hands turned into fists. "He's dining with her as we speak. The future queen of Camelot. When you left, he was furious and asked me to call upon her. I didn't push him, he chosen to get married to someone else and they will, in two weeks whatever you let him in your graces or not." He seemed honest with her but she just couldn't accept it.
"Do you really want to be with someone that the second he gets mad at you, runs into the arms of somebody else? I wouldn't do that to you. You know me, Gwen. We grew up together and I put myself in great danger offering you to be my wife. Have you any idea how ridiculous I'll look to settle for the king's whore? Everybody knows I'm not your first choice, nevertheless, here I am trying to shove some sense into you. Do you want him to abandon you again and again? When will you realize that I'm your best option?" He got closer to her and took her face in his hands attempting to kiss her but she was faster and had her knife to his throat. It only made him smile wider.
"You might not love me Gwynnever. But you will respect me. You promised it to me on your life." He recalled and Gwen sighted, lowering the blade as he tenderly encircled her wrists and kissed each hand viciously. He knew she didn't like it but couldn't' refuse it.
"I can wait." He whispered so close to her lips. "And then not even you, can refuse me what is rightfully mine. I'll only grow thirstier and angrier." He turned her around and dip his nose into her strands.
It was very intimate the way he acted. It was not as if he loved her, it was as if he owned her and Gwen couldn't take it. The thought of being bound to him, broke her.
"Just like I remembered." She jerked away and put the table in between them. "I have one little request for you too." She was feeling so sick as she held to the chair, not to faint for the nausea. "When we become husband and wife, you'll let me do to you everything I didn't get to do last time." And he had the audacity to lick his lower lip. Gwen threw the knife missing him for one inch.
"You're gonna be such a lovely wife."
"Go to hell." She walked outside and as she was heading for her room. She was fuming, her hands shaking. She missed him in purpose, but still she wished she didn't. could it go any worse?
She looked up and there they were. Her heart ached looking at how perfect the queen was. She had perfectly curled hair, white skin and rosy cheek. Gwen reached for her tress and felt out of place. Arthur had his hair slipped back with the girl's hand on his arm as she perfectly laughed at something he said. She never felt the need to just fell on her knees and cry till she was asleep like she did in that moment, nevertheless, she forced herself to stand straight. She couldn't look away as she gave him a little wave of the hand, looking away then back.
So girly. So womanly. Like she never would be. She was lucky Lancelot wanted her because it was pretty clear that if what she was watching was what men liked, she wouldn't be anybody's first choice.
"Oh, she's beautiful." Said Lancelot leaning on the doorframe. She didn't know if he could tell she felt the life slide out of her as her heart shattered when he said. "A true queen."
She wanted to do something so stupid like scream or drop dead. But she decided against it. Lancelot wanted her to crumble but until there were even a single man hoping for her to break, she wouldn't give them the satisfaction. However, Arthur must have sensed her or something because his eyes found her. She gulped, suddenly frozen. She didn't notice Lancelot hands on her waist as he pulled her closer. She was still staring at Arthur when Lancelot lips crushed on hers.
She couldn't fight. She felt powerless as he demanded her tongue to collaborate, unsuccessfully. So she closed her eyes and waited for it to finish. His hand brushed her hair away and caressed her chin as she moved away. He passed his thumb on her lips.
"You're welcome." He said clearly proud of himself for catching her off of guard. She'd give him that with that gesture, she stopped feeling stabbing pain in her heart. Did he do it to make Arthur jealous? Or did he....do it to help her? She didn't know. She was confused.
"Goodnight." She whispered heading to her room and once inside she locked the door and threw herself into the pillows. She punched one as hard as she could, imagining it was Lancelot.
She wondered what did Merlin saw in his dreams, if Arthur were to marry another girl and she felt like not wanting to hurt anymore. Someone made it stop, she begged and eventually she fell asleep with the pillow hugged tightly to her chest.