*Daniel POV*
I sit in my chair half-listening to people's stories, but thoughts are bouncing around in my head, and it makes it hard to focus. Gemma. She's damaged. Today was proof. She knows hurt, and my hope is, because of that, she won't hurt me. I told my friends I had the flu while I was in the hospital while they sorted out my meds. That was supposed to be only a day or so, but a day turned into three when they had to do more tests. Rina kept changing the subject when I would ask her what was going on. I didn't like the feeling that Rina was hiding something. It wasn't like her.
Harold recounts his story of his footlessness, anxiety, and how we can be like him. Then we go around the room. It's a lot like it was last time. People say the exact same thing, mostly. Only Jocelyn Harris' story has changed. She is now okay.
Then Harold tells us we have to go around the room stating our fears.
Anxiety builds up inside me. I have to find a way to get out of this. I can't say it in front of Gemma. That's just one more thing she could ruin me with. And she can't ruin me. That can't happen. Not again.
So we go around once more. Riley Fredricks fears blindness, ironic considering her disorder often causes blindness. Jocelyn Harris fears death, again, ironic for having cancer. David Snyder fears losing the people around him. Not too ironic. Lily Cadence fears imperfection. Kinda weird for most, but not for someone with perfectionist disorder. Gemma says she can't say how much she fears, there's so much.
Harold frowns. "Just say a few, Gemma."
Gemma shrinks down. "I'm good."
"Gemma, come on," Harold prompts. "Just one."
"No," Gemma says a little firmer.
Harold keeps pushing. "Come on Gemma. This is a safe place. I promise you, no one will tell your secrets."
Looking around the room, I find that hard to believe.
Gemma sighs and glances at me. "Almost any PTSD triggers."
Harold nods. "And how can you get over your fears?"
Gemma shrugs and pulls her hoodie up over her dark hair.
Harold frowns. "Come on, Gemma. You can't hide from your fears."
Gemma doesn't say anything. No one acts surprised. I'm not even surprised. Gemma's not the type to talk much. I barely even notice her most of the time. "No," she says. "But I can hide from you."
Harold shakes his head. "We'll talk about this later, Gemma."
No response.
Harold shakes his head again and moves on. We continue around the circle. When it gets to me I suck in a breath and blurt quickly, "Oblivion."
"In what sense?" Harold asks.
I shrug.
Harold frowns. "Come on Daniel. You were so willing to share yesterday. Don't be like Gemma."
I shrug again. I don't really feel like sharing. Not after what Gemma said.
"Please?" Harold pleads. "You're better than Gemma. I know you are."
"What?"
This comes from Gemma, who's perked up.
"Ah, Miss Gemma," Harold says, a little awkwardly, like he knows he's treading on thin ice with her, and one wrong move could send him spiraling into an icy abyss.
"What did you say?" Gemma's voice has a fiery edge to it.
"Now, Miss Gemma, just hear me out-"
"Miss?" Gemma asks. "Miss Gemma? No, don't call me that. It's obvious you don't mean it."
Harold looks taken aback. "What exactly do you mean by that?"
"Miss implies you respect us," Gemma says. "It's obvious you don't, or you wouldn't have made a comment like that about one of us."
"Gemma, calm down," Harold says.
"Right." Gemma slumps back down in her seat, pulling her jade green hood over her dark hair. "Whatever. Never mind."
When her hoodie is down, she looks vaguely like Rina. I like that about her.
"We'll talk after, Miss Gemma," Harold says. "Anyway, continue, Daniel."
"I'm done," I say. I can't help but agree with Gemma. I don't think Harold respects us. It's just his job to pretend.
"Are you sure?" Harold asks.
"Yes," I say through my teeth, a little too forcefully.
Harold looks a little reluctant, but he moves on.
We continue around, and then we're done. Finally.
Harold pulls Gemma aside afterward and starts talking to her. Gemma looks like she wants to barf.
I give her an encouraging look and she rolls her eyes. I'm starting to see Gemma coming out of her shell. Her personality isn't really quiet and shy, it's snarky and loud. It's strange to me, to think that she's not sweet, quiet, and shy. That's all I've ever seen her as, really.
When I walk out, it's my sister's car I see.
I walk up and open the door. "Rina?"
"Hey," Rina says.
"What's going on?" I ask.
"Just get in," Rina says. She won't meet my eyes. What's going on?
However, I do as she says. "What's going on, Rina?"
Rina sighs. "I asked Mom if we could go somewhere. You up for Chick-fil-A?"
Rina knows Chick-fil-A is my favorite, but I can hear an edge to her voice. And the sigh before she speaks is starting to put me on edge.
"Sure," I say slowly. "Are you going to tell me what's going on?"
Rina sighs again. "I owe you an explanation for how I acted."
"It's not a big deal," I say.
"Yeah," Rina says. "Yeah, it is. Because I've been acting like that for a while."
I laugh a little. "Rina, three days isn't a while."
"No," Rina says. "But two years is."
I go silent. I don't know what to say to that. I've never noticed Rina acting strange.
We pull into the parking lot of Chick-fil-A. Rina pulls the key out of the car and we get out.
The lady at the counter taking our orders smiles and says we look like a cute couple. Rina and I glance at each other and start laughing.
"We're siblings," I say.
The lady's cheeks turn red. "Oh."
"It's fine," Rina laughs. "We get it a lot. It just means that people think I'm actually hot enough to have a boyfriend." She grins at me.
"As if," I snort.
Rina slaps me for that one.
We get our orders and sit down. Rina takes a deep breath. "First of all, I'm really sorry. I'm sorry I didn't explain this sooner."
Fear built up inside me. What was going on?
"When you were diagnosed with epilepsy, Mom and Dad took it hard," Rina says. "You became the main character. And I understood. I really did. I didn't want anything but for you to get better. At least until Mom and Dad started arguing. And I mean Really arguing. About money, about you, sometimes even about me. It scared me. At one point, I even found divorce papers. It made me resent you for making our parents fight. Then when you got out of the hospital, they tried counseling."
"How do you know this stuff?" I ask.
"I'm the oldest," Rina says. "And they didn't want to stress you out. They'd come home from the hospital fighting. Every time you have a health scare, it scares me. Makes me scared they'll start fighting again. It scared me then and it would scare me now. And I'm caught between by worry for you, and worry that our parents will start fighting." Rina gives an awkward laugh. "I'm sixteen. That kind of stuff isn't supposed to scare me."
"Everyone gets scared, Rina," I say. "It's just life."
"I know," Rina looks out the window. "I just feel like it shouldn't. But I'm sorry if I act weirdly." She gives me a sideways glance. "I'm sorry."
"Rina," I laugh. "It's fine. You're fine."
Rina looks at me, studying my face. "Okay."
I laugh again and take her hand. "Rina, no matter what you think, you're not going to be perfect and I can't expect you to be. You're only sixteen. I'm sorry if I make you feel like you have to be perfect because you don't. You're sixteen! You're going to make mistakes. But I love that and I love that you're not perfect. Okay?"
Rina smiles a little. "Okay."
Rina's been my best friend since forever. All the people at school I call, unknownst to them, quasi friends. They're not really my friends, I'm just popular. If my secret was to come out to the school, they would desert me in a minute. That's the problem with a secret like mine. I'm sure there are plenty of people with epilepsy in plenty of places that don't keep it secret, but I'm not one of those people, and Britain High is not one of those places.
When I wake up the next morning, before anything else, I guzzle down my old seizure medication. The doctors are still working on my new meds, and I just have to hope that they prevent seizures at school. I have to prevent what happened to Gemma from happening at school.
The drive is silent as Rina drives us to school. When I get out, per ushe, Hayden and Tyler find me and start talking like the dirty-minded little idiots they are. But if I want to be accepted, they are my lifeline, so I walk to class with them screaming profanity beside me.
When we slid into our seats, they're still screaming profanity, but now others have started shooting dirty-minded insults back at them.
Gemma's in the back of the classroom, in her designated shadowy corner picking at her fingernails. I want to go over there, but going over there would mean interacting with a social outcast and that would mean risking my popularity. I know it's vain, but after working so hard to gain my social status, I don't want to do anything to risk it. Plus Gemma's not usually one for talking to people.
So with a pang of guilt, I tear my eyes away from her and continue to indulge McKenzie in her flirtatious exploits.
Pretty far through class, my head starts to hurt. Fear swells up inside of me. Seizure. It's the aura. The part before a seizure starts. I raise my hand.
Mrs. Chandler calls on me.
"I need to go to the bathroom," I say.
"Relax," Mrs. Chandler says. "You can wait. We only have about five minutes left in class."
Five minutes is enough for a seizure to kick in. Fear and anxiety intensifies inside of me.
When class lets out, I'm the first one out, making a beeline for the bathroom.
"Danny?" I hear Rina's voice. I ignore it, running for the bathroom. My shaky legs give out. I can see the bathroom. So close. My head throbs as the light comes, harsh and white.