"Why are you dragging me out to this party again?" I asked O and Gavin, who were already helping themselves to the beer they had bought for tonight's occasion.
"Why do we even have to drag you to it in the first place?" Gavin asked me, shooting me a curious look. "You've never minded coming to these parties before."
"Are you fully converted to a West Bridge douche bag, Zane?" O laughed as he spoke, knowing just how badly that sentence would irk me.
"No, it's just boring. Every weekend we used to go to one of these things, and it was always the same. At least West Bridge parties are interesting," I muttered, remembering the last few I've been to.
It was true, anyways, that West Bridge parties were like a TV show. There was always drama, there was always some spectacle to watch. But mostly, I liked going to them more because I wasn't Zane who lost his mind from grief at West Bridge parties. I wasn't Zane who punched the principals kid at West Bridge parties. I wasn't Zane who's best friend committed suicide, I wasn't Zane who showed up to school drunk.
At West Bridge, I was just Zane the new kid, and I was starting to like it that way.
"You know everyone asks about you," Cassidy let out from where she was adjusting her makeup in the living room mirror. We were at her house, and I think Gavin and O picked this location to pregame at because it was only blocks away from the party. "People miss you, Zane. You're telling me you don't miss Hawking at all?"
"You guys just don't get it," I shrugged, "it's like... a new start."
"I thought you didn't want one of those?" Gavin questioned, tilting his head.
"Yeah, well it turns out it's kind of nice when not everyone knows what you've been through the last year," I explained.
"I get it," O agreed with me, "but it doesn't mean you have to ignore everyone else completely."
"I have you guys," I said, reaching for a beer on the counter before hesitating. I debated on whether to drink it, deciding it would do no good to be drunk tonight.
I think I was done with getting drunk and making mistakes.
"And if I already have two best friends," I continued, before looking at Cassidy in a teasing way, "and this leech who never leaves her boyfriend alone, why do I need anyone else?"
"You did not just call me a leech," Cassidy laughed, darting towards me and playfully landing a punch on my arm.
"At least you're a very pretty leech, babe," O chuckled, before blocking his own punch coming from his girlfriend's small hand.
"What about your new friends, Zane?" Gavin asked me in that same assuming tone.
"They're not really my friends," I explained, for the hundredth time. "Except for Cain, he's cool. The rest of them... not my type of people."
"So why do you hang out with them?" Cass asked me, rendering me speechless for just a second. I knew the answer. I didn't want to tell her.
Seren was like a magnet keeping me there. It was like she was a mystery meant for me to solve. The problem, I didn't know whether she was capable of being solved.
"Cain hangs out with them," I said instead, turning away from my friends.
"And so does Seren," O said the thing we were all thinking. "How's it going with her, anyway?"
"What?" I stuttered out, "there's nothing to go with."
"Yeah, okay," Gavin chuckled, pulling me back around to face them. They looked to be in heaven at the fact they had something to tease me about.
"You know I used your laptop to play music the other day when we were shooting hoops," O started and instantly my stomach buckled. "Saw a little playlist that our lover boy Zane made for Seren."
"How did you know it was for Seren?" Cass asked, and I had to fight to keep myself from covering my face with my hands.
"Because," O laughed as he said the single word, "he titled it Seren."
"Oh my goodness," Cass laughed out, "Zane you have got it bad."
"Please shut up," I shook my head, wishing we were having any other conversation besides this one.
"Are you going to send it to her?" She continued, as if I hadn't spoken at all. "Please send it to her, oh my god, please Zane, please, please?"
"No way," I dismissed the idea immediately. "There will never be any circumstance whatsoever that Seren will ever see that playlist."
"You're such a coward," O let out, "grow some balls."
"This girl really has you in a spell," Gavin added, placing his hand on my shoulder and shaking me. "I've never seen you this scared of some girl."
"She's not some girl," I reminded them for the hundredth time.
"We know, we know," Cass laughed. "Seren is a magical goddess that makes the rest of us girls pale in comparison."
I opened my mouth to argue, and I wasn't sure what I was even going to say. It wasn't her looks that made me speechless around her, though that was certainly part of it. It was her depth, she was like a pool that no bottom. She was like a riptide, I knew she was capable of pulling me under completely, never letting me surface for breath again.
Or, maybe she wasn't a riptide. Maybe, Seren was the one caught in the riptide, and I wasn't sure if she even wanted to be pulled from it.
"Can we go now?" I asked, suddenly desperate to get away this conversation.
"What's the rush?" Gavin raised his eyebrows as he spoke, though only for a second before the three of them moved towards the door.
It was a quick walk to the party, and I had to shake my head a couple of times to rid Seren from my thoughts. I tried to remember whose party this was, and it wasn't until we were right in front of the house did I remember. It was a blade to my gut when I did, Amber. The girl I tried to hook Henry up with. Seemed like forever ago, and it might as well have been.
Though, if this was Amber's house, I took a wild guess at who else would be here.
"Zane!" I heard her voice the second after we pushed through the door. I quickly glanced towards O and Gavin, who were both laughing at the panicked expression on my face. I pleaded to them for help with my eyes, but they only turned away, as if to say- you're on your own with this.
Holly's blonde hair was the only thing I saw as she launched herself on me. I patted her back awkwardly as she threw her arms around my neck, her familiar perfume invading my privacy as it greeted my nostrils. Though, it didn't seem to smell as pretty as it used to.
"Zane, babe, I missed you so much," Holly told me as she finally let go of me, her lips forming in a slight pout as she ran her eyes over my face. "You haven't called."
"I know," I told her, feeling slightly guilty. Though, I didn't have a reason to feel guilty, right? We weren't exclusive. She knew that.
"How's everything, how are you?" She asked me, a smile smile growing.
"I, uh, you know... it's fine," I leaned away from her, casting my eyes around the room instead of her face.
"Yeah?" She didn't seem to pick up on my body language. "Miss me at that new school?"
I laughed awkwardly, "it's been a busy couple of months, Holly," I spoke without answering her question.
Not that she seemed to notice, "do you want to just go back to my place? Make up for missed time?"
I stilled, looking back at her face. A pit in my stomach as I realized how I had treated her, like a toy when I wanted to play with her. All the things I've observed with Seren the last few months came rushing back to me, the look in her eyes when Cole invited her over. The way she knew that Cole wanted to play with her like a toy, too.
Maybe... maybe, I was part of the problem.
"Holly," I shook my head as I said her name quietly, and it was only then that her smile fell.
"Really Zane?" Her voice was sharp, "really? It's like that?"
"Holly, listen... it's just not going to work between us, I thought you knew that when I left," I explained. "I'm sorry."
"You're sorry?" She scoffed. "What, let me guess, you met some new rich girl at that private school and suddenly I'm not good enough for you?"
"It's not like that," I muttered, but there was a nagging feeling in my stomach.
"Whatever, Zane," she pushed against my chest. "You know, ever since Henry died, you've been such an asshole."
My head jerked back as if her words had slapped me. "Don't talk about him," I told her, "don't talk about Henry. You don't get to talk to me about him."
I took a final look at her, the regret that instantly filled her face. I walked away as she let out my name apologetically, fighting the anger that was rising in my blood. I walked back out the front door, hoping the chill of the night would help cool my temper.
I shook her words out of my mind as I looked out at the dark sky, though some of her words stuck with me more than others.
She was more right than she was wrong. I had been an asshole ever since Henry died. Though, why was that surprising to anyone? Who wouldn't be an asshole?
It wasn't only that she was right about, was it? I had met some new rich girl at private school... though, it wasn't in the way she meant it, because as I thought about her words even further, they started to make less and less sense.
Because I couldn't help but wonder if I had even met Seren at all, and I wondered if anyone else had either.