How do you explain it, that feeling. That feeling of a sport you once loved slipping from your fingers. When the sport that once meant everything to you, now causes you to have panic attacks before you go to practice. So you find yourself skipping in the bathroom as tears fall down your face.
How do you even describe the emotional Rollercoaster. It wasn't your fault, you gave it your all, you tried your hardest, you really were the best. Everyone said it sense you were little,
"God, that kids going to be great one day."
Even the coaches said it. Maybe thats when it all goes downhill. When the coaches realize. Realize your potential, because you truly loved the sport till they came along and pushed you too hard, yelled at you too much, critiqued you till you saw nothing perfect anymore.
Maybe thats what happened to me. Because I truly did love gymnastics, I loved everything about it. The feeling of flying,the flexibility, the strength, winning.
I was good too, I don't mean to sound like I have a superiority issue, but I was good. And the coaches realized.
7 years old and I was taken out of the beginner class and put in pre-team. Not even a year later and I was on team. 7 years old and coaches were telling me how to diet, telling me how I should live my life.
Why did no one see the red flags from the beginning.
HOW DID NO ONE SEE THE RED FLAGS
Because by the time I had reached high-school it was almost too late to quit. It was too late to reverse the effects the coaches had on me. Diets engraved in my brain, working out became a drug.
4 time all-aroumd state champion who didn't want to go to practice, who had been used to a diet plan sense she was 7 years old, who couldn't live a day without exercising... I was pushed to my limit. I wanted to quit, maybe play hockey like my brother. Everyone told me I was good at hockey and could join the team. But I had a 3 year contract, 3 years of me crying in the bathroom, yelling and getting yelled at by coaches. My body hurt, my mind hurt, nothing about me was ok, nothing about what the coaches were doing to me was ok.
So the day I fell down in practice and woke up in the hospital, was the day I walked out of that gym, I put away my Leo's and grips, and cleaned out my locker.
Coaches cursed my name and yelled at me to get back on the floor. Some threatened me, but I didn't care I was done. They threatened me with my contact, and I threated to sue due to the way their coaches treated the gymnast.
I walked out and never went back. I was empty, and had nothing left. Nothing but skating, nothing but my brothers hockey. But to get on that ice and play, play under a coach. I couldn't do it, coaches scared me now, terrified me. What if they were just like gymnastics coaches? So I sit back and watch, my body itching to get back on the gymnastics floor the coaches still begging me to come back. But in my mind, in my mind I just wanted to get on that ice and play one game of hockey. Relish the feeling of my skates in the ice, feeling free with no bonderies.