The plane ride had been silent. Except for Zemo's consistent chatter that Lena felt was intentional in annoying them all. Only Sam seemed to be able to tune him out. Bucky kept shooting Zemo glares alternating with letting his eyes rest momentarily on Lena. She pretended not to see.
The tone of Zemo's voice was giving her a headache, not to mention the barely obscured references to her time as Lilith that he continued to make, but none enough to warrant launching herself across the cabin at him. She figured that since Bucky had already threatened to strangle him once, it was best to keep her mouth shut.
They touched down at an airstrip in the middle of nowhere, a clear, cold sky encompassing them, nothing but flat, desolate land stretching to the horizon. Despite chattering the entire flight, Zemo had divulged little information and Lena still felt she was in the dark on their plan. Perhaps that was his intention.
The small craft was not alone, in fact there were several other planes dotting the airstrip as Lena followed Bucky down the narrow steps. Her attention was momentarily captured by the elderly man greeting Zemo in a hug and Lena slipped, her weight falling forward much faster than she had intended. Bucky's arm swept out to catch her, fingers wrapping around her waist. Lena tensed and recoiled, the cool temperature of metal fingers on her skin sending a jolt of horror through her body.
Bucky pretended not to notice the look that crossed her features and dropped his hand without a word.
Lena was silent as they followed Zemo through yet another warehouse, less surprised than Bucky or Sam that the man had so much at his disposal. He left them standing alone in a neatly organized office, walls lined with half-empty bookshelves. She ran her fingers over the tops of their spines, finding them clean and free of dust.
"You never said who this guy was," Lena said.
"This is the guy who framed me for killing T'Chaka. And who tried to tear up the Avengers. All those things," Bucky said shortly.
"Shouldn't he be in like, I don't know, jail?" Lena asked.
"Yes, he should be," Sam said with annoyance, "But someone we know helped break him out."
"I did not-" Bucky started.
"How excellent. Lovely really. This makes me feel so much better about this," Lena scoffed.
"I think you know very well that I am exactly the sort of person who would do well in Madripoor," Zemo said, entering through a side door. He had changed into an expensive looking fur coat. Lena raised her eyebrows.
"I don't doubt it. It's just really compromising my own pardon if I suddenly am associated with the lot of you," she said.
Sam heaved a sigh, "This is what I was telling you Buck, she has a very good point."
"But what's the fun in following the rules? I never follow the rules," Lena said, grinning just because she knew it would annoy Bucky. In fact she was quite bothered by this whole state of affairs, but that had more to do with the super soldier in the room than anything else.
Zemo smiled, the light reaching his eyes, "I have arranged everything such that you can choose which rules you wish to follow. You don't have to follow any if you like, for Madripoor is a lawless city, as you well know."
He paused for effect, which earned an eye roll from Lena and a sigh of annoyance from Bucky.
"Magdalena, I have arranged for you to return to the city under cover of darkness and have spread a rumor that you've been there for weeks already scoping it out. From what I understand of your time spent there you held more power than most people realized. But most of those people are now dead. Or left. So-"
"So she's on her own? No, she can't do that. It's too dangerous," Bucky interrupted.
"No more dangerous than hanging around with you," Lena said under her breath.
Zemo's gaze crossed back and forth over them, as if coming to a conclusion. "She will go. And be fine, Soldier. She's every bit as capable as you, frankly more so," Zemo said as he continued to outline his plan in detail.
"Everyone is frowning at me, that is how I know it is a good plan," he concluded, his accent sounding particularly thick, "But before anything else, we do need to get you all better outfitted.
"Finally, something I've been looking forward to," Lena said grinning.
-------
Lena zipped up the jacket that Zemo had outfitted her with. Mostly standard-issue combat gear, the expensive leather of the jacket and a very nice pair of boots updated the look, making her appear to be the slumlord who took no shit. She admired the outline in the slim mirror once more before exiting into the maze of hallways that led back to the office they had started in.
Bucky grinned, gesturing as she entered, "See, now her I can get along with."
Lena glared at him, "All the better for beating your ass in,"
Bucky chuckled, "Darling, I think we've been over this."
"Don't call me pet names," Lena said, the words coming out sour.
"Whatever you say doll," Bucky said as he handed her a handgun, his metal fingers clinking distinctly against the barrel. When his fingers glanced against her own she flinched, taking a distinct step away and not responding to his teasing.
Sam glanced between them once again, "Okay, time to go."
Lena nodded, wishing that she could speak to Bucky alone.
-------
After a long flight, an unsettling car ride, and barely concealed panic as she had stalked through the streets of Madripoor, Lena lay on a small cot staring at a drooping ceiling. After several more deep breaths and attempts to refocus herself on anything but the fact that she was back in this God-forsaken city, she picked up her phone, pressed in her passcode and read the unsent text message to herself again.
I have started thinking about you when I fall asleep at night. How I want to fall asleep next to you and wake up with you there. I haven't felt that way in so long. Half a century nearly. I keep thinking about all the things we've done together and I cannot decide what they mean. They feel real, but I can't tell because I've forgotten what it feels like to be loved. Maybe you have too, I don't know. There's something different about you that is so much a reflection of me. And I want it to be real, dear God, I want it to be real.
I haven't prayed to God in so long that I barely remember what prayers taste like, but asking for you seems like the biggest miracle She might ever have given.
Maybe it's just this city, this terrible island.
After another moment of contemplation Lena deleted it, leaving the cursor blinking ominously. She pressed the dial button, searching Bucky's name. After the first ring she thought better of it and hung up.
A moment later the line rang.
"Did you call?" Bucky's voice said horseley at the other end of the line.
"No- I- Yes."
"And?" his voice was clipped, "Something going wrong?
"No I-," her voice cracked and she whispered "I don't want to lose what we had."
Bucky was silent for a long moment. His voice was soft but tinged with something Lena couldn't identify when he answered.
"I don't see how we can have this conversation when you flinch everytime I look at you. As soon as this mission is over... I think we should let it go."
Lena sucked in an unsteady breath, her voice almost inaudible "Nobody forced you to call me back."
""Are you smoking right now?" Bucky asked, derailing.
"Yeah, why does it matter to you?"
"Because it's bad for you."
"Less dangerous than you."
"Lena-"
"And you know I'm right. I could hurt you just as easily," she said, her mood shifting, "I'll see you in three days," and punched the 'end call' button.
It was Madripoor that was making her feel this way she knew, conflicted and desperate. She continued to stare at the mottled ceiling, its decrepit appearance forming haunting constellations.