*****
Jace and Taylor Goodwin were officially together. The whole school was already bustled with excitement with the newest gossip going around in the next few days. Valentine’s in Greendale is sure a magical time to bring new couples together but also a hellish moment for reminding those who are alone.
Although they were together, things were never the same for both of us as before. Most of his times were completely booked for Taylor while the rest of his times were left vacant for shifts at the local pizza and when plans take a sudden turn, he’ll look for me, Alex and co as back up plans. It’s depressing, that he was completely devoted to her, skipping our usual table in the canteen to hang out with Taylor’s group and even stopped driving us and from school. I can’t really blame Jace’s friends to be annoyed at him for being head over heels with some chick and forgetting his mates.
Jace was up early for school one morning. I watched his battered old Volkswagen Jetta pulled out of the drive way as I skipped down the stairs of my porch. Why is he early, I wouldn’t want to know why because since he got his P plate he didn’t have to wake up early to catch the bus then run for a train to get to school. It reminded me of those short days when I didn’t have to wake up early as well until Taylor came along.
The Volkswagen pulled in front of my house. The driver’s window slowly wounded down and pair of dark Ray Bans reflected the sun into my eyes. I had to shield my eyes to look at him properly. He had his arm had resting on the wheel, his free hand ran through his damp brown hair.
“Morning,” Jace did a mock salute. “Gotta go pick up Taylor, so be careful on the way to school ‘kay?”
“How considerate,” I muttered under my breath then suddenly remembered that I have to ask him something. “Jace, wait!”
I ran after his car and he abruptly stopped.
“June wanted to ask if you could help again with the stall this year at the Summer Fete tomorrow,” I asked as I reached to the driver’s door.
“Shit, I already made plans tomorrow,” he tsked and ruffled his hair in frustration. “Tell June, I’m sorry that I’ve forgotten and I really need to get going or Taylor will throw a hissy fit.”
Taylor this, Taylor that. I hate that name so much I feel like punching the actual person’s face. Well, not literally, I would have to summon lots of guts to hurt someone that Jace loves and if I did, it’ll hurt Jace and that means it’ll hurt me as well. Why did Jace turn out to be such a Romeo who is drugged by the idea of love and neglecting his friends? And it’s not only me, Abbey, Chanel, Alex and Hamish also feel the same.
Maybe, just maybe I’m jealous of Taylor Goodwin and it’s not like I have anything against her. She’s not exactly what you call popular but she’s smart, beautiful and famous for stealing almost all the awards at the end of each year. She is everything that I wanted to be but I have to live without and so what? She’ll never get him like that way I do. I’ve seen them argue with each other at the doorstep of his house and other times when he’ll show up in June’s kitchen drinking her special hot chocolate whenever he’s down. Someone help me, what am I supposed to say? I’m twelve years too late, weak and shy girl, someone who tries to share the same light as him and his friends.
The heavy feeling was eased off after watching June preforming her magic at every box and basket. She knew her colours, her greenery, flowers and their meaning, turning nature into a magnificent masterpiece with a purpose. As me it was a jumble of gerberas, Asiatic lilies, roses and everything thing pretty turned out to be a mess of flowers with no special meaning or theme.
“You’ve bunched up the flowers to close on the form – no Cassandra, don’t take it out, and just leave as it is,” June was pointing out the flaws without mercy. “The colours are out of balance, there are bright sharp colours then there are light blue hydrangeas. What’s the point of having it there when rest of the attention is on the lilies and asters? Also you should choose a purple box with lavender and hot pink tissue paper and a white ribbon.”
June isn’t usually like that. Usually she is sweet and caring but when it’s about floristry, she’s a tough as a bull. She’ll ramble on and on about keeping the right temperature for certain flowers, tending them and if you don’t exactly do the way she wanted you to she’ll lecture you till you finally get it right. Well, I don’t think June means it, flowers are her passion and as the owner of her own store she has to make sure she can make a living.
“June, leave the poor girl alone. She’s doing her best on a day with thirty degrees,” Tom gave me a side way glance and winked. “So why don’t we let Cassandra off since we don’t have many customers waiting eh?”
One whole hour to myself and what was I exactly going to do with this one whole hour? Frankly, I don’t think I need it, instead I rather work to prevent myself of thinking of a certain person. Even if I work myself to death, everything reminded me of Jace and each minute that slowly dragged by I’ll turn around calling out his name to show him my screwed up mess then realizing he’s no longer at my side. How I missed those previous Summer Fetes when we’ll just mess around in the stall till June throw a rampage at us and Tom swoops in to save us.
I walked around Bellbird Park.
The usually peaceful vast green lands were disturbed afflicting the yielding serenity of Mother Nature. On every other occasion, when there were no major functions such as field games or festivals, you can taste the beauty of nature, fall into the sound of wild bird calls, the fondling creek close, the whispering trees brushing the variant blue sky and the jaunty voices of children embracing the goodness of nature.
Today was an exception. Rows of brightly coloured framed tents and stalls were lined up along the open area of the local park. Children ignored the first three rows of the merchandisers and dashed to the further down the hill where the bright inflatable giant slide, merry-go-round swing and many other games stalls. Their delightful little voices filled the air with squeals and shouts and with their boastful mothers hanging about.
A couple of kids were letting out ear pitching screams as they ran past me squirting water pistols from each other. One girl ran around me using me as some kind of shield then fled away leaving me with random damp spots dotted all over my tank top.
Another sound caught my attention; it was a lot distinctive from the other children. A young boy was crying behind me. His friends had left him behind as he stood there crying over a broken water gun lying on the lawn.
“Hello,” I said softly to him as I approached. “Please don’t cry. I’ll get you another one from the lucky dip alright?”
The boy sniffled and nodded. The boy led me to the tent where he got his first one. I dug into the back pocket of my jeans and pulled a couple of dollars, then handed to the man. My hand moved around the mysterious box, looking for a triangular shaped parcel and putting aside those that didn’t fit the picture. When I finally found the one that was most appealing to me, I pulled it out and handed to the boy who was still sniffling. Then my heart lighted, as I watched his lips quickly up turned with cute little dimples on each side of his cheek. He gave me a hug, a total stranger a hug then chased after his friends.
I was caught in the middle of sighing in relief. I gulped as I saw Jace and Taylor approaching, too engrossed with each to other to see me yet. My heart was backed into pieces and stomach twisted in agony. Quickly I looked for a way out. I darted into the closest closed tent and peeped between the flaps. I held my breath as they walked past. My heart burned even more as unless possible thoughts if whether he had visited June’s store while I was gone to check up with me or not.
I counted one to twenty making sure everything is kept clear before slipping back into the late summer breeze.
“My, my, I can see your little pink is trembling. Your soul mate must be close by.” A velvety voice said behind me.
My head instantly whipped around, hair slapping my face in progress.
A woman about her late thirties regarded me with a dignified nod. Her lips were as red as blood and hair was in a strange hairdo with two long braided pigtails and chopsticks secured her bun. She was also wearing a Chinese dress that matched the colour of her lips and the style of her hair.
“Sorry, I…I was just trying to escape some trouble,” I stammered. “I’ll go now.”
“No, no, stay little lamb, no need to fret. My intuition is telling me that you are experienced with some love problems, am I not right?” she pursed her blood red lips.
I winced at her comment. What is this place and what is she? I glanced meekly around and noticed a beautiful embroidered silk screen standing behind her. And behind that screen, there were candles, lots of candles placed around two chairs and a table draped with a pearl white cloth with Asian embroidery. Was this some kind of cult stall that I’ve accidently entered by mistake?
Yep, I was right.
“Darling, I’m Madam Ling and today it’s all on me because Yuelao, the Old Lunar Matchmaker will not forgive me I do not,” She smiled at me again and waved me to the seat opposite to hers.
I gave her an unsure nod and sat down as I was told. If this was for free I guess there’s not harm to listen to a psycho’s divination which I don’t have any faith in. My life was already down in the dumps and if I had a glimpse at my future it’s going to be so terrible and put a weight on my life having to worry about it every day.
“Can you show me your ring?” Madam Ling asked.
Ring? I looked down to my chest and wrapped my fingers around the little white gold band hanging down from my necklace. It was my dead mother’s and I treasured it as if it was my life, wearing it wherever I went and even in the showers. I don’t know the origins of the ring, or who gave it to me but it was one of the few things that I have left in the memory of my mother.
“I see it must be very important to you to let me see it. Then I shall observe it from here,” She interrupted my chains of thoughts. “The one you think of now is not the one who you are seeking at the end of the thread. He is one of the many obstacles standing in the way of the one but do not worry the one is fairly close, so close that you may be over looking. If you do not identify him now, an invisible red thread is connected to the one who you are destined to meet, regardless of time, place or circumstances. The thread may stretch or tangle but will never break. Or will you be the one to break it?”
I didn’t listen to her ramble anymore. Who is she to tell me that Jace wasn’t the one? I love him so much it kills me to be parted away from him each seconds gone by, let alone to see him with another girl. All I ever wanted was someone to love me, not in a friend way but in a way that’ll make me feel safe and would always come to my aid.
“Cassandra?” Hamish happened to walk into me as I stepped out into the fresh air.
“Hi,” I gave him a small twitch of a smile.
We weren’t really close and it was Alex who introduced us to each other in the middle of our eighth grade. Alex always made disorientated with his loud mouth and wild personality. When Hamish entered the circle, he makes me feel uneasy just to be near him, making me feel funny. I have nothing against him. He was four-eyes, tall, messy dirty blond hair and always wearing a brooding face. Maybe I’m the one that he has something again with.
“Are you alone?” He suddenly broke the awkward silence between us making me wince.
“Uh, um yeah…You?” I asked in return.
“Yeah,” He gave me a crooked smile, surprising me once more.
So he does talk. And smile too…That was kind of scary but cunny at the same time.
“So…” He continued as I noticed him scratching the back of his head. “Is it okay for you to accompany for a moments?”
Accompany? With someone who hates me? Is he plotting to do something bad to me when Jace isn’t around? Where’s Jace when I need him? People make me nervous and you never know what they’re thinking therefore they can’t be trusted or else I’ll get hurt and I don’t ever want to go through that again.
“Sorry, I can’t. I really needed to get back to June. She’ll need a lot of help by now,” I made up an random excuse which was slightly from the top of my head.
Hamish looked disappointed for a quick few seconds then reverted back to his brooding face. I felt really bad for turning him down so I invited him to help out in the stall without thinking it through. Though, it should be alright with June and Tom and besides, they’ll need some muscles to carry thing back in the van when the whole fete is over.
*****
I see mummy sprawled on the floor, she had large purplish blue bruises all over her body. She was crying softly and I asked her what’s wrong but she doesn’t reply.
Then she suddenly said “ –there’s a connection to every soul mate but who gives a damn? It’s a cruel joke for Fate to use us like prawns, putting us in a blind chase searching for the other half. Then when we find them, he finds it amusing to make our other halves be in love or married to another. What soul mates? It’s all bull!”
After that darkness clouded my vision and then she was gone.
Next moment I found mummy on the bathroom floor, her wrist was oozing with fresh red blood. She turned to me with a sad smile.
“Mummy!” I crided. “You’re hurt!”
“Mummy is fine,” her voice was hoarse and forced. “Mummy’s just tired.”
She’d slowly closed her eyes and disappeared once again to the darkness.
Daddy stood before me, his accusing eyes drew me back. Two faceless men were also present pulling daddy back from trying to hurt me any further.
“You,” he cursed, his teeth bared at me. “If it wasn’t for you, you bad evil monster, I wouldn’t have lost my job and she wouldn’t die.”
I cried and a hand laid on my shoulders telling me that’s it’s all over.
“You’re a child of the devil!” He spat and then he was gone.
I woke up in the middle of the night. My irregular heavy panting disturbed the stillness of the house. I sighed in relief when I listen to Tom’s snoozes at the other side of the wall and afraid that June would peep through the door any second in her night gown but she didn’t after one minute of holding my breath.
I flopped back to bed in my sweat dampened sheets and closed my eyes replaying my dreams. I haven’t dreamt of them since I was eight, when I finally gotten used to the fact that my mother was dead and escaped from my father’s wrath who turned out to be not my biological father after all.
My mind drifted to Jace. The thought of him always seems to find a way to take my worries away but then it hit me hard like a stab in the heart. He was no longer mine, he was never from the moment I’ve met him. To him, I was just a sister, a childhood friend and nothing more. Madam Ling must be right. For all these years, I have been tying him down and holding on to him close and using him as a life ring until he broken all the strings that I wove around him to make him stay. Maybe, just maybe what I feel for him isn’t love but longing for love, something to overcome through time.
Then Hamish’s face appeared, pushing Jace out of the frame. His blonde hair change from dark to light under the sun and pure hearted smile shone brighter than sun. He turned around showing me his bouquet. I quickly picked up mine and shoved it up his face. He leaned back and let out a sneezed. June happened to look around and stared at my demented bouquet in horror then gave us one of her inferno lectures then immediately transformed back into her business smile when a customer approached.
Seeing June’s back on us, we cracked up. It felt strange to able to laugh like this after feeling bummed for two weeks of lamenting. It was like as if hope had found me again telling me not to give up on anyone, not to give up on Jace. Well if I loved him in a needy way, then I shall try to be independent in a way that Jace will see me as a girl, not a sister, or a childhood friend, so he could love me in a romantic way.
End? You decide.