The two of us kept a silent gaze as neither one of us moved. My lips moved to say something, but no words seemed to come out. Nathan's eyes bore into me, the hurt in them spilling out in waves.
"What is this?" Nathan said as he shook the book.
"Nathan-its... I - look just give it back," I stammered out as I lunged for the notebook.
He jerked his hand away before I could get it. "I asked you a fucking question, Sophie. I said, what the hell is this?" he yelled, his voice starting to tremble.
I shook my head over and over, feeling like I was drowning. "I..I. how did you get this? Did you go through my bag?" I whispered, still in shock.
He let out the most bitter of laughs. "No, actually, it fell out of your bag. And funnily enough, the cover caught my attention."
I stared at him silently, not knowing what to say. What could I say?
"Since you're refusing to answer me. Why don't I read a little bit out for you?" He snapped. I watched helplessly as he flicked to the first page of the book.
"Target: Nathan Woods. Nathan is a twenty-year-old egotistical bastard who studies-,"
"Nathan, stop," I interrupted, not wanting to hear any more.
He looked up at me and let out a scoff. "Oh, sorry, do you not like this page? Should we move on to the next one?"
Before I could stop, he roughly flicked to the next page, his fingers digging into the side of the book with an almost painful grip.
"Plan of action: Get him to be my friend, date him, get him to buy me shit, and then dump him like he means nothing," he listed off with a laugh. "Is that what I am to you, Sophie? Nothing?" he repeated, his voice taking on the most sharpened of tones.
Feeling myself visibly shaking, I took another closer to him. "Nathan, look, this was a long, long time ago. I wrote this on the day I met you and..and... I was so angry with you and-"
"So, you thought it would be fun to Golddig me," he finished for me. The look he gave me was so cold, it was almost haunting. There was none of the love I'd seen this morning, none of the playfulness, only undeniable anger.
"You decided to use me, huh?" he said as he suddenly stood up. I took a step back, feeling my lip start to wobble.
"You were pretending this whole fucking time, weren't you? Pretending to be my friend, pretending to like me. What the fuck, was even real, Sophie?" he yelled, his voice cracking.
I shook my head, causing my tears to roll down my cheek. "Nathan, I swear it was real. Everything I feel for you is real. There's no way I could fake that; nobody could fake that," I explained rapidly, in desperation for him to believe me.
I tried to reach out for his hand again, but he flinched away from me. "Don't you dare fucking touch me," he hissed, glaring at me with bloodshot eyes.
He turned away from me slightly with a bowed head and leaned on his desk for support. "I can't believe I- God, I'm such an idiot," he spat.
"What? So, let me get this straight?" he laughed as he turned back my way. "You watched me chase after you like a fucking idiot for your own amusement? And all for what, money? Revenge?" he spat, his eyes searching mine in disbelief. "Who the fuck even are you?"
I swallowed back his accusation and took a steady breath in and out. "I swear on everything that I wasn't acting. Yes, I hated you the day I met you, but that changed the moment I got to know you. It was so stupid, and I'm so sorry," I explained in a sob.
He stared at me for a long time; his eyes flickering back and forth between mine as though he wanted to believe me. "If that's so true, why wouldn't you tell me? Why wouldn't you confess what you did the minute you felt something for me?" He asked slowly.
"Because...because...I-" I stuttered as I searched his eyes for some kind of excuse. I knew there was no other reason other than I was a coward.
"Let me guess because you still needed money?" Nathan suggested for me. "Because you reckoned you could scam me into getting you a couple more gifts, huh?" He suggested, his voice coming out increasingly more bitter.
"Have you done this to guys' before? Is this your sick little seductress game?" he asked abruptly, his eyes burning with unshed tears.
His words caught me by surprise, and my eyes widened. "No, Nathan, no- I-"
"Do you know I would have died for you without even thinking? That's how much I loved you," he yelled, his voice cracking harshly.
Water blurred my vision. Excuse after excuse span through my brain as a suggestion on what I could say to him, but none of them left my mouth. What was the point of saying them? The truth would always remain the same – I didn't deserve him. Yes, he had been cruel to me when I first met him, but that was no excuse to be a monster.
He let out a breath of a laugh. "And you know what the most fucked up thing is?" he said, looking at me with deadened eyes.
"The most fucked up thing is that I thought I was finally okay again. I thought I actually found somebody who loved me, who made me feel happy. Who-" He cut himself off, seeming to get choked up on his words.
My heart felt like it was ripping into pieces, and I desperately fought back tears of my own. "Well, I guess, I was wrong, wasn't I?" He mumbled.
I shook my head again. "Nathan-"
He interrupted me by taking a step forward, so we were face to face. "Congratulations, Sophie, you got exactly what you wanted. I hope it was worth it..."
Then as though he couldn't bear to look at me a second longer, he turned away. "Just get out. I don't want to ever see you again."
Knowing I had no right to argue with him, I slowly nodded my head. Placing his spare key gently on his desk, I headed for the door.
Not being able to resist, I spared him one last look over my shoulder. And as I did, I instantly regretted it. Those beautiful eyes of his that I had learned to love so much, stared right through me with a haunting coldness to them. An unforgettable hurt.
And at that moment, I registered one horrible, nauseating truth - Nathan Woods would never forgive me.
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I groaned as I heard another rapid succession of knocks beat against my bedroom door. "Soph, I'm coming in, okay," I heard Brandon's voice echo out from the corridor.
I let out a groan and curled myself up into a tighter ball underneath my covers. I had been like this for about a week now. Besides lectures and teaching at the gym, I refused to do anything but stay in bed all day.
I mean, what was the point? Everything I did, reminded me how much of a piece of shit I was.
How much of a user I was...
"Aw, Soph, come on, this is getting pathetic now. Why are you still in bed?" Brandon's voice called out softly as he made his way deeper into the room. I felt the bed dip beside my head as he likely took a seat.
"Go away," I croaked out weakly, slightly muffled by the barrier of the covers.
"No, come on, get up," Brandon urged as he gave my head a few persistent jabs with his finger.
On this sixth poke, I finally got too irritated and lowered the covers from my face with an exasperated sigh. "Why are you harassing me?" I grumbled.
"Because I don't like this moping about business. This isn't you. You're a fighter, Sophie...Like literally, you are a fighter," he snorted, cracking up at his own joke.
My mouth tugged up a little, despite myself. "I kick-box, there's a difference," I said, correcting him.
Brandon shrugged. "Eh, in both situations you punch people, tomayto tomahto," he said, not seeming overly bothered.
"Hmm, sure," I mumbled, too lazy to argue with him.
He sighed as his eyes rested back down on me. "No, but seriously. This has to stop Sophie, I know what happened with Nathan sucked, but you can't live like this," he said softly. "Have you talked to him since, like have you texted him?"
I shook my head softly. "No, there wouldn't be a point. Before I left, he told me he never wanted to see me again, so I hardly think I'm going to get a text back," I laughed bitterly.
"Look, I don't even want to talk about this anymore. Let's just talk about you. How are things going with my manager?" I asked quickly, desperate to change the subject.
He raised an eyebrow in amusement. "So, what? Now you're optionally willing to listen to me drone on about the sexiness that is your manager?" he snickered.
I cracked a small smile. "Yes, it's entertaining," I mumbled into my pillow.
"Yeah, true, but that's not what you should be doing right now. What you should be doing right now is fighting for what's yours," he said determinedly.
I let out a pitied sigh. "Brandon, I already told you-"
"Yeah, you already told me that you're going to give him up without a fight. That's stupid, Sophie. You've been so happy since he's been around. Do you really want to let that go?" he threw back.
I groaned and ran a hand through my hair in frustration. "Of course, I don't want to let that go, but I don't have a choice! I did what I did, and now there's no going back. You can't redeem yourself after lying to someone for months. Face it, Brandon, I'm a bitch," I laughed.
"Yes, you can come back from that," Brandon snapped. "I mean, yes, it was a shitty thing to do, and yes, it was wrong. But that doesn't mean it's over. It's only over when you quit. You didn't see Nathan give up when he was going after you. He was patient and kept trying over and over. You can do the same," Brandon insisted with a passionate spark to his eyes.
I slowly mulled over his words and found they held a certain kind of truth to them.
"So, what you're going to do, is you're going to apologize to him. And when he rejects you, you're going to suck up your hurt and do it again. And again. And again. And if that doesn't work, you're going to make him laugh, spend time with him and do whatever it takes to show him that you love him. He thinks you lied to him about your feelings, so show him exactly why he's wrong, okay!" he ordered.
Every word of his argument instantly sparked a stronger feeling of determination in my heart. Slowly, I nodded my head and straightened myself up a little against the headboard. "You're kinda right," I whispered as realization washed over me.
Brandon cracked a grin. "Of course, I'm fucking right, I'm Brandon," he winked.
I rolled my eyes at his arrogance but gave him a grateful smile all the same.
As smug as Brandon was, he was, in fact, right. If you wanted something in life, you had to fight for it. So, fight for it, I would.
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Author's note:
Hope you enjoyed the chapter
Any theories for what Sophie is going to do next?
Next Update: Monday (6-8 PM UK time)